Chapter 10
This Isn't Goodbye
Once the boys had cleaned up and gotten their stuff ready, it was time to head out. Kellan had already packed a bag and shoved it in his trunk, probably figuring that the going away party might turn into an overnight stay. I hadn't, and still wearing my Pete's uniform under my jacket, I slid into Kellan's Chevelle beside him.
I hated the drive there. It was like how an army wife must feel, driving her man off to war. Alright, I take that back, the situations were nothing alike. Those women were living with the potential knowledge that they may never see their husbands again. What Kellan was doing wasn't nearly so treacherous. But. . . it still felt the same. And in all honesty, the possibility that I could never see him again was there. Not because of him being killed in battle, but because he could be swept away by fame.
He could be discovered by some record big-wig, offered the world, then sent off to parts unknown to become a cog in the entertainment industry wheel. He wouldn't have time for me then. And, if he was constantly surrounded by dying-to-please star-effers. . . he may not want me then either.
Rolling my eyes as I watched the tail lights of Griffin's van and Evan's car, I reminded myself that Kellan wasn't interested in a woman who only wanted what he was, and not who he was. He'd had that. . . for years. . . and he wanted more. He wanted me. Even if this was his moment, he wouldn't let us go. I just had to keep believing that.
Setting his hand on my thigh, Kellan looked over at me. "It won't happen. "
I blinked as I looked over at him, wondering how he knew what I was thinking. Smiling, he shook his head and pointed at me. "Whatever bad scenario you've created in your head, where I become a rich and famous douche and leave you high and dry. . . it won't happen that way. "
Frowning, I tilted my head at him. "I thought you said you couldn't read minds. "
Laughing, he twisted back to the road. "I can't. . . I just know how you think is all. " Peeking back at me, he added, "You think you're not enough for me. You think I'll see all the hot tail in front of me and I'll dive into it without a moment's hesitation. You think I'll cheat. . . because I won't be able to help myself. "
He frowned and I sighed. Shaking my head, I said, "And now you're thinking that I'll be so lonely and depressed, imagining you with every starlet wannabe out there, that I'll find comfort in another man's arms. You think I'll cheat. . . because I'll assume that you already are. "
I frowned and he sighed, staring back to the road. "Well, aren't we a pair," he muttered.
Laying my head on his shoulder, I whispered, "I won't, Kellan. Even if I do think that about you, and I'm not saying that I will think that, but. . . either way, I won't. . . I'm yours. "
Sighing, he laid his head over mine. "And I won't. . . because I've only ever been yours. "
I bit my lip and closed my eyes, desperately wanting to believe him. Moments later, it seemed, we were there. Kellan pulled into a parking stall next to Evan and shut the car off. We sat for a moment in silence while Evan opened his door beside us. He rapped on our window, a wide smile on his face. Jenny opened her side and joined him, waving in our direction. As the pair met up with Matt, Griffin, Rachel and Anna, Kellan and I still sat in his car, enjoying the last moment of quiet before he had to go.
A few rows behind us in the lot, there was a flurry of activity. Several guys, who I assumed were members of some of the other bands, were bustling around three, long motor home-like busses. Men in uniforms talked with a few; the bus drivers. There were a lot of guys around, girls fawning over them as they said their goodbyes. With only a few busses for so many people, I figured Kellan was right when he said they'd be pretty packed. He may not know the other band members now, but he certainly would by the end of the tour. At least, with that many people already on board, there wouldn't be a lot of room for girls. Although. . . I suppose nothing would stop them from caravanning after the busses, stopping at the various ports along the way. That was a disheartening thought, and I immediately pushed it to the back of my head.
As I looked back at the mass of people at the very edge of the supermall parking lot, Kellan twisted the keys out of the ignition and handed them to me. I blinked as I took them. "Take care of her for me, okay?" His deep eyes seemed reluctant to let the keys go as my fingers curled over them.
My eyes widened. "You're giving me your car?"
