"Here, let me help." He grabbed the pail and his daughter stepped aside. Now he had a close up of a scantily clad Sarah. It was difficult, but he moved his eyes to her face. She jumped back and pulled her camisole almost to her chin. Her coloring turned pink and then red. She reached overhead and the canvas dropped in his face.
Shortly after eight, Sage called, "WESTWARD HO!" and the pioneers moved on. The day was clear with puffy clouds floating in an azure sky; perfect for wagon train travel.
Around eleven, the same as the day before, they circled the wagons and Curley and his crew prepared lunch.
Sage followed his protocol of checking each wagon for mechanical issues. Not finding any, he decided to take a breather and walked to an outcropping of boulders about a hundred feet away. Circling the boulders he leaned against the far side and closed his eyes. Unbidden images of Sarah leaning out of the wagon teased his mind and for a few seconds he allowed free rein to his imagination, remembering the kisses they'd shared. He heard a noise and opened his eyes. Uh oh.
"Hello Sage," said one of the M twins.
"Uh, hello. Where's your sister? What are you doing away from camp?"
She smiled seductively, "I snuck away and followed you here."
"Why?"
"I think you know why."
"Uh, Mindy…Mandy, this isn't a good idea. You need to return–"
Before he could finish his sentence, the M girl had her body pressed against him and her mouth covering his. He was so stunned he froze. When his brain caught up with what was happening, he grasped her shoulders to push her away at the same time he heard humming and then a shocked, "Oh, my God!"
Sage jerked backward from the M girl and saw Sarah standing a few feet away staring wide-eyed. The girl giggled, "Hi, Sarah."
All Sage could think to say was, "It's not what you think."
Sarah blinked a couple of times, said nothing, and then rushed back around the boulder.
"Shit!" He looked at Mindy/Mandy and shouted, "Get your ass back to camp!"
* * *
Stupid tears! Sarah swiped at her cheeks. After surprising Sage and one of the twins getting it on, she'd walked swiftly away. Then she'd started running. Now she was lost.
Her beautiful adventure had turned into a nightmare. She sniffed. The man was a player; no doubt about it. She hated players. She'd been married to one for five miserable years. She hated Sage. Of course, she knew that wasn't true. She only wanted to hate him. Being honest with herself, she was hopelessly attracted to him. She rubbed the back of her neck, forcing herself to face her present predicament—lost in the woods of Colorado. She glanced at the sun, determining which direction was west. She knew that was the direction of the Lazy M. Should she walk that way or remain where she was and hope someone found her? What would Tarah do? She decided to walk.
An hour later, Sarah was tired, thirsty, scared, and overheated. She had unbuttoned her blouse to the tops of her breasts and removed her jacket to tie the sleeves around her waist. What if she had to spend the night lost and alone? There had to be wild animals looking for their next snack. She raised a shaking hand to the pulse pounding in her throat. Was she going to hyperventilate and pass out?
A sound jerked her around. Fear froze her to the spot. Movement made her gasp and she was about to scream when Sage rode into view on Jackal. Releasing her breath, she leaned forward and placed her hands on her knees, inhaling deeply. She looked up at him from that position. Anger etched his features.
"Of all the stupid, hair-brained stunts, running off into the woods tops the list. What the hell were you thinking? I've been searching for you for over an hour."
Sarah blinked. After what she'd witnessed, the man had the audacity to call her stupid, as if getting involved with one of the twins wasn't stupid. Heck, maybe he was involved with both of them. She rose to her full height, "You arrogant jerk! To think I was giving you the benefit of the doubt for your behavior at Java Junction."
"What the hell does Java Junction have to do with being lost in the woods?"
Sarah ignored his question and lifted her chin. "Point the way to camp."
Sage frowned and pointed left of her.
Raising her long skirt, she started walking in that direction.
"Do you intend to walk while I follow on horseback?"
"Now that I know the way, you can leave," she called without looking around. She heard the clop of hooves behind her.
After a few minutes of silence, Sage said, "Sarah, I wasn't kissing whichever twin that was."
