I went back to the ruin every night. It was not so much a decision as a compulsion. I pondered Cain’s secret obsessively ... and remembered how it felt to be pressed close to him on his motorbike, hiding my face from the rushing wind. But there were no more motorbike rides. Whatever attempt he’d made to connect with me that afternoon died when I demanded to know his secret. Since then he’d avoided talking to me. I was too overwhelmed with feeling to breach the impasse. Anger mounted inside me every time I drove toward Gaunt House; an urge to make trouble, to shake them up and make something break. Sometimes I suppressed it, but other times it spilled out into how I behaved.
I continued to date Jude, although I wasn’t sure why. He just made things so easy. Maybe he didn’t cause the world to tremble around me but he was fun to be with and didn’t seem to mind that I wasn’t kissy or affectionate. The days stretched into weeks and he somehow became my regular boyfriend. However, I didn’t want him to get hurt, so I held him off whenever he got sentimental or tried to tell me about his feelings. I didn’t let him get too into me.
A couple of weeks into this half-hearted relationship, Jude came back to my place after a Saturday afternoon trip to the Augur’s Well bowling alley. Albion was entertaining a few members of his local entourage so I took Jude to my room. We sat side by side on the aquamarine bed. He picked up a framed photo that lay face down on my bedside table: me and Dad on his wedding day. Jude inspected the picture of me, the preacher’s daughter in a pink formal dress, and then replaced it.
“Hey.” I tried to sound casual. I needed to broach the topic of Cain again without coming across obsessed. “Tell me your history with the place under Gaunt House ... and Cain.”
“You want to know about Gaunt House?”
“Yeah.”
“Owen told me once it was a poor house. I think the guy who ran it was called Charles. Yeah, Charles Gaunt, the pastor for Augur’s Well in settlement times. Gaunt House was, like, a workhouse for poor and pregnant women.”
“God, that’s so sad. He made them work for their beds?”
“Yeah. The single mothers could earn food and a place to sleep, and then have their babies there.”
“And pay for their sins.”
“I guess so. I dunno, though. I also heard the place was used as a brothel at some stage.”
I curled my lip, disgusted. “You think that Gaunt guy exploited them?”
“I don’t know if it was the single mothers who were working at the brothel.”
“What about the chamber? Is that mentioned in the history?”
Jude shrugged. “Don’t think so. I don’t think many people know about it. Maybe no one except us.”
“When did you first go there?”
“Cain showed it to me. I didn’t know him then. He brought his bike into the workshop one day. Problem with the rectifier. We started talking about the bike, and his accident back in Revel City, and stuff. He said he knew a place to cut up the tracks on a motorbike and offered to show me. It turned out to be the fields around Gaunt House. Once we were there he showed me the rooms under the ruin and I just started hanging out there.” I stared and Jude gave a self-conscious grin. “I suppose that sounds a bit strange ... like he was trying to pick me up or something.” I burst into laughter and Jude chuckled with me. “It all seemed sort of natural at the time. He was just a good guy who showed me a cool place.”
“What about the others? Were they already hanging out with Cain?”
“Liz was,” said Jude. “I was second, and then he brought Owen.”
“And then you brought me.” Jude didn’t answer. “Do you like going there?” I asked.
“Of course. It’s fun. I got sick of dull pubs, bitchy chicks, and bad parties a long time ago.”
I flopped back on my bed and Jude stretched out beside me. “What about you?” he asked. “Do you like going there?”
“I don’t know. Sometimes. But the whole situation is weird.”
“Weird with you and me seeing one another on the outside, you mean?”
I didn’t mean that at all but I made a non-committal movement with my shoulders. Did Jude find it weird that we were dating ‘on the outside’?
“It’s good weird, though,” he said. “Don’t you think?”
I considered. “Maybe it would be less weird if we were just seeing each other. You know, if I wasn’t coming to hang out with the rest of you at Gaunt House each night.”
“So, why do you keep coming along, then?”
It was a challenge. Cain’s face crossed my mind and I shoved the vision away. I looked at Jude’s open, happy face.
“I don’t get why he took you there,” I said. “Why he chose you. And the other two.”
“You don’t?”
Jude seemed amused but said nothing more. He landed a swift kiss on my cheek and lay his head on the bed beside my shoulder. I kept my face up to the ceiling, knowing he might try to kiss my lips if I turned toward him. Jude yawned.
“Sorry. Tired from work. Saturday mornings are always insane.”
That made me yawn, too. We lay together companionably until we were both drowsy, eyes closed, the odd shriek of laughter floating in from Albion’s crew in the lounge room.
“Did Cain tell you to ask me out?”
I asked it without even thinking, surprising even myself. Jude tensed. I opened my eyes and sat up, pushing him. “Jude?”
“No.” He looked at me sidelong. “No, he didn’t tell me to ask you out. I wanted to ask you since you came back to stay in town. But he said ...” Jude hesitated.
“He said what?”
“He said it would be okay.”
Fury battled mortification. “What? He said it would be okay if you asked me out? What the hell?”
Jude looked like he was trying to find a way to unsay his words. “Listen, I don’t mean he tried to set us up or anything. He just saw that I liked you and told me it would be okay if I asked you out.”
I stared, horrified. “When did this happen?”
“I dunno. Just before I asked you, I guess.”
I barely heard him. I was practically spitting my words with anger. “Who does he think he is? What right has he got to tell us whether we can see each other or not?”
Jude tried to placate me. “Frankie, it’s no big deal. He’s just trying to protect us.”
“Protect us?” I spluttered. “What does that mean?”
“Protect us while―”
This time Jude lifted his hand to touch his own lips, a bit like a child covers his mouth after accidentally letting a secret slip. Was he about to tell me something he was forbidden to mention? Was it the secret? I froze, breathless. “While ...?”
I waited a long time but Jude was silent.
“Who put Cain in charge?” I asked when it seemed there would be no answer.
Jude shrugged. “He just is. And that’s okay. We all know it, and it’s fine.” I shook my head in mute amazement. “I like Cain,” he added. “He’s a good guy.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course!”
I let it go, sighing. Whatever he’d nearly let slip had been put back into safekeeping. I lay back down beside Jude and we gradually fell back into lazy silence.
“Why do you let him tell you what you can and can’t do?” I asked, drifting toward sleep.