Chapter 16
Doubt
When I got back out to the bar, Denny was still chatting with Sam, only now Kate and a couple of the regulars had joined him. They were all laughing as they sat around talking, and I took a moment to just smile and absorb the fact that he was back here. Watching his goofy grin, hearing him laugh, it brought back all the good feelings from when we were together. It made me realize how much I'd missed him this past year. I knew it was going to be hard on me when he left again. And it had been pretty hard the first time.
As Kate squeezed his shoulders and gave him a hug, he looked over to where I was still standing and watching him. His goofy grin changed into a warm smile and he nodded a little at me. Face flushing a million degrees, I stopped reminiscing and headed towards the bar to get him a drink.
Rita eyed me speculatively as she poured a beer for him. At just high enough of a level for me to hear, she murmured, "When the cat's away. . . "
I rolled my eyes and grit my jaw. Snapping at Rita wouldn't do any good. She tended to think everyone was hooking up with everyone. She saw sordid behavior in just about anything. She'd even told me once that The Little Mermaid was darn near pornographic. I still have no idea why. . .
Pretending that I didn't hear her, and also pretending that I couldn't clearly see the top of her bra under her deeply cut v-neck, I grabbed Denny's drink and headed to the band's table, well, what used to be the band's table.
The front doors squeaked open as I passed by and I halfheartedly glanced over. Seeing someone that usually didn't come into the bar, I stopped. Rachel locked eyes with me immediately. Her tanned skin seemed to glow and her almond eyes sparkled. Lifting a laptop tucked under her arm, her long sheet of dark hair almost obscuring it, her wide smile got even wider. "Oh, hey, Kiera. I'm glad you're here tonight. I wanted to show you and Jenny something. "
Seeing her roommate enter, Jenny walked over to us, curious. "Did you get it up and running?" she asked, pointing her finger to the machine Rachel was disentangling from her hair.
Nodding, she started walking back to Denny's table. Natural, I supposed, since her boyfriend generally sat in the same seat that Denny was currently plopped in. Wondering what they were talking about, I watched with bunched brows as Rachel set up the laptop across from Denny.
As Sam and the regulars left Denny and returned to their own evenings, Denny tilted his head at the newcomer at his table. "Hello," he said politely, not knowing who Rachel was.
She nervously tucked her hair behind her ears. Barely making eye contact with him, she turned on the computer. "Hi," she squeaked out. "Hope you don't mind if I borrow your table for a second. "
Denny laughed at her shyness, glancing up at me with a small, knowing smile, like Rachel reminded him of me. "Not at all. "
Lowering my eyes, I flicked my hand between Rachel and Denny. "Denny, Rachel. . . Rachel Denny. " They both made brief contact and Rachel nodded her head a little at him. Wanting to laugh that Denny sort of had a point, I added, "Rachel is Jenny's roommate and Matt's girlfriend. " Looking back at Denny, I bunched my brows. "Denny's. . . my ex. " I shrugged.
Rachel's eyes flew up to Denny's. "You're the ex? The ex?"
She immediately flushed and looked down at her computer. Denny flushed as well, looking away. I bit my lip. . . I guess either Matt or Jenny had filled Rachel in on all the drama that was Kellan and I having an affair behind Denny's back. Great. I guess I'd have to have the "don't tell Matt so he doesn't tell Kellan" speech with her, too.
More because I needed something to do with my hands than anything else, I handed Denny his beer. He immediately took a sip. Because we were supposed to, and, because I felt bad, I gave him an apple lollipop. He twisted his lips and shook his head, laughing as he took it. I wondered why until I considered what I'd given him. . . a sucker. And just when he was probably feeling like a giant sucker.
Sighing a little, I considered asking him what he wanted to eat, but Rachel spoke again before I could. Logging onto the internet, she typed in a phrase. "Matt asked me to set this up, so I thought I'd do it while the boys were gone. " She shook her head, her smile returning. "We just went live an hour ago, and people have already sent me stuff to post. "
As the page she'd typed in loaded, my jaw dropped open. It was a D-Bag website. I shook my head as she scrolled around through some of the different pages. Everything seemed to be on there-photos of the guys, a playlist of all their songs, their tour schedule, a short biography on each of the members, feedback from the fans.
