****
Friday night, I mentally prepared myself for the evening ahead and turned up at Gaunt House ruins to play my part. I was determined not to let Cain see my despicable envy. If I wasn’t big enough to deal with them being greater than me, then I was at least smart enough to conceal it. I sat through the nightly discussion of their visions, sipping a lemonade.
“Tell us what you saw today, Nadine,” Cain said.
“Today I saw a woman sitting at a bar,” Nadine said promptly. “She was sitting there with a glass of wine, being chatted up by some creepy dude. He had a beer with a blue label. There was a sign over the bar door but I couldn’t read it.”
She’d also seen an overweight woman with bleached hair walking through a hospital foyer, a skinny kid in tow. She gave descriptions and then it was Liz’s turn. She’d seen a child sitting in the schoolyard watching his friends play as he ate a packet of crisps. Jude had not seen anything. That made Liz and Owen raise their eyebrows at one another meaningfully. Owen, with his new seraphic face, was not expected to have anything to contribute. Nor Cain. It seemed it was full visions or nothing at all for those who had been through the transformation. Of course, Cain wasn’t having visions at all anymore, not since I came along. I slammed a door on that thought and reached for more of the dry, salty crackers. They almost made me gag.
After the vision discussion Liz invited Nadine and me to play poker with her. We joined her where she was dealing cards on a mattress, her legs crossed under her long skirt.
“I’ll play,” said Cain, but I wriggled around to make the circle closer.
“Girls only for this game,” I said.
He smiled, tipping his head curiously. Liz started to distribute matchsticks, but I dug in my pocket.
“Hey, let’s play for real money.”
I was clutching at anything I could think of to take Cain’s attention off me. Both Liz and Nadine looked delighted with the idea, and Liz even chuckled as she scrounged through chewing gum wrappers and teller machine statements in her handbag. Her coins smelt like mint-flavored gum and stale perfume. The two of them bet cautiously at first, trying out the new situation, but they had so much fun they were soon betting more liberally. Nadine won most of our coins.
Cain didn’t buy it. His eyes were full of questions. When we finished the game, he took my hand and tried to get me to sit beside him on the sofa but I pulled my hand free.
“Hey, let’s go out tonight! I feel like going dancing!”
“Yeah!” Nadine and Liz both cried.
Jude shook his head. “I’m tired. I don’t feel like going anywhere tonight.”
“Oh, come on.” Nadine prodded him. “We need to celebrate. For Owen.”
“Where do you want to go?” Owen asked with his new, dazzling smile.
“I know a hotel in town that’s quite good,” Liz said. “My work friends go there for drinks sometimes. There’s a band that plays old time music, and it’s a nice, happy crowd.”
“Cool.” I jumped up.
“I’ll drive the van,” Owen offered.
My mood was infectious, even if it was false. Everyone got organized. Nadine combed her hair and tidied herself with the aid of Liz’s tiny make-up mirror, and Liz put on lipstick. We all piled into Owen’s van, the radio playing Tom Jones’ It’s Not Unusual.
“Change the station!” Nadine yelled.
“I can’t.” Owen gave us an apologetic grin. “It’s the only one it will play. And anyway, it’ll get you in the mood for the old time music at the pub.”
Next was Take a Letter, Maria. I saw Cain looking at me so I renewed my performance with gusto. “My dad loves this crap!” I cried, and started to sing along.
I was wedged between Nadine and Jude, and they both joined in once they caught onto the chorus lyrics, hooking their arms around my neck. We sounded terrible. Liz went breathless with giggles, and even Cain couldn’t help laughing where he sat in the front with Owen. The town center was less than twenty minutes away. Owen parked the van a short distance from the hotel and we crossed the damp streets on foot, breathing steam into the cold drizzle. In the hotel’s doorway a pink and green neon sign buzzed over our heads like the electrical tower at Gaunt House. Why did that make me uneasy? I pushed through the door, hurrying to get away from that buzzing sign. Inside it was warm and smelled like beery carpet. I breathed in, soaking up the normality.
