I just cry,
*~*~*~*
“Mercedes?” my mom cries when I step into the compound at home, right in the middle of a cookout.
I’ve been building myself up for this day since Diesel left my house a few nights ago. It’s important to her and my dad that I come here, and even more that I surprise her. I can’t let her see the pain raging behind my eyes. I have to put on a brave face and make this weekend special, because she deserves that.
“Surprise!” I cry, running towards her.
“Oh my God!”
I reach her and throw my arms around her neck, hugging her so tightly I’m sure it hurts.
“Oh, my baby is home. Best surprise ever.”
“God, I missed you!” I say into her neck.
“Me too, baby. Me too.”
I pull back and look at her. She’s the most uniquely beautiful woman I’ve ever met. She has the same thick blond hair as me. Her skin is lighter than mine, and she has these amazing yellow eyes. I’ve never seen anything like them in all my time.
“Ohhhhh!”
I look over and smile to see Addison running towards me. When she reaches me, she pulls me into her arms. “The littlest monster is home.”
I laugh. “I am.”
“Come, sit, tell us everything that’s been happening. I’m so jealous you get to live in Denver and we’re stuck here.”
“There isn’t much to tell.”
“There’s always something.”
She hooks her arm through one of mine and Mom takes the other. We make our way into the compound and I get a bunch of hugs and hellos. I officially meet Lucas, Ava’s other half, and warm to him right away. Danny and Skye are out for the night, but I’m planning on seeing them tomorrow.
“There’s my baby girl.”
I smile at the sound of my dad’s voice and turn, rushing towards him as he walks towards me, beer in hand, looking as handsome as ever. I throw myself into his arms. “Daddy!”
“So fuckin’ glad you came home, Mouse.”
I pull back, grinning up at him. “Me too.”
“You get prettier while you were away?”
I scoff. “Dad, you said that like a week ago when you came to visit me.”
“Seriously, knew you were pretty but baby . . . now . . . now you’re beautiful.”
“Aw,” I gush. “Stop. I’ll need to pick a fight just so things feel normal.”
“Spike,” Cade calls. “Stop hoggin’ her and share.”
Dad lets me go and I give everyone else a hug, then get a beer and join them all around the fire.
“How’s college, Merc?” Serenity asks, tucking herself into Jackson’s side.
I keep my smile, even though it threatens to slip. “It’s awesome.”
“And Denver?” Addison sighs dramatically. Cade grins at her.
“It’s really good,” I go on. “There’s so much to do.” Even though I’ve barely had a chance to do any of it.
“You made any good friends?” Mom asks.
There goes that pain in my heart again. “Yeah, a girl named Shay, and my housemate, Taj.”
I can’t tell them about Diesel, for obvious reasons.
“I’m coming up to stay for like a week!” Ava sighs. “It was so much fun.”
Lucas tucks her into his side. “Can take you for a visit, kid. Just gotta ask.”
“Aw, aren’t you two sweet?” I croon.
Ava laughs, and Lucas winks at me. Yes, she scored well.
“So, what about you guys?” I ask, changing the subject. “How have things been around here?”
“Same shit, different day,” Dad says, lighting up a smoke.
“Still making your lungs scream in pain, Dad?”
He winks at me.
“Mom, make him stop. I don’t want him to look like a shriveled up old prune by the time he’s seventy because he has no oxygen left in his skin.”
Jackson snorts a laugh and Addison thumps him, trying to smother her grin.
“I’ve tried, honey.” Mom laughs. “He insists on doing it for his image.”
“Watch it, tomcat,” Dad says to Mom, grinning at her. “I have ways of making you eat your words.”
“Ew,” I mumble.
Everyone laughs again.
God it’s good to be home.
I think it’s just what I need.
~*~*~*~
“It feels good to be in my room,” I say later that night, launching myself into my bed at my parents’ house.
“It feels good to see you here.” Mom smiles. “You seem to be doing well, baby.”
