PART 3: DOOMSMACK
18 – ROGAR
“Rogar Thunderhammer!” Eddie crowed. “Welcome back to the show, old buddy.”
“Yes, yes. Much appreciated. I’ll be with you in just a second, if’n ye don’t mind. I just need a moment to get myself sorted.”
Eddie waved his hand and smiled. “Of course.”
The dwarf turned toward Christine and made a show of patting down his beard and tucking it into his belt. “How do I look?” he asked. “Blasted portal spells always put me in disarray.” He winked at his own joke.
“You look wonderful,” Christine said, smiling.
“A compliment from Ogress Bloodskull of the Dreadknights.” He winked. “Now that’s saying something. I caught that duel between you and that traitor Rosco. Good work.”
“Thank you,” Christine said, trying not to blush.
“No, I mean it. You’ve obviously got a really good head on your shoulders,” he said. “Why’re you wasting it on his lot?” he asked, nodding in Trollbogies’ direction.
“Be nice, Rogar,” Trollbogies said.
Rogar scoffed. He looked at Christine again. “He tell you about Reevetown?”
“The Dreads were involved in Reevetown?” Christine was genuinely shocked.
Trollbogies smiled quickly. “A couple of our guild members were freelancing. It wasn’t sanctioned. We even took a hit in popularity points. Needless to say, they were dealt with.” Trollbogies sighed deeply. “Please accept the deepest apologies of the Dreadknights, Master Thunderhammer. Bloodskull is actually a big fan of yours.”
Rogar smiled at Christine. “Aye, I watched Eddie’s last segment. I started out in Guild Wars. Did you know that? I was Captain of the lists for Fellblade Battalion.”
“I did not know that.”
“Have you ever even heard of Fellblade Battalion?”
She grinned. “Um, no. Sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it. It was a long time ago.” He nodded and stroked his beard. “Anyway, thank you for the kind words.”
“I meant every bit of it,” she said.
“You know, Luckbane and I are putting together a little adventure to vault us into the Finals. We’ve just started recruiting a team. You interested?”
Christine tried to control her enthusiasm, but she probably came off like a blushing schoolgirl trapped in a fearsome ogress’ body. “Um, yes! What’s the job?”
He grinned broadly. “Can’t give that away just yet. Gotta build some hype first. You know how it is. I can tell you: it’s big, it’s dangerous, and if it works it’ll guarantee you, me and anyone else who survives it a spot in the Finals.”
“Anyone else who survives it?” Trollbogies asked, raising an eyebrow. “Just how dangerous is this gambit of yours?”
“Extremely,” Rogar said, “but you’d be a fool not to sanction this one. The Dreadknights’ popularity points will go through the roof if she signs on.”
“Don’t you usually take on team members with more… experience?” Trollbogies asked.
“We prefer experience, but we won’t pass up someone with the right skills. I wouldn’t expect you to say yes until full disclosure,” the dwarf said to Christine. “I just wanted to put a bug in your ear. See what you thought.”
“I think I am very interested to see what you have in mind,” Christine said, smiling ear to ear. “It sounds like an incredible opportunity.”
“Fair enough.”
“I hate to interrupt, but we’re on in thirty seconds,” Eddie said.
“Less than that actually,” Circe said. “Hi, Rogar. You all set?”
“To gaze upon your beauty once again is all the preparation an old dwarf requires,” he said with a roguish tilt of his head.
“Flatterer,” she said, smiling.
“Tease,” he returned.
“Same ol’ Rogar,” she said.
“Any deviation from dwarven perfection would be a shame, I assure you.”
“Is that a fact?”
“And we are back!” Eddie Mondo said. “We’ve been backstage chatting with Rogar Thunderhammer and the Dreadknights of Outland!”
Canned applause.
“That’s catchy. I think I have a name for my new techno-freq band,” Rogar said.
“You listen to techno-freq? I did not know that about you,” Eddie said. “Who’s your favorite band?”
Christine was kind of surprised too. Techno-freq was like listening to whale song accompanied by impossibly fast drum beats. She had no idea why it was popular with some folks. Most people enjoyed music from the 21st Century Revival genres: basically bands cloned from 21st century performers or music performed in their styles. Bands like Anthem and BetterNchickN.