“I think I’ve been here before,” Nadine said, looking around.
I headed to the bar to order a glass of wine, but while I waited for my order Cain caught up to me. He stepped around in front of me, placing his hands on my hips so he could look into my face, and saw straight through me. The black tunnel loomed, the beery pub smell vanishing, but I twisted away. Beside us Jude was asking the girls to dance with him. Nadine barked a derisive laugh and said she was going to buy drinks, while Liz claimed sore feet from working. He gave me a reluctant glance but I saw an escape route so I pulled free of Cain, dragging Jude out to the floor.
Most of the people here were dancing cheek to cheek for the song the band had just started: Blue Velvet. I didn’t know what to do.
“I had to do dance lessons for my sister’s wedding,” Jude said with a grimace. “I’m pretty crap but I sort of know the rules. Let me lead.”
So I gabbled stupidly as we danced and Jude tried to be indifferent but my clumsy dancing and inane chatter seemed to charm him. All of a sudden I realized we were laughing and talking, dancing close against one another; having fun together. Jude looked enthusiastic; delighted, just like he had every time we went on a date. I froze in his arms. Dammit. How much more could I mess up?
I let go and wound my way back to the bar. Was I guilty of answering Jude’s affection in some thoughtless way? I sneaked a glance at his face and found it serious, dark even. I slid in close to Cain. Liz turned away from a man who was attempting to chat her up, and Nadine delivered her round of drinks. Her eyes widened when she saw Jude’s expression.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
To my relief Jude laughed. “Nothing.”
He accepted a glass of beer from her. I was seriously impressed with Nadine. Every time I saw her it became more apparent that she’d slotted into the group perfectly. It was as though she had always been there. No questions or confusion―like with me.
Owen and Liz huddled together. “Check out the guy over there,” he murmured. “Half-asleep with his head almost in a pool of beer.”
“Here to forget his unpleasant life, I suppose,” Liz sighed. “A low paid job, grumpy wife, naughty kids. One of them was trying to buy me a drink but I think he’s given up now.”
Owen’s reply was lost when the drunk Casanova at the bar turned around for his second attempt. “Come on, lovely,” he slurred. “Just want a conv’sation, promise. No harm in that, is there?”
He had the ruddy face of a seasoned drinker but jarringly pale, freckled arms. Skinny legs and a swollen gut. I felt for Liz, who politely tried to put the man off. Jude stepped up to put a protective arm around her, which made the guy posture at him. I rolled my eyes at Liz, pushing myself back against Cain’s chest to keep as clear of the drunk guy as possible.
Cain bent down to kiss the top of my head and spoke softly. “Come with me.”
Who could refuse such a request? I followed him outside into the courtyard where he lit a cigarette.
“I thought you weren’t doing that anymore,” I said.
“I need one,” he said with a smile, sitting on a bench. “Sit here next to me.” I did so. “Now tell me what you said to Jude to upset him just now.”
I jumped on the defensive. “I didn’t say anything! Nothing important. I mean, I was just prattling on about nothing.”
“Okay.” Cain seemed to believe me. “Then tell me what’s going on in your head. You can’t keep avoiding me forever.”
“Nothing,” I said but my stupid eyes started prickling and watering. Cain waited for me to get hold of myself but
even taking deep breaths failed to calm me down.
“You’ve got to stop thinking like you do,” he said. “None of us thinks you’re a mistake. Only you do.” More breathing and swallowing of emotion on my part. “And even if you were I wouldn’t care. My God, Francesca ...” He slid a hand around my waist and pulled me in tight, whispering into my hair. “The things I want to do to you.”
Not fair. I knew what things he meant and my pulse seemed to roar in my ears. He made me physically feeble; unable to produce any rational argument. I followed the easiest course of action, pushing away my doubts and surrendering to his lips. I clung to him. He did that thing where he started to crush me against him and I drowned in the painful pleasure of it. The kiss went on and on. I was so absorbed in that long, deep kiss that it took a few moments to dredge myself out of it when someone started repeatedly saying our names. Cain was even more immersed than me. I had to physically push him away before he noticed Liz.
