***
I felt someone walk by me as I made my way out, but people were in and out of my home so often in those times that this didn’t seem to matter.
Until I heard the voice of Chess.
“What’s the matter?” he asked me.
He followed me into the courtyard. Moonlight spilled into the place at a slant, and a visible beam of light cut through the darkness harshly, too bright for tired eyes.
“Nothing is the matter, Chess,” I said sternly.
He’d told Rhyme of my doings, and we had not spoken much since then. In fact, I’d avoided him at every turn, hoping to avoid the confrontation that he was now forcing on me.
“You’re lying to me,” he said edgily.
“Maybe I don’t trust you anymore!” I snapped back.
“What? Why?”
“Gee, I don’t know, Chess, why don’t you tell me?”
“What is that supposed to mean?” he asked, reaching for me.
I deflected this and retreated back into my home, feeling defeated and tired and full of pain. Thoughts of Skate swirled around me, the conversation I’d just had with Ollie fresh in my mind.
“What are you talking about?” he asked me, taking my forearm gently.
I yanked out of his grip, my back to him.
“Don’t touch me!” I whispered, very aware of the curtain from the back room.
But this was foolishness. Even I could hear the tears in my own voice. This softened his mounting anger.
“Myth, what’s wrong? Talk to me. I’m here for you.”
“Are you?” I asked, voice wavering.
“Why are you being like this?” he asked with a hint of desperation. “You’re avoiding me.”
“Why does it matter to you? We haven’t talked in a while.”
“We haven’t talked in fifteen days, Myth,” he said, quiet now.
Fifteen days. The way he said it caused chills to scurry up and down all over my body. He’d been keeping track.
He missed me.
This made my heart soar, and I was so eager to fly into his arms and kiss him that I had to squeeze my fists not to move for fear that my muscles would betray me.
“I miss you,” he whispered gravely. “I want – I need to talk to you.”
Still, I said nothing.
“Please, Myth…I…there’s something…I have to tell you…too, that’s…” He grunted with what sounded like pain. “I just need to talk to you. Talk to me. Please…”
I heard the desperation now, and this broke my resolve. A small, high pitched noise escaped my lips. I wrapped myself in my limbs for protection from the hurt. I didn’t know why it hurt so badly that he’d run to Rhyme, but it did. I’d thought him special. Different.
I wanted him to be. He was to me.
“Don’t cry,” he begged in whisper. “Please, I didn’t mean to…let me say it. Let me tell you what I’ve –”
“I can’t do this right now,” I finally managed to say.
And that broke me. A sob came out of my mouth as my hands retreated from the place on my torso to cover my face. It was all too much. I took a single step away from him, turned to face him, and slid down the wall, feeling so many tears that I could barely breathe.
And still, I tried to be quiet. I did not want Ollie to hear.
“I don’t want to upset you!” Chess whispered to me, trying to take my hands. “No, don’t cry! I didn’t mean for it to upset you! I just wanted to – don’t cry, please!”
He knelt before me on his knees, his normally calm face twisted with unusual torment.
“Myth, I couldn’t help it. I was so worried that the Outlander you spend all your time with was…” He stopped himself. “I’m jealous and I…”
His face twisted in anguish again.
“I can’t lose you, Myth. That’s all I meant. Please, look at me.”
I couldn’t.
“Please, Myth…” he begged, trying to take my hands again. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
“What did you think would happen?” I asked him, thinking of Rhyme.
Of his treachery. Of everything.
“You wanted to make it about you,” I spat at him, the thoughts bettering me. “Just like Foot!”
This jab wounded him, and anger came now.
“That’s not fair, Myth!” he said to me, drawing so close that I could smell him. “I wanted to help you! I’m trying to help you!”
“Yeah, and you’ve done a great job!” I said louder and more sarcastically.
Suddenly, I didn’t care if Ollie heard, but I didn’t have an opportunity to say anything else.
His lips latched onto mine with a desperation that I felt all of my anger drain away. I felt abrupt weakness. My lips felt swollen, and my head dizzy. I couldn’t breathe in and I almost felt nauseous.
I wanted so badly for that to be that. It would have been so easy to just say it was all well and done, but I couldn’t. I deserved better than treachery, especially when I was beaten in the crossfire of it.
I yanked away, slamming my head against the wall behind me so much that it was painful. I stood now, and he with me, and there was a long moment of silence. His eyes were wide, and he sounded like he couldn’t breathe.
“Myth, I’m sorry.”
I slapped him.
“Get out!” I shouted. When he hesitated, I shrieked, “NOW!”