accelerate testing which meant that he had to skip some safety procedures.
Little Jimmy said that if he or Woodpile could get into the shack, they could get a stack of Dr. Treekenstein's books and maybe cross out some three's and make them two's. Woodpile got the idea, he heard that the intercranial fusion injector could be dangerous if it had gotten the wrong information. Dr. Treekenstein himself had explained this danger in a Nation Rock and Dirt magazine article, after his most recent interview with Bubbles Bubblicious.
Woodpile told Little Jimmy that he would go sneak into the shack while Treekenstein was still in the outhouse. Woodpile ran across the yard while all of the worlds attention was once again focused on the outhouse at the other end. He quietly and quickly made his way into the shack, opening its door slowly so that Dr. Treekenstein wouldn't hear it squeak from the outhouse. He looked around and saw the next pile of books that Treekenstein was going to load into his machine next: advanced complex theoretical quaternion analysis in forty three dimensions.
He found a pen, grabbed one of Treekenstein's books, crossed out some numbers and put new numbers in until he heard the door on the outhouse open. He put the book back onto the stack and waited for Dr. Treekenstein to return to the shack.
Dr. Treekenstein entered the shack to find Woodpile. "Dr. Treekenstein! I'm back. I'll load these books into the fusion chamber for you". "Thanks Woodpile. You're a good man and its good to have you back. Don't forget to run and hide behind Little Jimmy's shack when you are done.".
Woodpile finished, ran out of the shack and yelled back to Treekenstein "You're good to go!" as he ran across the lumberyard to behind Little Jimmy's shed. Little Jimmy had already squeezed himself into the front seat, ready. Woodpile jumped in behind and Little Jimmy asked "Where should we go?". Woodpile replied "See that Home button? Lets go there!".
The sky began to darken, Little Jimmy pushed the button. The ultrasonic hovercraft disappeared in an explosion and tore across the sky toward Dr. Treekenstein's palace. The sky darkened a little more and Woodpile watched a giant explosion from the rear window of the ultrasonic hovercraft, as they tore across the sky at twenty nine thousand four hundred and fifty three point two four miles per hour toward Dr. Treekenstein's palace.
9. Dr. Treekenstein's Palace
The streaking ball of light became a ball of smoke spiraling down toward the front entrance of Dr. Treekenstein's palace. The canopy opened and Woodpile and Little Jimmy climbed out and found the two new curvy young women dressed in fishnet stockings, knee high beaver leather boots and short shorts. They had augmented breasts too, were smiling and were holding the doors open, welcoming them both to come in as their hips swayed to the music that played.
Everyone was glued to the holographic generator set inside the palace where they replayed the explosion over and over again. Bubbles and her crew had forgotten to hide the tree's in all the excitement. The footage went out raw because someone forgot to push the Tree Decline Button.
Everyone, around the world, in all of the regions were glued to the holographic generator set whenever they were not at work or sleeping. Everyone saw the explosion and the light from the explosion showed all the trees that had surrounded the lumberyard and the deep thick forested mountainous region that flanked the lumberyard on all sides.
Everyone in the palace was shocked, after someone said "Hey. Look at all the trees!". They needed to see the trees on their sets to know they were real.
The music started and people went back to what they were doing. The party was great, Little Jimmy and Woodpile decided to enjoy some of the cactus.
The following day Little Jimmy and Woodpile watched the set waiting for the announcement of Little Jimmy's escape. It didn't come. Little Jimmy suggested that the warden was perhaps too embarrassed and didn't report it to the holographic media. Little Jimmy said that the warden could lose his job if it had gotten out that someone escaped his maximum maximum security prison.
Woodpile suggested that they phone the government in a couple of weeks, tell them about Dr. Treekenstein's secret palace and to come and collect those sacks of money and return them to the taxpayer.
The party went on. Woodpile and Little Jimmy grew tired of the cactus and found Dr. Treekenstein's intercranial fusion device with all of Dr. Treekenstein's books in a secret part of the palace basement. They decided to try that out for a while themselves.
In one week they had learned enough about finance and propaganda to keep those sacks of money coming in. They talked about taxpayers and what they could be made to believe. Little Jimmy talked about the ancients, the moon rockets, Osama bin Laden, and the global warming hoax. Woodpile said "Lets keep that money, keep it coming in. The people are too stupid to know whats good for them or how to think. We can get Dr. Know to work for us, if he is still alive, or hire someone else.".
Later, Woodpile announced on the holographic generator set in an interview with Bubbles Bubblicious that Dr. Treekenstein had escaped without injury, was on vacation, and would soon be returning to build another device to save the tree's from going extinct. He begged them to keep those sacks of money coming in and explained that Dr. Treekenstein would soon be once again, hard at work saving the trees. The live studio audience cheered.
Everyone had forgotten about the trees they had seen a few weeks prior.
The two men would often talk about giving the taxpayer money back and telling the public the truth and they always reached the same conclusion. Woodpile said it best: "If we don't do it, someone else will and we will be shoved off into a dark corner, labeled as conspiracy theorists". Little Jimmy could never come up with a counter argument.
Sometimes Little Jimmy would say "I wish they could learn the truth, learn to look at things from both sides, the dialectic. I wish we didn't have to keep telling them what they should think.". He stopped for a moment to look at Woodpile "I know you hate having those interviews with Bubbles Woodpile." Woodpile, after a while, didn't say anything, but would just laugh.
Little Jimmy would sometimes say, "Maybe we can make it all even more ridiculous so that they will wake up.".
Woodpile would say "May as well go to the moon in one of those moon rockets that the ancients made.".
~~~
Literary Reference
"had to be ignited before he could explode" Kipling Limits and Renewals
"Milking a he goat..." Immanual Kant Critique Of Pure Reason
"Twice as wide, twice as tall and twice as thick" Big Al, Pallets and More, Picton Ontario
"Begel" Hegel Hegel's Phenomenology Of Spirit
"cactus" David Nichtern Midnight At The Oasis (song, 1973) The metaphor is used in a slightly different but similar manner as in the song.
"Legalist" refers to ancient Chinese philosophy of Legalism. Legalism is the philosophy of today but originators were thrown out by Confucius. Funny money makes Legalism necessary to keep law covered and hidden from masses.
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