Chapter 17
The Monday before Prom misery walks up to our table in the form of Tiffani Sobhiani, tossing her hair over her shoulder fixing each of us with a look of utter loathing.
"Here to take me up on my offer from December, took you long enough. Find your panties?" Player taunts her with a deeply depraved grin.
"Eli," Laurel said under her breath next to him. He looks over at her giving her a weaker grin.
"In your dreams asshole, I'm here to hand out the ballots for you to vote for Prom King and Queen," she snarls and throws a pile of them into the center of the table and stalks off.
Jaxon gives me a gentle nudge, "who you voting for Katie?" he asks.
"Doesn't matter. Whoever's at the top of the list I guess?"
"Let's see. Hmmm," he said making a face.
"Who is it?" I ask barely interested.
"Zach and Stacy."
I snort, "of course it is. Good for them."
"There's another couple here. Neil Garson and Amanda Playton. Do we know them?" he asks.
"Neil's the TA for my English class, but I don’t know who Amanda is," I tell him.
"You've seen her, hot babe, really wild, a little bit punk rocker, the one who shaves off her eyebrows and draws them in with a different design every day," Player told us.
"Seriously? Neil is so quiet. The only thing wild about him is his long curly hair," I mumble to myself, "sounds like an odd couple."
"Maybe odd couples are the best kind," Laurel said giving Player a glance, "they've been together for the last three years."
"I do like my 'odd'," he said giving her a hug and a wink.
I overhear my parents in the library that night and peek in. Mom is sitting on Dad’s lap with him in the reading chair.
"I’m really worried Sarah."
"I know honey. I am too. But there’s nothing we can do," she said.
"I’m her father. I’m supposed to fix things for her. It’s killing me seeing her like this all the time."
Mom's talking so softly I have to strain to hear her from the hallway, "it’s obvious something big has happened to change her behavior. I’m assuming it has something to do with Josh because he hasn’t been over to the house for a while. But we just have to wait and let them work it out for themselves."
"I don’t know if I can," Dad said.
"Katie’s not a child anymore and we can’t fix everything all the time. Sometimes our job is to step back and let her get hurt so she can learn to pick herself up and fix things on her own."
"I don’t know how much longer I can do that Sarah. She just seems so miserable. She barely said a word in the car on the way home the few times I picked her up after her play rehearsals. Now she heads straight to her room, she’s not even eating dinner with us most nights."
I have never heard my Dad so sad.
"It will all work out honey, we just have to give her some space and be here for her when she’s ready to talk," Mom, the ever-level-headed psychiatrist told him.
They’re quiet for a minute and I start to head back upstairs to my room when Dad said, “I think you’re right about it having something do with Josh. I ran into David in line at Starbucks last week before work. We sat and talked for a little bit.”
My Dad talked to Josh’s Dad last week? I’m now frozen where I stand.
“What did he say?” Mom asks him. Yeah, what did he say Dad?
“He asked how Katie was doing. I told him a little bit, just said she wasn’t really acting like herself and all. David said he and Carol are worried about Josh. He’s not talking much, when he does he’s talked about not coming back to the track team next fall and apparently he loves to run.”
"Did he say anything else? How's Carol? I haven't talked to her in a couple weeks, I think she's been avoiding my calls," Mom said.
"I don't know. David seemed so, sad, worse even than I remember him being when he cheated on her all those years ago."
Josh's Dad had an affair? Is that why he left? Why they moved?
Oh God, and I accused Josh of two-timing me with Tiffani Sobhiani. No wonder he was so furious when I said it.
"David said he thought things were getting so much better since they moved back here. He knew Josh was still angry with him and things had been tough for the three of them the past few years, but these last months he said it felt like he had his family back the way he’d been working hard for and dreaming of. Josh was laughing and happier than they'd ever seen him. They were going out as a family. He said something big happened at the beginning of the year with them, but that they were talking more and felt closer than ever, but now, he just doesn't know what's happened, and neither do I."
I hear Mom sigh.
"He said they even invited one of his clients they met at the office holiday party over for dinner. The clients have a daughter about the same age as Josh, he thought maybe that would cheer him up. Josh just moped all through dinner and David had to make Josh agree to drive her to the mall last weekend. They had a huge fight about it that night."
Is he talking about Mandy? Josh's Dad made him go out with her?
“Sarah?”
“Hmm?”
“Is this…is this all my fault?” Dad’s voice is strained. If I didn’t know better it almost sounds like he’s trying not to cry. Parents don’t cry. Do they?
“Jim this is absolutely not your fault. How could you think such a thing?” Mom said.
“I know I over reacted the first couple of times I found Josh and Katie alone together. I knew they weren’t doing anything wrong, I just…I don’t know…I just wasn’t ready for that part of Katie’s life to start. What if I scared him away? I think Josh is a good kid, and I KNOW Katie is. Maybe I should just go talk to him?”
Oh Dear God no! DON’T YOU DARE DAD!
Mom’s using her Mom voice, “James Taylor O’Connell. You will do no such thing.”
