It felt like forever before I made it to the entrance of the cavern. I expected to find a giant dragon named Othello there waiting for me, but there was nothing and no one around.
“Huh.” I let my gaze wander, taking in the beautiful scenery—the trees, the gently swaying grasses, the flowers that grew in abundance. The sound of a waterfall off in the distance was very peaceful…way more so than the sounds of battle had been.
“Well, well, well…paint me in pollen and call me an anther. I do believe there’s an elemental in our midst.”
I spun around at the sound of my roomie’s voice and nearly peed myself with happiness when I found him hovering in the air in front of me. “Tim!” I shrieked, rushing toward him. My heart felt like it was going to explode with relief.
He flew backward in a hurry, frowning as he slowly buzzed in a circle, examining me from all angles. “Whoa, hold on there, frisky. Don’t be so handsy. Let’s get a look at you first. My, my, my-my-my… Tsk, tsk. Something wicked this way comes…”
I dropped my arms, slowing my approach. He was acting weirdly skittish. “We don’t have time for you to do a review of my fashion or whatever.”
“Are you sure about that?” He pointed at my feet.
I looked down at my clothing in dismay. I hadn’t even registered the problem earlier, but I did as soon as I saw what Tim was staring at. I was still in my scrubs and Crocs, which didn’t make any sense at all. If I’d reappeared in the cave right after I’d left it, I should’ve still been wearing my fae clothing.
I slowly lifted my hand to my head and found only stubble there. I dropped my hand to my pocket and found a half-eaten sandwich inside. “Oh, shit.” Something definitely went wrong. I am so going to kill Ben when I see him again.
“Yes, that might be how I’d describe it. A little G.I. Jayne for my taste, but I suppose I could get used to it. I suppose one could call it badass if it weren’t paired with whatever those monstrosities are.” He was still pointing at my feet.
I clasped my hands together in prayer position, desperate not to lose him again. “Tim, you have to listen to me.”
“Hmmm, not so sure that’s true…,” he said, examining his fingernails. “…Since you took off and abandoned me and all your other friends in this wasteland someone has the nerve to call a realm.” He snorted, shaking his head slowly. “And ohhh, the things I’ve seen and cannot un-see.”
I felt completely sick to my stomach. What have I done? “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to leave you. How long have I been gone? Do I want to know? No, I probably don’t. How’s Spike? How’s Tony? Where’s the troll? Are you okay?”
He finally looked up. “Oh, so now you want to know how I’ve been? Well, isn’t that sweet?” His face was getting redder by the second. According to my calculations that made him about level eight pissed.
Tears pricked my eyes. “Please, Tim, don’t be mad at me. The entire world could be mad at me and I wouldn’t care, but not you.” I was on the brink of bawling my eyes out.
He lifted an eyebrow. “Do you mean it? You’re totally devastated over the idea of displeasing me?”
I dropped to my knees, my hands folded under my chin, because if there was ever time for big drama, this was it. Dust flew up and sifted down gently over my shoulders like a dirty gray shroud. “More than anything. More than anything I’ve ever said.” If I couldn’t get Tim back on my team, I was going to give up. I was going to lay down in the dirt and simply surrender to whatever disgusting orc or troll or whatever that came along.
He glared at me. He frowned at me. He nearly broke my heart when he slowly turned his back on me. “I don’t know. I mean…it has been a loooong time.”
I dropped my head into my hands and let the tears come. “I am so, so sorry.” I wanted to tell him that there was nothing I could have done—that a witch had spelled me and everyone around me, that I’d never forgotten any of my friends, and that my first priority had always been to get back and save them. But none of that mattered. The truth was that I had left them on purpose. I had run into that cave to be some kind of hero, and all I’d actually done is screw everything up. Typical me.
“Oh, I can’t stand this,” Tim said, his voice closer.
I looked up to find him mere inches from my face. I didn’t even complain about his pixie package being too close. I was just glad he was there at all.