“I actually hate techno-freq,” Rogar said. “It was just a joke.”
“Ah. Well. Good one. You got me,” Eddie said.
“Because I totally look like a techno-freaker,” Rogar said dryly.
Christine was unable to stifle a snort of laughter.
“See? Even Bloodskull thinks it’s ridiculous. What kind of music do you like, Bloodskull?” Rogar asked.
“I’m Anthem. All the way.”
“Let your spirit fly,” Rogar said, quoting the band’s tag line. “Makes sense. I saw your duel with Rosco. You did a fair bit of flying there.”
She snickered. “Falling actually.”
“Next time you battle at those kind of heights, take yourself a bottle of Phat Phfanny’s Phfeatherphfall Phformula,” Rogar said, laying a finger to the side of his nose. “I get mine at Axel the Alchemist’s shop in Arcanum Alley. It’s much better than that diluted stuff they sell at Melborp’s.”
Christine smiled at the dwarf’s pluck. He’d actually managed to get in a product pitch in less than a minute of airtime. “Thanks,” she said. “If I mention your name will I get a discount?”
Rogar snorted. “Axel won’t even give me a discount!”
“Have you and Jarrod been in to visit Axel since he got back?” Eddie asked.
“Sure, sure. We had to pick up some of Jarrod’s alchemical phials and whatnot.”
“Anything else?”
“No, just the usual.”
“So you usually pick up a couple tubs of dragonburn balm?”
Rogar stared at Eddie for a moment, clearly upset that the show’s host had discovered this detail, but then continued as if nothing had happened. “We run out occasionally,” he said with a shrug. “We usually try to stay away from places where we’ll need it, but a lot of these castles you go into these days a-treasure huntin’ have these blasted lava moats! Course, it’s also good for lightning burns. Learned that when we went up against those storm giants. Works good for overexposure in the desert too.”
“But obviously it was designed to soothe actual dragon burns,” Eddie said.
Rogar turned to Christine with an expression of mock surprise. “Is that why it’s called dragonburn balm, you think?” He turned to Eddie and raised his forefinger. “You know, you are a very smart man, Mondo. I declare, I learn something new every time I’m on this show.”
“Thank you,” Eddie said. He vented an exasperated sigh. “OK, I’m just gonna come out and say it. We all know that you and Luckbane are planning something big. Care to let your old pal Eddie Mondo in on it?”
“Your old pal? Your old pal, is it?” Rogar shook his head. “Last time I was on your show, you told me you’d never have me on again! Or did you forget that, pal?”
“That was only because you wouldn’t tell me why Luckbane left the game,” Eddie said.
“He can tell you that when he feels like it.”
“Can you at least tell us why he’s back?”
“He’s back to grab his rightful spot in the Impworld Finals,” Rogar said. “That much should be obvious.”
“His rightful spot?” Eddie asked. “Are you implying that Jarrod Seventhborn shouldn’t have to compete for a spot in the Impworld Finals like everyone else?”
“It’s
rubbish politics,” Rogar said. “Jarrod Seventhborn is practically an institution. Even during his hiatus, his channel remained one of the most popular in Impworld’s history. He’s done his time. I think that he and some of these other legitimately Epic level players should get the honor of playing the game live and in-person. We’ve done our time.”
“What do you say to those who would suggest your time is over?” he asked. “That Luckbane should’ve stayed retired? That he’s had his moment in the sun?”
“Auric Lothario can take all of that ‘It’s a new day’ jazz and shove it where no sun ever shines,” Rogar said. “That cheating sonofagoblyn wouldn’t last two seconds against me, Jarrod or even Copper! I’d bet my last bottle of happy water that even Jack Nabbit could give him a run fer his money! It used to be that folks fought their way to the top of the heap. Nowadays they take rezz and make back door deals like what we saw in Guild Wars.” He stubbed a thumb in the direction of the Dreadknights. “It’s cheating and it shouldn’t be allowed.”
“But Impworld has never been a purely hack-and-slash experience,” Circe said. “There have always been tricks and traps and treacheries to watch out for. For example, you’ve probably heard about what happened to Copper Gallows in the Garden of Stone, right?”
