_Some friends you've got yourself_, I could see himthinking it.
"That soon?" Lil asked, a throb in her voice.
Dan nodded.
In a dreamlike buzz, I stood and wandered out into the utilidor, outthrough the western castmember parking, and away.
I wandered along the cobbled, disused Walk Around the World, eachflagstone engraved with the name of a family that had visited the Park acentury before. The names whipped past me like epitaphs.
The sun came up noon high as I rounded the bend of deserted beachbetween the Grand Floridian and the Polynesian. Lil and I had come hereoften, to watch the sunset from a hammock, arms around each other, thePark spread out before us like a lighted toy village.
Now the beach was deserted, the Wedding Pavilion silent. I felt suddenlycold though I was sweating freely. So cold.
Dreamlike, I walked into the lake, water filling my shoes, logging mypants, warm as blood, warm on my chest, on my chin, on my mouth, on myeyes.
I opened my mouth and inhaled deeply, water filling my lungs, chokingand warm. At first I sputtered, but I was in control now, and I inhaledagain. The water shimmered over my eyes, and then was dark.
#
I woke on Doctor Pete's cot in the Magic Kingdom, restraints around mywrists and ankles, a tube in my nose. I closed my eyes, for a momentbelieving that I'd been restored from a backup, problems solved,memories behind me.
Sorrow knifed through me as I realized that Dan was probably dead bynow, my memories of him gone forever.
Gradually, I realized that I was thinking nonsensically. The fact that Iremembered Dan meant that I hadn't been refreshed from my backup, thatmy broken brain was still there, churning along in unmediated isolation.
I coughed again. My ribs ached and throbbed in counterpoint to my head.Dan took my hand.
"You're a pain in the ass, you know that?" he said, smiling.
"Sorry," I choked.
"You sure are," he said. "Lucky for you they found you -- another minuteor two and I'd be burying you right now."
_No_, I thought, confused. _They'd have restored me from backup_. Thenit hit me: I'd gone on record refusing restore from backup after havingit recommended by a medical professional. No one would have restored meafter that. I would have been truly and finally dead. I started toshiver.
"Easy," Dan said. "Easy. It's all right now. Doctor says you've got acracked rib or two from the CPR, but there's no brain damage."
"No _additional_ brain damage," Doctor Pete said, swimming into view. Hehad on his professionally calm bedside face, and it reassured me despitemyself.
He shooed Dan away and took his seat. Once Dan had left the room, heshone lights in my eyes and peeked in my ears, then sat back andconsidered me. "Well, Julius," he said. "What exactly is the problem? Wecan get you a lethal injection if that's what you want, but offingyourself in the Seven Seas Lagoon just isn't good show. In the meantime,would you like to talk about it?"
Part of me wanted to spit in his eye. I'd tried to talk about it andhe'd told me to go to hell, and now he changes his mind? But I did wantto talk.
"I didn't want to die," I said.
"Oh no?" he said. "I think the evidence suggests the contrary."
"I wasn't trying to die," I protested. "I was trying to --" What? I wastrying to. . ._abdicate_. Take the refresh without choosing it, withoutshutting out the last year of my best friend's life. Rescue myself fromthe stinking pit I'd sunk into without flushing Dan away along with it.That's all, that's all.
"I wasn't thinking -- I was just acting. It was an episode or something.Does that mean I'm nuts?"
"Oh, probably," Doctor Pete said, offhandedly. "But let's worry aboutone thing at a time. You can die if you want to, that's your right. I'drather you lived, if you want my opinion, and I doubt that I'm the onlyone, Whuffie be damned. If you're going to live, I'd like to record yousaying so, just in case. We have a backup of you on file -- I'd hate tohave to delete it."
"Yes," I said. "Yes, I'd like to be restored if there's no otheroption." It was true. I didn't want to die.
"All right then," Doctor Pete said. "It's on file and I'm a happy man.Now, are you nuts? Probably. A little. Nothing a little counseling andsome R&R wouldn't fix, if you want my opinion. I could find yousomewhere if you want."