“Do you have any idea how worried I was about you?” he said in a stern tone, his hands on his hips. “No, of course you don’t. Because you don’t have children and you don’t have siblings and you don’t have…whatever it is that you are to me.” He spun in a circle and pulled at his hair. “I have been coming to this stupid cave every single day for an eon, hoping that one day you’d show up. I’d almost talked myself out of coming today. I almost stayed in bed.”
“You have a bed?” I asked, hating how weak my voice sounded.
“Of course I have a bed. I’m not a vagabond. Just because you left me in the dust, it didn’t mean I was going to rough-it for the rest of eternity.” He snorted and smoothed the sides of his hair down.
I almost smiled, but stopped myself because I knew better. “I’m glad you weren’t forced to camp out or anything.”
“Don’t get too cocky. I did have to camp out. For like a week.”
“That must have been terrible.” I couldn’t keep the smile off my face anymore. I’d missed him scolding me so much, and I hadn’t even known that was possible before.
“It was terrible, Jayne. It was. My hair was a wreck, my clothing was full of dust—this place is basically made of the stuff—and my wings…ugh…I can’t even say it.” He sniffed and lifted his chin.
“Did they fall off?”
He looked at me aghast. “Fall off? Are you insane? Of course not. You think I’d let something like that happen in this place? No way. I’d’ve been dead inside a day with all the crazy beasts roaming around here.” He unzipped his fanny pack and pulled out the tiniest bottle I’ve ever seen, holding it up so I could see it. “You’re just lucky I remembered to pack my wing ointment before we left on our little misadventure.”
“Wing ointment? What’s that made of?” I held out my hand to take it, but he glared and put it back into his pack, zipping it up and patting it.
“You can keep your grubby fingers to yourself, Lellemental. No one touches my ointment but me and my long lost wife, who’s probably already found herself another man while I was gone, thanks to someone I won’t name who’s wearing…ugh…rubber pink shoes.” He put his hand over his eyes. “The color…the style…they’re hurting my brain. Please burn them.”
“Okaaaay.” Apparently being stuck in this realm had had some sort of negative effect on my friend. He was definitely stuck in cranky mode. “So, where is everyone?” I looked past Tim hoping to see them arriving from a distance.
“Not here.” He folded his arms and looked at me with a sassy expression.
I sighed. “Are you ever going to forgive me? I promise…leaving was not my intention. I thought I was going to see what was happening in the Overworld and then come right back.”
“But you didn’t, did you?”
“Well, I did go back, but not to this place.” I sighed, the unhappy memories making me feel dark inside.
A sound caught my attention, stopping my next comment in its tracks, and Tim spun around. “Uh, yeah. Sounds like a great story. Maybe you can tell me later.” He disappeared, zooming past me toward the mouth of the cavern.
“Tim, what are you doing?”
A shriek split the air, and a plume of fire appeared a few miles off in the distance, a couple thousand feet up in the air.
“You might want to hide,” Tim’s voice said from far away.
“From what?” I asked, turning around and picking my way over the rough ground back in the direction of the cave.
“Dragon!” Tim shouted, his voice going an octave higher. “Might want to move a little faster, elemental. She sounds crank
y.”
“She?” I started running. “Othello is a boy dragon, right?”
“That ain’t Othello,” Tim said, appearing at my shoulder, his face red and sweaty. “Faster, Jayne, faster!”
I was breathing heavy, and the bag was banging painfully against my leg. “I can’t go any faster in these friggin shoes!”
“Oh, well. It was nice knowing ya!” He disappeared again.
I made it about twenty more feet before a loud thump came from behind me, followed by a rattling of the ground and a gust of sulphur-stinking air. Several smallish boulders were jarred loose from the mountain above the cavern and rolled down the hill, dropping in front of and next to its opening.
My legs stopped working and my heart filled with dread. The sanctuary of the cave was way too far away for me to reach in time, and destiny had apparently arrived in the form of a stinking, stonking, pissed off she-dragon. I was both sad and angry that I’d made all that effort and had gone through so much shit to get back there, only to arrive in time for a PMSing house-sized lady-lizard to fry my butt into ashes.