Christine leaned forward eagerly.
“Yes, but that…” Rogar gritted his teeth for a second and forced himself to calm down. “That was different. I may not like the fact that this technomancer he brought with him did what he did, but he wasn’t rezzed up and it wasn’t part of some back door deal.”
“I agree with Rogar,” Trollbogies said. “What Arthur Edgerton did might’ve been unethical, but it wasn’t cheating per se. You wanna talk about cheating, then you wanna talk about our match against the Golden Gears. And not just the rezz scandal, mind you. Did you realize that there is no game footage establishing the fact that Rosco ever made a deal with Goldenboy? It was done purely off grid. It actually created a continuity paradox that GameComm had to fix with retconned footage.”
“That is the epitome of a back door deal,” Rogar said. “Cheaters like that need to be straight up disqualified from the game.”
“I see,” Eddie said. He exchanged a glance with Circe, who shook her head. He smiled tightly in return. “Since we’re on the subject of cheating, I’d like to get you guys’ take on something else I’ve been hearing about. Allegedly, there are players who buy characters who are levelled up further than they ought to be. Have you heard of this?”
Rogar’s eyes narrowed. “Of course I have. There have always been a market for custom built characters. Even before companies came along selling custom mods, there was a certain amount of play we had when we created our characters. For example, dwarves and elves and other such long-lived races usually come levelled up a bit because, well, who wants to play through a childhood that’s hundreds of years old, right? The same concept applies to any adult character really, but at a certain point the levels are supposed to be capped. The problem is that there are mod shops and hackerjackers who’ve have found ways to tweak those levels way past what they’re supposed to be.”
“So you think they’re cheating?” Circe asked.
Rogar shook his bearded head. “Yes and no. There’s no question that the hackerjackers are cheating, but the mods I’m talking about are technically legal. They add levels by giving characters special items and histories and stuff.”
“So what’s the big deal then?” Eddie asked.
Rogar raised his eyebrows. “Frankly, it really wasn’t a big deal before the Impworld Finals. Maybe your levels were jacked but you still had to prove you deserved it. Now these jackers have what amounts to a head start that allows them to contend with guys who actually earned their way to the top for those Final spots. It ain’t right. Most of them are just a bunch of golden shields anyway. They look pretty but they just don’t have the mettle to stand up under the pressure. Not like they would if they’d been forged through experience like the rest of us. I know they want a chance to go to Tarak – everybody wants a chance at that – but if they had an ounce of integrity, they’d withdraw out of respect for the true champions of this game and sign up for the Colonial Trials.”
“I’m assuming you feel even more strongly about hackerjackers?”
“No question. Those guys are the worst!”
Christine nodded in agreement. Hackerjackers were level hackers who inserted an algorithm into their stats program that added a certain amount of extra score, say, a tenth of a percent, to the actual earned score as it tallied, eventually boosting one’s levels at a much quicker rate than they actually deserved.
“I see you nodding your head, Bloodskull. I take it you agree with Rogar’s assessment?” Eddie asked.
“Obviously.”
“I’m a little surprised.”
Bloodskull and Trollbogies exchanged a glance. “After what went down with Rosco,” Trollbogies said, his voice a rumbling growl, “why would that answer surprise you?”
“Well, Bloodskull, wasn’t your character levelled up with a hack over your hiatus?”
“What?!” Bloodskull rose to her feet. “That’s just a lie! I earned everything I’ve ever got!”
“So you didn’t have someone level hack Bloodskull while you were off playing the Prometheus Initiative? Because I gotta say your skills since you’ve come back are a whole lot more impressive than they were when you worked for Doomsmack.” He was doing his best to look apologetic, but she could see the gleam in his eyes.
“This is slander, Eddie!” Trollbogies said.
“Unless it’s true,” Eddie pointed out.
“Enough!” Christine yelled. “I did not level hack my character! To the best of my knowledge, I don’t even know any hackerjackers! Why are you accusing me of this?” Christine asked. “Did someone tell you I was hacked? Was it Havok?”
“She passed,” Circe said.
