“We’re sure,” Hunter said, not sounding proud about it. “You stripped Da of his powers. Ciaran MacEwan.” I understood why he was having a hard time with it. Ciaran seemed invincible—unless you knew his true name.
“Can you please take him to a safe place until he’s better?” I asked.
Killian still seemed unsure whether or not this was reality. “Aye,” he said
hesitantly.“Aye. I know a place.”
“I’ll help you get him to your car,” said Hunter. “Watch him closely. He’ll be very weak for a while, but when he’s able to move, he might . . . hurt himself.” “Aye,” said Killian, slowly absorbing the meaning of Hunter’s words. He gave me a quick backward glance, then walked over to the father he had feared and respected. Alyce edged back to give him room. Killian put a hand on Ciaran’s shoulder and flinched when he saw Ciaran’s face. I looked away. Then Hunter and Killian walked away through the woods, supporting Ciaran between them.
Alyce got up slowly and came to sit by me. “It was a hard thing, my dear,” she said. “It hurts,” I said inadequately.
“It needs to hurt, Morgan,” she said gently, rubbing my back.“If you had done this without it hurting, you would be a monster.” Like Ciaran, I thought. Hunter came back, alone. Alyce kissed my cheek and left, going back through the woods the way she had come. With only Hunter as my witness, I let go and began to cry. He sat down next to me and put his arms around me, hard and familiar. I leaned against him and sobbed until I thought I would make myself sick. And still there was pain inside.
“Morgan, Morgan,” Hunter barely murmured.“I love you. I love you. It will be all right.” I had no idea how he could say that.
12-Alisa
><“It’s a thin line between light and dark, between pain and pleasure, between heat and
cold, between love and hate, between life and death, between this world and the next.” —
Folk saying><
By five o’clock in the morning, I was totally ready to freak. Where the hell had Hunter and his father gone? Why weren’t they back? It was going to be dawn soon, and I was supposed to be home! Any minute now, Hilary would be getting up for her. I was stalking around their house, too worried and upset to be tired, though my body felt like I’d been up for days. Should I call a taxi? Wait—this was Widow’s Vale. There was no taxi service at five in the morning. I would have to wake someone up to someone up to come get me.This sucked!
I was trying to decide if I should just start walking when I heard heavy footsteps on the
front porch. I almost flew to the door, just in time to see Hunter and Mr. Niall came in. They looked like someone had taken all the blood out of them while they were out. “Are you okay?” I blurted. “What’s wrong? Where were you?” Hunter nodded, then patted his father on the back as Mr. Niall passed us, then headed slowly upstairs, his tread lifeless. “I’m sorry, Alisa,” Hunter said. “I had no idea it would take so long. Do you need to get home?” “Yes—but what’s happened? Are you okay?” “I’m all right. Morgan’s waiting outside—she’ll give you a ride.” “Morgan?”
He nodded, rubbing his hands over his face, pressing gently on his eyes. “Yes. Tonight Morgan met Ciaran MacEwan—we told you about him—out at the power sink. You know, that old Methodist cemetery at the edge of town. Things got strange, and then Morgan ended up putting a binding spell on him. She called me and my da, and we went out there, and we got some other witches, and we stripped Ciaran of his powers.” I stared at him. “You just stripped Ciaran of his powers? Just now?” “Yes. It was very hard—Ciaran was incredibly powerful, and he resisted strongly. It was especially hard on Morgan.”
I could hardly take it all in. “What does this mean about the dark wave?” Hunter gave a wry smile, and I could tell all he wanted to do was drop onto his bed and sleep for a year. “I would guess there won’t be a dark wave now,” he said. “Looks like you’re off the hook—you won’t have to torture yourself with this spell anymore.” It took a moment for the words to sink in. “I can’t believe it’s all over,” I said, getting into my coat. I had been working so hard—we all had. And it had been for nothing. I mean, I was glad there wouldn’t be a dark wave coming, but at the same time, in a way I had been almost looking forward to seeing how well I did. Call me self-centered. My adrenaline started to ebb, and suddenly I could hardly lift my feet enough to walk to the door. I looked back at Hunter, drawn and pale in the harsh overhead light of the living room.“Was it very bad?”