Slightly frowning, he shook his head. "I'm just letting you borrow her. " He lifted an eyebrow. "I'll want her back. " I smiled a little at the thought of cruising around in his muscle car and he frowned. "Make sure you get the oil changed and fill her up with premium. . . and don't drive on the hills if it snows and no joy riding. . . " Pondering for a moment, he quickly added, "And don't let Anna drive her. " Rolling his eyes, he muttered, "I've seen what she did to Denny's car. "
I smiled, my fingers tightening on the keys. No, I wouldn't let Anna turn another one of my boyfriend's cars into her personal, portable closet. "I won't," I whispered. "I'll keep your baby in mint condition, Kellan. "
He smiled that I'd personified his car, then sighed. "It just seems a shame for her to sit in a driveway while you argue with Anna over who gets that P. O. S. Honda. " Running his fingers through my hair, he shook his head. "I want you to be able to get to. . . wherever you need to go while I'm gone. "
Swallowing, I nodded. Somehow, Kellan handing over the rights to his baby seemed more final than staring across the lot at his future home for the next six months. My eyes stinging, I shoved the keys in my pocket. Kellan's eyes followed them for a second before he finally cracked open his door. Reluctantly, I followed suit.
There was an excited buzz in the air as heavy equipment was secured into a couple of trucks that would follow the busses. Twenty-something boys everywhere were tucking bags and instruments under the bus, jabbing and mocking each other, or kissing the few women in the crowd.
Matt and Evan walked up to a couple of guys that I recognized. They were in a bigger band with a couple of hits on the radio. I loved their stuff, and sang along in the car whenever one of their songs came on. Usually pretty loudly. Kellan had said they were headlining the tour, but seeing them, and seeing people that I knew talking to them, was totally surreal.
Grabbing his guitar case from the back seat, Kellan slung it over his shoulder. Once he'd retrieved his bag from the trunk, he grabbed my hand and started pulling me towards the celebrities in our midst. I froze up, not wanting to go anywhere near them.
He looked back at me, his brow furrowed. I shook my head and whispered, "Don't you know who they are?"
Kellan smiled and nodded. "Yeah, they're sort of the reason we're on this tour. I was going to go say hello and thank them. " Seeing my horror at the idea of talking to them, he tilted his head. "I've heard you sing their stuff. Don't you want to meet them?"
I shook my head even harder. No, I tended to look like an idiot meeting people. Meeting people I actually admired would be. . . unimaginably mortifying. Laughing at my reluctance, Kellan pulled my arm a little harder. "They're just people, Kiera. They started out as nobodies," he laughed a little harder, "just like me. " Raising an eyebrow in a devilish way, he yanked my body into his side. "And you don't seem to have a problem talking to me. "
I giggled despite myself and reluctantly let him lead me their way. I was embarrassingly shaky when we stepped up to the pair of bona fide rock stars. Before Kellan addressed them, he whispered in my ear, "You're trembling just like some of my fans do. . . I'm a little jealous. I'll try not to be offended that I don't make you. . . quiver. "
I busted out laughing, right as the men turned to look at us. My cheeks flamed red-hot as they both bunched their brows like I was a mental patient. God, I suck at introductions.
Lightly laughing himself, Kellan dropped his bag and stuck his hand out; I clung to his other one like a lifeline. "Kellan Kyle, D-Bag, I wanted to thank you for inviting us to this. "
The blonder of the two guys, Justin, the phenomenal lead singer of the band, clasped Kellan's hand and shook it. "Yeah, man, we're honored to have you. You guys rocked the festival. "
Kellan beamed. "Thanks. " Looking over at where I was slightly hiding behind his shoulder, blatantly staring at the tattoo across Justin's collar bones, Kellan bumped my shoulder. "This is my girlfriend, Kiera. " I glanced up at Kellan, wishing I could tell him to shut up. He chuckled as he added, "She's a huge fan of yours. . . more so than she is of me, I think. "
Justin looked straight at me and I wanted to crawl into a hole. He had pale eyes and they held the same amused look that Kellan got when he ran into shivering, shaking female fans. Throwing on a professional smile, Justin extended a hand out to me. I was positive mine was clammy as all get out, and I really didn't want to gross him out by taking his, but I didn't have a choice if I didn't want to offend him. So, reluctantly, I did.
Tilting his fabulous head of layered hair, Justin casually said, "It's always nice to meet a fan. What's your favorite song?"