I frowned when she clicked over Kellan's bio. At the bottom of his description there was a photo of him on stage. . . without a shirt. It was an older photo and I couldn't see any trace of his tattoo, just lean, toned, etched muscle. It was an incredibly hot shot. Whoever had taken it had gotten him running a hand back through his hair as he twisted towards the camera. His head was down, but his eyes were up, looking right at the photographer. With eyes that promised satisfaction, a soft, seductive smile played across his lips. I was fairly certain that the person who'd captured this moment, had gotten a very private performance later.
Wondering if these were Rachel's personal pictures, I crossed my arms over my chest. "Why's Kellan the only one half naked?" Glancing over the photos of the other boys, all of them dressed normally, I frowned a little deeper.
Rachel looked back at me, her cheeks flushing. "Matt gave me these pictures. He's been collecting them from fans over the years. " She pointed at Kellan's body, then clicked back to the homepage, where I finally noticed that his mostly bare image had also been seamlessly blended into a good chunk of the wallpaper. Shaking her head as she shifted her gaze from the screen back to me, she quietly said, "Matt told me to work with what they've got. . . to play up their best features. "
Shrinking away from my gaze, she muttered, "Kellan's body is. . . one of their best features, even I'll admit that. "
Sighing, I shook my head and rolled my eyes. Denny stood up and walked over to look at the screen. Chuckling a little, he nodded. "She has a point. " Glancing over at me, he raised an eyebrow. "Marketing-wise, it's a solid strategy. . . sex sells. "
Hating that the "sex" being sold revolved around my boyfriend, and sort of hating that my ex was the one defending it, I blurted to Rachel, "You said people were sending you stuff? What stuff?"
Rachel sat up straight and clapped her hands. "Oh, I'm so excited to show you this part. " Giggling, maybe glad that I wasn't going to go off on her or anything, she headed over to a section entitled "Videos. " I scrunched my face, confused. The band hadn't made any videos. At least, none that I'd seen.
Running past a few, she settled on a thumbnail of the boys on stage. As she started playing the video, I laughed a little. It definitely wasn't a professionally done video, more like something a fan had created on their cell phone. Slightly wobbly and almost overpowered by the sound of screaming nearby, it looked to be taken from a recent show. Rachel confirmed that when she said that the footage was dated a couple of weeks ago.
Jenny giggled and leaned in, her eyes focused on her man in the back banging away on his drums. Rachel sighed happily as she watched Matt stringing through his guitar so fast that you could barely register his fingers moving. And my eyes were glued on Kellan. It seemed a lifetime ago that I'd watched him perform onstage. Truly, it had only been three months, halfway through our allotted separation, but it seemed much, much longer.
Leaning back on a hip, I sighed again, but contently this time. Wherever this had been filmed, Kellan commanded the stage with his presence. Just like when he did it here, on our comparatively smaller stage, he seemed completely comfortable, perfectly at home. It was still miraculous to me.
Not thinking about what I was doing, I leaned into Denny's side. He straightened, and took a half-step away from me. I muttered sorry, but he wasn't looking at me, his eyes were glued on Kellan too. I had no idea how he felt, watching the man he'd lost me to, thriving in his chosen profession.
Pushing it from my head, I turned back to Kellan strutting across the stage, belting out lyrics as he interacted with the crowd-reaching out for them or playfully holding a hand to his ear. I swear he even winked at a couple of people. I tried to ignore the twinge in my stomach.
When the song ended, I wanted to clap along with the crowd. They'd all done so great, not that I'd really been concerned that they wouldn't-the guys always did great-but it was nice to see that the constant traveling, and the tiredness that can come with it, hadn't hampered their talent at all.