He nodded and looked down at the scarred wooden floor.“It was very bad.” “I’ll talk to you soon,” I said softly. “Take care of yourself.” I gently closed the door behind me and walked across the front porch and out to the street, where Morgan was waiting in her big old car. Hunter and his father had looked awful. I wished there was something I could do for them. Maybe later today I would try to bring them something. What would be good in this situation? Chicken soup?
The door was unlocked and the engine still running when I got in. I looked over at
Morgan. “Hi,” I said quietly. “It sounds like you guys had a really hard time.” She inclined her head a tiny bit, then put the car into gear and pulled away from the curb. I sneaked another glance at her. Morgan usually looked pretty natural, not too spiffed up, but tonight she looked terrible. Like she had literally been through hell. “I’m sorry, Morgan,” I said. “I’m sorry tonight was so hard, and I’m sorry for how I’ve acted toward you the past couple of months. I wish . . . I wish I could help you somehow.”
She looked over at me, a pale slash from a streetlight bisecting her face. The edges of her mouth curved in a tiny acknowledgment, and then we turned the corner onto my street. She stopped a few houses away and looked at me expectantly, like she was waiting for me to get out. “Um, should I get out here?” I asked, grabbing my purse. Morgan nodded.“So your dad doesn’t hear the car.” “Ohhh.” Very wise, I thought. “You’re good at this,” I said in admiration, and she let out a little laugh that sounded like broken glass.
I opened the door as quietly as I could and stepped out onto the silent street. When I turned back to whisper thanks, I saw that Morgan’s face was shiny with tear tracks. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. It was all I could think to say. She gave a small nod and put the car back into drive.Very slowly, she turned around and headed back toward her house. The morning air was still and heavy as I walked over to my house. It was that last moment of quiet before the early risers get up; I felt like I could breathe in the peaceful sleep of my family and my neighbors and the whole town. After silently making my way to my room, I kicked off my shoes and looked for just a minute out the window.The rim of the horizon was just barely highlighted with pink: the dawn of a new day. woke up later that same morning, not even caring how late I was for school.When I went downstairs Hilary looked up in surprise from the yoga mat she had spread on the living room floor. She glanced at the mantel clock, then looked thoughtful. “It’s Friday, isn’t it?” she said. “Aren’t you supposed to be in school?” “Yeah,” I said wearily, collapsing on the couch. “Are you sick again, or did you and your friend stay up too late talking on the phone?” “I’m sick again.”
She uncoiled herself and came to look at me. She wasn’t wearing makeup, and somehow
she looked both younger and older than twenty-five. I wondered what it was that made my dad so crazy about her. Reaching out, she pressed her hand against my forehead. “Hm.Well, I guess I should call the school.” “Thanks,” I said, not having expected her cooperation. It had never occurred to me that my twenty-five-year-old stepmother-to-be would actually have the authority to do stuff like this.
“Why don’t you go back upstairs and get into bed? Do you need anything?” “No thanks.” I hauled myself up and headed to my room as I heard her dialing the school’s number. When I woke up again later, I heard light footsteps in the hall. Hilary tapped on my door and opened it. “Are you awake?”
“Uh-huh.” The open eyes are alwa
ys a good clue. “It’s past lunch.Are you hungry?” I thought.“Uh-huh.” “Come on downstairs and I’ll fix you some nice sardines on crackers,” she said, and I stared at her in horror before I noticed she had an evil grin on her face. I couldn’t help smiling back.“Good one.” In the kitchen I fixed myself a PB&J, poured some juice, and sat down. Hilary sat down across from me. I sighed but tried to hide it behind the sandwich. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, she was going to be part of my life. And so was my half sibling. So I should probably make an effort to get along better. I should also ask my doctor for a prescription for Prozac.That could help. “How’s school going?” she asked, destroying all my good intentions. I looked at her matter-of-factly. “It’s high school. It sucks.” I waited for her to tell me about how it had been the most wonderful four years of her life, how she was captain of the pep squad—
“Yeah. Mine sucked, too,” she said, and my mouth dropped open. “I hated it. I thought it was so stupid and pointless. I mean, I liked a couple of classes, when I had good teachers. And I liked seeing my friends. But you couldn’t pay me to go back. It didn’t seem to have anything to do with real life.”