Sarah stumbled, righted herself, and continued as if she hadn't heard him. Finally she said, "Whomever you kiss is no concern of mine."
"Is that why you ran off?"
She stumbled again. "I…I didn't run off. I was heading back to camp and took a wrong turn."
"You're lying. And you're also walking in the wrong direction again."
Sarah stopped and turned around. Sage pointed to her right. She glared at him and started in that direction.
After several more minutes, he said, "Are you ready to get on the horse so I can take you back to camp?"
"And ride with you. Never!"
"Okay, I'll walk and you can ride."
"No."
The brisk walk was making Sarah's side hurt and she paused to catch her breath. She heard Sage urge Jackal forward. When he was beside her, he reached his hand down to pull her up.
She looked at his hand, then up into his face, shadowed by his Stetson. "No!" She started walking again.
"You are one stubborn woman, Mims Murphy."
Before she knew it, he was off his horse and grabbing her shoulders, walking her backwards until a tree stopped her. She squealed and pushed against his chest.
"I swear to God, I wasn't kissing that girl. She cornered me," he said low.
Sarah looked into the blue flame behind his irises and stopped pushing.
Sage softened his tone, "The only woman I want to kiss is you."
Sarah's eyes widened and her mouth gaped. In slow motion she watched his face descend toward hers. Neither of them closed their eyes. Even when he was so close she was seeing four flames she couldn't draw her eyes away.
His lips gently touched hers and she finally lowered her lashes, hanging on to his shirt. He pressed harder against her lips. She moaned. He groaned. She released his shirt and lifted her hands to the back of his head, pulling his mouth tighter. His expertise ignited a forest fire and she kissed him with years of stored passion.
The harder he pressed his body against hers already backed up to the tree, the more passionate she became. His hands roamed up and down her sides and she wanted to scream at him to touch her where she wanted to be touched. He must have been psychic, because after that his hands and fingers performed magic, followed by his mouth.
Sarah couldn't think a rational thought if her life depended on it. All she wanted to do was touch Sage. And she did. She heard ragged breathing in her ear. "Sarah, Sarah, don't. I want our first time to be special. You're driving me insane." He stilled her hands and leaned back to look down at her. She blinked. She blinked again, and put a hand to her mouth.
Sage pulled away. "Not like this," he repeated, and reached for the hand covering her mouth, lifting it to his lips and kissing her palm. Before pulling her away from the tree and toward Jackal, he buttoned her blouse that was now unbuttoned to her waist, and fastened his Levis after tucking his shirt back into them. Silently, he helped her onto the stallion and then mounted behind her. Flicking the reins, he walked the horse forward.
Sarah purposely kept her mind blank. She couldn't face the depth of her passion for this man. Numbly, she closed her eyes and willed her erratic pulse to even out.
"The wagons are beyond those trees." He pointed.
Before reaching the trees, she felt wet warmth on her neck below her ear where Sage was kissing her. Unable to stop herself, she leaned backwards against him. He said, "We'll finish this later."
Dismounting, h
e grabbed the reins of Jackal and led the horse and Sarah back to camp.
Chapter 15: Moonlight and Stars
Sarah's body swayed with the motion of the wagon. She sat on a blanket in the back, not wanting to show her face ever again. Being led into camp on Jackal was probably the most humiliating experience of her life. Most of the pioneers had rushed forward with genuine concern for her safety. Sage had tried to defend her stupidity by saying she'd taken a wrong turn and gotten lost and it could have happened to anyone. While he'd helped her off the horse, she'd glimpsed the twins behind him. One of them had looked concerned, the other livid.
The wagon stopped and Julie, who was now riding next to Ned, turned around. "Looks like we're breaking for camp." Jill and Flo jumped off the back of the wagon and waited for Sarah.
"I…I think I'll rest some more."
Flo gave her a concerned look. "If you need anything, just let me or Jill know."
"Thanks, Flo." Sarah leaned her spine against the wooden support of the canvas. As soon as they reached the Lazy M, she was out of there. She'd pay a car company whatever the cost to have them deliver a rental. The fact that she'd feel bad about leaving abruptly, no longer held sway. She could feel bad for eternity and it wouldn't change her mind. Remembering her behavior with Sage mortified her. He had to think she was starved for affection—which she was. Admitting that sad state of affairs made her eyes sting. A face popped through the opening at the back of the wagon. Ann said, "Sarah, are you okay? I was so worried about you."