Just when I started to ask Rachel how many more videos there were, and if I could borrow her computer over my dinner break, the cell camera focused on Kellan. I stopped talking, staring at the image of him, so close, yet so far away. Smiling to the crowd, he thanked them all, bowed and then blew out a kiss. He twisted to head off the stage and the fan recording the footage followed his progress. Apparently the fan found Kellan the most appealing one to watch.
Just as Kellan started to round a corner that must have led to a behind the scenes area, a woman darted out from around the corner first.
She startled me, showing up on the screen like that, but Kellan didn't react to her appearance at all. Like he knew she'd be there. He only smiled at her, his grin a breathtaking one. As I felt all of the blood draining from my body, I watched Kellan playfully grab both of her elbows. Shaking his head, his face still showing nothing but joy, he animatedly said something to her.
The statuesque woman smiled back at him and nodded, her face equally joyful. She wasn't what I expected a band-following groupie to look like. She seemed high class, well put together, with dark ebony hair in a loosely held back bun and clothes that screamed money. She had creamy, mocha skin, with perfect bone structure beneath it and lips that were undeniably full and soft. She was. . . gorgeous. Model gorgeous. Celebrity gorgeous. Halle Berry gorgeous. Squinting my eyes, I wondered for a second if maybe it was Halle Berry? Wouldn't that just be my luck? If he'd hooked up with an A-list actress already.
Just as she twisted her face and I saw enough of it to know that it wasn't the actress, Kellan leaned into her ear. I had no idea if he was leaning in to tell her something, or if he was leaning in to nibble on it. And I couldn't tell what happened next, since the video shut off. The screen now back to the tiny thumbnail of the band, I blinked. Did I really just see what I think I saw? I didn't want to believe it, but it had looked. . . suspicious. Then there was that odd text over Christmas that he wouldn't let me read. He'd said it was from Griffin. Was it?
Anger boiling in my stomach, I pointed to the computer. "Could you. . . play that last part again please?" I asked, my voice short and tight.
Rachel tucked her hair behind her ears repeatedly. "Kiera, I'm sorry. That one just came in. . . I was so excited to show you guys, I hadn't watched it all the way through yet. "
Glaring at her, even though I didn't mean to, I snapped, "Play it again, Rachel. " Calming myself, since I really didn't know what I was seeing, I added, "Please. "
I felt Denny put a hand on my shoulder, but I couldn't look at him. I was sure he wouldn't gloat, but I wasn't equally sure that he wasn't that surprised. Maybe I'd been dreaming about having a monogamous relationship with Kellan. Maybe that just wasn't possible. Closing my eyes tight, I shook my head. No, I couldn't leap to conclusions without talking to him. I couldn't condemn him without letting him fail first. Isn't that what I'd convinced my dad?
Feeling another hand touch me, I opened my eyes at Jenny. Biting her lip, she shook her head. "I'm sure there's a perfectly logical explanation, Kiera. I'm sure that was nothing. . . really. "
I felt my eyes sting as I nodded at her. Sure, it may have been nothing, we really didn't know. But it was enough of something for every single one of them to wonder about it. And that made my stomach start to churn.
Jenny went back to work, excitedly telling Kate all about Evan's performance, while I watched the clip again. Denny stayed by my side, not saying anything, but not making any move to walk away. I shook my head as I watched Kellan lean into the beauty again. Seeing it was riling up my stomach. I really should stop myself. I really shouldn't watch. But I felt frozen in place, staring at the screen over Rachel's shoulder.
After playing it again, Rachel tried to move to a different area of the website, maybe to get my mind off it, but I was too deep in my jealous fit to just let it slide off me. I was as patient as I could be, and I'd grown a lot in the last year, but I still had a lot of room for growth. I grabbed the mouse from her and clicked the video again.
Sighing, she stood up, inching her way between Denny and I. "I'll just. . . give you a moment," she murmured, walking away from the table.
Biting my nails as I watched the clip again and again, I wondered what it all meant. He seemed to be very comfortable with a person that I didn't know. A person that I was sure I'd never heard him mention in all of his phone conversations. Just as I was rewinding the moment where Kellan leans into her for about the twentieth time, the laptop was snapped shut in my face.
