Chapter Fifteen
Convictions
Becca leaned against Mrs. Kline’s white fence with her arms crossed over her chest, mirroring the angle of her frustrated brows. Kayde had been trying to convince her for the past two days that leaving town with him graduation night—tonight—was a good thing to do. She just couldn’t get him to understand that she couldn’t up and leave Chris, not after all that he’d sacrificed for her.
It wasn’t that Becca didn’t want to be with Kayde. She wanted that more desperately than ever, especially after losing his music momentarily the other day, and his strange behavior since. He was becoming more tense and irritable and her resistance to do what he was asking only made it worse.
They were repeating an argument they’d had what felt like a thousand times in the past two days. Becca had her fill of it. “Kayde, we’ve been over this already. I can’t just leave Chris! Besides,” her cheeks grew hot. How could she put this delicately? Would he understand? This was a subject she’d left out of their previous arguments, but maybe it was time to draw it out. “I-I can’t just be with you. I mean, what, exactly, will you be expecting..?” Becca looked up at the sky as she bit her lower lip, hoping for some type of miracle to help her say what she needed to say.
Kayde stood directly in front of her, scowling. “You don’t want to be with me?” His face drained of color and his brows threatened the top of his nose.
“NO! That’s not what I meant.” Becca swallowed and rubbed her temples. This was embarrassing. How could someone with Kayde’s experiences begin to understand her convictions about saving herself for marriage? Was he expecting that from her if she went with him? How could he not? But if not, then why was he so anxious to get her to run away?
Becca sighed heavily; here she stood, facing the one man she desperately did want to be with in that way. She longed for it more than anything--she dreamed about it constantly, feeling the effects from those dreams long after she was awake. It was like having a walking dream whisper. She’d never felt such passion towards anyone. Love was definitely a powerful thing!
But she didn’t want it this way—just rushing into it, not allowing it to be special. She wanted it to be right, to be magical; no guilt attached. “I mean,” she looked at her feet. She couldn’t stand to look in his eyes, afraid of what his reaction might be. “I’ve,” she faltered, clearing her throat. Oh, please, God! Get me through this horror! “I’ve been saving myself for marriage. I’ve never been with a guy in a physical way before,” she blurted out. She waited in tortured silence for Kayde to react. After what seemed like an hour, he hadn’t said anything, so Becca cautiously looked up. The corners of Kayde’s mouth curled up, his eyes sparkled with amusement. Great! Glad I could be the entertainment for the day! She looked at her shoes again.
Strong, warm hands gently took her shoulders. Kayde pulled her to his chest and hugged her. “I kind of figured that out already, Becca.” His voice rumbled through his chest against her ear. “Besides,” he added, “we were taking things slow, remember?”
Becca was a little more hopeful, now that she knew Kayde wasn’t going to make fun of her. “Thank you for understanding,” she said after a few moments. Kayde pulled away, sliding his hands down her arms, leaving ripples of goose bumps all the way. He took her hands in his.
Kayde gave Becca an intense look that caught her heart between beats. “I’d wait until my dying day if that’s what makes you happy,” he said softly. “I don’t want to force you into anything. I just want to get away from Glenville.”
Becca felt the sting at the back of her eyes. She knew he meant what he said. He was willing to do what made her happy. Why was it so hard for her to do what made him happy? She surveyed his face again and questioned him, “Does your need to leave so soon have something to do with what happened the other day? You never really told me what that was all about. You seemed upset—and scared.” She mumbled as she added, “I was scared.”
Kayde tensed as she spoke, a good indication that she was on track. He released her hands, and then leaned against the fence beside her. The early afternoon sun was hot against Becca’s skin. If they stood out here much longer, she’d get sunburned.
Becca looked over at Kayde as he raked his hair with his fingers and sighed heavily. The sun reflected off golden strands previously hidden among the brown hairs of his head, giving him a halo. A crease troubled his brows, and his jaw flexed beneath stubble that had grown over the past few days. He was, once again, the glorious biker-angel from their first meeting. His lips pressed together for a moment before he released them. Becca watched the blood rush back into his full mouth as he sighed. Her mouth watered as her convictions wavered like the air over the heated highway.
