Chapter 16: In the Shadows
NEVEAH RETURNS HOME empty-handed after a long day trying to pedal herbs in the marketplace. She sags into the chair, sets her parcel to the side. She doesn't meet our eyes. I'm weary as well. Oscar and I spent the remainder of the afternoon hunting rats. Miranda crinkles her nose as she lifts the spoon to her mouth, but she eats the soup. She empties her bowl. We all do.
We sit in silence for a while after, feeling the hunger setting in deeper. It was just enough, really, to remind us how hungry we are. Unable to turn away from that thought, I broach the subject.
"We can't go on like this."
Immediately, I have everyone's attention. They all stare at me.
I glance at Oscar, who has news to share as well. He looks away, now, not wanting to jump in just yet.
So I continue. "We can't leave anymore," I say slowly, avoiding Apollon's eyes. "That means we need a new plan."
Jonas, sitting next to Miranda, scoots forward to the edge of the bed. But before he can say anything, Apollon speaks.
"We decided we'd leave," he says matter-of-factly, though I don't recall ever coming to a solid consensus. I start to shake my head at him, but he pushes on. "The rest of you can still go. I'll catch up with you when I'm better."
"No," I snap at him, grabbing his hand and squeezing hard. I imagine him lying here on his own. He would never catch up with us. He would just fade away. From life. From our memories. "We won't go without you," I say firmly.
Apollon stares up at me, his blue eyes passive, but underneath I can see the sense of relief, of gratitude. Softly, he squeezes my hand back. We look at each other for a long moment.
"Then..." says Jonas, quietly, "...what?"
I turn my face toward him. He looks from Apollon to me and back. There's something on his face I don't quite get. Is he afraid? I shrug it off. How often do I ever understand him? Instead, I reclaim my hand, brush off my knees, and climb to my feet. "Everything here is about to explode," I say, and pause to choose my words. "We need to ally ourselves with power if we want to survive. That leaves only two choices. It seems to me that Grey is winning. He mostly has control of the food supply." Here I glance at Jonas. "How hard could it be to make ourselves useful to him? Maybe he would reward us with some decent pay?"
Neither Jonas nor Apollon miss that I'm asking why they've not been paid already. But it's more than that.
"We lived in Outpost Two for a while, Eden," Apollon says, as if this is news I didn't already know. "Grey expects a lot out of you, and his pay is that you live to see the next day. You don't want to get mixed up with that. Trust me."
Something in the way he says it suddenly makes the pieces come together in my mind. I narrowly avoid a reaction, but still, my eyes flit briefly to Apollon's stomach. A punishment for not living up to expectations?
"Grey is evil," Jonas spits. "He makes Matthew look like a virgin princess."
I look from one of them to the next. I don't know what to say.
Miranda relieves me of the necessity. "Guess that rules that out, then," she mutters.
Jonas glances at her, but does not reply.
I look at Oscar, whose little face is drained, worried. Neveah, sitting in the chair near the door, looks away, her silent thoughts hidden from us. She and Miranda don't even know the kind of danger that Apollon and Jonas are in. I want to tell them everything, but I'm tired. Should I burden them with it, anyway? There's too much to explain. Too much to think about. Too much struggle and not enough rest. I sigh, and let it go. Slipping into my mind is the thought that if Grey is as horrible as Jonas says he is— and I believe Jonas— then that means there's only one option left. Silently, I solidify the decision. It feels like a chunk of concrete in my gut. Something so heavy I will never put it down again. I nod, and take everyone's bowls to the bucket, and wash them. "Oscar," I say, my back turned, "tell them what you heard today."
Behind me, I can hear Oscar's small voice talking quietly about Matt's plans to send an army against Grey. It’s all rumor, but it’s the most information we’ve had in a while.
Jonas shakes his head. I see this as I glance back over my shoulder. "That's insane," he says. "Outpost Two is twice our size, and they've been preparing for war for years."