As his skin touched mine, all coherent thought left my brain. I couldn't think of a title of any of their songs. Not a damn one. I stammered and stuttered, my cheeks heating to a nearly uncomfortable level until I finally spat out, "I like them all. . . "
Kellan quietly laughed at me while I realized that I'd been shaking the rock star's hand for an inordinately long amount of time. Dropping it, I cuddled into Kellan's side, again wishing I could disappear. Justin and his friend looked over at Kellan and Justin clapped him on the shoulder. "Well, we're just about ready to roll. We'll see you later. "
Kellan nodded and the two walked off to enter the first bus in line. That had been just as embarrassing as I thought it would be. . . I wanted to die. After they were gone, Kellan peered down at me, an eyebrow raised. "You couldn't think of one song, could you?" I sighed and shrugged and Kellan rolled his eyes. "I'm not sure how I feel about another man making you so nervous. " Slinging his arms around my waist, he smiled. "I want to be the one that makes you sweat. "
Rubbing my hands on my pants, my eyes widened. "Oh my God, was I sweaty?"
Kellan squatted down to meet my eye, his lips pursed. Laughing at the expression on his face, I exhaled a calming breath and looped my arms around his neck. "I am your biggest fan, Kellan Kyle. " Leaning in, I kissed him. "And don't you forget it. "
Languidly kissing me back, he murmured, "Well, I do aim to please the fans. " He slid his tongue into my mouth, but I smacked his shoulder on principle. He chuckled, pulling my body into his and I melted, letting his passion seep into me. My hands tangling into his wonderfully shaggy hair, I lost myself in the moment, in his body. Just as our kiss was intensifying, and I started hoping that he'd press me into the bus and claim me again, Kellan's shoulder was tapped on.
"Uh, man, it's time to go. "
We broke apart and glanced over at Evan. Jenny was attached to his side, slight tears in her eyes as she clung to him. Behind him, Matt was quietly saying goodbye to Rachel, both of them lightly kissing in-between words that I couldn't hear. Griffin had Anna pressed against the bus.
Kellan nodded as Evan reached down and picked up Kellan's bag for him, giving us a few extra moments. Straightening, Evan gave me a swift goodbye hug and then he and Jenny walked to the doors of bus number three. Not able to watch their painful goodbye, since my own painful goodbye was upon me, I jerked my head back to Kellan. He swallowed and brought his eyes back to mine. Cupping my cheeks, he looked over my face, memorizing me.
"This isn't goodbye, okay. There are no goodbyes. . . not between us. " Whispering intensely, he lowered his forehead to rest it against mine. The scent of him overwhelmed me and I inhaled it, savoring it. Tears were already stinging my eyes when he continued. "This tour is just me being gone for another show. . . a really long one. But when it's over, I'm coming home to you, to slip into your warm, inviting bed, like I always do. . . "
I nodded, not having any words.
He swallowed again and closed his eyes. "I'll still be with you every night, Kiera. Every night, no matter where I am, I'm crawling into bed with you. Our bed will be a lot bigger, miles wide, but it will still just be me and you inside it. . . okay?"
I nodded again and he whispered, "This doesn't have to change anything. . . if we don't let it. " Swallowing, he choked out, "So let's not let it, all right?"
Tears sliding down my cheeks, I sputtered, "All right. . . "
Pulling apart from me, his own eyes moist, he searched my face again. "Are you okay?"
Feeling the weight of his absence crushing down on me, I choked on a sob. Hating myself, but not able to stop the words from forming, I shook my head in his hands. "No, no I'm not okay. I changed my mind. I don't want you to go. I don't want this. I don't want you to leave. I want you to stay here with me. I want you to give it all up and stay here with me. . . please. "
Tears were coursing down my cheeks as I started to sob. I hated that my feelings were coming out this way. I didn't really want him to give up his dreams. . . I just didn't want to see him go. I loved him too much.
Surprisingly, he exhaled in what looked like relief. Smiling softly, he brushed the tears off my cheeks. "Good, I'm glad to hear you say that. I really thought this wasn't affecting you. " He kissed me twice, then pulled back and held my gaze. My sobs eased at the look in his eyes. "I love you too, Kiera. . . so much. " Shaking his head, his eyes moistening again, he added, "I'm gonna miss you. . . every second. "
I nodded and swallowed, trying to reign in my explosive feelings. I felt like I was going to break down into hysterics any second, and I didn't want our last moment to be that way. Even if it had been reaffirming for him to see my grief, I didn't want to drown him in tears. This was a good thing for him, an exciting thing. I wanted him to go off happy, knowing that I'd be here when he got back. And like Jenny was always telling me, I had to have faith that he would come back.