“I don’t know what happened the other day, Becca,” he spoke quietly, the fear in his tone distracting her previous emotions. “But whatever it was, it happened in front of your friend’s house, with him and his mother right there. And then I lost you—I couldn’t hear your music. That terrified me!” His hands had balled into fists, causing the veins in his arms to bulge. He looked at her with passionate intent. “I NEVER want that to happen again!”
Becca tried to swallow. She didn’t know what to think or say. She’d lost his music then, too. And it had terrified her as much.
Kayde faced her again, placing his hands on her arms and squeezing until it hurt. “I think something is going on with Toby and his mom. There’s something dark and evil there, and I don’t want you getting hurt!”
Sudden anger assaulted Becca, mixing with the fear. “How can you say that? Toby has been my best friend most of my life! If there was something evil there, I think I would’ve noticed!” Even as she defended her friend, Becca’s memory produced images of the creepy, thorny bushes outside Toby’s house and the eerie feelings she always got when she was there. She shook the thoughts away as she scowled at Kayde.
Kayde’s jaw flexed again before he spoke, “Then what else could it have been? Something is very, very wrong in Glenville!”
“I don’t know, Kayde. But you will NOT accuse Toby of being evil. He’s the most kind-hearted, gentle person I know. And Catherine has always treated me and Chris like family. She was really there for us when Mom and Dad died.” How could they even be having this conversation? Kayde’s accusations stung, burning too deep. Becca fought angry tears.
Kayde turned away from her, exhaling in a frustrated fashion. Becca was thankful her cell phone rang then. It was Toby. “Hi, Toby!” she said in the most cheerful tone she could muster. Kayde spun around and gaped at her.
“Okay, I’ll be there soon.” She closed the phone and faced Kayde. “It’s time to get ready for graduation. I promised Toby we’d help each other prepare. I’ve neglected him lately.”
Shaking his head, Kayde answered, “You really don’t care about anything I’ve just said, do you? He could be dangerous, Becca!”
“Funny. He said the same thing about you not long ago,” Becca answered defensively. Her guard dropped immediately when she noticed the moisture in Kayde’s eyes. He really is worried! She took his hand and squeezed it, offering a bit of comfort. “I’ll be fine. Toby wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. Besides,” she smiled up at him. “You can give him a threatening icky-eye when you drop me off if it’ll help you feel any better.”
He looked at her like she’d lost her mind. She quickly spoke before he could protest again, “I rode out here with you, remember? You have to give me a ride back into town.”
Contrasting thoughts battled in Becca’s brain as Kayde gave her a ride to town. Hugging him as she rode on the back of the Shadow with the freedom of the wind in their faces and the highway stretching invitingly ahead made her want to change her mind about running away with him. She pressed against him tighter, feeling his warmth through his T-shirt. What would be so bad about leaving Glenville? Chris would probably pu
rsue his career as soon as she started college anyway. She was legally an adult now, so she could live on her own. Why not live on her own with Kayde?
But she knew better. Chris had worked hard to make sure she’d have a good start in college. Insurance money from their parents helped, but it was more than the money. He’d helped her with homework, helped her take the right classes that would help her in college, supported her dreams and ideas—as vague as they’d been lately. She couldn’t picture him being happy if she walked up to him and said, “I’m leaving with Kayde tonight. Have a nice life!”
The motorcycle engine changed tone, alerting Becca to the fact that they were slowing as they came to the city limits. She always thought that was funny that Glenville could have “city” limits. It was hardly a city. Maybe when she was able to go somewhere with Kayde, he’d take her to Austin where he’d grown up. Then, she’d see a real city.
As they made their way to the high school, Becca considered another reason she couldn’t leave tonight. Fear. She’d never been any further from Glenville than a couple hundred miles for sports tournaments. Plus, she didn’t know if she was ready to leave her parents behind. Kayde had calmed her dark, sad emotions, but she still felt connected to this place. It was the last place her parents had lived on this earth.
Becca leaned into the turn as Kayde rounded the school and slowed into the parking lot. She felt him tense and peered around his shoulder, expecting to see Toby. Toby was there, but Terrance and Gabe were there, too. Sour acid churned it Becca’s stomach. This was not good!