I could hear something frying on his stove and a crowd of people talking.
“I know you’re busy,” I said.
“Hang on.” He spoke to his customers, “I’m really sorry. I just need a minute, please. I have to take this.” When he returned, he said, “Never too busy for you.”
“I just had to call you to tell you that…it doesn’t matter to me. I want to be with you. I know you made a very big mistake. Believe me, I understand what it’s like to make mistakes. But a wise boy once told me that ‘maybe it’s not really a mistake if you learn from it.’ That was you, Landon. So, yes, I’ve made mistakes, too. And I’ve learned from them. But I know trusting you isn’t one of them. And I promise, you will never see shame in my eyes when I look at you. You’re still the boy I looked up to. You’re just a man now, who’s lived, made mistakes, and learned from them. I needed to call and tell you that.”
He let out a long, shaky breath into the phone. Seeming overcome with emotion, he didn’t say a word.
It sounded like he sniffled. Was he crying?
Then, I heard him say to one of his customers, “It’s the onions.”
“Are you cooking with onions?
“No.” He laughed.
I closed my eyes tightly and smiled.
“You’d better get back to your customers.”
“Why couldn’t you still be here, Rana? You’re too damn far away, and I really need to kiss you right now for that.”
“I hope we can see each other soon.”
“You have to dance tonight, right?”
“No, the restaurant is closed for a private party, actually. I’m home tonight.”
“Good. I’ll call you around eight your time after I close down the truck. I’m gonna try to pay you back properly for those beautiful words you just said to me. Try to be home at that time.”
“I’ll be here.”
I was a useless ball of shit the rest of that day, waiting for Landon to call.
My mind kept racing, alternating between relief and panic.
On one hand, I had finally decided to put his history in perspective and where it belonged—in the past—and that made me feel like we could move on with a relationship.
On the other hand, I hadn’t aired my own dirty laundry and honestly didn’t know how doing so might affect things between us.
But telling Landon what happened with me would mean having to deal with something that I wasn’t truly ready to face, something that may change the way he saw me.
By the time he called, he’d unfortunately caught me in panic mode.
Landon barely had a chance to say hello when I hit him with my insecurities.
“I feel like a hypocrite, because even though you’ve opened up to me, I haven’t been able to do the same. But I am not as ready to deal with my own…stuff.”
“What if I assure you that there’s nothing you could ever tell me that would make me not want to be with you?”
“How could you truly say that?”
“Because it’s the truth.”
I’m not so sure about that, Landon.
“Did you murder someone?” he asked.
“No.”
“Is it something that would put you or me in physical harm?”
“No.”
“Are you gonna talk about it tonight with me?”
“No.”
“Then I’m gonna take my chances, okay? I think we’ve had enough stress recently. You sound really wound up in particular. Why don’t you just lie back and let me help you relax. I think we both need that.”
“How exactly are you gonna do that if you’re not here?”
“Are you challenging me? If that’s the case, I’d like to make you come, so you can sleep well tonight.”
“Um…wow, okay.”
“When was the last time you had a really good orgasm?”
Just hearing those words come out of his mouth made my legs weak.
Swallowing, I admitted, “I gave myself one in your bed the night you sucked on my breasts.”
“Shit, really?”
“Yes. You turned me on then left me to take care of it.” I laughed.
His tone grew seductive. “That was rude of me.”
“It was.”
“What kind of asshole does that?”
“You had your reasons.”
“I think I jerked off like three times in the shower that night. I’m glad I didn’t know you were doing that in my bed. I definitely wouldn’t have been able to stay away.”
Things grew silent. I could hear him rustling in his sheets. It sounded like he might’ve been taking off his clothes.
“I’m gonna try to make up for that a little bit now. Actually, let me call you back on the landline phone,” he said.
“Why?”
“We’re gonna need to use our cell phones to take pictures while we talk.”
“Pictures?”
“You know…illustrate things. I need to see you.”
Just the thought of getting to see his hard body was making me incredibly wet. When he called back, I answered the main phone jokingly.
“Hello…is this the perv who’s about to ask me what I’m wearing?”
“No. No need for that question…because I want you naked with nothing but your beautiful hair covering you. Take your clothes off and take your hair down.”
“I’ve never done this before…phone sex.”
“It’s like sex…but over the phone.”
“You don’t say?”
“It’s a gateway to video chat fucking, but we’ll ease you into virtual sex. We’ll start with just the phone.” He let out a mischievous laugh. “Take off your clothes, Rana. Every last piece. I want you bare.”
I did as he said, removing every item of clothing until I was completely naked.
“Okay,” I breathed.
“I want you to text me a picture of you just as you are now. You decide how much or how little you want me to see,” he said.
Before I could change my mind, I snapped the shot. I was naked with my tits showing but made sure my hair was strategically placed to cover my crotch.
