I skimmed through the headlines, reading about all the bad shit going on in the world can get a bit depressing sometimes, but as they say bad news makes good news and good news is no news.
I skipped to the back of the paper where there's a page just for film and television auditions. Most of them are for extras but there are some main roles tucked away in there. There was one that caught my attention, a main part in a major film. It got me excited straight away, but that little demon, self-doubt, crept in quickly. Was I ready? However as they say, if you never try, you never know, eh?
I tore out the ad; the audition was later that evening at 7pm. I had plenty of time still, as it was only 2:46pm.
I drank the rest of my coffee with a renewed aura about me, I paid my bill and left a tip with all the change I had in my pocket, hoping karma would come to my aid.
I decided to walk around one of the city's many museums, as I had plenty of time to kill. I had always wanted to go in, but usually never had enough time or energy to go and pay the attention the natural history museum deserved.
It is a beautiful building, with a wonderful and wide collection of natural history. I felt in awe as I stumbled across Sue, the biggest T-Rex known in existence; magnificent creatures they were, but when one story ends another begins, all we can do is bask in awe at their former glory.
I carried on to the evolving planet section of the museum and sat down to watch one of the videos on global warming and the effects on the poles. It wasn't long before I was joined by others in the dimly lit room. I turned to look at the newcomers; two little boys climbed noisily up onto the bench I was sitting on and then a woman followed the boys into the room.
"Jason, Charlie! I told you not to run off," she said, but the boys paid no attention, as they were getting into the video just as much as I was.
"Sorry about that," she said to me.
I turned to get a better look at her, she reminded me of someone.
"It's fine, don't sweat it!" I said.
By hook or by crook I wanted to engage a conversation with her as she seemed so familiar; she had beautiful long curly blonde hair, with the deepest blue eyes.
When I looked in her eyes, she smiled and it flooded all back to me.
"Christine?" I said.
She looked at me puzzled as if she didn't know who I was and to be honest I didn't blame her, it had been a few years since our last encounter.
"Shh" said one of the boys, looking at us both annoyed, whilst the other was still gawping at the video, I tried not to laugh at the sight.
"Do I know you?" She asked.
She looked different to how I remembered her; she had aged somewhat, but for the better.
"It's Donnie!" I replied.
"Donnie?" She said.
"We went to school together. I guess you must have forgotten all about me." I said.
"Donnie! Of course I didn't forget about you, I was only pulling your leg. But look at you, you've changed so much! What are you doing here?" She said.
I tried to speak but she hugged me hard and knocked all the air out of me.
When she let go I asked her, "How come you didn't ever write to me?" It saddened me that I never received a letter from her.
"I did write to you, I was the one who didn't receive a reply. Why didn't you write back to me, more like." She said.
I paused before I spoke, collecting my thoughts.
"I didn't get a letter, I swear it..."
There was a moment of silence as we looked at each other with confusion, "I bet it was one of my parents..." I said.
"I think you're over reacting Donnie, it probably just got lost in the post. Don't sweat it, as you kindly put it." Christine said.
I never did ask my parents about the letter, I guess it just didn't matter in the end. I felt sad, but then she grabbed my hand and I felt my spirits lift again, like they did when she planted that one, tiny, life-changing kiss on my cheek, back in school. She looked at me with the softest smile, one that could make frozen butter melt.
"I need to go now Donnie and take the boys home. Here's my number, give me a call sometime soon, we need to catch up..."
"So you've had kids then?"
"Ha-ha... We'll talk, Donnie. Come on kids, time to go!"
The boys huffed and puffed and stomped their feet, but she gave a stern look and they walked off, out of the room.
"See you soon, Donnie."
I put my hand up, trying to act cool, but I knew my heart was melting all over again, that school boy crush had come back in an instant.
Audition
I sat waiting for my name to be called. My nerves were shot; I felt like walking out as the self-doubt crept in once more, kicking off a bad case of anxiety.
I found it increasingly difficult to control myself; my hands were clammy and my mouth was drier than a gorilla's arsehole.
My leg twitched as the minutes passed by, still waiting, the anxiety was at maximum output. But anxiety is normal, it's human, it's just getting the balance that can sometimes be the problem and I've always had the problem of getting things just right.
I counted back from a hundred, taking deep breaths in through my nose and out through my mouth. To the other people waiting for their call, I must have looked like a right nut case.
The breathing helped though; my heart rate dropped and I felt human once again, at least for the moment.
The front door creaked open and shut; a young guy had left, he didn't seem too pleased as he walked off in a puff, shouting, "Fuck this."
Moments later the audition door creaked open again, "Erm, Donnie Portago?" A young woman appeared, calling my name.
I nodded and stood up; the guy next to me said "Good luck." It reminded me of high school, when I was about to receive my diploma and Jacks parents wished me good luck. This made me more determined to get the part. Luck had a key part in getting a role; if the director didn't think you'd fit the part, you would be out the door before you even got a chance of showing your real talents.
"Follow me," she said. The woman was in her mid-20's to early 30's, pretty, but there was something about her you couldn't trust. She had a devious look and smell about her, with her cherry red lipstick and sweet seductive perfume.