"Not yet," I said. "I appreciate the offer, but there's something else Ihave to do first."
#
Dan took me back to the room and put me to bed with a transdermalsoporific that knocked me out for the rest of the day. When I woke, themoon was over the Seven Seas Lagoon and the monorail was silent.
I stood on the patio for a while, thinking about all the things thisplace had meant to me for more than a century: happiness, security,efficiency, fantasy. All of it gone. It was time I left. Maybe back tospace, find Zed and see if I could make her happy again. Anywhere buthere. Once Dan was dead -- God, it was sinking in finally -- I couldcatch a ride down to the Cape for a launch.
"What's on your mind?" Dan asked from behind me, startling me. He was inhis boxers, thin and rangy and hairy.
"Thinking about moving on," I said.
He chuckled. "I've been thinking about doing the same," he said.
I smiled. "Not that way," I said. "Just going somewhere else, startingover. Getting away from this."
"Going to take the refresh?" he asked.
I looked away. "No," I said. "I don't believe I will."
"It may be none of my business," he said, "but why the fuck not? Jesus,Julius, what're you afraid of?"
"You don't want to know," I said.
"I'll be the judge of that."
"Let's have a drink, first," I said.
Dan rolled his eyes back for a second, then said, "All right, twoCoronas, coming up."
After the room-service bot had left, we cracked the beers and pulledchairs out onto the porch.
"You sure you want to know this?" I asked.
He tipped his bottle at me. "Sure as shootin'," he said.
"I don't want refresh because it would mean losing the last year," Isaid.
He nodded. "By which you mean 'my last year,'" he said. "Right?"
I nodded and drank.
"I thought it might be like that. Julius, you are many things, but hardto figure out you are not. I have something to say that might help youmake the decision. If you want to hear it, that is."
What could he have to say? "Sure," I said. "Sure." In my mind, I was ona shuttle headed for orbit, away from all of this.
"I had you killed," he said. "Debra asked me to, and I set it up. Youwere right all along."
The shuttle exploded in silent, slow moving space, and I spun away fromit. I opened and shut my mouth.
It was Dan's turn to look away. "Debra proposed it. We were talkingabout the people I'd met when I was doing my missionary work, the stonecrazies who I'd have to chase away after they'd rejoined the BitchunSociety. One of them, a girl from Cheyenne Mountain, she followed medown here, kept leaving me messages. I told Debra, and that's when shegot the idea.
"I'd get the girl to shoot you and disappear. Debra would give meWhuffie -- piles of it, and her team would follow suit. I'd be monthscloser to my goal. That was all I could think about back then, youremember."
"I remember." The smell of rejuve and desperation in our little cottage,and Dan plotting my death.
"We planned it, then Debra had herself refreshed from a backup -- nomemory of the event, just the Whuffie for me."
"Yes," I said. That would work. Plan a murder, kill yourself, haveyourself refreshed from a backup made before the plan. How many timeshad Debra done terrible things and erased their memories that way?
"Yes," he agreed. "We did it, I'm ashamed to say. I can prove it, too --I have my backup, and I can get Jeanine to tell it, too." He drained hisbeer. "That's my plan. Tomorrow. I'll tell Lil and her folks, Kim andher people, the whole ad-hoc. A going-away present from a shittyfriend."
My throat was dry and tight. I drank more beer. "You knew all
along," Isaid. "You could have proved it at any time."
He nodded. "That's right."
"You let me. . ." I groped for the words. "You let me turn into. . ."They wouldn't come.
"I did," he said.
All this time. Lil and he, standing on _my_ porch, telling me I neededhelp. Doctor Pete, telling me I needed refresh from backup, me sayingno, no, no, not wanting to lose my last year with Dan.
"I've done some pretty shitty things in my day," he said. "This is theabsolute worst. You helped me and I betrayed you. I'm sure glad I don'tbelieve in God -- that'd make what I'm going to do even scarier."