I keep my smile, though inside my heart screams. “I am. Things are really good.”
“I was worried when you were having difficulties, but it all seems to have sorted itself out.”
I hate lying. I do. But she’s so happy and doesn’t deserve to worry about nothing. “It has.”
“I’m so glad you came,” she says, walking in and hugging me again. “It sucks having no one to shop with.”
“Come to Denver. We can hit the shops like old times.”
“I’m planning on it. Dad and I need some time away.”
“Everything okay?” I ask, concerned by the worried look in her eyes.
“Things are still a little . . . tense, after Ava’s ordeal.”
“Is there still danger?”
Her eyes flicker away and I know she’s lying well before she speaks. “No, of course not.”
I make a humming sound in my throat. “Right.”
She looks guilty but changes the subject, as she’s been taught to do. “You get some sleep. We’ll do breakfast in the morning.”
“Okay. Love you.”
She hugs me again. “You too.”
When she leaves and closes my door, I pull out my phone and see no messages from Diesel, but a couple from Taj and Shay. My heart aches for the man I was growing so close to. I feel guilty about my words the other day, and with each passing second that gets worse. I fought so hard for our friendship and then just gave up when it got hard. It’s no wonder he isn’t speaking to me. I know I need to make it better, but I don’t know how to do that. Will he even speak to me again?
I find myself typing well before I realize what’s happening.
M – I miss you. I know I screwed up. I never wanted you to think you didn’t mean everything to me, because you do, and so does our friendship. I’m sorry, Diesel.
I send it and put the phone down, rubbing my arms. I shouldn’t have done it like that, but I honestly can’t seem to find the words to explain to him how sorry I am. My phone vibrates beside me only a couple of minutes later, and I glance down, surprised to see Diesel’s name flashing on my screen. I hesitantly reach over and pick it up.
“I never thought I’d hear from you again,” I say. “I’m really sorry, Diesel.”
He sighs on the other end. “Me too, Killer. I’ve been avoiding calling you because I didn’t know how to apologize for actin’ like a dick.”
He’s not angry at me anymore?
My heart swells with relief.
“I shouldn’t have pushed you away like that but honestly, it seemed like the only way to escape it at the time. I was so upset and confused.”
“I get it; trust me, I do. You’re right. That bitch should have never been able to bother you.”
“It’s not up to you to fight my battles.”
“That’s what friends are for, isn’t it?”
I smile lightly. “I meant what I wrote. I miss you.”
He’s quiet a while, and then he says softly, “I miss you too.”
I gasp sarcastically. “Can you say that again so I can record it?”
He chuckles lightly. “See? It didn’t take long for that fight to end.”
“We had our first fight.” I smile feeling a weight lifting off my shoulders. “What would you rate it on a scale of one to ten?”
“Definitely a nine on my part, maybe a four on yours.”
&
nbsp; “How do you suppose that is?” I laugh.
“I was way nastier than you.”
“I tried to end our friendship; I get top points.”
He grumbles. “That’s true.”
“What are you doing?”
“Writing songs. You?”
“Just hanging with my family. It’s good to be home.”
“You goin’ to come back?”
I huff. “You can’t get rid of me that easily.”
“Was worth a shot.”
“Now I know you don’t mean those awful things you say, you’ll never escape me.”
He grunts. “Wasn’t plannin’ on escapin’ you anytime soon. I never thought I’d hear myself say this but it’s way too fuckin’ quiet.”
“Aw, you really do miss me.”
“Don’t push it. I gotta go study. Call me tomorrow, yeah?”
“Okay. Night, buddy.”
He chuckles again. “Night Killer.”
“Hey Diesel?”
“Mmmmm?”
“I’m glad we’re friends again.”
He doesn’t say anything, but I could swear I feel the smile radiating through the phone as he hangs up.
My heart is light once more.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
“You’re a cheat!” I cry, throwing the pool cue at my dad, who bursts out laughing.
“I’m just good, kid. You need to brush up on your skills. You used to smash your old man.”