Closing my eyes, I tried to imagine the reverse of this moment, six months from now, when he was coming home. We'd embrace. We'd shower the other with affection. Then I'd drop my reluctance to move in with him and we'd go home together. Then we'd make love for hours. Just the two of us, twisted in his sheets, moaning in passion. It ignited me a little already, just thinking of it. We just had to get through this winter and then we'd be reunited in the spring. . . like last year.
Thinking of winter sprang my eyes open. "You'll be gone," I whispered.
He bunched his forehead, not following my vague statement. Shaking my head, I clarified. "This will be our first Christmas. . . together. . . and you'll be gone. "
The sadness threatened to drive me over the edge again, but he smiled. "I won't be working over the holidays. I do get some time off. "
I sighed. "But who knows where you'll be. You couldn't possibly fly across the country just to spend a couple of days with me. "
Frowning, he shrugged. "Why not? People do it all the time. "
I shrugged, feeling like it was too much of a hassle to ask him to jump on a plane, not once, but twice, during the busiest traveling time of the year. Tilting his head at me, he twisted his lip. "Where will you be for Christmas?"
Shaking my head, I shrugged again. "With my family in Ohio, I guess. I'll probably spend my winter break there. "
He nodded, his smile widening. "Then I'll meet you there. . . in Ohio. "
I raised an eyebrow at him, shaking my head. "Kellan. . . "
He interrupted me with a swift kiss. "No, I've always wanted to meet your parents, see your home town. " Pulling back, his face excited, he smiled wide. "When I get the time off, I'll come to you. " He shook his head, his eyes glowing. "We'll do Christmas with your family. It'll be great, Kiera. "
Sighing, imagining him sitting on my parents' couch, sipping eggnog, I nodded and bit my lip. "Alright. . . it's a date. "
Both of us feeling better, we kissed again for a few long seconds. Band members brushed past us as we nonverbally said goodbye, but we ignored them. I even managed to ignore Griffin grabbing my butt and murmuring in my ear, "Yes, Kellan. . . God, yes. " Then we were alone and the bus driver was snapping at Kellan to get on or he'd leave him here.
Sighing, we broke apart. . . for the last time. I didn't want to think of it that way, but there it was, the last kiss we'd have for what I knew was going to feel like an eternity. Swallowing as he nodded at me, he took a step back. Our hands trailed across the other's arms and it took every amount of will power I had to not grab his fingertips as our hands broke apart.
I didn't want to, but a sob came out of me when his skin left mine. Even though we'd made plans to see each other again, it almost felt like things were irrevocably shifting. We'd never be Kiera and Kellan again. . . not like we were anyway. I hoped that the new Kiera and Kellan would be better, stronger, more trusting of each other. . . but I didn't know for sure what or where we'd end up. And the unknown is a terrifying thing.
Kellan adjusted his guitar strapped on his back, then stepped onto his bus and out of my sight. Jenny, Rachel and Anna came up to clump around me. Windows opened along the sides of the bus, and strange guys leaned out of them to wave to strange girls. Then our D-Bags appeared near the back. Kellan leaned on his elbows over the glass, lifting his hand in a small wave. Tears in my eyes, I waved back.
With all of us girls sniffling, we watched, disheartened, as the bus rumbled to life. Stringing my arms over Anna and Jenny, Rachel leaning on Jenny, we all softly cried while our men departed for their war with fame. Even through my sorrow, I wished them luck.
As the bus pulled away, the various boys popped back inside it, windows closing after them. All but Kellan. He stayed propped out his window, watching me fade into oblivion as he sped away from me faster and faster. It was so metaphoric, a physical example of everything I feared our relationship would become, that I couldn't keep watching. When he was far enough away that he wouldn't be able to notice, I closed my eyes. Sadly, that felt metaphoric too.