“What?” Eddie asked. “Edger’s dice! Edit all of that out. Quickly! And cut to commercial” He looked at his guests, red-faced. “I’m very sorry, my friends. My informant made this sound like it was rock solid, but she passed the lie detector. If this is in any way true, well, she’s not aware of it.”
“Aware of what? Who told you this?” Christine demanded.
“It doesn’t matter. I will deal with it. Somebody obviously set us up with a false tip,” he said, “but no worries. It’ll never air. No one’s using Eddie Mondo for this kind of dirty character assassination.”
“Not this time anyway,” Circe said, sounding a bit tired.
“This interview is over,” Trollbogies said. The rumble in his voice could have triggered an avalanche under the right setting.
“What? No, wait, we still have to plug that bit,” Eddie said. “People will wonder why the interview cut off.”
“That’s your problem,” Trollbogies said. “Now, who set us up? Was it Havok?”
“Be reasonable, Olivia.”
“Don’t pretend like we’re friends right now, Eddie. You just took a shot at my family. I’d expect this sort of thing at Gossip Gamer, but why are you of all people resorting to ambush journalism?”
“You don’t understand the pressure I’m under,” the hobgoblyn said. His voice was nearly a wail. “I got the board breathing down my neck. They even got me a handler. I love you, doll,” he said to Circe, “and don’t take this the wrong way but that’s like a teenager taking care of a college professor. I don’t need no babysitter. I’m Eddie edgin’ Mondo!” He threw his hands up in despair. “But that don’t mean nothing no more ‘cause I gotta compete with slick shows like Arcadium. Arcadium! And do you know who’s footing the bill over there at Arcadium? GameComm. That’s right; GameComm! So Darius Darwin over there at Arcadium gets all of the scoops before we do. They got Moog and Sir Stanley Dragonslayer and a whole bunch of other Epic level guys doing interviews on their show starting in two hours. Two hours! They’re billing it as a one-on-one with the top contender
s for the Impworld Finals. Who’s gonna watch my show once that series starts? Who’s gonna remember Eddie Mondo and a little show called Level Up? They’re shoving the independents out and, mark my words, once they control the media, they’ll go after the talent agencies next until companies like Wayne Entertainment, Inconceivable Talent and Gothplay are just memories from the history books.”
“And you think all that makes it OK to assassinate a young lady’s career?” Rogar asked.
“No! Of course not. I’m not airing it already! That’s what the lie detector was all about,” Eddie said. “I was only gonna livecast it if it was true. I’m not a bad guy. I would never slander someone just for ratings. I’m not built that way. But you gotta understand something. If I wanna compete in this industry, I need some dish. Something so slaughter that it makes Arcadium stand up and take notice.” He took a deep breath. “So I hadda try. I’m sorry. I’ve just worked so hard to get where I’m at. I can’t just let them take it away.”
They looked from Eddie to Circe. “He’s not wrong,” she said with a sigh. “If his ratings dip much further, GameComm gets the option to buy the show. The board will sell. It’s easy money for them.”
“I’m begging you,” Eddie said. “Wrap up this show with me.”
“No,” Trollbogies said.
“I’ll do it,” Christine said. “I may not like what you tried to do, but it seems pretty clear you were set up. I know what that feels like.”
Rogar shrugged. “If you’re in, I am, too. If what you’re saying is true,” he said, looking at Circe in particular, “the Gamelords themselves could very well be behind whoever gave you this false tip. Ever think of that? That they were trying to undermine your credibility?”
“It was Havok,” Eddie said, “and I’m sorry but I don’t think this was about me. In fact, I got this impression that this is the first step in a bigger plan to get the Dreads disqualified from Guild Wars. I’m glad I’m not a party to it, but you deserve to know this may not be the end of it.”
“‘Fore warned is ‘fore armed,” Trollbogies said, nodding gravely. “I’ll consent to wrapping things up for Bloodskull’s sake, but you’re on a short leash, old friend,” he said, pointing at Eddie.
“Of course.”
“We’re out of commercials,” Circe said. “On the bright side, the sudden jump to break has the media buzzing. Looks like we’ll have the biggest rating spike we’ve had in three years.”
