“Go into my room and take off your pants.”
She swallowed hard, biting her bottom lip. “Right now?” she asked, a bit unsure.
“Yes.” I nodded. “Right now.”
She walked past me and began to unbutton her blouse on the way to my bedroom. I couldn’t help but smile at her, too, at her uncertainty, at her shyness, at her nerves.
It was always amusing when a good girl tried to be bad.
“And Gracelyn Mae?”
“Yes?”
“You might want to toss a prayer up to that god of yours and ask for his forgiveness.”
She turned on her heels and gave me those wide doe eyes. “Why’s that?”
My eyes locked on her pink bra, cupping her perfect breasts, more than enough to keep my hands full. I pulled my shirt over my head, walked in her direction and said, “Because you’re about to sin tonight.”
19
Grace
My nerves were strung tight, and even though I wanted to do this—I wanted Jackson’s body pressed against mine—everything I’d ever been taught was racing through my mind, telling me of the flaws in the activities I was about to partake in.
You’re still legally married.
He’s dangerous.
You are not this girl.
You’re a good girl.
I silenced the voices in my head as best I could, because this good girl was tired of being tame. For once in my life, I wanted to roam in the wild and see what it felt like to be uncensored.
“You okay?” he asked.
I nodded slowly. “I’m okay.”
“Good.” He proceeded to walk toward me, slowly, with no missteps. “Now sit down on the edge of my bed.” I did as he said, and he kneeled in front of me. “You’re beautiful,” he told me, and it made my skin tingle. “Do you know that, Grace? Do you know that you’re beautiful?”
I couldn’t reply. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been called such a thing, and even though I wanted to believe it, it was almost impossible to do so.
After enduring a betrayal as I have, you couldn’t help but doubt every bit of your worth, but it seemed that night, Jackson was prepared to remind me with every single touch.
He placed his hands on my bare legs and gently kissed my inner thigh before looking up at my face. “You’re nervous.”
“Yes.”
“You want me to stop?” he asked.
“No.”
His fingers rolled against my panties, and he began circling his thumb against my clit, making me shut my eyes. I lay back, falling against the mattress, and my fingers clenched the bedsheets. My heart began to race faster than I’d known possible as he slowly pulled my underwear down, allowing his warm breaths to hit me. I arched my hips toward him, but he teased me slowly.
“Patience, princess,” he whispered, kissing my inner thigh. His hands wrapped around my ankles and spread them apart. “We have all night.”
Then, with no haste, with such perfected timing, he slid his lips against my core, tasting me, sucking me, sliding his tongue slowly inside, pulling his mouth away only to bring it back seconds later.
I didn’t know it could feel like…
I didn’t know it could be so…
Ohmygosh.
“Ja…” I exhaled, grinding my hips against his mouth as he began to destroy me in the best possible way. The more I moaned, the faster his tongue slid inside. Deeper…deeper… “Yes…” My breaths were uneven as his hands wrapped tightly around my thighs and his mouth explored me even more, my hands tangling in his hair and gently pushing his head farther down.
I’d never felt anything like that…had never known fingers and tongues could create such—
“Jesus!” I gasped as he slammed his tongue deep inside, faster and faster, pumping it in and out as I began to lose my grip on reality.
“No.” He smirked. “Quite the opposite, actually.”
The way he controlled every shake of my body with only his tongue…the way he pinned me down as my legs twisted and turned…the way I lost myself, and he tasted each drop—it was almost too much.
He moaned against me as if he was enjoying the act as much as I was. The more I wiggled, the more he explored, deeper and deeper, making me fall apart against his tongue.
As he pulled away, my legs trembled, and my chest rose and fell rapidly as I tried to gather myself.
“That was…that was…yeah.” I heavily breathed out. “That was…holy crap.”
He smirked as my body dripped in sweat. As he rose up from the floor, he began to unzip his jeans then slid out of them, removing his boxers next.
My eyes fell to his hardness as he licked his fingers clean, tasting me.
I knew it was foolish, but I couldn’t stop staring. I felt my cheeks heating from my desires, from my nerves, from my wants and needs, which, at the moment, seemed to be the same thing. I wanted and needed him so much.
I’d only been with one man in my lifetime, and it was no secret that Finley wasn’t working with the same type of equipment Jackson had.
He wrapped his hands around my ankles and locked his stare with mine. “That was only the appetizer.” He effortlessly flipped me over to my stomach, and I moaned gently as I felt him climb on top of me. His hardness brushed against my ass cheeks, and his lips trailed up my back before he moved in closer to my ear and whispered, “Are you ready for the main course?”
Even though I eagerly said yes, I wasn’t ready at all.
When Jackson Emery slid into me, thrusting against me, pounding deeper and deeper, I knew I was making the choices no one thought a good girl like me would’ve ever made.
I was being the opposite of what the world expected me to be, and being bad? Oh, being bad felt so good.
He slapped my ass, and I asked him for more. I wanted it harder, and he fulfilled all my requests.
He didn’t stop there…
He flipped me over again, he placed me against the wall, and he took me from every angle possible. I moaned, I cried, I begged for more and more.