When I reopened them, the busses were gone, vanished from sight, off to destinations unknown. The random girls wandering around the parking lot talked with each other in clumps before heading off to their separate vehicles. Most of them looked fine, like their boyfriends disappearing down the path to fame and fortune was no big deal. Shaking my head at the more chipper girls in the crowd, I wanted to run over and tell them, "What are you so thrilled about? Don't you know the odds are that you'll be replaced as soon as they are household names?" But I was trying to keep my head in a positive place, so I didn't.
Sniffing back the tears, I suddenly wanted to be at home, wetting my way through a box of Kleenex. My friends had other plans, though. Jenny stepped in front of me, cupping my cheeks. She hazed in my watery vision as I stared at her. Shaking her golden waves, she said, "Kellan gave me instructions that I wasn't allowed to let you mope after he left. . . so stop picturing all of the bad things you're picturing and smile, so I can tell him that I did my job. "
She grinned after she said it and I blinked. "He. . . gave you instructions on how to handle me?"
Jenny shrugged, dropping her palms from my face to grab my hands. Anna laughed and put her chin on my shoulder. "Yeah, he talked to me, too. . . said I should take you out a lot, make sure you had fun and didn't wallow too much. " I looked back at my sister and she giggled, rolling her eyes. "It's like he knows you or something. "
Quiet Rachel put her hand on my arm and I looked over at the mixed beauty. "He cares a lot about you, Kiera. He wants you to be happy while he's gone. "
Blinking at her, I shook my head. "He talked to all of you?" They all shrugged and smiled and I shook my head. "I can't believe my boyfriend assigned my friends to be my keepers. . . like I'd be popping Prozac and walking along bridge rails once he left. " Smiling, I laughed a little. "That jackass. "
They all laughed with me and I took a moment to look over each woman's face. Even smiling, I could see a sadness in each of them and I swallowed, remembering that I wasn't the only one suffering here. Putting my arm around Rachel, I asked, "I know I'm not the only one going through this. . . how are you guys?"
Rachel shrugged, her deeply tanned skin flushing. "All right, I guess. Matt says he loves me and he's not interested in anybody else. It's all about the music with him. . . so, I think we'll be fine. "
I hugged her briefly, agreeing with her. Matt wasn't the type to go after a girl when he had one waiting at home. Even before he'd started dating Rachel. . . that just wasn't him. Jenny in front of me sighed morosely. "I miss him already, but I know Evan will come back for me. " She shook her head. "We've been friends for so long. . . I just can't see him doing anything. . . " she bit her lip and glanced at Anna, ". . . stupid. "
Anna snorted and we all turned to look at her. "Well, Griffin and I aren't the lovey-dovey couple that the three of you are, so I'm completely fine. " Smiling, she shrugged. "He gives me what I need when he's around, and when he's not. . . " her smile widened, "there are plenty of others who can. "
She winked at us and I laughed and shook my head. At least Anna wasn't head-over-heels for Griffin and wouldn't get hurt over his. . . antics. I was fairly certain that he wouldn't even try to be faithful and committed to her while he was gone. Hell, he wasn't even faithful and committed to her while he was here! But she wasn't faithful to him either and they both seemed fine with the situation.
Jenny smirked and shook her head while Rachel frowned. Being Matt's girlfriend, she probably saw the most of Griffin, since the twin-like cousins were sort of inseparable, and if she was anything like me, she probably found him repugnant. Anna sighed and laid her head on my shoulder. "I will miss the multiple orgasms, though. " She sighed, forlornly. "No one can stroke me like that boy. "
Jenny giggled while Rachel's flush deepened. I reached over and smacked my sister's shoulder, pushing her away from me. "Ewww, Anna, too much information. . . seriously. "
She laughed while I shook my head in disgust. I may have to go home and take a shower now. I felt a little dirty just hearing her comment, let alone the visual I now had. Anna throatily chuckled, her finger looping around a perfect, silky lock of hair as she raised her eyebrows suggestively. I was still shaking my head at her when my pocket vibrated.
A bit startled, I reached into my jacket and pulled out my phone. The most glorious words imaginable were flashing across the screen-Incoming call from Kellan Kyle. Giggling at the marvels of technology, I pressed the connect button and put the phone to my ear. "Hello?"
A husky voice greeted me, along with a lot of background noise; boisterous boys laughing and talking. "Hey, is it too early to miss you?"
