I ponder the answer to that question while I frown at the reflection of myself standing in front of the full-length mirror in my red bra and panties. The saleswoman said she’d be right back. It’s been fifteen minutes and she still hasn’t returned with the size four she said was just supposed to be just on the rack.
I look over at the size six red wrap dress lying on the bench of the fitting room. When I put this dress on this morning, it was a perfect fit. But when I try on this boutiques’ size six little black dress I’m practically swimming in it. Either I’m losing weight or some of these designers are cutting their clothes bigger than the label says they are.
I’m looking over the shape of my curvy figure wondering if I’ve actually lost weight when the sound of a gunshot echoes throughout the store. In the distance I hear a scream.
“EVERYBODY GET YO HANDS UP!” a woman barks loudly.
Great. Out of all the stores on Madison Avenue they had to rob it had to be one I was shopping in. I’m not in the mood to be a hostage today.
I’m about to grab my cell phone out of my purse to dial 911 when I hear the sound of footsteps rushing into the area of the fitting room. As they approach the stall I’m in, I activate my cloak and my reflection fades from sight. When I hop up on the bench, one of the robbers kicks in the door of the stall. A husky chocolate colored woman wearing corn row braids wearing skintight jeans, a T-shirt two sizes too small and brightly colored sneakers peers into the stall and points her shotgun into the empty space.
“AIN’T NOBODY IN HERE!” She barks.
“There has to be someone in there! The saleswoman calls out. She was our only customer!”
There’s some customer service for you. Rat out the only person who isn’t a hostage. “WELL SHE MUSTA LEFT! AIN’T NOTHING IN HERE BUT CLOTHES!”
The girl rushes out of the fitting rooms and back down the hall to the sales floor. I grab my red wrap dress off the bench, put it back on, and grab my cell phone out of my purse. I could call the police…
Or I could take the law into my own hands. I think I’ll scare some kids straight this afternoon.
With a thought my brown eyes change into yellow reptile ones, long black horns shoot out of my forehead and my fingernails and toenails turn into black cloven claws. I flash a smile with my canine fangs looking at myself in the mirror before I go out to stop the holdup in progress. I’m almost ready to terrify some troubled teens. I just need to change. This dress just doesn’t go with this face.
“Raimentus Changeus!” I whisper.
After I chant the spell, a flash of light envelops me and my red wrap dress changes back into a replica of the tattered red dress I wore for eons. Now I’m dressed to kill…I mean, scare these kids straight. I can’t forget I’m on the side of the angels now.
I hurry out of the fitting room down the hall back out to the sales floor. The girl who stormed the fitting rooms has her shotgun trained on the two salesclerks while her obese partner has a pistol trained on the store manager. The terrified woman frantically stuffs money from the register into a shopping bag. When she timidly hands her the bag she snatches it away.
“Nice doing business with you.” The smiling hoodrat growls as she cuts a cold look at the store manager.
The girls are about to make a run for the door when I make myself known with a flash of light explodes in their eyes.
“Excuse me, I’m with loss prevention. Can I see your receipt for that cash in your bag?”
The woman’s brown eyes grow wide at the sight of my reptile ones. “OH MY GOD! IT’S A MONSTER!”
Monster? Doesn’t she notice the horns? Clearly she doesn’t know the difference between monsters and demons.
“SHOOT IT! SHOOT IT! Her friend barks.
Just like a human, kill what you don’t understand. The air explodes as the terrified woman fires shot after shot at me. As the nine millimeter bullets bounce off my chest, I let out a laugh and snatch the pistol from her grip. She starts to tremble when she sees me crumple her gun like tissue paper in my manicured hands.
I flash her a smile. “Do you want to give up now?” I ask.
“You not gonna take me to Hell!”
The woman’s fight or flight response kick in. Cornered in the tight space of the boutique, she charges at me with all the fight that’s in her. A backhanded slap sends her tumbling to the Berber carpet of the sales floor out cold.
“Hell?” I retort. “I was just gonna let the police take you to jail.”
The salespeople gasp at the sight of my incredible feats. “Did you see that?” She knocked her out with a slap to the face!”
I turn to the other hoodrat with the shotgun. “Now are you going to atone for your sins? Or am I going to have to smite you?”
The answer to my question is the cocking of a shotgun. She trembles as she points the shotgun at the heads of the salespeople. “D-Don’t come near me! She barks. “I’ll blow their heads off!”
I flash another smile at her. “I’m not moving.”
And I don’t have to. I have such precise control over Hellfire I can make it ignite pyrokinetically. The smell of smoke starts to waft in the air. The ladies gasp on seeing the woman’s weave start to smolder.
“AAAAHHHHH!!!! MY WEAVE!”
The hoodrat feels the heat on her scalp and starts to panic; she drops her shotgun and scrambles around like a chicken with its head cut off pounding the back of her head to put out the fire. I figured that hair weave of hers would be more important to her than the lives of those hostages. It probably cost more than what’s in their register.
Lucky for me, one of the saleswomen grabs the gun off the floor where she dropped it. The girl’s eyes grow wide on being on the receiving end of the shotgun barrel she pointed at people just a few minutes ago.
“ALRIGHT! ON YOUR KNEES AND PUT YOUR HANDS BEHIND YOUR HEAD!” The saleslady demands.
“But-but my hair is on fire!” She whimpers.
“ON YOUR KNEES! She insists.
Smoke still wafts in the air as the nervous girl gets on her knees with tears rolling down her cheeks. I’ll have a little compassion on her; I stroll over to the sales counter and grab one of the salesperson’s bottles of Volvic water off it. As the imported designer water puts out the fire in her weave and it rains down on her face I share a laugh with the salespeople.
“Big crybaby. I tease patting her on the head.
With the situation under control, the store manager rushes up to me to express her gratitude. “Thank you so much for saving our lives Miss.”
“Why you’re welcome. I couldn’t have crooks robbing my favorite store.”
“So you’ve shopped with us before?”
“I shop here all the time.”
“I take it you don’t look like this when you’re out and about.”
“No, I usually dress a little more fashionably when I’m shopping. These are just my house clothes.”
“Well, the next time you come in, we’ll make sure to give you our employee discount on anything in the store.”
That reward would sure help me in buying that little black dress I was trying on a few minutes ago. “Er…Don’t you have a customer in the back?”
It the other saleslady hits in the head. “I forgot all about her!”
As the saleswoman hurries back down the hall to the fitting room a flash of light takes me from the sales floor into the adjacent fitting room. I silently chant the counterspell and my tattered red dress reverts back into street clothes as my face changes back to its normal
human visage.
“Miss?” She calls. Miss, are you all right?”
“Er…I’m fine.” I say stepping out of the fitting room flashing a smile.
“I thought she had gotten to you.”
“ She would have gotten to me, but when I heard the commotion, I grabbed my cell phone, ran into this other fitting room and called 911.”
“Just be glad you stayed in here. You didn’t have to see the demon?”
“Demon?”
“Yes, a tall Black woman in a raggedy red dress with yellow snake eyes, horns and black claws.”
“Wow. She sounds scary.”
“I’d say she was. She bent steel like it was paper, and set the other one’s hair on fire.”
“I doubt they’ll ever pull another stick-up again.”
I hear the sounds of police radios in the distance. It looks like the police have things under control. I have to wonder if it’s possible for me to collect on my reward.
“So do you have the size four in the little black dress?” I inquire.
The saleswoman gives me a befuddled look. “Oh…I was coming back here to tell you that we’re all out of your size. I’m sorry.”
I save the day and I still don’t get the dress I wanted to buy. I guess no good deed goes unpunished.