Chapter 6
Friday afterschool finds me sitting on a bench outside near the back tennis courts with Zach (Hot Football Senior Guy actually has a name) laughing and talking about my now non-existent sports knowledge I have just confessed to him when he suddenly tips up my chin with his fingers.
“It’s okay if you’re not a huge sports fan after all. There’s other stuff we can do besides talk sports,” he said.
He's staring at my lips. Holy crap! He's starting to lean in and my heart is pounding so hard in my chest I think it's going to bust out like an alien movie. I just know he's leaning in for a kiss this time. He is so close I can smell the root beer he had for lunch still on his breath, and what do I do? Do I instinctively tip my head back, part my lips slightly, and wait for the earth to shake when his lips meet mine for the first time?
Nope.
I pull back my whole body and just stare at him. What the hell? Helloooo? Earth to Katie. What the hell was that?
He looks confused but before either of us have a chance to say anything Cheerleader Barbie flounces over with a perfect pout swinging her tennis racket as if she wants to brain me with it. She starts telling him she missed the afterschool activities bus. "I'm heading to your house anyway tonight to babysit your little sister could you give me a ride?"
"Uh, sure," Zach told her.
When he bends down to pick up his backpack, I’m the lucky receiver of her best ‘so-there-would-you- just-die-already’ look as she twists her racket in one hand. He clears his throat as he gets up off the bench, hesitates, and looks back down at me.
My brain isn't fully functional yet, but I know I definitely don't want to talk about what just happened any time soon. So I scramble enough brain cells together to make the lightning fast decision to bail him out and say, "I have got a meeting at 3pm in the auditorium for the One Act Festival so I better book it or I'm going to be late."
I look down at my pack, unzip the top, and act as if I'm repacking my stuff while mentally wishing them to please leave, please leave, please leave, please leave.
Cheerleader Barbie must have picked up on my silent signals because she grabs his arm and starts pulling him toward the parking lot giving him a perfectly lip-glossed, shiny pink smile, "C'mon Zack, WE can't be late either." Ugh.
They both take off and I’m left sitting there. I do not want to think about what just happened but I cannot find the off switch to my brain and my heart is still pounding fast and hard like a drum.
Zach just tried to kiss me and I pulled away. WTH?
I drop my head into my hands, blink a few times, and try to get a grip. I have about a whole minute to myself when someone practically throws his body onto the bench next to me.
I open my eyes to see a familiar pair of blue and white Converse on the ground next to my black flats.
"Cheerleader interruptus. Sucks to be you doesn't it?"
“What do you want Josh?”
“Two seniors in two months. Don’t want to burn yourself out. Plenty of time left in the school year and lots more guys to get through before Prom night. How will you ever choose?” he said his voice dripping with nastiness and innuendo.
I must be in shock. Did he just insinuate I’m some kind of skank? How can he be so harsh? I feel my eyes welling up with tears. Unbelievably I have no smartass comeback. I’m too shaken and stunned.
“I can’t believe you just said that to me,” I tell him, but it comes out shaky because I’m about to lose whatever small grasp I have holding myself together. I’m not mad, it just…hurts. What happened to my funny friend who’s been hanging out with me the last couple months?
I grab my bag and book for the auditorium for a final rehearsal for the One Act Festival that night. I leave him there to choke on my last hateful words.
“I wish you never came back.”
A few hours later that night backstage at the One Act Play Festival I’m going over lines in my head and trying to mentally psyche myself up for our scene--failing miserably.
At the end of our scene, I have to kiss Jaxon.
A REAL kiss.
Will the kiss do anything for me? I don’t know. Every time we came to that part in rehearsals, Jaxon did something that made me laugh so we haven’t actually had a chance to kiss yet.
He’s a cute guy with a mess of dark hair that almost falls into his equally dark eyes, but I have known him practically forever. Could I even like him like that? I just don’t know.
You can't force people into these intimate acting scenes and situations without consequences. Don't we learn anything from celebrities who start dating after starring in a movie together then have a massive, ugly public break up a month later? I know I wouldn’t want to lose Jaxon as a friend, but he is cute and fun to be around. GAH! Brain you have to calm down. We are about to go onstage in front of hundreds of people. Deep breaths. Deep breaths.