Dan was going to kill himself in two days' time. My friend and mymurderer. "Dan," I croaked. I couldn't make any sense of my mind. Dan,taking care of me, helping me, sticking up for me, carrying thishorrible shame with him all along. Ready to die, wanting to go with aclean conscience.
"You're forgiven," I said. And it was true.
He stood.
"Where are you going" I asked.
"To find Jeanine, the one who pulled the trigger. I'll meet you at theHall of Presidents at nine a.m.."
#
I went in through the Main Gate, not a castmember any longer, a Guestwith barely enough Whuffie to scrape in, use the water fountains andstand in line. If I were lucky, a castmember might spare me a chocolatebanana. Probably not, though.
I stood in the line for the Hall of Presidents. Other guests checked myWhuffie, then averted their eyes. Even the children. A year before,they'd have been striking up conversations, asking me about my job hereat the Magic Kingdom.
I sat in my seat at the Hall of Presidents, watching the short film withthe rest, sitting patiently while they rocked in their seats under theblast of the flash-bake. A castmember picked up the stageside mic andthanked everyone for coming; the doors swung open and the Hall wasempty, except for me. The castmember narrowed her eyes at me, thenrecognizing me, turned her back and went to show in the next group.
No group came. Instead, Dan and the girl I'd seen on the replay entered.
"We've closed it down for the morning," he said.
I was staring at the girl, seeing her smirk as she pulled the trigger onme, seeing her now with a contrite, scared expression. She was terrifiedof me.
"You must be Jeanine," I said. I stood and shook her hand. "I'm Julius."
Her hand was cold, and she took it back and wiped it on her pants.
My castmember instincts took over. "Please, have a seat. Don't worry,it'll all be fine. Really. No hard feelings." I stopped short ofoffering to get her a glass of water.
_Put her at her ease_, said a snotty voice in my head. _She'll make abetter witness. Or make her nervous, pathetic -- that'll work, too; makeDebra look even worse_.
I told the voice to shut up and got her a cup of water.
By the time I came back, the whole gang was there. Debra, Lil, herfolks, Tim. Debra's gang and Lil's gang, now one united team. Soon to bescattered.
Dan took the stage, used the stageside mic to broadcast his voice."Eleven months ago, I did an awful thing. I plotted with Debra to haveJulius murdered. I used a friend who was a little confused at the time,used her to pull the trigger. It was Debra's idea that having Juliuskilled would cause enough confusion that she could take over the Hall ofPresidents. It was."
There was a roar of conversation. I looked at Debra, saw that she wassitting calmly, as though Dan had just accused her of sneaking an extrahelping of dessert. Lil's parents, to either side of her, were lesssanguine. Tom's jaw was set and angry, Rita was speaking angrily toDebra. Hickory Jackson in the old Hall used to say, _I will hang thefirst man I can lay hands on from the first tree I can find_.
"Debra had herself refreshed from backup after we planned it," Dan wenton, as though no one was talking. "I was supposed to do the same, but Ididn't. I have a backup in my public directory -- anyone can examine it.Right now, I'd like to bring Jeanine up, she's got a few words she'dlike to say."
I helped Jeanine take the stage. She was still trembling, and thead-hocs were an insensate babble of recriminations. Despite myself,I was enjoying it.
"Hello," Jeanine said softly. She had a lovely voice, a lovely face. Iwondered if we could be friends when it was all over. She probablydidn't care much about Whuffie, one way or another.
The discussion went on. Dan took the mic from her and said, "Please! Canwe have a little respect for our visitor? Please? People?"
Gradually, the din decreased. Dan passed the mic back to Jeanine."Hello," she said again, and flinched from the sound of her voice in theHall's PA. "My name is Jeanine. I'm the one who killed Julius, a yearago. Dan asked me to, and I did it. I didn't ask why. I trusted -- trust-- him. He told me that Julius would make a backup a few minutes beforeI shot him, and that he could get me out of the Park without gettingcaught. I'm very sorry." There was something off-kilter about her, somestilt to her stance and words that let you know she wasn't all there.Growing up in a mountain might do that to you. I snuck a look at Lil,whose lips were pressed together. Growing up in a theme park might dothat to you, too.
