for Rafe to start throwing punches. “What’s so bad that you can’t man up and go to her?”
Rafe unleashed a jab-cross combo. Thwap. Thwap.
Galen pressed on when Rafe didn’t answer. “Figure out a way to talk this through and see if there’s another solution other than the two of you being alone and miserable. Unless you’re hell-bent on acting like a stubborn ass.”
Talking that kind of shit would’ve earned most guys a jab to the jaw, but he and Galen had been through enough together that he knew it for what it was. Some probably long-overdue tough love. That didn’t stop him from blowing it out with a torrent of punches that had to have his boy’s hands stinging even with the protective mitts.
“Nice,” Galen nodded. “Still fast as hell. You should’ve gone pro. But don’t try to distract me. Answer the fucking question.”
Rafe ran a slick forearm across his damp face and stepped back. Might as well get it over with. It couldn’t make things worse. “She neglected to disclose a couple important things.”
“Like what?”
How much to tell him? Then again, he probably knew it all anyway. Secrets were hard to keep in their tight-knit group. He flickered a glance in Georgie’s direction and said quietly, “Apparently, I was the first guy to get her off.”
Galen nodded slowly. “Yeah, Lacey said that’s the bullshit excuse you were trying to pedal. Maybe I’m being thick here, but I’m not seeing how that’s a problem. And it damn sure isn’t one to break up over. So why don’t you tell me the real deal?”
His ice-blue eyes held a challenge and Rafe bit back a sigh. “You can’t break up if you’re not together. We had an agreement.” He blew out a vicious breath and punched one of the mitts halfheartedly. “She thinks she’s in love with me. I heard her tell your sister.”
“Talk me through what that little bit of info meant, to your mind.” Galen shrugged a wide shoulder. “I can’t promise I’m going to get it, or be able to offer any advice, but it might help to get it all off your chest.”
“You know how she was at first. When Cat told her about my preferences. She pretty much called me out for it, and basically announced that she would never get down like that.”
“And did that seem like a challenge to you?”
He made sure to think hard before he answered. “Maybe it did, but not enough to do anything about it. Not worth the damage. It was one of those ‘Man, I’d love to spend some of my nights with those legs wrapped around me changing her mind,’ but nothing more than that. And then we were at your wedding, and the garter thing…”
His mouth went dry as he recalled that night. The way her needs had called to his. The way her skin had felt under his fingers. “I got wrapped up in it. In her. We hooked up after the reception and it was…” He trailed off, torn between not wanting to share what had been such a deeply intimate moment and wanting to make Galen understand the magnitude of their chemistry. He settled for simple. “Man, it was fucking good.”
Galen’s curt nod told him he’d rogered that, loud and clear.
“After that, we were off to the races. I should’ve seen it coming. That we were getting in too deep. Maybe I did, but I didn’t want to face it. It wasn’t just the scenes. We talked in a way I haven’t talked with a woman in…” He trailed off, letting his buddy fill in the blank.
Galen yanked off the mitts, looking thoughtful. Another minute went by and Rafe had about given up on a response when he finally looked back at him.
“You’re a fucking idiot.”
He blinked at his friend and straightened. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“You’re going to lose out on the best woman you’ll ever get because you’re stubborn and too much of a chickenshit to take a chance. That makes you a class-A idiot in my book.”
“You’re assuming that what she thinks she feels is real. Could be nothing more than the fact that I was the first guy she ever had a satisfying sexual relationship with.”
“She’s changed. You can see it in her. She’s so confident and sure of herself, even now, being heartsick over you. She got her dick of a boss at work fired for mistreating the staff, she’s been going toe-to-toe with Cat. Like she knows who she is and what she wants. I hate to say it, but…”
Galen’s voice was sympathetic, and Rafe braced himself for the coming blow.
“You were a big part of that. You helped her get past the shit with her ex. Telling her how she needs to listen to her instincts, and how she’s smart and strong and needs to trust herself. And then she does, and whether you want to admit it or not, falls in love with you. Then you turn around, dump her, and act like her feelings can’t be trusted. Sounds like kind of a dick move to me. At least be honest with yourself. You’re crazy about her too, and are too scared to admit it.”
Damn. Galen always had a good right hook. Rafe glared at him, but the anger was surface only. He didn’t answer, lost in thought, and a minute later Galen interrupted his thoughts.
“I gotta get back to Lacey and the baby, but think about what I said at least, would you?”
Rafe gave his friend a noncommittal grunt, but Galen didn’t have to worry. Rafe was fairly certain he’d be able to think of nothing else for the foreseeable future.