She was warming to her topic. I stared at this new Hilary in fascination, chewing my sandwich.
“You know what real life is?” she went on. “Knowing how to make change from a dollar. Knowing that virtually everything is alphabetized.That’s real life.”
“What about mortgages, life insurance, lawn care?” I asked.
“You pick that stuff up as you go along. They don’t teach that in school, anyway. Now, college was different, I have to say. College was cool. You could control what you wanted to study and when. You could decide to go to class or not, and no one would hassle you. I looooved college. I took tons of lit and art courses, and fun stuff like women’s studies and comparative religion.” “What did you graduate with?”
“A basic liberal arts degree, a bachelor’s. Nothing useful for a job or anything.” She laughed. “It would have been better if I had studied to be an accountant.” She put her arms over her head and stretched. “Which is why I’m doing medical transcription from home. It requires knowing knowing how to listen, read, and type. And I can set my own hours, and the money isn’t bad, and I’ll be able to do it after the baby’s born.” “Is that what you’re doing on the computer all the time?” I had thought she was writing a romance novel or having an Internet relationship or something. “Yeah. Which reminds me. I need to get back to it. Right after Life and Love.Want to watch?”
“Okay.” I felt compelled to follow this new, body-snatched Hilary. I wondered what they had done with the real Hilary and decided it didn’t matter. We sat on the couch in the family room together and she filled me in on her favorite soap. I watched it mindlessly, enjoying having an hour from my life gone, an hour in which I didn’t have to think about magick and witches and breaking things and dark waves. I looked around the house, at Hilary, thought about my dad coming home. His face always lit up when he saw Hilary and me. That was cool. Thank God they weren’t going to get wiped out by magick anytime soon.
13-Morgan
><“The thing about magick is: sometimes it looks like one thing, but it turns out to be
something quite different.” —Saffy Reese, New York, 2001><
I slept all day but awoke at five in the afternoon, feeling just as crappy as when I’d gone to sleep. I heard Mary K. coming through the bathroom door and sat up to see her. “Are you all right?” she asked, looking concerned. “Have you been in bed all day?” I nodded.“I think I’ll get up and take a shower now.” “Is this the flu or what? Alisa was out sick today, too.”
“I guess it’s just some bug that’s going around,” I said lamely. I didn’t know what Alisa
had told my sister, if anything, and didn’t want to blow it for her. “Well, come downstairs if you want dinner. It’s little steaks and baked potatoes.And Aunt Eileen and Paula are coming.”
I nodded, then pushed my way into the bathroom and shut both doors. I felt heavy and unrested, the knowledge of what I had done the night before weighing me down. My family was having one of my favorite meals, and I always loved seeing my aunt and her girlfriend. But right now the thought of food made my stomach roil, and I didn’t feel up to talking to anyone. Maybe I would just go back to bed after my shower. made the water as hot as I could stand it and let it rain down on my neck and shoulders. Quietly I started to cry, leaning against the shower wall, my eyes closed against the splashing water. Oh, Goddess, I thought. Goddess. Get me through this.What did I do? I saved my family, my friends, my coven. At the expense of my father.
I had seen Ciaran after the rite. He looked dead. And I knew him well enough to know that living without magick would surely drive him insane. I had heard that a witch living without magick was like a person living a half existence, in a world where colors were grayed, scents were dulled, taste was almost nonexistent. Where your hands felt covered by plastic gloves, so when you touched things, you couldn’t feel their texture, their vibrations.
That was what I had done to my father last night. He killed your mother. He’s killed hundreds of people, witches and humans.Woman, man, and child. Just like Hunter said.