Wow. She used all three of his names, Mom always means business when she does that with me. I slowly head back upstairs certain Mom will keep Dad in check.
Later I come down the stairs to the living room and I hear the TV on.
Mom and Dad are curled up on the couch, she's got her eyes closed. They look so sweet and cozy. Is that how Josh and I looked when they came home and found us that night?
Dad sees me standing in the hall, “hey Kitten. You want to come watch a movie with us? It’s one of your favorites, Hotel of Horrors,” he told me.
I don’t realize until now how much I miss him calling me Kitten. I don’t say anything, instead I just walk straight over to sit next to him on the couch curling up into a ball at his side, making myself as small as I can, just like a little kitten. He told me once that’s how I got the nickname. When I was a baby I’d crawl up onto his lap, curl into a ball, and fall asleep.
I can’t do that now of course. I’m too big and it would just be weird, but a part of me wishes I was that little kid again so I could.
I hear my Dad sigh and my Mom reaches across gently brushing the hair back from my face. The three of us sitting there huddled together on the couch makes me feel so safe and loved.
That is the moment I decide to stop being an angry, self-absorbed, reclusive hermit, and to try to start making my parents feel better.
And, myself too.
Friday before Prom, Laurel finally confesses at lunch--she and Player have been dating exclusive for a few months, since Valentine's Day actually, but they didn’t want to tell me because I was so upset about everything that was going on with Jaxon and Josh.
Player offers to be a date for both of us this weekend. “I could seriously get into a threesome with the two of you,” he told me with a wink, “I’ll make every guy in the room jealous walking in with the four most perfect breasts in the school on my arm.”
“You can knock it off now Eli. Katie knows you’re still a virgin AND that you’re all talk,” Laurel told him.
“Not cool Laurel. A guy has a rep to protect,” he said through tight
lips but his eyes are positively sparkling as he takes her hand in his. Anyone looking at him can tell he’s been sucked into Laurel’s orbit and only has eyes for her. The Player has been played and is out of circulation, at least for the time being, and he looks very cool with that.
And the way she’s smiling back? She's got it just as bad for him. How did I not see this? I feel a little guilty. My friends were so happy and had exciting news to share but didn’t in order to spare my feelings. I’ll have to figure out a way to make it up to them.
Twirling in the bathroom in the wow! dress Laurel talked me into getting, and agreeing to go to Prom with her and Eli (no more calling him Player) is how I start to make it up to them.
The gown feels like cool liquid on my skin and falls in soft ripples of bright turquoise blue almost all the way to my ankles, but leaves my left leg showing through the layers of sheer fabric with each step I take. The thin silver strap heels are the finishing touch to make me feel like a movie star. With my hair gathered up on the sides and pinned in place with Laurel’s rhinestone clips and the rest left cascading down my back in soft waves, this is definitely the dressiest, and girliest I have felt in a long time. I make a mental note to thank her for the thousandth time for talking me into all this as I head back to my room so she can do my make-up.
After nearly draining the camera batteries taking pictures of the three of us, my Dad drives us to Prom and pulling up to the hotel, I admit, I am feeling better than I have all month.
The ballroom at the hotel is alive with suits, tuxes, gowns in a rainbow of colors and music at full blast, but not so loud that I can’t hear someone right behind me.
"Hey."
Shivers shoot up my spine at the sound of his voice. Will that ever go away? My heart starts pounding against my ribs. I take a deep breath before turning around to face him.
“Josh. What…what are you doing here?” Shock. I’m in complete and total shock.
“I was supposed to meet Jaxon here. We had a grand plan to go Stag like you and Laurel but then I got your text. I hope he isn’t too pissed at me,” he said looking around, then his eyes are back on me and he quickly sucks in his breath, “you look…amazing Kat.”
“Thanks. You too,” I’m too stunned to see him to form complex sentences right now. That tuxedo fits every angle of his body perfectly. He looks so sharp and megawatt hot. OMG! Did he get a haircut? I forget how to breathe, but I don’t miss the fact that his handkerchief and sash perfectly match the same shade of my turquoise gown.
Coincidence? How could he possibly have known?
Then it hits me what he just said, “what text?” I ask.
He looks as confused as I feel when he pulls out his phone to show me.
Josh I’m so sorry for everything all the misunderstandings! Please come to the Prom! I can’t wait even one more hour! I have to see you!!!
“Very dramatic, but…I didn’t send that.”
I’m digging my phone out of my little purse hanging on my shoulder before he can say, “but it’s from your cell.”
I look at my text message history and sure enough, there it is. The last message sent from my phone 40 minutes ago to his.
I look up at him. The expression on his face is so hopeful but I can’t lie to him, I start to tell him when an ear-splitting whistle makes us snap our heads around to look across the room where we see Eli with his arm draped over Laurel’s shoulder, and Jaxon holding hands with the redheaded guy from drama class. All four of them are grinning and waving to us like morons.
“Laurel. She sent you the text from my phone when I was getting dressed and she came over to do my makeup. That sneaky little… all the exclamation points should have been a clue. What a drama queen,” I say him putting my phone back in my purse.
