“No, you smell like sex,” I say, pulling away.
“I’ll shower.”
“I really want to be left alone.”
He nods. “Okay. I’m sorry, Cal.”
I shrug. “You win some and you lose some.”
Despite the exhaustion, sleep doesn’t come easy. I toss and turn for what feels like hours before I get up and take an allergy pill that isn’t non-drowsy, and then when I do sleep, it’s fitful.
I dream of Declan, but he’s mean. He’s laughing at me as he takes another woman by the hand and walks away from me. I don’t know who the girl is, and it doesn’t matter. He wants her and not me.
Then Keith is there, saying, “I told you I’d never love you, Callie. You’re fun, but not the kind of girl someone loves.”
I shake my head, trying to run away, but my feet won’t move. Why won’t they move? I can hear people laughing, but my head is heavy. I can’t look up from my feet. I can only see lots of feet, of people standing close together, and they’re laughing.
Finally, I fight to raise my head, and everyone’s there. Adam, my father, Declan and all of his family. Keith, and the people I used to work with in Denver.
And they’re all laughing at me. I’m so embarrassed. I want to run, but my feet still won’t move, and when I look back down, I’m naked. Oh, my God! Why am I naked?
I push away from a brick wall that’s just appeared, and I slowly float into the air, but my feet are heavy, and I land just a short hop away, but there’s a pole, and I try to hide behind it.
Holy shit, I’m naked! And they’re laughing. And I can’t get away.
I’m sweating, and Adam keeps saying, “Stop it, Callie.” But then he laughs again, and points at me. My face is wet. Is it raining?
“Callie.”
I’m shaken awake, and Adam is in the bed with me, holding me against him. “Come on, baby, wake up now.”
“Stop laughing at me,” I whimper, hating the weakness in my voice. The sun is up, shining in my window. I forgot to pull the blinds when I went to bed.
And Adam is wrapped around me. He took a shower, because he smells clean. I burrow into him, crying harder than I have in years as his hands rub circles on my back and he kisses my head.
“It’s okay, sweetie. You’re okay. It was just a dream.”
“It was horrible.”
“Shhh.” He’s brushing my hair back from my face. Half of it is stuck to both dried and wet tears on my face, and it feels good when he brushes it back. “Just a dream.”
“So cruel.”
“Who, baby?”
“Everybody.” The tears come harder. “Laughing at me. Telling me that I’m not lovable.”
“Well, that’s a load of shit,” he says and kisses my forehead. “Because I love you.”
“I love you too,” I whisper. God, it feels good to hear someone say it. “I feel so ashamed.”
“For loving me? No need, I’m lovable too.”
“No,” I say, smiling despite myself. “Because of Declan.”
“Stop it right now, Callie.” He takes my chin in his hand and tilts my head back so he can see my face. “Stop beating yourself up. Calm down and go back to sleep for a few hours.”
“Will you stay?” I ask, holding onto him like he’s a lifeline.
“Always, you know that.”
We both sigh as we cling to each other, and I feel him fall asleep, his chest moving rhythmically with each breath, and that makes my eyes heavy, and I follow him into a dreamless sleep.
Chapter Sixteen
~Callie~
I haven’t seen him at all since he walked me to my car Monday night. He’s called twice, and texted a couple of times, but that’s it.
He’s backing away, and I feel so powerless because there’s nothing I can do to stop it. He feels the way he feels, and that’s that. We have a standing dinner date on Wednesdays, so I’m looking forward to seeing him and really talking. It’s always been so easy to talk to him, this shouldn’t be any different. Is it going to suck? Yes. But damn it, this sucks too, and I’d rather have some answers.
I’m at the bar before noon to go over the books and to take a look at the space next door that just went up for sale. I’ve done well enough in the past three months that I am seriously considering an expansion. I’d like to add a dance floor and maybe even a full kitchen for a menu.