Landon’s voice was gruff. “Christ. You look like a fucking goddess with your hair wrapped around you like that.”
“I want to see you, too.”
“You will. Open your legs wide and touch yourself. Know that I’m jerking off to your photo and imagining that my hand is really your tight pussy wrapped around my cock. Fuck. This picture…I can’t take my eyes off you.” He grunted. “Why? Why can’t you be here right now?”
“You mean, you wouldn’t leave me all alone in your bed tonight?”
“Hell, no. You’d never sleep alone again.”
“It’s been so long for me, Landon.”
“I can’t imagine what it’s going to feel like for you, then.”
“You know what I’ve never done?”
His breathing got heavier in anticipation. “What?”
“I’ve never given oral sex.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yes.”
“Has anyone done it to you?”
“No.”
“Well, shit, we have a lot to catch you up on. Let’s practice right now. Stick three fingers into your mouth and pretend it’s me. I want to hear what you sound like with your wet mouth going down on my cock.”
I placed the phone next to my head and began sucking hard and slowly on my fingers while playing with my clit.
His breathing became erratic. “I love hearing you suck it. You want to see what you’re doing to me?”
“Yes,” I exhaled. “Please.”
I never wanted to see anything more than I wanted to see his naked body.
A few seconds later, my cell phone buzzed, and I reached for it.
My breathing intensified upon the sight of his thick, gorgeous cock, fully erect against his rock-hard abs. It was smooth with a few veins protruding and a beautiful silver ball piercing adorning the t
ip—just as he’d promised. Saliva gathered in my mouth as I yearned to run my tongue along it from root to tip.
Using the photo as inspiration, I rubbed my throbbing clit harder, unable to contain the need to come. I wanted him inside of me and knowing that would never happen tonight was pure torture.
“I’m coming, Landon.”
I could hear the friction as he jerked himself faster. Closing my eyes, I finished myself off to the sounds of his deep groans penetrating my ear as he came.
We listened to each other breathing for a while until he was the first to speak.
“Fuck. That felt so good.”
Panting, I said, “Send me a picture of what you look like right now.”
“It’s messy. You really want to see the aftermath of what you did to me?”
“Yes. Show me.”
A few moments later, he sent me the photo. I never imagined that I would find it so erotic, but the sight of his abs covered in his glistening cum was beyond arousing.
“There’s so…much.”
“You could say I was very stimulated.”
“Me, too.”
“Show me you. I want to see your wet pussy,” he demanded.
Pushing my inhibitions aside, I spread my legs apart and placed the camera between them, snapping a photo without the hair covering my private parts this time. I checked it quickly and sent it before I could change my mind.
He hissed. “Fucking hell. I can’t believe I can see how wet you are. It’s so beautiful, Rana. I may never function again now that I have this photo to look at.” He joked, “Ace will call me up and ask what I’m doing and pretty much the answer will always be ‘looking at Rana’s wet pussy.’ Holy shit.”
Making myself more comfortable in my bed, I asked him a question I’d always wanted to know. “What does it feel like when you come?”
“Well…it’s a very intense euphoria. My whole mind goes blank for a few seconds.”
“Then what? After you come?”
“When I’m alone? I’m ready to pass out. But like this…with you? I just want to do it again.”
“Can I tell you something?” I asked.
“Anything.”
This was hard for me to admit.
“I’m a little scared to be with you.”
“Why? You think I’m gonna be rough with you or something? Be honest with me.”
“No, actually. I’m afraid I’ll come across as too eager, that I might want too much. It’s been a really long time. I’m afraid I’ll come in like thirty seconds or that I’ll be ridiculously wet during sex.”
“You’re kidding me, right?”
“No.”
“Okay…either of those things happening would be so freaking hot. And let’s clear something up right now. There’s no such thing as too wet. I’m just about ready to come again from the mere thought of that.”
“I just don’t want to disappoint you. I’m very inexperienced compared to you.”
“You know what? You could just stand there naked, and I’m pretty sure it will be the most exciting thing I’ve ever experienced. Trust me. It will be amazing. And you’ll be able to give me something that no one else ever has.”
“What’s that?”
“You. I’ve never wanted anyone like I want you. I’ve had my share of fucking, which was just a means to an end. I want so much more with you. I want to experience sex differently, take my time with you, come inside of you, be a part of you. I’ve never wanted real intimacy with anyone. So, it will be new for me, too, believe me. Which reminds me, if you’re not already on the pill, you need to get on it.”
“I’ve been on it for years, even though I haven’t really needed to be.”
“Good. Because I’ve been dreaming about coming inside of you.”
Me, too.
“Can I confess something else?” I asked.
“Anything.”
“I’m afraid to tell you all the things I want.”
“Why?”