“Right then,” Eddie said, forcing himself to regain composure. “Onward. Welcome back to Level Up! For those of you who waited through the break and for those of you just joining to see what all the fuss is about, you are not going to be disappointed! We have with us today from the all-star Dreadknights of Outland, Guildmaster Trollbogies and Ogress Bloodskull! If you’ve been keeping up with Guild Wars – and I know you have! – you know that Bloodskull ran her guild’s battle flag to capture the flag of the Golden Gears and managed to take out five of her enemies in the process.”
Circe picked up the chatter so he could catch his breath. “And even though the Dreads were betrayed by one of their own, she reaffirmed the Dreadknights’ place as rightful contenders for the Final Round in a brilliantly played no-holds-barred duel with that very same turncoat.”
“She is, quite frankly, amazing,” Eddie said, “and I have a few more questions for her… but before I do I would be remiss if I didn’t introduce my third and final guest, Rogar Thunderhammer! Rogar’s good buddy Luckbane has come out of hiatus and he just confirmed that they are making a bid for the Impworld Finals. We’re not sure what they’ve got up their sleeves just yet, but we are assured that no one will be watching any other channels when they make their move. Is that right, Rogar?”
“That’s an understatement,” Rogar said. “When I tell folks what we’re up to, I don’t think they’re gonna be able to handle it. They’re not gonna be able to keep it to themselves. They’re gonna wanna talk about it at work, at the dinner table, in the school cafeteria.” He held up a finger. “People who don’t even watch Impworld normally are gonna wanna tune in for this and… Oh, I am saying too much already… They are not going to be sorry!”
“Three guests, three potential finalists for the chance to play live on GameComm’s terraformed alien world,” Circe said. “With more than ten billion viewers watching tonight, it’s time to Level Up!”
“T-ten billion?” Eddie said, his voice catching. “Well, that’s not enough! Tell your friends. Call them up. They don’t want to miss this!”
Christine felt herself getting swept up in Eddie’s hype, even if she knew it was completely lacking in substance. Eddie Mondo was whipping an entire galaxy of viewers into a feeding frenzy, preying on their need to know more details about the Impworld Finals. He had his audience hungry with the promise of bread, but he had nothing to offer them. Eddie was either a madman or a genius.
“Let’s start with the Dreadknights,” Eddie said. “Master Trollbogies, your proud guild has faced treachery and technical hurdles to get where you are today. But now the Dreadknights stand poised for victory. The only thing standing in your way is Doomsmack. Any thoughts?”
Trollbogies scoffed. “Only one. We took Doomsmack’s best warrior when we signed Bloodskull. Havok Hurtlocker and his guild of thugs have no hope against the Dreadknights of Outland!”
“Well said!” Eddie shouted. “Ogress Bloodskull, you know a thing or two about coming back from the brink. Coming straight off a hiatus, you’ve been instrumental in moving the Dreadknights to the Guild Wars Finals. As a former member of Doomsmack, do you have any worries that Havok is gonna single you out during this next match? That he’ll put you ‘in the hurtlocker,’ as he likes to say?”
“I’d like to answer that, if you don’t mind,” Trollbogies said.
“By all means, guildmaster.”
“Havok Hurtlocker is definitely going to be gunning for our girl. He has to,” Trollbogies said. “She’s been a strong player for the Dreads. For that reason alone, any sane guildmaster would make sure a star player like Bloodskull was covered. More than that, he’s a vindictive little bully who’s afraid of any real competition. He’ll be after Bloodskull simply because she now dares to stand up to him. None of that changes the fact that he and Doomsmack are going down in this Final Round.” He paused and grinned a trollish grin for dramatic effect. “And no matter what he throws at her, it is the Dreadknights who have her back and, on my guild’s honor, Bloodskull will still be standing at the end of this match.”
“Proud words from the guildmaster of the Dreadknights of Outland,” Circe said. “I think we’re all excited about this upcoming clash between the Dreads and the Dooms.”
“What about you, Rogar? Are you jacked into the Guild Wars Finals?” Eddie asked. “I heard you talking to Bloodskull during the break and you seemed like you two hit it off. Did she make a fan out you?”