I turned to face the beast that had sent my roommate scurrying for cover. It was time to face the music. Goodbye cruel world…
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
I RECOGNIZED HER beautiful red scales immediately. “Biad!” I shouted, holding up my hand at her. I twisted it toward me for a second and was so relieved to see her dragon scale embedded there, I almost peed myself. I turned it so she could see it again. “It’s me! The elemental! Jayne!”
She leaned in fast, stopping only inches from my hand. A huge puff of black smoke came out of her nose and engulfed my entire body.
I choked on the acrid smell. “Gah! Ho! Damn, that stinks! Phew!” I waved my hand back and forth in front of my face, hoping to clear it away.
She huffed a second time, completely blocking out the sun with her second stink bomb.
“Okay, gah! Gack! I get it! You’re pissed. Damn.” I waved both hands in front of my face but it wasn’t helping much. I was about to stop, drop, and roll so I could find some oxygen somewhere, but then a wave of fire came out of her mouth and burned everything off. I bathed in the warmth and the beautiful orangey-red glow. When it seemed like it was going to go on for a while, I took some time to brush off my clothing and dust off my head. By the time she finished with her show of force, I was ready to face her, feeling better already. The expression ‘baptized by fire’ flitted across my mind.
When the smoke and fire cleared, she was eye to eye with me, her head about three feet away and lowered to my level.
“Hello, Biad. Thank you for the fire bath.”
A tendril of smoke dribbled out of one nostril. She didn’t look pleased.
“Okay, so we’re going with the silent treatment. I get it. I really do. But can I just say that I have been trying for weeks to get to you. Maybe it’s been years, even, I’m not sure. But some pain-in-the ass witches and some nasty, fashion-challenged Fates have been working overtime to keep us apart.” I looked around and frowned as realization hit me. “What exactly are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be watching the portal?”
You did not come as promised, she said in my head.
“Well, yeah. And I just explained why. I almost made it to the portal but then a Fate named Judith zapped me and sent me here.”
This I know. I followed the trail you left behind.
“I left a trail?” It was probably Tim’s fart-smoke that had left the trail for her to follow, but I decided not to share that factoid with her.
Your trail ended here.
And that supported my theory about what kind of trail she was actually picking up on. I knew I should have brought Tim into that cave with me.
You disappeared.
“Othello showed me the entrance to the Overworld. I was just going to see what was going on and come back out here, but then I got blasted into the past by a Fate named Victoria.”
I was told you have been time-slipping. You are not permitted to do this as a portal guardian’s companion.
I pointed at her. “That’s an awesome rule! I love that rule! And it’s one I would be very happy to follow; unfortunately, there are fae out in the world who don’t agree with that rule and they sent me places.”
What is done is done.
I didn’t like the sound of that. “Uh, yeah. All that stuff is done. So let’s just go back to where we belong now, eh? What do you say? Doesn’t that sound like a great idea? You, me, all my friends…let’s go home.” I gave her my winningest smile.
She turned around.
I had to sprint to keep up with her and not get flattened as her giant tail came swinging my way. “Where are you going?” I prayed she was leading the way back home.
Her wings opened. It didn’t look like she was planning to take me with her.
“Um, Biad? You’re not going to leave me here, are you?”
She paused. Then she turned and looked at me over her right wing. Prepare yourself.
“Prepare myself?” I asked, mystified. What was she going to do? Whack me into next week with her mighty tail? Drop a deuce on my head? I gripped my bag closer to my hip.
For their arrival.
“Uh…who’s arrival?”
She turned her head and looked up.
Visitors? Cool. Way better than a deuce. I followed her gaze, and it was then that I noticed several specks in the sky getting bigger and darker. I began to tremble. The shapes became clearer as they approached. Dragons. Several of them were on their way, headed directly for us. They were different colors, and all of them were belching fire. I was immune to Biad’s flames, but I had no confidence that this immunity spread to all dragon fire. That dragon poop option was looking better by the second.