“Cheater,” I chant, lifting my beer and sipping it.
“Round two?”
“No way.”
He grins and I shake my head, turning and joining everyone else at the table.
“You used to kick Dad’s ass at pool,” Danny says when I sit down. “You lost your touch?”
“I let him win then.”
“Sure.” He chuckles.
I thump him in the shoulder and raise a hand, calling for more beers. We’re at the bar the club frequents the most. It’s nice to be able to join them here and actually feel like I’m a part of it. Being the last to turn twenty-one, it always felt like I was at home while they all got to go out and enjoy themselves. It’s nice to be included.
“So, where did you and Skye go?” I ask Danny, sipping my beer.
“Movie.”
“Did you kiss her yet?”
He glares at me. “It’s complicated, and also none of your business.”
“Aw, come on, D. It isn’t. You like her. She likes you.”
“She wants to travel and see the world, kid. I’m taking over the club.”
My brows shoot up. “She’s going to leave?”
“If she can get a job, yeah.”
“That really sucks. She won’t consider staying?”
“Skye loves this life, but she doesn’t want to live it. She wants to travel the world, go to foreign places, fall in love, live free. I can’t give any of that to her.”
“You can,” I point out.
“This club has been my life since I was old enough to understand it. It’s what I want, Merc.”
I study him. Danny has always been next in line to take over when Jacks steps down, and he’s always wanted to. He’s perfect for it because he’s strong and determined, but mostly because he’s smart as hell. I consider him and Diesel, and how they are both in the same position but want to do totally different things.
“So you’d give her up to run the club?”
His eyes flash. “Don’t . . .”
“Are you sure that’s what you want?”
He stands. “This conversation is done.”
“Danny!” I call, but he disappears into the crowd.
Shit. I fucked that up.
I stand and follow after him, but I can’t find him. I check the halls and the back rooms. Nothing. I head outside and glance around. It’s quiet, except for the music travelling out the open doors. Danny is known to smoke, so I walk out farther. I’m about to turn around when a hand goes around me from behind, clamping my mouth shut. I jerk and then squirm, trying to fight off whoever has me.
“Don’t move or I’ll blow your fuckin’ brains out.” A rough voice comes from behind me.
I stop moving, fear coursing through my veins.
The person behind me shoves me forward, and my heart is pounding as I try to keep up, forcing my feet to move. He takes me towards the brick wall and shoves me against it, pressing my cheek into the cold, hard surface. Stinging pain radiates through my head as the rough surface bites against my skin.
“Get your phone out. Text your father. Tell him to bring Jackson and Cade out here. That’s it. He brings the rest? You die.”
I swallow and tears trickle down my cheeks as he releases enough pressure for me to pull out my phone from my purse. Through blurred vision, I text my dad.
M – Daddy. Someone has me outside. He said to come out with Jackson and Cade. No one else. Please hurry.
I hit send and the man shoves my face against the wall again, my phone skittering to the floor. My cheek burns as the rough edges bite into my skin. Tears come harder, and I try to stay as still as I can. A cold object is pressed to my temple and when I realize it’s a gun, I squirm and try to get free.
“I’ll shoot you, bitch. Stay still and you might not die.”
Terrified, I stop moving and close my eyes, trying to prevent the hysterical sobs from ripping out of my throat. Is this how Ava felt? God, this is probably only a percentage of what she went through. I begin to understand it in a way I never did before.
“Let. Her. Go.”
I hear my dad’s voice and the hand leaves my mouth. I cry out for my dad as the stranger curls his fist in my hair and presses me even harder against the brick wall.
“You fuckin’ hurt her, I’ll blow your brains out.”
I’ve never heard my dad’s voice like that—angry, yet so frantic.
“I’m here to send a message,” the man says. “You stay the fuck out of Raz’s business or he’ll start pickin’ off your family, one by fuckin’ one.”
“It ain’t us in Raz’s business!” Dad barks. “Now let her go.”