I tried to crack a joke as we walked down a winding corridor to the main stage; she just raised her eyebrows, not even saying a word. We arrived at the stage and she gestured with her hand for me to go on first. I took my first step like it was my first ever baby step, with a sense of pride and accomplishment.
There was the big cheese in the front row, smack bang in the middle; the director, the guy who played God; he had what you desired within his grasp.
He was surrounded by men and women in suits, producers and advisors.
"Is this Donnie, Claire?" He asked, looking at the woman who led me on to the stage.
"Yes, Mr Baldwin," she replied.
At hearing his name, my heart began to pound hard against my chest. Back then, Mr Baldwin was a big shot director and has since gone down in history as one of the most creative and influential directors of the century; quite an accomplishment.
"Hello, Mr Baldwin, it's a pleasure to meet you!" I said, full of confidence, although sometimes confidence can be all part of the act.
He nodded and I felt a bit more comfortable with myself.
"Ok, so Donnie, here's the story. A man in his mid 30's comes from a very powerful political background. His son gets kidnapped and the kidnappers want you to persuade the U.S. government to go to war with Pakistan. The kidnappers will commit the terrorist acts on the U.S., they just want you to put the blame on Pakistan. You get the gist of it? Good? So I want you to act this scene here. There are two sentences of dialogue, it shouldn't be too hard; Claire will you pass Donnie the script please, thanks."
Mr Baldwin gave the script to Claire. At the same time he whispered something into her ear, to which she nodded. She walked up the stage steps and handed me the script. "Hope you
get it," she said, her lips brushed against the lobe of my ear. It sent tingles down my spine. She smirked and then walked off the stage.
I browsed the script for a few minutes, repeating the lines in my head, like I did with my timetables back in school. The lines were simple enough, however the directions... There were none, Mr Baldwin was looking for improvisation.
"You ready, Donnie?" Mr Baldwin asked.
I took a deep breath in through the nose and exhaled through the mouth.
"I was born ready." I replied.
There was a phone and chair provided for the scene. I stood slightly to the left of the phone with my hand on my chin, as if I was deep in thought.
The phone rang and I hesitated for a few moments before picking it up. No-one was on the other end.
"Hello? Yes that's me... You have my son?" I said, putting my hand on my forehead before moving it down to my mouth. Sitting down in the chair, I expressed my panic through my facial expressions; my hand leant against my mouth.
"I'm still here," I said, whilst tapping my foot.
"Ok, I'll do what you want but please, don't hurt my son! Hello? Hello?!"
I pretended they had put the phone down; I slammed the handset down onto the receiver. I sobbed into my hands and thought about all the bad shit that had ever happened to me. That brought up a lot of anger and pain; I stood up, grabbed the wooden chair and smashed it into the telephone repeatedly till the chair and telephone ceased to exist. Mr Baldwin looked shocked but impressed.
"Ok Donnie thank you, that's all we need!" Mr Baldwin said.
"That was good! But as you know, there are a lot of applicants, so we'll be in touch!"
"Thank you for your time, Mr Baldwin," I said, whilst nodding courteously.
Claire walked me out; she seemed a lot friendlier after the audition. I must have impressed her as she slipped her phone number into my pocket. "Hope to see you around Don,"
I ran out of the building, blushing and ecstatic from the hype of it all.
Thinking back to that audition, it was the first time I felt really alive and full of real enthusiasm; the world was my fruit, and I wanted every last apple!
Way to the top
My alarm went off at 7.30 am, it was time to go back to the daily grind; the shithole place they call work.
I had only been at work for twenty minutes and yet I was already clock watching... Only seven hours and forty minutes to go! I recall it was a busy morning; the bar was full of business men and of course, the regular idiots.
About three hours later, I received a phone call.
"Hello. Is this Mr Donnie Portago?" The caller enquired.
"Yes, speaking."
Al was looking over at me annoyed as the bar was full and the customers were getting impatient.
"This is Jonathan Crimble, I'm calling on behalf of Mr Baldwin regarding the part you auditioned for; Mr Baldwin sends his apologies that he couldn't call himself, but as you know, he is a very busy man." Jonathan said.
"...I understand." Doubts crept in delivering a fatal blow to the stomach, I felt worthless as I knew if he didn't call himself it didn't look too positive.
"Congratulations, Mr Portago! Mr Baldwin was very pleased with your audition and said you look very promising. We start shooting next week; further details will be sent to your home address, but I'd like you to come into our office to sign a contract and discuss payment and so on - all the good stuff ha-ha. But seriously Donnie, don't worry about the details, all the info will be sent in the letter I'm about to post. Got any questions?"
"Are you serious?"
"Yes Donnie, well done!"
"I don't know what to say! Thank you so much, this means the world to me!" I said.
"See you in a few days, Mr Portago, take care!" Jonathan signed off.
"Thank you!" I said again before putting the phone down, with the biggest, cheesiest grin on my face. I was over the moon and into the stars, my big break at last; I felt like a million bucks.