Laughing a little as Jenny and the girls watched me, I shook my head. "No, it's never too early for that. I miss you too, Kellan. "
Anna rolled her eyes while Jenny and Rachel grinned. Kellan laughed in my ear, the sound instantly taking me to my happy place. "Good. . . is it too early for phone sex?"
Straightening, I felt my cheeks heat. "Kellan!" He laughed even harder in my ear and Anna stopped smirking, raising an eyebrow instead. I could only shake my head at her, my mind too busy wondering what phone sex was exactly, since I'd never done it. I couldn't imagine anything more horrifying, although. . . the thought of Kellan panting in my ear, touching himself, moaning my name, thinking of me. . . it did send a rush through me.
But there was no way I'd even consider it in the company I was in now.
I stammered for something to say and he chuckled, amused. "I'm just teasing, Kiera. I'm glad you're okay. I thought you might be a blubbering mess by now. "
Relaxing a bit as Anna, Jenny and Rachel moved on to their own conversation, giving Kellan and me some privacy, I twisted my lip. "Yeah, well, your recruits have done their job well. " My voice came out a little dry and he laughed again.
"Good, then part one of my plan has been successful. "
I blinked, tilting my head. "Part one? Wait. . . what plan?"
Vaguely, I heard the girls start to make plans of their own, mainly to head over to Pete's, to tear down the guys' equipment and move it over to Evan's place, since Jenny had the keys to his loft. My main focus was on Kellan, though. . . and this mysterious plan that he had.
Chuckling a little, he murmured, "Just a little something to keep you occupied while I'm gone. "
I smiled, wondering just what he had in mind. "Hmmm, I see. " As Jenny tapped my shoulder, mouthing that they were going to head over there, I nodded.
While I walked over to our cars, well, the cars the boys were letting us drive in their absence, Kellan sighed in my ear. "I'm liking this phone idea you had. This is nice, being able to talk to you whenever I want to. "
I waved at Jenny as she opened Evan's car door, ducking inside it with Rachel. Anna blew me a kiss as she opened Griffin's van door and ducked inside. Smiling at Kellan's comment, I cracked the Chevelle's door open and sat inside. It was strange to be in it without him. But with his voice in my ear and the residual smell of him in the car, it was almost like he was here, sitting beside me. I smiled as I answered him. "Yeah, see, I knew you'd like it better than handcuffs. "
"Oh, hey now. . . I didn't say that. " He chuckled as I bit my lip. Pulling the keys out of my pocket, I twisted the ignition, the solid engine roaring to life.
Kellan sighed. "Did you just start my baby?"
I laughed, waiting while Jenny and Anna pulled their vehicles out of their respective stalls. "Well, I do have to drive her home, so. . . yeah. "
"Well, you shouldn't drive and talk on the phone, so I'll let you go. "
I frowned, wishing for a moment that we could spend the entire time apart connected on the phone. I knew that was horribly impractical, though. "Okay. . . I love you. "
He sighed, the sound a happy and content one. "I love you, too. I'll call you later tonight. "
I nodded, then remembered he couldn't see me. "Okay. . . bye. "
"Bye. " He disconnected and the rambunctious laughter in the background faded. I sighed, then smiled. At least I'd get to hear from him a lot while he was gone. And maybe, if I someday felt brave enough, we'd try that phone sex thing. I was insanely curious to hear what he'd sound like, making love from a distance. . . and I could always fake my end of it anyway.
Sighing as I popped the phone back in my jacket, my pocket feeling warmer just having the connection to Kellan inside it, I smiled and wrapped my fingers around the wheel. The power of the car reminded me of the power in the man who owned it. Sleek and sexy, strong and hard, it fit Kellan perfectly, and I knew I'd think of him whenever I went anywhere inside it.
In a much better mood than I'd ever thought possible, I headed over to Pete's Bar, to remove all traces of my boyfriend from it. That thought managed to bring down my good mood a smidge.
Parking in Kellan's traditional spot, I shut off his car. I pictured his sexy half-smile as I sat there a second. Then my window was rapped on and I jerked back to the moment. Anna smiled at me, waving her hand in a signal for me to get out of the car. Inhaling the lingering scent of him, knowing that I needed to get a handle on my rotating emotions, I pushed open his heavy door.