"Thank you, Jeanine," Dan said, taking back the mic. "You can have aseat now. I've said everything I need to say -- Julius and I have hadour own discussions in private. If there's anyone else who'd like tospeak --"
The words were barely out of his mouth before the crowd erupted again inwords and waving hands. Beside me, Jeanine flinched. I took her hand andshouted in her ear: "Have you ever been on the Pirates of theCarribean?"
She shook her head.
I stood up and pulled her to her feet. "You'll love it," I said, and ledher out of the Hall.
========== CHAPTER 10 ==========
I booked us ringside seats at the Polynesian Luau, riding high on afresh round of sympathy Whuffie, and Dan and I drank a dozen lapu-lapusin hollowed-out pineapples before giving up on the idea of gettingdrunk.
Jeanine watched the fire-dances and the torch-lighting with eyes likesaucers, and picked daintily at her spare ribs with one hand, neveraverting her attention from the floor show. When they danced the fasthula, her eyes jiggled. I chuckled.
From where we sat, I could see the spot where I'd waded into the SevenSeas Lagoon and breathed in the blood-temp water, I could seeCinderella's Castle, across the lagoon, I could see the monorails andthe ferries and the busses making their busy way through the Park,shuttling teeming masses of guests from place to place. Dan toasted mewith his pineapple and I toasted him back, drank it dry and belched insatisfaction.
Full belly, good friends, and the sunset behind a troupe of tawny, half-naked hula dancers. Who needs the Bitchun Society, anyway?
When it was over, we watched the fireworks from the beach, my toes duginto the clean white sand. Dan slipped his hand into my left hand, andJeanine took my right. When the sky darkened and the lighted bargesputtered away through the night, we three sat in the hammock.
I looked out over the Seven Seas Lagoon and realized that this was mylast night, ever, in Walt Disney World. It was time to reboot again,start afresh. That's what the Park was for, only somehow, this visit,I'd gotten stuck. Dan had unstuck me.
The talk turned to Dan's impending death.
"So, tell me what you think of this," he said, hauling away on a glowingcigarette.
"Shoot," I said.
"I'm thinking -- why take lethal injection? I mean, I may be done herefor now, but why should I make an irreversible decision?"
"Why did you want to before?" I asked.
"Oh, it was the macho thing, I guess. The finality and all. But hell, Idon't have to prove anything, right?"
"Sure," I said, magnanimously.
"So," he said, thoughtfully. "The question I'm asking is, how long can Ideadhead for? There are folks who go down for a thousand years, tenthousand, right?"
"So, you're thinking, what, a million?" I joked.
He laughed. "A _million_? You're thinking too small, son. Try this onfor size: the heat death of the universe."
"The heat death of the universe," I repeated.
"Sure," he drawled, and I sensed his grin in the dark. "Ten to thehundred years or so. The Stelliferous Period -- it's when all the blackholes have run dry and things get, you know, stupendously dull. Cold,too. So I'm thinking -- why not leave a wake-up call for some timearound then?"
"Sounds unpleasant to me," I said. "Brrrr."
"Not at all! I figure, self-repairing nano-based canopic jar, massenough to feed it -- say, a trillion-ton asteroid -- and a lot ofsolitude when the time comes around. I'll poke my head in every centuryor so, just to see what's what, but if nothing really stupendous cropsup, I'll take the long ride out. The final frontier."
"That's pretty cool," Jeanine said.
"Thanks," Dan said.
"You're not kidding, are you?" I asked.
"Nope, I sure ain't," he said.
#
They didn't invite me back into the ad-hoc, even after Debra left inWhuffie-penury and they started to put the Mansion