“Is Jaxon holding hands with that guy?” Josh said.
“Yeah,” I say smiling over at my friend who's never looked happier in his life. Jaxon and the redheaded guy from drama are in matching slate grey tuxes with orange cummerbunds and handkerchiefs and bowties. They are beyond cute. Gay or straight they both look smoking hot--like they walked off the cover of one of those guy fashion or health magazines. Guess we'll have to find out his name, can't keep calling him 'the redheaded guy' now.
“Cool. That explains a lot. I probably owe him an apology…or three,” he said as I turn around to look at him again.
“So, you…didn’t want to see me tonight?”
It’s obvious he’s disappointed but more, his eyes are so sad.
Laurel’s voice pops into my head again, Life is too short.
“It’s ok, I’ll…I’ll leave you alone Kat,” he’s leaving. STOP HIM!
“Josh wait,” I say on impulse then bite my bottom lip hard. Ok, he’s turned and standing only a foot away from you. Now what are you going to do Katie?
“Josh I--”
“What?” he whispers as he takes a half step closer to me.
“I…I didn’t send the text…but…”
“But?” that crooked grin is my complete undoing.
Life is too short.
A dam in my head breaks letting my feelings come flooding out, “I didn’t send it, but I should have. Laurel may have written it, but they’re all my words; every last one of them. I am sorry for everything; all the stupid misunderstandings and my being so stubborn. I can’t stop thinking about you. I want to be with you all the time, not just for kissing, that’s hugely amazing of course, but I want to read to you, laugh with you, fight with you, make up with you, definitely making up with you, I want to cook with you, hang out with you in the fort, nap with you, but mostly I just want to BE with you--no matter what we’re doing, for as long as I can.”
“Is that all?” he smiles.
“Yeah, I think so. That’s the longest I have ever talked non-stop without taking a breath.”
He takes another half step closer so we’re almost touching now.
Even in heels my eyes are only level with his throat. His shirt is open a few buttons from the collar and my eyes are drawn to the small brown circle hanging from a black cord lying against his skin.
He’s wearing it.
He’s wearing the clay tile I made for him when we were little.
I can’t stop myself from reaching out to touch it with my fingertips. His breath draws in so sharply it startles me. I look up to see his burning eyes staring into mine. Hunger doesn’t even begin to describe what I think I see there.
Breathing is a small problem now, and my heart feels like it’s about to bust out of my chest from beating so fast and hard. When he speaks his voice is low and husky like I remember it now in that dark room on Halloween night. How could I not recognize it was him?
“I have something for you,” he said slowly lifting his right hand from his jacket pocket taking my hand in his left.
I know why I’m trembling but why is he? Dear God please don’t let my palms be all sweaty again. Then he puts a necklace in my upturned palm. It takes all my effort to look away from his intense gaze to my hand. At the end of the delicate gold chain is a simple gold disk about the size of a dime. One side has KO + JD engraved on it. I turn it over to find a smiley face on the other.
“I didn’t make it with my own hands, but I did design it with a jeweler. That counts for something right?”
It counts for everything I want to tell him, but I can’t speak. I can only bob my head up and down like a total moron. I swear to myself, no matter what, I’m not going to cry and ruin all Laurel’s hard work with my makeup.
“I’ve been carrying it around in my backpack all week. I wasn’t sure this moment would ever happen,” he said lifting the necklace from my hand.
“Or that I’d ever get the chance to put it on you and see you wear it,” he whispers as his hands go through my hair to do the clasp at the back of my neck. The disk feels cool lying against my skin but Josh’s palms are warm against my cheeks.
My voice finally comes back but I can’t t
hink of anything brilliant to say, “thanks for helping me with my bucket list Josh.”
“What?” he asks with a little chuckle.
“I’ll tell you later,” I smile so big I think my face muscles are going to hurt for a week.
His hands move away, but then I feel his strong arms tighten around my waist pulling me closer against him.
How much did I miss feeling him hold me like this?
He grins down at me as he lowers his head and I’m surrounded by friendship and cinnamon mouthwash as his lips meet mine and red hot fireworks explode everywhere inside me.
He lifts his head, his eyes are so dark, and deep he told me soft and low, “I love you Kat. I think I always have.”
“I love you too, Josh. I can’t remember a time in my life that I didn’t.”
“I want to start over. Take it nice and slow and do it right this time,” he said smiling, “Hey, I’m Josh.”
I smile back going along with it, “Katie. But you can call me Kat.”
“Hi Kat, I know this is short notice but, would you like to go to the prom with me?” he grins.
“Ordinarily I don’t agree to go out with guys I have just met, but since I happen to be all dressed up already, yes, I’d love to go to the prom with you.”
He leans in for another kiss that makes my head spin. There’s clapping and wolf calls behind us we can hear over the music that makes him break the kiss and look up. I stifle a quick flash of anger at whoever has interrupted us.
I turn around with Josh still keeping his arms locked tight around my waist as I lean back against him.
We watch as our best friends cross the room making their way over to us.
I smile and wonder how next year will possibly compare to this one.
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