It’ll be expensive, and would require quite a renovation, which excites me. Adam arrives around one to look at the other space with me. I don’t say much to the realtor as we look, but I can picture it all perfectly in my mind.
It’s going to be badass.
When we say goodbye to the realtor and return to the bar, I turn and give Adam a wide smile. “I loved it.”
“It’s going to be a ton of work,” he says, returning my grin. “And I agree, it would be awesome. Can we afford it?”
“Here’s the thing.” We sit at one of the tables. “I don’t think I can afford it alone. I can probably get a loan, using the bar as collateral, but I’d rather not have to do that.”
“Callie, I have plenty of money,” Adam says. “I’m happy to loan it to you.”
“I don’t want a loan, Adam, I want a partner.”
He sits back and narrows his eyes. “A partner.”
“Absolutely. You’re just as invested in this place as I am. Probably more, actually.” I lick my lips and tuck my hair behind my ear. “I can’t run this place without you, and we already bounce ideas off of each other like partners. Let’s just make it official. I told you from the beginning, my dad should have left it to you.”
“Are you sure this is what you want? Absolutely positive?”
“I’m sure.” I nod and smile at my friend. “So, are you in?”
“I’m in.” We shake hands and then laugh, excited all over again. “Call the realtor chick and tell her she has a sale.”
I make the call, and she assures me that she’ll get the paperwork started right away. Just as I hang up with her, a text comes in from Declan.
I won’t be able to make it to dinner tonight. I’ll see you later.
And just like that, my bubble is burst. I sigh in disappointment, but before I can think on it too hard, my phone rings with a number from Denver.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Cal,” Keith says, making me raise a brow. “It’s good to hear your voice.”
“Okay,” I reply, not sure what else to say. “What’s up?”
“Well, I’d like to see you,” he says, and I pull the phone away from my ear and stare at it.
“Wait, you called Callie Mills. You know that, right?”
“You’re exactly who I meant to call, Callie,” he says, a smile in his voice. “I know it’s been a few months.”
“It’s been eight months,” I reply. “And I don’t have time for this.”
“I’ll come to you,” he says. “I know you’re busy with the business. I don’t expect you to clear your schedule for a trip.”
“How kind of you,” I reply and roll my eyes. “But the answer is still no, Keith.”
“Callie—”
But before he can say anything else, I hang up.
“He has nerve,” I say as I join Adam behind the bar. “I don’t care enough about Keith to give him even five minutes of my time.”
“Good girl,” Adam says with a smile. “Where are you and Declan going for dinner tonight?”
“We aren’t.” I sigh. “He just cancelled.”
He cocks a brow. “How do you feel about that?”
“You know, I’m just getting impatient. I wish he’d just talk to me so I can tell him to get a grip and if he can’t handle me, he doesn’t deserve me.”
“I like it when you’re badass,” Adam says with a grin. “It’s hot.”
“Damn right it is,” I reply and wink, just as Kate O’Shaughnessy walks through the door. “Hi, Kate.”
“Hi! I know the signs says you’re not open yet, but the doo
r was open.”
“No worries. What’s up?”
“Well, Eli’s out of town tonight for business, and we live just a few blocks over. I was thinking I could take you out for dinner tonight? We haven’t had a chance to really talk.”
“Actually, dinner just opened up for me tonight,” I reply with a nod. “I’d like that.”
“Great, I’ll come get you at about six. I have to get back to the office. Have a great day!”
She rushes out and I turn back to Adam. “Maybe out of all of this, I’ll have made some of those girl friends you’ve been wishing for,” I say to him.
“As long as some of them are hot and single, I’m good with that.”
“God, you’re disgusting.”
***
“So,” Kate says with a smile after the cute waiter at Café Amelie takes our drink orders and walks away. “What are your intentions with Declan?”
I choke on the water I just sipped, and when I can finally breathe again, I laugh. “Just gonna get right to it, are you?”