I doubted that Ciaran would be alive for long. As far as I knew, there was no rite to give him his magick back— it had been ripped from him forever. And without magick, I doubted Ciaran would feel that life was worth living. Now he was virtually harmless, and the dark wave wasn’t going to come. Not this time. I hoped I would start feeling better soon, either physically or emotionally. I would take either one. My mind was bleeding with pain and guilt and relief, and my body felt like I had fallen on rocks, again and again and again. After my shower, I got back into bed.
It wasn’t long before Mom came upstairs. She sat carefully on the side of my bed and felt my forehead. “You don’t feel hot, but you certainly look sick.”
“Thanks.”
“Does your stomach hurt?”
“No.” Just my psyche.
“Okay. How about I fix you a little tray and bring it up?” nodded, trying not to cry. Mom was still in her work clothes, and she looked tired. I was almost an adult, seventeen years old, yet all I wanted right now was for my mom to take care of me, to keep me safe. I never wanted to get out of of this bed or leave this house again.
After Mom left, Aunt Eileen and Paula came in. Paula had completely recovered from her nasty ice-skating accident and was back at work. “Big test today?” Aunt Eileen inquired with a smile. “O ye of little faith.”
Paula came over and felt my nose.“You’re fine.” “Ha-ha.” She’s a vet.
“You look like death warmed over, honey,” said my favorite aunt.“You need anything? Can we bring you something?”
I shook my head, and then Mom was back with my tray. I looked at the food. It was all cut up into little pieces, and I started to cry. “Morgan, can you talk on the phone?” Mary K. asked an hour later.“It’s Hunter.” I nodded, and she brought the cordless phone in and gave it to me. “Hello, my love,” he said, and my heart hurt.
“How are you doing?”
“Not great. How are you?”
“Bloody awful. Did you get any sleep today?” “I slept, but it didn’t help.”
There were a few moments of silence, and I knew what was coming. “Morgan—I wish you had told me you knew his true name. I thought we trusted each other.” Unexpectedly I felt a little spark of irritation. “If you’re pissed, say you’re pissed. Don’t try to make me feel guilty about my decisions.” “I’m not trying to make you feel guilty,” he said more strongly. “I just thought we had total trust and honesty between us.”
“The way I trusted you when you were in Canada?” Long silence.“I guess we have a ways to go.”
“I guess we do.” I felt upset at what that implied, for both of us.
“Well, I want to work to get there,” he said, surprising me. “I want us to grow closer, to earn each other’s trust
, to be able to count on each other more than we count on other people. I do want us to have total trust and honesty between us.That’s how I want us to be.”
You are perfection, I thought, calming right down. “I’d like that, too.” For a moment I just basked in the glow of having Hunter. “It was just—he’s my father. I was probably the only person in the whole world who knew his true name, except him. And he knew I had it. I felt I had to keep it close to myself, in case I ever needed it, for me or for you. Not for the council.”
“He knew that you had his true name?”
“He must have. I used it the night we . . . shape-shifted, to stop him. That’s why he disappeared, when what he really wanted to do was kill you or me or both.” “Yet he met you at the power sink.”
“I guess he trusted me or was sure he was stronger than me.” I gave a brittle laugh. “He was stronger than me. Many times stronger than me. But he shouldn’t have trusted me.” Hot tears slipped from my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. “Morgan, you know you did the right thing—not only for you, me, and the others he would have hurt, but also for Ciaran. For every evil he did, three times that was coming back to him. You’ve prevented him from making that any worse.” “That’s one way of looking at it,” I said. “I don’t know. Nothing is ever black or white. Decisions are never crystal clear.”
“No. What you did last night was not one hundred percent good, but certainly not one hundred percent bad. But on the whole it was much more good than bad. On the whole, you honored the Goddess much more than you dishonored her. And that’s sometimes as much as we can hope for.”
“I wish I could see you,” I said, feeling his soothing words taking away some of my jagged edges. “But I’m a wreck, and I’m sure Mom wouldn’t let me out after I’ve been in bed all day.”