He was untamed and uncensored as he fucked me hard and whispered dirty words into my ear. As he placed me on top of him, my nerves began to rise once more as my mind began to worry about his viewpoint of my body.
Yet with one small touch to my back, he lowered my face down on his and rolled his lips against mine. “You’re beautiful,” he told me once again. “Now fuck me harder than you’ve ever fucked.”
And I did.
I rode him like he was mine and mine to keep even though that was so far from the truth. Our false reality was worth it, though. Those few moments together helped my mind slow down to a speed my heartbeats could keep up with.
He wasn’t mine, and I wasn’t his, but that night, we were something. There wasn’t a name for it, only feelings.
It felt scary yet safe.
Fast yet slow.
Wrong yet still so unbelievably right.
He was able to get me off that night more times than I ever had at once in the past fifteen years of my marriage.
I now understood why bad boys were worth exploring. I understood why good girls found their way to Jackson’s front porch. Never had I known what true trembling legs felt like up until that night.
When the time came for me to leave, I got dressed, and he walked me to his front door.
“I’ll walk you home,” he offered.
“It’s okay,” I replied. I bit my bottom lip and looked up at him. “Tonight was…”
“Yeah.” He nodded and leaned against his doorframe as if he’d read my mind. “It was.”
“Is it okay if this stays between us? Our arrangement? Not because I’m ashamed or anything, but this feels like the first thing that’s just…mine.”
“Princess, come on…” He smirked, and I felt it. It was the first time I’d seen him do it, and when that small dimple appeared in his left cheek, my broken heart pieces began to skip a few beats. “Who would I even tell?”
; 20
Grace
Our secret was Jackson’s and mine alone. The only time we ever make contact was when we were in his cabin. Each time he touched me, he showed me a new world. He kissed me deep and hard sometimes and other times, so timid and slow.
I loved the way he made me feel, and how he almost cared for me in a way. He explored my body as if it was the only thing he’d ever craved, and then I’d leave his place with only the memories of his kisses until the next time I fell into his bed.
Nobody knew, and that made it more fun for me. I was creating this new world that was just for me. No one could scold me for any of my actions, and each choice I made was from my own mind, not filtered through others’ thoughts and opinions.
That was my favorite part of it all, well, besides when Jackson’s mouth explored every inch of me.
That was truly my favorite part.
When we crossed paths in town, we didn’t even glance at one another. Yet I knew he was there, and I was certain he was aware of my presence, too.
It was fun having our own secrets the world couldn’t taint.
Each time I left his place, a different part of me ached in a beautiful new way.
I hadn’t known that hands could fall against a body in such a way where it was gentle and wild all at once. He made me feel the safest I’d ever felt while bending my body in ways I didn’t know it could move.
Jackson Emery kissed me in a way I’d never been kissed.
He kissed me in places my husband had never explored.
I loved every single second of it.
He went full beast mode when he undressed me, but he did it in such a thoughtful way.
A gentle monster…
I was in his control, yet somehow, he made it seem as if I was steering the ship. Every moan I made, caused him to work even harder. Every time I came, he made it his mission to make me come even harder the next time.
Every time I left, I was already thinking about the next time he’d let the monster come out to play.
* * *
“Did you twist your ankle?” Josie asked the next morning as I walked into The Silent Bookshop with a slight limp. The truth was, every single muscle in my body was sore from the night before at Jackson’s. It had taken me about ten minutes to even get out of bed without crying, seeing as how every inch of me ached.
I smiled at Josie as she set a cup of coffee in front of me. “I had a crazy workout yesterday,” I told her.
“That’s good. Working your energy out is a good thing.”
She had no clue.
She picked up her mug of tea and sipped at it as the bell dinged above the front door, and we both turned to see Jackson walking in. On all the previous days when he walked in, didn’t look at a single soul, going straight through those magical doors to his darkened corner.
That morning, though, he did something different. As he walked into the shop, he looked up in my direction and gave me a half grin. I gave him the other half. Then he looked away and headed back to the reading area.
It was a quick moment—our brief interaction. For only mere seconds, our eyes locked and our lips turned, but it was enough to make Josie raise an eyebrow.
“What was that?” she asked, confusion covering her face.
“What was what?”
“Did…” She paused, doubting her own thoughts. “Did Jackson just…smile at you?”
“That was hardly a smile,” I remarked.
“But he looked your way.”
“It’s not a big deal,” I told her, feeling my cheeks heat. “It was just a glance.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Why are you blushing then?”
“I’m not.”
“You look like Ronald McDonald’s nose—red as red can get,” she told me, making my face heat even more.
“Stop it, Josie.”
Her jaw dropped. “Oh my gosh.” She gasped, leaned forward, and slammed her hands on the countertop. “What kind of exercise were you doing yesterday, Gracelyn Mae?”
I swallowed hard and placed my hands on top of hers. “You cannot say a word about it, Josie.”