Anna slung her arm over my shoulder as Jenny and Rachel got out of Evan's car, laughing over some story they'd been telling on the ride over. Smiling at my friends and family, I perked back up. Almost our own quartet, the D-Bag-ettes, we strolled through the double doors. Nearly expecting the reaction Kellan and the guys got when they busted through the doors, I was a little disappointed when not one person in the lunch crowd looked our way.
Troy, back to his normal daytime hours at the bar, waved at us. His face was forlorn, like he missed Kellan too. I almost wanted to go over and hug him, talk to him about the man we both mutually crushed on, but considering that I had Kellan's heart and poor Troy never would. . . I thought that might be mean. Best to leave the man alone to his grief.
Jenny waved at the elderly waitresses that had been here since the bar's conception, or so it seemed, as the group of us headed to the darkened stage. The black wall covered in guitars behind the equipment we were tearing down seemed a bit morose today, or maybe that was just my lingering mood. Stepping up onto the worn-with-use oak, I walked up to Kellan's mic, alone in the center. Running my hand up the shaft, I imagined Kellan's fingers doing the same.
Twisting to face the crowd largely ignoring us, I tried to picture what he felt standing up here. Looking out over the now empty dance floor, I tried to imagine it packed with people, as it normally was when the boys played. Just the thought made my stomach twist. I didn't get how he could do this. And now he'd be playing even bigger venues. . . it boggled my mind.
Gripping the mic at the top of the stand, the sound equipment set way too tall for me, I mentally photographed my rock star boyfriend.
"You wanna sing something, before we tear it down?" I looked over at Jenny. She was watching me as she twisted some of Evan's drum sticks in her hands. Smiling as she walked over to sit behind Evan's drums, she pointed to Kellan's microphone. "We could play one of theirs. " She laughed a little. "We could be their cover band. "
I paled at the idea, but Anna thought it was a great plan, and immediately strung Griffin's bass guitar over her shoulder. Chuckling softly, Rachel picked Matt's guitar off its stand and looped it over her shoulder. Then they all looked expectantly at me, like I was actually the leader of this fake band.
I shook my head, but Jenny started clicking off a beat with her sticks. Then they all started playing. I was so busy laughing, I couldn't be embarrassed. There was one thing that even a cover band needed to know how to do, to be successful-they needed to know how to play, and none of us did. As Jenny made random hits on various drums, Anna plucked whatever chord struck her fancy on her unplugged instrument. Rachel strummed hers like she held a ukulele. I heartily laughed.
A few eating patrons glanced up at us, but since nothing was powered up, and Jenny was smacking the set as softly as she could, we really weren't making that much noise. They all went back to their meals and conversations. Still curious about being a rock star, about what that would feel like, I closed my eyes and started singing one of Kellan's songs. Well, singing was a stretch. I was murmuring, my voice nearly lost in the chaos around me.
At hearing my band mates giggle, I opened my eyes. They were all smiling at me, rocking out harder on their borrowed instruments. Grinning, courage building in me the longer I was up here, I unfastened the mic from the stand and raised my voice. . . a little.
Mimicking the moves I'd seen Kellan do a thousand times, I started to pretend that I was him. My eyes swung over the empty patch where the crowds would have been, and I pictured them there, cheering for me. I even pictured Kellan among them, grinning crookedly and shaking his head at me. I focused my attention on the mental image I had of him, trying to be sexy for him, since he so often was for me.
My imagined version of Kellan smiled wider and bit his lip. I heard whistled encouragement from behind me and the picture of him in my head vanished. I giggled over at Anna, nodding at me as she faked her way through playing a D-Bag classic. My cheeks heating, I switched my view to Rachel, merrily strumming away like we were doing a skit at summer camp. Jenny behind me started playing her version of a disorganized solo and I giggled mid-sentence at the musical mess we were making.
When the song was over, I made a small bow, the girls joining me. From across the bar I heard a small splattering of applause. Looking up, Troy was clapping, beaming at us. I laughed, embarrassment flooding me, but held back from completely absorbing me by a flash of pride. I'd done it. I'd sung on stage. Granted, I wasn't plugged in and no one but Troy had really been listening, but still, I felt like I could cross it off my bucket list now.
Kellan would be so proud. I couldn't wait to tell him.