Al was serving alone and was red in the face; sweat was dripping off his greasy hair onto his greasy, good-for-nothing face. He was looking at me out of the corner of his eye with disgust, whilst trying to keep that all important smile for the customers.
"Donnie, come serve you piece of shit. I'm rushed off my feet!" Al shouted at me.
Grinning, I took off my apron and chucked it at his feet.
"I appreciate you giving me a job, Al, but for every time you made me feel small by talking down to me, for making me clean up sick and piss, making me work late without getting paid, for taking advantage of vulnerable people... Fuck you! I quit, you piece of shit."
Some of the regulars laughed, mainly the ones who sat on bar stools. I remember one of the customers shouting "good for you, Donnie!" But most of the customers looked angry and impatient; sick of waiting to be served, some even walked out like little children.
"Donnie please, I'm sorry, I'll give you that raise you've been asking for!
"No chance." I grabbed my belongings, put my coat on. Donnie was leaving the building, for good.
I rang my Mother and Father to tell them the good news. The family butler, Arnold, picked up the phone. I'd had more conversations with him than any other of my family members. At least he understood me. Arnold told me that my parents were away on a skiing trip in the Alps. That was no surprise. I told Arnold my great news; he congratulated me and wished me all the best.
I wanted my parents to be there; I wanted them to be proud of me, acknowledge me and my achievement; be supportive. I felt lonely, but happy nonetheless, at my accomplishment. I was on the way to the top, climbing the ladders of success.
I had one more call to make, to a smoking hot blonde haired lady; Christine.
The phone rang for a few moments before anyone answered.
"Hello?"
"Hello, Chris it's me, Donnie! How's it going?"
"Oh Donnie, I'm great, I was just thinking about you!"
"Oh yeah?" I said.
"Yeah" She replied.
"So... Christine, what were you thinking about me?"
"Never you mind, Donald... So, what are you doing toni...?" She was about to ask, before I cut her off.
"I'm taking you for dinner tonight, seven - thirty. That's a great idea, Chris!"
"Hmm, let me think about it. I've gotta wash my hair tonight... Ok thought about it! Yes Donnie, I'd love to. I know a lovely restaurant called, The Linguini Marveloso, do you know it?"
"Yeah, I've been there a few times, the lasagne al forno is beautiful. I'll see you at seven - thirty outside the restaurant, don't be late ha-ha!"
I had a knot in my stomach; the butterflies made me feel like I was floating into paradise.
"See you soon," she said and put down the telephone.
Hot under the collar
It was 7:36 and the nerves had set in; Christine hadn't arrived yet, would she turn up? Will I make a pig's ear of our date? My confidence dwindled with every minute she was late, but then again it is a woman's prerogative to be late.
I paced back and forth in front of the restaurant, checking the time on the new watch I had treated myself to. I had bought it along with a matching suit, made by one of Italy's most famous designers, Dramarnis. The suit was originally $2,500 and the watch $1,200, but I got the guy in the store to cut me a deal; $3000 for both. The guy in the store was reluctant at first, but I promised him future business and greed always wins.
A taxi pulled up; my heart stopped still as I saw two long, beautiful, smooth legs step out of the yellow cab. Christine was wearing a sleek black dress, accompanied by a diamond necklace; the dress clasped on to her skin in all the right places.
In my eyes she was perfection; with her thick, long, blonde curly hair and million dollar smile. This girl was a keeper.
"Donnie, you look great!" She exclaimed as she clasped my hand.
"Yeah I know," I said, grasping my lapels and shrugging my shoulders.
"Come on let's go in, it's cold out here." She looped her arm through mine and we headed towards the front door of the restaurant.
The decor inside was very modern and done to good taste. Christine and I were seated by a candle lit window; she smiled at me, she looked calm, I however, was still nervous.
"So Donnie, what're you doing these days?"
"I quit my job today."
"Are you serious?!"
"Yeah, I hated it; it was just a shitty bar job with no future... It was dragging me down, so I quit."
"Oh... So, what are ya gonna do now Donnie?"
"Well..." I raised my eyebrows and leaned back into my chair.
"Christine, I just got a leading role in a new film, in-fact a MAJOR film!"
"That's remarkable! I didn't know that you're into acting! Who's the director?" She enquired.
"It's a guy called Christopher Baldwin, heard of him?"
"Boy, have I! Who hasn't heard of him, for God's sake? The man has won two major awards!" She put her hand on mine, looked towards the candle then looked deep into my eyes.
"I'm so happy for you Donnie."
"Thanks, Chris" I took a sip of water, there was chemistry between us and lots of it, you could almost taste the pheromones.
"How are your kids?" I asked.
Christine began to laugh when I mentioned kids.
"Kids?" She said, looking puzzled. "Oh! I don't have any kids, silly, they're my sisters'! I was just looking after them on that day." I felt like a bit of a fool for not realising this but secretly I was relieved.
We ordered food and caught up on the past before discussing many varied topics. I was falling in love with her, but I guess that deep down, I loved her from the first moment I met her and that seal of love is unbreakable.
Abuse