“I think it’s because I was taught from a young age that sex is wrong in some way. I’m not used to being open about my deepest sexual desires. My inexperience is not due to a lack of wanting. I just hadn’t found someone I trust enough. But there’s really no limit to what I want to try sexually with you or what I want you to do to me.”
“Well, I’m officially hard again,” he said. “No limits is a good thing, Rana. I can’t wait to give you whatever you want. Nothing’s off the table. Why would I ever want any limitations with you?”
“I guess one of the fears that crossed my mind is…” I hesitated. “After knowing your past…if I start asking you for certain things…”
“What? Just say it.”
“Well, like if I want you to be rough with me…is that gonna remind you of—”
“No, no, no. I see what you’re getting at. You’re afraid it will seem like you’re using me? The answer is…fuck, no. This is different. Fulfilling your fantasies is my fantasy. You don’t think I want to be rough with you, too? There’s no part of me that wants to be gentle. Don’t you dare hold back with me. Ask me for anything you want. Just be careful, because I will give it to you.”
“Okay…” I was painfully aroused.
“You’re worried about offending me…meanwhile, all I can think about is how long I have to wait before I get to fuck that beautiful ass.”
I sighed. “Stop turning me on again, Landon. It’s not fair.” Massaging my own breasts, I felt physically pained. “This is hard being so far away from you.”
“We need to make plans. I don’t know how much longer I can go without seeing you again. I want to come to Michigan. I can visit my parents too while I’m out there.”
The thought of him coming here made me so happy and scared at the same time. For this to really work, there couldn’t be any more secrets between us. I wanted a life with this man, and he deserved the same openness that he’d extended toward me.
I need to tell you, Landon.
I want to tell you so badly.
I WILL tell you.
Just not tonight; I don’t want to ruin this.
TAKE ME TO YOUR ROOM
Sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, worried that something had happened to Landon.
I didn’t know if it was some kind of post-traumatic stress from the skateboarding accident experience or what.
Maybe this was just the norm when you loved someone, when the love was new, and perhaps, when you felt undeserving. So, you worried that the universe would somehow take it all away from you.
Of course, Landon and I hadn’t told each other we loved each other in so many words yet. I wasn’t sure if that mattered, because when it came to him, I definitely felt the love. The formality never seemed significant.
Still, I had my moments of paranoia and one particular night, it was at full force. Landon hadn’t answered my last few texts that day, and I had to go to work carrying the weight of my worry on my shoulders.
I will never forget that night. Dancing and trying to put on a happy face is not easy when you’re consumed with worry. At the same time, the fear permeating me had forced me to connect even more deeply than usual to the music. All I could allow myself to focus on was the rhythm. If I started to ruminate and overthink things, I wouldn’t have been able to get through the routines.
By the time I got home, I knew it was going to be a sleepless night if Landon didn’t call me back.
Finally, shortly after midnight, my phone chimed. I jumped up to read it.
Landon: I’m sorry, baby. My phone wasn’t receiving texts.
Typing faster than I could think, I wrote back.
Rana: You had me worried. It’s not like you not to respond. I thought maybe you got hurt again or something.
Landon: I didn’t see your message until now.
Rana: Your phone is broken?
Landon: Fuck…I don’t know how to lie to you.
Rana: What? Why do you have to li
e to me?
Landon: Because if I tell the truth, I’d have to admit that my phone wasn’t working because I was on a plane. And if I admit that I was on a plane then I have to admit that I caved and did something I promised you I would never do, which is to show up unannounced at your door.
My heartbeat accelerated, and the butterflies in my stomach came alive all at once as I flew out of bed and raced to my door.
Landon’s backpack dropped to the ground before he took me in his arms. It always surprised me how easily I could cry when it came to him. I almost never cried about anything before the past several months. But being in his arms again now, knowing that he’d come all this way, definitely brought out the waterworks.
He spoke into my neck, “I had to see you.”
Wrapping my arms around him, I treasured the warmth of his body and the sandalwood scent of his cologne.
He’s really here.
“I was so worried.”
I raked my fingers along the back of his head before sliding my hands down his back. I’d forgotten how amazing the contours of his muscular body felt. Maybe touching him felt even more amazing this time because there was no part of me holding back anymore, and I was now truly allowing every sensation in that touching him ignited. I could also feel a difference in him, in the way he was holding me. The resistance that existed back in California was no longer. He was allowing himself to fully surrender to the physical attraction between us.
The second he pulled back from our embrace, he wasted no time lowering his lips to mine, his tongue sliding into my mouth with a desperate need to taste. The familiar, sugary flavor of his breath became the only oxygen I needed. I was completely addicted to it.
His hands were all over me as the kissing intensified. He squeezed my ass, and I could feel my arousal pooling between my legs as my body readied for what it knew damn well was coming.
“Take me to your room,” he growled against my lips, pressing his body farther into me.
This was really happening.