"Thanks, Ann. That's sweet. Yes, I'm fine. Just tired."
"Can I come up and sit with you a minute?"
"Of course."
Ann climbed into the wagon and sat on a folded blanket in front of Sarah. "Um, Sarah, maybe this is none of my business, but I think I should tell you something."
Sarah looked at her, feeling concern for her new friend.
Ann played with a fold on her calico skirt.
"What's wrong, Ann? Is everything okay with your family?"
"Ah, not really. But that's not what I want to talk about. I…ah…want to talk about Sage."
Sarah gave her a quizzed look.
"I know we haven't known each other very long, but I feel like I should say something."
Sarah wondered if Ann was going to warn her that he was a "player" and to watch her heart. Too late for that.
Ann said, "Sage is crazy about you."
Sarah's jaw dropped.
Ann continued. "The way he looks at you is…is…so romantic. But…but…I think you…"
Sarah squinted, willing Ann to continue.
Ann said in a rush, "But I think you think like I think and can't believe someone so…so…sexy, can have feelings for you. What I want to say is—if I were in your shoes, because I know the way I think, I wouldn't believe it, but because we think alike, I'm able to give you this advice—I'm making a mess of this—but I'd go for it and give him a chance. He really cares for you!"
Sarah covered her friend's hand that was still tracing the calico pattern of her skirt. Ann looked up and Sarah couldn't help the fat tears leaking from her eyes.
Ann said, "Aw, honey, I didn't mean to make you cry."
Sarah sniffed, "It's just that I'm such an emotional mess. I don't know why anyone would want me. I'm still carrying baggage from a failed marriage."
Ann hugged her. "I think Sage is seeing the real you beneath all that."
"Do you really think he likes me—like that?" Sarah whispered.
"Yes, he likes you like that. I don't know what happened, but when he found out you were missing, he went ballistic. I saw him pull Mandy aside and he had her in tears."
Sarah choked, "You can tell the twins apart?"
"Yep, I figured it out the first day. Mandy's got shifty eyes."
Sarah laughed in spite of her misery, then whispered, "Ann, he kissed me and I…I…sort of went crazy all over him."
Ann squeezed her hand. "Now I understand why he's wearing a shit-eating grin. I was hoping something like that happened."
"What should I do now?"
"Sarah, you're a woman. You'll figure it out."
"Ann…"
"Yes?"
"Thank you."
Ann gave Sarah's hand a final squeeze. "Gotta go find my cranky husband." She sounded sad.
After Ann left, Sarah found a water bottle and dampened a cloth to freshen up as best she could. Pioneer life was becoming a drag. She opened the chest with the pioneer clothing and removed her second costume, the pretty lavender day dress with an empire waist, crisp white collar, and white pearl buttons down the front. She rifled through her toiletries bag until she found her compact and, using the small mirror, applied blusher, eye shadow, eyebrow pencil, and lipstick. Her eyes still looked puffy, but there was nothing she could do about it. Rinsing her mouth with mouthwash, she climbed out of the wagon and walked to the backside to spit it out. She felt better.
Returning to the interior of the camp, she chewed her bottom lip. Several pioneers were visiting in the center and others were relaxing beside their wagons. Even though she didn't see Sage, the butterflies in her stomach started multiplying exponentially.
Mrs. Tully, sitting on a makeshift bench outside her own wagon, waved and motioned her over.
Inhaling deeply, Sarah cut across the camp to the opposite side. Several people asked about her welfare or expressed how glad they were that she was okay. She nodded and thanked them. She avoided looking at the twins. Mrs. Tully patted the spot next to her and Sarah sat down.
For the next half hour, she listened to Mrs. Tully and watched camp life. Curley lit a fire and started preparing supper with his helpers. Sarah didn't have to wonder for long about what they would be eating. He hung a pot over the flame while ranch hands opened cans of stew. What she wouldn't give for a crisp garden salad.