“A fan of Ogress Bloodskull?” Rogar asked, winking at Christine. “Who wouldn’t be? The Dreads are lucky to have her. I see big things in her future.”
“It sounds like you already have something in mind,” Eddie said.
“Oh, I do,” Rogar said. “I’ve given Bloodskull here an open invitation to join me and Jarrod Seventhborn on our upcoming quest to slay Gargath the Merciless!”
Eddie placed his hands on either side of his head. “Gargath? That’s… that’s huge! Gargath is one of the biggest dragons in all of Impworld! You’re seriously going after him?”
Rogar nodded, grinning.
“That is a massive undertaking,” Circe said. “I’m sure you’ll have the entire universe tuning in to see how that turns out. Who else are you bringing with you? Harper? Sindel? Copper? Are we looking at the rumored return of the White Hand?”
Rogar scoffed. “That’d take more magic than Impworld has to offer. I can’t release the names of the other team members just yet. That is, unless Bloodskull is on board with us?”
“What do you say, Bloodskull? Are
you going on a dragon hunt?” Eddie asked.
“Keep in mind, my delicate flower of an ogress,” Rogar said, “that dragons are very sure and horrible form of death.”
Bloodskull looked at Trollbogies. Trollbogies grinned and nodded. “Oh, I am in!” Bloodskull crowed.
The rest of the interview was a blur for Christine. All she could think of was that she was going on an adventure with Epic Level players like Rogar and Luckbane. She was playing in the big leagues now.
[Back to Table of Contents]
19 – OGRE’S CHOICE
“What the Void was that?” Trollbogies asked, slamming his trollish fist against the guild hall’s common table.
The outburst came on the very heels of her interview with Eddie Mondo. Confused by her guildmaster’s wrath, Christine backpedaled and held up her hands. “What was what?”
“You may’ve passed Eddie Mondo’s lie detector, but I need to know truth!”
“I’m telling you the truth,” Christine said. “I don’t know any hackerjackers, and I sure as stone don’t know how to do it myself.”
“Listen to me carefully, Bloodskull: if you ever want to make guildmaster, let alone remain a member of the Dreads, you’d better not ever lie to me. All it takes is a simple calibration by the Gamelords to confirm whether or not your levels have been jacked up. You don’t know Havok like I do. That worm will do anything in his power to get what he wants. If you’ve been jacked, you can guarantee he’ll use that against us – and you saw what the Gamelords did to the Gears for cheating!”
“I know! I know,” Christine said. “I get how serious this is.”
“With that in mind, I’m going to ask you one more time, is there any chance you’ve been hackerjacked? Maybe even without your knowledge?”
It hit Christine then. She gasped and turned away from Trollbogies, unable to face her guildmaster under the sudden shame of what she now suspected.
“What is it?” Trollbogies asked.
“Oscar Diggs.”
“Who’s that?”
“My boss at PanGen Aquafarms. He was murdered after our match against the Gears. It was ruled a suicide but someone told me it wasn’t.”
“I’m sorry, but what has he got to do with this?”
Christine took a deep breath. The words poured forth in a rush. “My new supervisor asked me about him. Said he was a gambler and that somebody killed me to settle his debts. He also asked me if Oscar had ever sent me any strange Vmails.”
“Had he?”
“Not to my knowledge, but the whole thing just seemed so strange. He only asked me that this morning; I haven’t even had time to process it, much less check my spam folder.”
Trollbogies took a deep breath. “Well, then make absolutely sure, child. You know as well as I do what a shady character Havok is. I could be wrong but my gut tells me he wouldn’t have given Eddie Mondo that tip unless he thought he could substantiate it somehow.”
I don’t see how,” Christine said. “You guys vetted me before I signed on. Wouldn’t your investigators have caught something?”
Trollbogies shook her head. “They should have. Our legal team rarely misses a beat. There was no evidence that anyone had ever tampered with your character’s levels. You definitely levelled up from the time you played for the Dooms, but that’s because you did so well in the Tower.”
“Then what could it be?”
“I don’t know, but we can’t afford to take chances this close to the Finals. Try to see if this Oscar guy actually ever sent you anything. Maybe your new supervisor can show you what he sent. Leave no stone unturned.”