Blinking, I looked up at Denny. Still standing behind me, he crossed his arms over his chest. "You're going to give yourself an ulcer, worrying about something that you have no proof to support. " He raised his eyebrows. "Trust me. . . I know. "
I flushed and started to look away but Denny quickly added, "And besides, you promised me dinner, and I'm starving. " Peeking up at him, I managed to smile a little. Seeing my mood lift, he shook his head. "Do you think you could get me one of those world-famous burgers that you guys have?"
Biting my lip, I glanced at the closed laptop. I wanted to watch it again, but Denny was right, I had no proof that Kellan was doing anything wrong. I couldn't do anything but make myself angry as I watched a brief moment that I was probably taking out of context. . . hopefully. I'd have to wait and ask Kellan later, and I'd have to ask him in a way that didn't make it obvious that I wasn't flat-out asking him if he was sleeping with her. I'd have to bring it up subtly. . . and subtleness wasn't my strong point.
Letting the video go for now, I stood and placed my hand on his shoulder. "Of course. " I sighed. "I'm sorry it took so long.
Denny glanced down at the computer on the table. "Not a problem, Kiera. . . I understand," he whispered.
I'd like to say that I let the video go after that moment. I'd like to say it, but it wouldn't be true. I snagged the laptop from Rachel, telling her that I'd give it back tomorrow. Denny shook his head at me as he ate his dinner, but he gave me a sympathetic smile too, like he understood. He told me he'd call me tomorrow and see how I was doing. I marveled that he was still my caretaker, even after everything. Even after being physically separated from me for a year. Giving him a swift hug, a hug that made a swirl of whispers flash around the bar, I told him to tell Abby hi for me. The smile on his face was the largest I'd seen all night and I noticed him pulling his phone out of his pocket as he headed out to the parking lot. I figured he was going to call her right then and there.
After my shift, I went home and watched every clip available on the band's website. While I enjoyed seeing Kellan in action again, I also saw that woman two more times. From what I could make out by the background, all three videos that had glimpses of her were shot in three different locations, like she really was following them around as they'd headed from town to town.
It burned my blood and I couldn't sleep that night. I watched the videos over and over, cell phone in hand, barely stopping myself from calling and demanding an answer. My sister plodded into my room near dawn, crashing into the bed with me. Like Denny, she slammed shut the laptop, letting out an annoyed grunt.
I sighed, leaning back on the pillows, my hand tight around my phone. "What are you doing up?" I muttered.
Removing the computer from my lap, she laid her head there and glared up at me. "I could practically hear you fuming through the walls. What's going on?"
I shook my head. "Nothing. " It had to be nothing. . . he'd promised.
Seeing my face, she sat up. "No it's not. . . what happened?" She glanced over to the computer, picking it up and opening it. "Something in here?" she asked, her silky locks falling over her shoulder.
I bit my lip and nodded, then shook my head. "Just a girl that keeps popping up in some fan footage of the band. " I sighed as Anna navigated to the page I'd been staring at all night. "I just. . . don't know what it means. "
When Anna looked up at me with furrowed brows, I sighed and showed her which video to play. She silently watched the video, then looked up at me and shook her head. "I don't know, Kiera. " Glancing at the cell in my hand, she shrugged. "Why don't you just call and ask?"
A wistful sound escaped me as I stared at my phone. "I wish I could. . . but I don't want to be that girl. " Sitting up, I locked my arms around my legs. "Plus, what would I say? I saw you touch a girl in a video. . . care to explain?"
Looking down I shook my head and remembered Denny's words. "I have no proof that he's cheating, just a short glimpse of. . . familiarity. . . with a girl that I don't know. That's not enough to start cornering him with questions. " I peeked back up at her and smiled sadly. "I don't want to be the jealous girl back home who can't handle the fame of her guy. That's how couple's like us break apart. "
Sighing herself, she reached up to tuck some hair behind my ear. "Yeah, I suppose. " Brightening, her face way too attractive for the insane hour, she exclaimed, "I could ask Griffin? I'm sure he knows who that girl is. " She frowned right after she said it, like if Griffin knew her, then he knew her intimately.