Suddenly, Sage circled one of the wagons and walked into camp. She could literally feel his presence. She remembered his words: I want our first time to be special. Sarah's heart beat so fast she felt dizzy and the world looked fuzzy. Was she going to faint? Sage must have also sensed her presence because he looked directly at her. Even from a distance, his eyes smoldered.
Oh God, I am going to faint. She dug her nails into the rough wood of the bench to keep from falling.
Mrs. Tully leaned toward her. "Sarah, I think our wagon master has feelings for you."
Sarah looked at the elderly woman. "Really?" Her heart sang. Even Mrs. Tully had noticed something.
"Oh, yes, dear." She grinned. "Now my Mr. Tully, he was just like that when he was that age." She giggled, "Still is."
Sarah couldn't help but giggle with her.
During supper, Sage excused himself from the pioneers while he communicated ranch business via walkie-talkie. She heard him say, "Move the herd to the south pasture. Send Bobby Joe to repair the north fence and then move the herd back." She remembered him once saying that running a cattle ranch was a lot of work.
After sundown, while everyone sat around the campfire, Newt told ghost stories. He was an excellent storyteller and Sarah sat riveted, letting out a shriek with the other women and children when he got to the surprise scary part. She looked at Sage leaning against the chow wagon watching her. She shyly smiled at him. The way he was always watching her, maybe he did have feelings for her. Later, she climbed into her wagon and settled into her sleeping bag feeling exhausted, but lighthearted.
* * *
Sarah's heart raced and her eyes popped open. She clutched her throat, willing herself to calm down. No, no, not a panic attack! I haven't had one in years! Even though she recognized the symptoms, she was helpless to stop them. Terror and overwhelming anxiety seized her physically and emotionally. As quietly as she could, she pushed out of her sleeping bag and tried to muffle her erratic breathing. Easing past Julie, she lifted the canvas flap and lowered her legs over the edge of the wagon, jumping to the ground and running full out toward the looming shapes of tall trees. Ignoring t
he pain of rocks and rough ground under her feet, she held her throat and just ran. When is it going to stop?
She heard movement behind her and ran faster. Panic attack…panic attack…breathe Sarah…breathe Sarah. She ran past the tree line just as arms encircled her. She opened her mouth to scream, but a hand clamped over it. Struggling against an immovable force, terror seized her and she fought like a wild cat.
* * *
Sage held Sarah in an iron grip. Something was wrong. She struggled like her life depended on it. He tried to gain her attention by speaking her name low, but she was either ignoring him or wasn't hearing him. He didn't dare take his hand off her mouth. If she screamed, the whole camp would be on them. She'd already suffered enough embarrassment. He held her against him with one hand over her mouth and the other immobilizing her. He tried talking in her ear again.
"Sarah…Sarah…it's Sage. Honey, what's wrong. Mims…Sarah…stop fighting me." She suddenly went still and he continued speaking. "Sarah, can you hear me?"
She nodded.
"Are you going to scream if I take my hand off your mouth?"
She shook her head.
Slowly, he lifted his hand and she slumped against him as if her legs could no longer hold her. He lowered her to a seated position. Her head hung forward. He laid her backwards on the ground and knelt over her. She was as limp as a rag doll.
Smoothing one hand down her cheek he gently lifted her head with his other. Her eyes were closed.
"Look at me, Sarah." She did not open her eyes.
More forcefully, he said, "Sarah, look at me!"
As if with great effort, she lifted her eyelids. Moonlight captured tears leaking from them.
"Baby, what's wrong?"
She spoke so low he had to lean closer to hear. "…panic attack." More tears streamed.
"Oh, sweetheart." He lay down beside her and turned her into his arms. Her body shook with quiet sobs while he held her close and whispered comforting words.
Finally, her shudders ceased and she reached to place her palms on his chest. He lifted his upper body and looked down at her. She said, "I'm so sorry. I…I haven't had an attack in years and I…I couldn't help…I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry for. I know a couple of people who suffer from panic attacks. They've told me how horrible they are."