He moved back toward the heavy bag and took a swing. Whatever his friend said, he knew one thing for sure. If he put his heart on the line and Courtney broke it, it would obliterate him. Maybe even worse than Monica’s death had. He’d loved her the way a boy did his first love, and the guilt for what he’d accepted as his role in her death had compounded that heartbreak. But what he felt for Courtney was different. Complex. Deep. He could see a future with a woman like her. A life. It sparkled on the horizon like an untouchable star.
It took another forty-five minutes before he punched himself out, because he was hardheaded like that, but eventually, it became clear as crystal.
Galen was right. After all his big talk to Courtney after the break in, he was still letting fear control him, resigning himself to a life alone…a life without her so he never had to risk heartache again. But every day since he’d left her had been torture.
He finally got it.
Now, when he’d hurt Courtney so badly he wasn’t sure she’d ever forgive him.
Now, when he’d failed her by convincing her to trust in herself and then walking away when she did.
Now, when it was probably too late to fix it.
But that wasn’t going to stop him from trying.
He tapped out a quick text on his phone, waved to Georgie, and headed for the door.
“Go get ’er, kid.”
…
“If you think I’m getting on that, you’re even crazier than you look,” Courtney said, eyeing the mechanical bull like it was on fire.
“It’s perfectly safe,” Cat said with a wave of her pen. “And if not”—she held the sheet of paper in her hand with her signature at the bottom aloft—“the waiver says you’re entitled to up to ten thousand dollars in the event of sudden death or dismemberment.”
“Oh, well that’s different then. Sign me up.”
Cat narrowed her eyes, studying Courtney’s face. “That’s sarcasm, yes? So you’re saying you still don’t want to do this?”
Courtney sighed and nodded. “That’s exactly what I’m saying.”
She glanced around the spacious room decked out in cow skulls, lassos, and saddles and asked herself for the tenth time since they arrived why she’d agreed to this. Country line dancing was so not her thing.
It wasn’t Cat’s either, but riding a mechanical bull had been on her bucket list, and after her ill-fated attempt at it a few years back—which had resulted in at least one broken bone—she’d been champing at the bit to take another crack at it. That was so like Cat. Taking the proverbial “falling off a horse and getting back on” sentiment to a whole other level.
“That’s fine. We don’t even have to stay all night. We’ll check out the band and hav
e a drink while we wait for my turn. In the meantime, maybe you can dance with that cute guy who’s been staring at you since we walked in before we go.”
Courtney followed Cat’s glance across the bar to a good-looking guy in a cowboy hat who grinned when she met his gaze. He tipped his hat and she nodded back before looking away.
Tall, dirty-blond hair from what she could see, and piercing blue eyes that were so unusual in color that they were clearly visible from twenty feet away. She should’ve been moved. But she wasn’t.
“Seriously?” Cat asked, setting down the consent form and shaking her head in despair. “He looks like Brad Pitt in Thelma & Louise and nada? Man, you do have it bad.” She rubbed Courtney’s back sympathetically. “I was trying to get you out of the house, but if you’re not ready for this, we can go to Giardello’s, get a big cup of cocoa and a fat slice of death by chocolate, and hang if you want to. I can do this any time.” She tipped her head toward the bull and they both looked just in time to see a slim brunette woman go flying off the back of it and land in a heap on the mat a few yards away.
“Damn.” Cat whistled. “That had to hurt.” Even after witnessing the carnage, she still leaned forward in her chair, practically bouncing with excitement when the emcee got up to announce the next rider’s name.
Courtney shook her head and fiddled with the straw in her margarita. Far be it from her to get in the way of her friend crossing another item off her bucket list…and possibly maiming herself. “It’s fine. I don’t think it matters where I am. It’s going to take time to get over this whole thing, but I appreciate you looking out for me.”
There had only been seven brave souls on the list to ride El Diablo, and they’d already gone through three of them, so it would likely be an early night anyway.
“Hi there. Hope I’m not interrupting, but I’d love to buy you ladies a drink…”
Courtney looked up, a polite smile and words of regret already cued up, when Cat piped in.
“We’d love one! I’m Cat, this is Courtney.” She held her hand out like a spokesmodel on a game show when a contestant had won a “newww carrr!”
“I’m Jack.” He tipped his hat again and nodded. “Pleasure to meet you both.”
Courtney swallowed a sigh, and resigned herself to a few minutes of obligatory small talk. Lucky for her, Jack was easy to talk to, and an hour later, she found herself actually having a nice time.