“Cain,” she said. “There’s a problem.”
“What problem?”
Liz glanced at me and indicated with a quick head movement that she wanted to speak to him alone. I glowered as they moved away across the courtyard but Liz was too anxious to speak quietly. Even with the band playing inside I heard everything they said.
“Jude’s upset. There was an argument.”
“About what?”
“He was already in a mood. I think he was still thinking about ...” Liz slid her eyes over to me briefly and Cain nodded. “Nadine saw what was going on. She kept pushing him. She was rude. She said, Keep it in your pants; Frankie’s obviously not interested in you. Jude ignored her, but then Owen said, She was never meant for you, Jude, trying to calm him down. But Jude just got this look on his face that scared us all. He said, She wasn’t meant to be here at all. And I ... well, I couldn’t help myself. I asked why he brought her along to start with. Then Nadine flipped out! She didn’t know Jude had brought Frankie. She thought you’d brought her. She shouted at him, demanded to know why he did it. Jude said he did it because he wanted Frankie, wanted her to fall for him. We were shocked, Cain. We couldn’t believe Jude would do something so huge just because of a bit of a crush. Nadine said some ... cutting things. Jude didn’t take it very well and he kept glaring at that drunk guy at the bar who was bothering me, like he wanted to pick a fight. The guy tried to pull me onto the dance floor and Jude pushed him away and the guy spilled his drink. Now they’re both really pissed off and I’m scared there’s going to be a fight.”
They both made a beeline for the bar, Cain grabbing my hand on the way. Jude was nowhere to be seen but Owen, seated on a bar stool, stared at the dancers on the floor as though mesmerized.
“Christ, he’s having a vision,” Cain said.
I looked closer. Owen appeared to be in some kind of trance. He didn’t see us, even when we stood right in front of his face.
“Where’s Jude?” Liz asked Nadine.
“Outside,” she snapped, obviously distressed. “He’s gone to sort it out with that guy from the bar who was hitting on you.”
Cain dashed for the door and I followed with Liz, leaving Nadine at the bar to wait for Owen. Down the street the fight was already in progress. Cain gave a shout as the drunk from the bar lunged at Jude and knocked him over. We ran toward them, Liz shrieking, but they rolled and punched so fast none of us knew where to start intervening. Then the red-faced man was sitting astride Jude, pounding on his chest with both hands clenched into a huge fist. Cain used the opportunity to get in there and heave the guy off Jude. The drunk shook himself free of Cain and staggered away down the street, panting and shouting incoherent curses. Jude tried to drag himself to his feet but his choking and wheezing doubled him over. Liz bent down to help.
Owen’s voice came from behind us. “We have to get him out of here!”
“He needs a hospital,” Liz said.
“I’m okay.” Jude’s voice was a thick moan and he coughed again at the end of it. Something that gleamed black in the street-lit night dropped from his mouth onto the ground. Blood? My heart seemed to stop for a moment.
“Call an ambulance,” I hissed.
“We’ll drive him to hospital,” Cain said. “It’ll be quicker.”
He and Owen heaved Jude off the ground, slipping their shoulders under his arms so they could half-carry him down the street. Liz and I hurried after them and Nadine trailed behind in teary confusion. At the end of the street Jude gave a muffled groan of pain so Owen helped Cain lower him onto a doorstep.
“I’ll go get the van,” Owen said. He took off at a run, peering down alleyways as though he’d forgotten where we were parked.
Cain and I huddled up on either side of Jude. He looked terrible, eyes unfocused and blood coming from his mouth. I tried to remember some first aid techniques. Finally, Owen’s van pulled up alongside us. We helped Jude into the back and he slumped onto the floor of the van’s cargo section, coughing strange, wet-sounding coughs. Cain and I climbed in with him and Owen took off fast.