“He’s a very patient man, but you’re messin’ with his operation, and he doesn’t like it. Unless you want a repeat of what Ricky did to Ava, I suggest you back the fuck off. You won’t get a second chance.”
I’m crying hard now, so hard my body trembles.
“Uh uh,” he calls as my dad reaches for his gun. “Put your guns down, boys. You shoot me, I shoot her.”
“Let her go,” Dad demands.
“Let her go, we talk,” Jackson says, his voice calm.
“I don’t need to talk; I need you to listen. Stay the hell out of his business, or someone you love dies.”
“It ain’t us!” Cade growls.
“I’ve spoken.” The man turns me quickly and launches me at my father, distracting Dad for a split second as he disappears behind the brick wall.
“Fuck,” Jackson calls. “Go after him.”
Cade dashes off, but my dad doesn’t move. He catches me in his arms, hauling me up against his chest.
“Baby, fuck,” he says, crushing me with his hold. “I’m so sorry.”
He pulls me back and cups my jaw. “Gotta get her home, Jacks. Need to know she’s safe.”
“Go. We’ve got this.”
Dad leans down and scoops me into his arms. I clutch his jacket. “Daddy . . .”
“It’s all right, baby.”
But it’s not.
I know it’s not.
~*~*~*~
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Mom says, stroking my hair.
“I’m all right, Mom,” I croak. “Just a headache.”
“If I was there, I’d have kill—”
“Ciara,” Dad says. “Enough.”
“He hurt my baby!” she cries. “Spike he—”
“Enough, honey,” he says, his voice soft but firm. “Need to talk to her, yeah? You can come in after.”
“Come to
me if you need anything,” Mom says, hugging me tightly. “You have pain medication?”
“Yeah,” I whisper.
“I’m so sorry honey.”
“Wasn’t your fault.”
“Love you. I’ll be back in soon.”
“I love you too.”
She leaves my bedroom and Dad comes over, sitting on the bed, his big shoulders tense. “Ain’t goin’ to touch you again, Mercedes. I promise you that.”
“Jackson said the same about Ava, but these guys, Dad. They’re not messing around.”
He cups my jaw. His eyes stay firm. “Ain’t goin’ to touch you again. It won’t be a repeat of Ava.”
“What about Skye and Ava? They’re still here and . . .”
“Skye is more protected than anyone, with Danny and Cade at her back. Ava has Lucas. It’ll be okay. We’re sorting it. You need to trust that.”
I nod and look down at my hands.
“Hey,” Dad says. “Look at me, kid.”
I look up at him.
“You’re safe.”
My bottom lip trembles. “I’m scared for you and the club. . . this is ugly.”
He strokes my cheek. “You’re safe.”
I nod and whisper, “I’m going to get some sleep.”
He pulls me into his arms. “Never been as scared as I was tonight, Mercedes. Never so fuckin’ scared.”
“I’m okay.”
He doesn’t say anything; he just holds onto me for long moments. He lets me go eventually and kisses my forehead. “Night, baby. Yell if you need me.”
“I will.”
He gets up and hesitates, but then he leaves.
I wiggle deeper into the bed, my head pounding. I glance out the window, trying to fight my tears. My phone rings beside me, and I roll to see Diesel is calling. I don’t answer the call. I don’t want to talk to anyone. A minute later, a message comes through.
D – Haven’t heard from u at all today. I thought we were friends again?
M – I don’t really want to talk. I’ll see you at school.
D – What’s going on?
I don’t reply. I just stuff the phone under my pillow. It vibrates eight times before I finally reach under and turn it off.
Then, somehow, I drift into an exhausted, terrified sleep.
~*~*~*~
“Hey!”
I turn to see Shay running towards me when I’m back at campus on Monday. She’s waving and smiling, but even that isn’t enough to bring a smile to my lips. She stops in front of me, red hair flying about, green eyes bright. The moment she studies my face, her expression changes to one of concern.