She wasn’t ready or looking for romance, and she told him that right off the bat, but making new friends hadn’t always come easy for her. Chatting with someone as warm and personable as Jack was enough to bring a creaky smile to her lips at a time when smiles were few and far between.
When he asked her to dance, she let herself be cajoled. To her immense relief, he didn’t hold her too close or make it weird. Instead, he told her stories about the rodeo circuit, and the creaky smiles evolved into rusty chuckles.
As he whirled and turned her this way and that, her thoughts, as they did every few minutes without fail, drifted to Rafe. Maybe all that chemistry wasn’t a good thing after all. What had all the sizzling heat coupled with wild, out-of-control emotions gotten her, anyway? Heartbreak. Maybe an easy-to-be-with guy like Jack was the way to go.
Way less risk.
Something deep inside her responded instinctively, But way less reward.
And that was the rub. Now that she’d tasted what it could be like when she felt connected to someone both physically and emotionally, she’d never settle for less, risk be damned.
If she could only stop thinking about Rafe, maybe she’d have a shot in hell of finding it again.
Chapter Fifteen
Rafe eyed the scene before him, uncharacteristically frozen with indecision. He couldn’t do what he wanted to do, which was walk over, tell Cowboy Jim to get his hands off his girl, throw her over his shoulder, and carry her out of this place. Because that would be insane. But the alternative—just standing by and watching while this guy pawed all over her—was making his stomach ache.
He was still no closer to figuring out how to handle it when Cat sidled up to him.
“I’m guessing you’re not here to do the Boot Scootin’ Boogie?”
He shook his head, never taking his eyes off Courtney. God, she looked beautiful. Hair up in a knot the way he loved it, orange camisole making her skin glow like burnished gold, white cotton miniskirt swishing around her thighs as she moved. No wonder Cowboy Jim looked like he’d struck oil.
“Cat, I don’t even know what that is,” he said grimly.
She chuckled and gave his shoulder a squeeze. “It’s a country line dance. I think. But either way, I’m glad you’re here.”
As much as he appreciated the support, he couldn’t help but wonder if she was going to be the only one. Courtney didn’t look miserable now. Maybe she already had one foot on the path to moving on, and expecting her to forget everything that had happened and trust that he wouldn’t hurt her again was naive of him.
He flexed his jaw as Cowboy Jim dipped his girl. Maybe this was a train wreck in the making, but he’d never forgive himself if he didn’t at least try.
“Good luck,” Cat called after him.
He strode onto the dance floor, singular purpose making it easy to cut through the crowd. By the time he reached Courtney and her dance partner, a strange calm had overtaken him, and he was grateful for it because it gave him the wherewithal to manage a tight smile for Cowboy Jim instead of the introduction to his fist that felt so much more natural.
“Hey there, buddy. Mind if I talk to the lady for a minute?”
To his credit, the cowboy didn’t respond right away. He looked to Courtney, whose eyes were wide with shock.
“I think that’s up to the lady, friend.”
Seconds ticked by, and his heart picked up a beat for every one of them.
“What are you doing here?” she whispered.
Jim released her and stepped back. “I’ll be at the bar if you need me,” he said quietly as the song came to a close.
Courtney nodded but didn’t take her eyes from Rafe. They were so filled with hurt it was enough to obliterate even the tiniest bit of confidence he’d had in this plan. Hadn’t he done enough damage?
“Why did you come?” she asked again, her bottom lip trembling.
He stared at her and shook his head slowly. Keep it simple. “Isn’t it obvious, Courtney? I came for you.”
“Obvious?” Her brows rose along with her voice. “You dumped me with nothing but some lame-ass explanation and drove off without a backward glance. Now you decide to show up more than a month later out of the blue? Maybe I’m missing something, but no. It’s not obvious. What’s changed, Rafe? Work let up some so you thought you could try to get another piece?”
He winced and drew back but didn’t try to defend himself against that. He deserved it, and more. Maybe keeping it simple was off base. “Listen, can we go talk somewhere?”
“No.” She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him. “I’m here with my friend, and I’m not going to be one of those women who drop everything every time a man comes knocking. You want to talk, talk here, or call me and make an appointment like a regular person. You lost the right to pop up and expect my undivided attention when you walked away from us.”
She stalked off the dance floor and past a sheepish Cat, through a door labeled Buckarettes.
As he followed that same path, Cat called out to him. “You know that’s the ladies’ room, right?”