“Why not?” Kate says with a nod. “I like you, and Declan is one of my very best friends, so I want to know the scoop.”
“Well.” I sit back and look at Kate and decide what do I have to lose? Maybe she’ll have some new insight. “Things were going great. Declan is attentive, encouraging, sexy, fun… all the things I could ask for in someone.”
“He is all of those things,” Kate agrees. “But?”
“But.” I take a deep breath. “A few nights ago, we were making love, and I blurted out that I love him. He didn’t say it back. Since then, he’s been blowing me off. He’s distant and distracted, and I’m honestly just embarrassed. I think I screwed up.”
“You didn’t screw up by loving him,” Kate says, then smiles at the waiter as he sets our drinks down. “Thanks, Joe. We’re talking for now, but will you put in an order of the Brussels sprouts for us?”
“You got it.”
“He’s hot. You know him?” I ask, watching the hot Joe walk away.
“Just from here,” Kate says with a laugh. “Anyway, loving someone isn’t the wrong thing, Callie.”
“Maybe he wasn’t ready to hear it,” I reply. “I’m confused. He’s always been so tender and affectionate. Loving.” I shake my head and shrug. “I mean, I did say it in the moment, and I was half asleep too, but the more I think about it, the less I regret it. It’s how I feel, Kate.”
“Then it’s definitely not a bad thing that you said it,” she says emphatically and sips her lemon drop.
“Except, since then, he’s barely spoken to me. He walked me to my car Monday night, like always, but he didn’t even touch me. I usually go home with him, but he made sure tsay goodnight and he’d talk to me later.”
“Weird,” Kate says, frowning.
“Very weird. I think I freaked him out.”
“I don’t know.” Kate twirls her cocktail glass, still frowning in thought. “Declan is a sensitive guy. It’s not like him to avoid someone. If anything, he’s too insightful. Even if he didn’t feel the same way, it’s not like him to ignore it.”
“I’m so confused about it all. He’s not the guy I fell in love with, that’s for sure. But maybe this is the real him?”
“No. What you’re describing is not Declan. Trust me, I know him. There has to be something else going on with him.”
“If there is, he’s not talking about it.”
I lift my drink and glance to my right and the world falls out from under me. I can’t hear Kate’s voice. I can’t feel anything except my heart beating erratically in my chest, as I see Declan, sitting across the room with another woman.
His profile is to me, and he’s smiling at her, and to my utter horror, she reaches across the table and… and I stand up. I should go over there, but I just… can’t. I’m so exhausted by all of this, so over the drama of it, I just need out of here.
“I’m sorry, Kate.” I can’t feel my feet as I step away from the table. “Declan’s here with a woman.” Is that my voice? “I can’t do this.”
And without looking back, I escape. I walk as quickly as my heels will allow, out of the restaurant, through the courtyard to the street, and to the bar.
I’m panting, my feet are screaming at me, and I’m just seeing red.
He’s already moved on without even talking to me?
I stomp through my place and behind the bar.
“I thought you were with Kate,” Adam says, his eyes widening when he sees my face. “What happened?”
“I saw Declan with his new girlfriend. Or flavor of the week,” I clarify, pacing behind the bar. I don’t even care that half of the place is empty, and I’m putting on quite a show for the others.
“Wait. What?”
“Yep.” I nod and begin washing dishes, just to do something with my hands. “He was at the restaurant Kate took me to. Didn’t see me, I don’t think.”
“And he was with a woman?”
“That’s what I said, isn’t it?” I snap.
“Hi, Callie.”
I look up. “Fuck you, Keith,” I reply, then just simply laugh. “Oh great, let’s make it a fucking party, full of men who are a royal pain in my ass.”
“I know you said no on the phone earlier,” Keith says, “but it was important to me to see you.”
“Take it in the back, Cal,” Adam says, and I’m just so fucking pissed off.
“Fuck you too, Adam.”