For our scene, Jaxon’s character is a soldier going off to WWII. Our scene is supposed to be dramatic and heartbreaking because we’re in love and realize that he might never come back. This might be the last time we ever see each other again.
Without warning, my mind is flashing back seven years to the last time I saw Josh when we were ten. I didn’t know I’d never see him again after that day. It was just a normal day after school for us like so many hundreds of other afternoons we had shared.
Would I have cried if I knew I’d never see him again?
Yes. The answer comes to me quick.
My mind fast-forwards to our fight this afternoon.
I wish you never came back.
Suddenly Jaxon’s next to me with a big hug, “We’re on baby! Break a leg,” and I watch him stride onto the stage in his brown old-fashioned soldier’s uniform.
I wait for my cue then step into the light moving on autopilot through my lines. Time moves in a blur and before I realize it, we are at the end of our scene.
Jaxon takes me in his arms for a fast fierce hug then we pull apart for the kiss. Everything moves in slow motion for me as his lips come down to mine.
The kiss lasts barely two heartbeats and I’m left staring off into the curtain wings as he passes by me to walk off stage right.
There are no fireworks.
The ground doesn’t shake beneath my feet.
The auditorium is absolutely silent and still. Then I feel my legs go out from under me as I wrap my arms around myself and drop to the floor.
I wish you never came back.
The scream that rips out of me echoes off the auditorium walls before I curl up on stage sobbing to thunderous applause.
We win first place in the dramatic performance category. Hooray, for making personal pain work for you.
Josh calls me first thing Saturday morning to say he was sorry about yesterday afternoon. He was a jerk, was still pissed that he lost a track meet the night before, still a little angry with his parents about grounding him after our movie night, and he vented on me. No excuses of course, but he is really really really sorry for being such an ass and it will never ever ever ever happen again.
I forgive him but only with the promise of a severe, incredibly traumatic, humiliating punishment to be determined and delivered without notice at some date in the immediate future that will possibly involve a rabid porcupine, a jar of honey, and a handful of fire ants.
Jaxon and I are all everyone is talking about at school Monday.
A basketball player stopped at my desk before English class that morning to say he saw me at the show Friday night and that what I did on stage was cool. He had no idea I could do that. His girlfriend goes to South Lakes High School, which hosted the acting festival. She dragged him to the show but he really liked my part. His great grandpa was in WWII and he remembers family stories about when he went to war.
“It was like watching one of his stories come to life,” he said telling me how I made him catch his breath when I fell on the floor and cried out. He couldn’t look away and
was telling everyone that night how he knew me and goes to my school.
“Wow. Thanks. I’m glad you liked it,” I say so surprised and more than a little embarrassed.
The celebrity status continues through lunch. Kids start clapping when Jaxon and I walk in to the cafeteria.
“Don’t look at me,” he said pushing me a little with his elbow, “I don’t think they’re my fans. I wasn’t the one who had the audience spell bound last night.”
Lunch is spent oohing and ahhing over our performance with students stopping by our table to congratulate us. Zach gives me a big whoop! and “Way to go Katie!” from the football/cheerleader table that makes me flush. Even Liam shows up, though he doesn’t have our lunch period. He said he was just walking by and heard the ruckus. I get a gentle pat on the back from him accompanied by a “well done thespian.” He is sweet, but I do not see a second date in our near future, or him as a likely contender for bucket list item #5.
Josh is super quiet all through lunch, but in Algebra he slips me a note dropping it over my shoulder where it falls into my lap.
I’m sorry I missed your show. I feel like an even bigger asshole. Everyone’s talking about it. I should have been there for you. It sounds like you were amazing. No surprise there. When you get a part in the spring play, I promise I’ll be there front row opening night. NO MATTER WHAT!!!
I reach down to give his outstretched leg next to my chair (where it’s parked now every day) a reassuring little rub that we’re good. He gives my chair leg three taps back.