He sure as hell did, and he could not give one single shit. He’d let Courtney go once out of sheer stupidity, and he wasn’t about to make the same mistake again. As the door slammed behind her, he found himself wondering how he’d ever thought she wasn’t strong enough to know her own mind. Strong enough to decide for herself whether or not what she was feeling was more than sexual attraction.
He barreled through the door behind her, and she wheeled on him.
“Are you serious
right now?” Her hazel eyes blazed with fire as she stared up at him.
“Give me five minutes of your time, and then I’ll leave you alone.”
She surveyed the pink room consideringly and seemed ready to deny him, but then she locked eyes with him and hers went soft. It was a split second, but it was enough.
“Please. I’m begging you.”
She bit her lip and gave him a curt nod. “Three minutes.”
He did a quick assessment of the things he needed to say and led with the most important. The unvarnished truth that he’d barely gotten a handle on himself.
“I’m fucking crazy about you, too.”
She blinked as her cheeks went pink, but she said nothing. That was better than punching him in the nuts, so he pressed on.
“The past month has been hell and every single day was a battle to keep myself from picking up the phone and telling you that I changed my mind. That I was a chicken for burying my head in the sand and not giving us a chance. Begging you to forgive me. Feeling so desperate to be with you that at points, it didn’t matter whether your feelings were real or not, as long as I had you in my life.” He reached out and cupped her soft cheek. “But it does matter and—”
She pulled away, the softness in her eyes going hard again. “What do you mean, if my feelings were real?” The question was sharp enough to draw blood, and he flinched.
“I thought things were confusing between us. That maybe, because we started off with sex as the core of our relationship and then you had your first orgasm, what you were feeling was something more like…” He trailed off, knowing that, no matter how he said it, it was going to sound shitty.
She saved him the trouble as her face lit with dawning understanding. “You thought it was gratitude?” Her voice was shrill with shock. “I was so grateful that you’d waved your magic wand”—she jabbed a thumb toward his dick—“and abracadabra’ed up some orgasms that I decided you were my one and only?”
The door swung open, and a young woman in a waitress uniform stood at the entrance, mouth agape. “I’m sooo sorry.” Clearly she’d heard enough to be mortified and backed slowly from the room. “Y’all continue on. I’ll be back in a few.”
Courtney didn’t even glance her way. Her chest rose and fell furiously and her foot tapped a Latin beat on the tile.
“Is that what you honestly thought?”
It sounded so dumb when she said it, but that was exactly what he’d thought. “I care about you. I’ve never felt this way about a woman before, and I wasn’t thinking straight either. I was trying to protect myself, and in some twisted way, protect you too.”
She stopped tapping, and the fury in her eyes dimmed.
“I guess part of me was afraid if I admitted how I felt about you, I’d be vulnerable again.” He shifted closer to her and muttered. “Having you for real and then losing you? I could stand anything but that.”
…
Butterflies exploded into action in her belly. His face was so sincere, so full of genuine regret, it was hard to maintain her fury. Especially when all it would take was one act of forgiveness and two steps to put her in his arms again.
But she couldn’t do that. Not yet. He’d said what he’d needed to say and now it was her turn.
“That’s the thing, Rafe. I had clarity.” She shook her head and swiped back the tears that came. “You didn’t even give me a chance to tell you how I felt. To tell you what I wanted. We could have worked this out if you’d trusted in me enough to tell me the truth about what was bothering you.”
His face fell and her heart fell right along with it. “So you’re saying we can’t work it out now.”
Funny how she hadn’t been sure of the answer to that question until this very moment. The moment she realized that the thought of going back to being without him was a million times worse than taking the risk of being with him.
“Courtney?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know what to say. If you can’t talk to me and tell me how you’re feeling, how can we ever work through anything?”
He stepped toward her and took her hand. “You’re right. And if you give me another chance, I’d never do that again.” His voice rang with such honesty, her pulse gave a little leap of hope.
Now was the time for caution, though. She wasn’t sure she could go through losing him again. “Why should I believe that?”
Rafe pursed his lip and laced his fingers with hers. “Because I’ve regretted my decision since the day I walked away. And because I’m in love with you, and I will do anything it takes to earn your love again in return.”
He loved her.
The words crept into her soul and wrapped around her heart like an embrace.
“You know, I’m not the expert, but I’m pretty sure if you’re going to beg, you should be on your knees,” she murmured softly.
He gazed down at her, his eyes going from bleak to hopeful. “That’s fair.” He dropped to his knees on the tile floor without hesitation. “So I’m begging for real now. We can start from scratch if that’s what you need. I can take you to dinner one night, we can see a movie. Act like we just met. Take it slow.” He