“Jayne!” Tim yelled. “Take cover! Incoming!”
I didn’t have time to take Tim’s very wise advice. And I knew my next best choice was risky, but I wasn’t really given much of a choice; there was only one thing I could do and hope to survive this onslaught. Hello Green, I know you’re wild, but help protect me, an innocent child, the dragons are coming and I have no power, bubble shun bubble shun, protect me…with flowers!
That last bit was a mistake, but I could hardly be blamed. As my doom arrived in the form of a whole flock of magical, mystical fire-breathing beasts, the only thing I could focus on—the only things that weren’t scaring the ever loving crap out of me at the time—were the fields of blooms surrounding me.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
MY VIEW OF my impending doom was completely blocked. It went from day to night in an instant. I had no idea where I’d landed, but wherever it was, it sure smelled nice. I sneezed when too much of the perfume went up into my sinuses.
“Well…this is a new one,” said the slightly muffled voice of my tiny roommate.
I couldn’t see him anywhere. “Where are you?”
“Look up.”
I was barely able to move my head, it was so packed in with…weeds? Grass? When my chin tilted up, a tiny ray of light filtered in and lit up the space above me. Flowers? Tim was sitting on the edge of a tulip. A really big one.
“When I said paint me in pollen and call me an anther, I wasn’t being literal.”
“I have no idea what an anther is.”
“Context clues, Jayne,” he said, sighing. “They are your friends.”
I sneezed again. “What happened to the dragons? Did I blast ‘em?”
“Blast ‘em? Ummm, no. More like you blasted yourself.”
I tried to move my shoulders, but they wouldn’t budge. “What in the hell…”
“There’s no way you’re going to walk away from this one no matter how hard you struggle. You need to talk to your Earth element or you’re going to be stuck in here for a very long time.”
“I already did.”
“Clearly.” I couldn’t see him, but I knew he was rolling his eyes at me. “Little tip: maybe use a softer voice next time.”
; The meaning behind his teasing started to sink in. “Are you saying I did this?”
“Do you see any other elementals hanging around this realm? Because I don’t.”
“What exactly did I do, smartass?” I was getting really frustrated with being stuck. Plus my nose was tickling something fierce. I sneezed three more times in quick succession.
“You bubble shunned yourself with flowers. Abby would have loved this one, by the way.” His voice turned wistful. “Maybe when I finally return to the Here and Now, her new husband will let me stop by for a visit so I can tell her the story about how you saved yourself from a fleet of dragons by covering ten square miles in flowers as tall as buildings.”
I could barely breathe, not sure whether it was his comment or the pollen interfering in my respiration. “Say what, now?”
“I mean, as plans go, it wasn’t your worst. You are impossible to find in here. Not impossible for me, of course, but I’m no bumbling dragon either.”
I snorted. “Those dragons must be really far away for you to be talking smack like that.”
“Actually, Biad is right where you left her.” He farted. “Oops.” His voice was fading out. “And she’s not happy.”
“Tim! Where are you going?!”
“Gotta fly!” he yelled. “Smell ya later!”
I sighed. I was pretty sure I’d only earned myself a temporary reprieve with my effed up flower bubble, so there was only one thing to do: face the music. Again. Maybe the dragons would be happy that I’d planted some flowers in their realm. A girl can dream.
Green power, green flowers, go back to where you belong, please. No more rhyming for me. Not in this realm anyway. I was going to use the good old fashioned visualization technique I’d started out with until I was on more solid ground—meaning not here. Sam’s plan to use rhymes to help me focus my control over my powers in the Here and Now was definitely not working in this place. I pictured the flowers that had apparently sprung up in a nanosecond going back into the earth, and the landscape returning to the way it had been before I’d busted that terrible rhyme. Slowly but surely the light was let back into my world as the thirty-foot-tall flowers and grasses drew back into the dirt. They were almost at the top of my head within half a minute.