He grips my arm and pulls me to him and whispers in my ear, “I know you’re hurt and you’re pissed, but this is your business. Take that motherfucker in the office and have it out, then get him the hell out of here. I’m here if you need me.”
I pull my arm free and gesture for Keith to follow me, leading him to the office. He shuts the door behind him.
“I want you back, Cal.”
“You can’t have me,” I reply immediately. “And how the fuck dare you come into my place, after all of these months, and just say that?”
“Wow,” he says and shakes his head, as if he doesn’t know what to say. He’s in his usual suit. His blond hair is perfect, his tie straight. He looks exactly the same as he did the last time I saw him. And I realize, for the first time, that I feel… nothing. I never loved him, that’s for damn sure. I felt affection, sure, but now with the months of no contact, there is nothing left.
“Why are you here?”
“I told you, I want you back.”
“In what capacity, exactly?” I ask, crossing my arms over my chest.
“I want everything we had before,” he replies and shoves his hands in his pockets, standing firm.
“You want me to run your club?”
“Yes,” he says with a nod.
“And you want me in your bed.” It’s not a question.
“I do. I miss you.”
I look at him, impassively, for a long minute, then just shake my head. “Why would I do that?”
“Look, I saw the show on TV—”
“That’s why you’re here,” I interrupt, it all making perfect sense now. “You saw that I made something good here, and you knew you made a mistake letting me go.”
“I’ll give you a raise.”
I cock a brow. “I’m not for sale.”
He blows out a breath and rubs his forehead, a sign that he’s agitated. “Look, I know I’m an asshole for doing this. The club has suffered since you left. None of your staff is still there; they quit when they learned you weren’t coming back. I’ve gone through two managers.”
“This isn’t my problem.” And I don’t feel even a little sorry for him.
“No, but I’m asking for your help.”
“And you think that if I came back to get the club up to par, I’d fall back into bed with you too?”
“We always were good in bed, baby.”
“Don’t call me that,” I snap. “I’m not a whore. You can’t buy me.”
“I didn’t call you one,” he replies, his voice
calm, but his eyes… his eyes are turning dark with both frustration and lust. We always had the best sex when we were pissed at each other.
“Don’t.”
He tilts his head, glances at my desk. “Wouldn’t be the first time I fucked you blind on a desk.”
“I’m not interested in you touching me, or in helping you with your club, Keith.”
And that’s when he changes. His stance, the fire in his eyes, even his hands come out of his pockets. He’s no longer hunting me, he’s just examining me.
“You’ve changed.”
“Really?”
“You’re stronger.” He frowns, thinking. “And damn if it doesn’t look good on you.”
“I’ve always been strong, Keith. You just didn’t give me the chance to show you. You were too busy micromanaging me in the club, and making sure that I knew that you’d never fall in love with me and that sex was all you wanted to see past the heels and blonde hair.”
“Maybe,” he replies, nodding. “And that’s my fault.”
“One hundred percent,” I agree. “And as pissed as I was to see you tonight, maybe it’s good that you came to see it, and remind me of it at the same time.”
“I’m proud of you.”
My jaw drops at this declaration, and then he continues. “This bar is amazing. I was in earlier, looking for you, and took a look around. You’ve done a stellar job.”
“Thank you.”
“And you may have been strong in Denver, Cal, but it’s been doing this, living here, that’s brought out the best in you. Asking you to leave is wrong. You’re better here.”
Being with Declan has made me better.
I bite my tongue and soak in his words, not even realizing that I needed them. But I did. I do.
“You look good,” I say, calming down and seeing that he is making an effort.
“You’re beautiful, but you always were,” he says with the smile that got him in my pants in the first place.
“You’re not charming me,” I say with a chuckle. “I’m sorry that the club is struggling. Can I give you some advice?”
“I can’t guarantee that I’ll take it, but go ahead.”
“Stop being an asshole, and stop sleeping with your staff.” He shuffles his feet and frowns. “Yes, you do both of those things.”