The level of excitement that filled my friend’s eyes was legendary. She began quietly celebrating with a small dance. “Oh my gosh, you and Jackson Emery? You and Jackson?! How? What? But, what?!” she whisper-shouted.
“I know, it’s crazy.”
“It’s brilliant,” she corrected. “Gosh, if anyone deserves to get laid by the town bad boy, it’s you.” She raised an eyebrow. “Not that it’s any of my business, but are the rumors true? About the size of his…member?”
I blushed more, pressing my hands against my cheeks.
“Sweet home Alabama, heck yeah!” she shouted, jumping up and down. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love my husband more than life, but I’ve seen that Jackson Emery guy shirtless, and I just imagined that a man who was that built upstairs couldn’t be that built down below.”
“The rumors are more than true,” I told her, leaning in. “Times a million.”
“I see why you’re walking with a limp,” she joked.
“It’s weird. It’s just…my life is a mess,” I confessed. “Every single aspect of it is hard and confusing except for my time with Jackson. It’s not…complicated. It just is. And, when I go back to Atlanta after the summer, it will be over and done with.”
“A summer of love,” she expressed.
“A summer of lust,” I corrected. “Lust and nothing more.”
“Well, regardless, I’m glad you’ve found an escape from the madness. Every person deserves a haven, Grace, a place they can go to breathe fresh air, because sometimes life can be toxic.”
“Yeah, I’m just worried, I guess. If people found out, it would be a mess for both of us, for my family—my mom would flip out.”
“Well, that’s easy,” she told me. “Just don’t let people find out. You’ll both need to stop looking at each other like that, though.”
“Like what?”
“Like you have a secret between your legs.”
“It’s so stupid, but it’s fun, you know? Almost like a game. It feels dangerous in a way.”
“You deserve a bit of living on the edge. Have fun. You’ve lived your life being everything to everyone else, and now it’s your turn to live a little. Now, tell me everything—like how good was it?”
I bit my bottom lip and leaned in again. “Have you ever heard of a move called the spider?”
“Oh, yeah.” She nodded. “I’m guessing you’ve recently been tied up. Have you tried the wango tango?” she asked me.
I raised an eyebrow. “I’ve never heard of that.”
“Here, give me your phone.” I handed it over, and she quickly moved her fingers around. “Okay, I just downloaded the karma sutra book Harry and I rushed through in no time. You’ll love it. Plus, you don’t even have to go to the gym anymore. I didn’t sculpt this butt of mine doing squats in the gym, that’s for sure.”
“All of this is so new to me. All Finn ever did was missionary.”
Josie cringed. “Not even with you on top?”
“He said he didn’t like seeing my body in that position.”
“Ohh, I get it,” she remarked, nodding slowly. “He’s gay.”
“What?”
“Honey, no straight guy would ever care about the shape of a woman on top of him. All he would see is boobs in his face, and he would be a happy camper. So either he’s gay or just a straight-up asshole, and no matter what, you’re better off without him.”
I smiled.
I was so glad I’d reconnected with Josie. I needed her humor more than I knew.
“Next time you see Jackson, do the firecracker move,” she told me. She shimmied her shoulders a bit and gave me a wicked grin. “It’s explosive.”
21
Grace
“Gracelyn! Gracelyn Mae! It’s me, Grace! It’s Charlotte!”
My body tensed as I walked through the streets of Chester and he
ard Charlotte’s voice shouting my way. I only had two choices. I could break out into a sprint—no thanks, running is gross—or just stop, engage for a few minutes, and then go off on my own to hide away from the world.
I paused my steps, took a deep breath, and then put on the biggest fake Southern smile I could muster. “Oh hey, Charlotte. How are ya doing this wonderful Friday morning?”
“Oh, look at you, all chipper,” she remarked, patting my arm. “I’m glad to see you’re in high spirits after that weird speech you gave at the music festival last weekend.” She pursed her lips and crossed her arms with that big ole smile. “It’s a shame, ain’t it? You think you know someone, and then, BOOM, they just turn out to be somethin’ else, though I’m sure there were warning signs you ignored, right?”
I parted my lips to speak, but she cut me off.
“But what is your papa always saying? God works in mysterious ways, and ain’t that the truth. I hope you’re still praying each night.”
Only to Jackson’s body…
“Well, thanks for the chat, Charlotte, but I really need to get a move on. We’ll talk later.”
“Yes! Tonight at the get-together,” she told me.
“Oh, sorry, I can’t make it today. I’m busy tonight.”
“But your mama said you’d be there, so I’ll see you later! I put you down for an apple cobbler! Okay, I gotta run! Bye!” she said, hurrying away before I could answer.
I was on my way to Judy’s house, but I did a quick one-eighty because it was time for me to have a heart-to-heart with Mama.
I couldn’t take any more of her trying to control my airwaves.
* * *
“You’re going to Charlotte’s for chitchat night, Gracelyn Mae,” Mama ordered as she shifted through binders of the workshops held at the church throughout the summer. I paced the living room, beyond annoyed with her antics.
“No, I’m not. You can’t just do this, Mama. You can’t tell people I’m going to do things that I’m not.”