Biting my lip, I shook my head. "No, any answers need to come from him. I can't be the girl who uses his friends to spy on him, either. " Closing my eyes, I pushed the computer away from the both of us. "No. . . I need to let this go. I need to trust him. " I opened my eyes and shrugged. "That's the only way we're going to work, if we start trusting each other. . . and it's probably nothing anyway. "
She nodded, agreeing with me. "Yeah, I'm sure. He's way too crazy in love to do anything as stupid as cheat on you. "
I nodded, smiling softly. As Anna gave me a hug, a stray thought entered my brain and I asked Anna about it on a whim. "Hey, what's Griffin's cell number?"
Her eyes got wider as she stared at me, the perfectly emerald shade more than a little surprised that I'd want to know that; Griffin and I didn't exactly talk. I generally avoided any conversation with him. I just couldn't get that weird text out of my head, not with this new information exposed to me.
"I just. . . I need. . . Kellan got this. . . " I sighed. "What's his number?"
She rattled it off instantly and I sighed and closed my eyes. The number that had been on Kellan's phone was burned into my brain. . . and the number Anna had just given me wasn't it. The text hadn't been from Griffin. Kellan had lied.
When I finally passed out from exhaustion, I had a dream. Well, nightmare really. In it, I kept running into women wearing matching promise rings. Then I kept finding notes tucked all over his house that were addressed to other girls. I think I even dreamt that he proposed to the Halle Berry lookalike on National TV. My dream version of Denny was there, giving me sympathetic, supportive glances, like he knew my pain. It only made me feel worse. When I startled awake, I felt like I hadn't slept at all.
Irritated at myself, I knew I was overacting. One plus one didn't always equal two.
Forcing myself to shower and get ready for the day, I was instantly grateful that my class was this afternoon; I'd have slept right through it if I'd had a morning one. Leaving my hair damp and dripping, I shuffled out to the living room, where I could hear Anna watching cartoons while she slurped down a bowl of cereal.
Pushing all doubt out of my brain, I sat beside her, laying my wet head on her shoulder. She glanced over at me in-between spoonfuls, then nonchalantly said, "Do you remember when I came home and you and Kellan were seriously making out on the couch?"
I straightened, staring at her with wide eyes. "Yeah. . . " How could I forget, I'd been mortified.
It had been back when we weren't having sex yet, but we were definitely pushing the envelope. He'd been shirtless, jeans unbuttoned. I'd had a light tank top on but he'd scrunched it all the way up my stomach. The memory of his lips on my belly assaulted me as I rewound back to that night.
His hands on my hips, pulling at the fabric of my light shorts, like he'd wanted to tear them off. My fingers tangling in his hair, as I yanked his mouth back to mine. The moans I made as his lean body pressed against every square inch of me. Our breaths fast as we both considered how far to take the moment. We'd been going slow, together for more than two months, but we'd still held back, wanting it to be perfect. And holding back with Kellan was hard.
As was his body, as he rhythmically pressed his hips into mine. I remembered momentarily losing control, and grabbing his hand. I'd just needed him to touch me again. I'd led his fingers up my thigh, wanting him to feel the swollen ache that I had for him, wanting him to know that I needed him. It was the first time he'd touched me down there since the affair.
Understanding my directive, his hand had quickly darted under my clothing. When his thumb circled over my wet flesh, we'd both sucked in quick breaths, groaning. I can still clearly remember him dropping his head to my shoulder and huskily telling me that he'd missed feeling this. . . that he'd missed me.
Knowing just the right amount of pressure to use, knowing just the perfect pattern to follow, he'd had me on the brink of releasing in just a few seconds. Wanting to please him, too, I'd ducked my hand into his open jeans.
And, of course, that had been when my sister had unexpectedly come home. It had been as close to being caught in the act that I'd ever been. It was also the last time Kellan and I ever took things that far in a public room.
Blushing horribly, I averted my eyes to the TV. Anna laughed huskily, slurping another bite of sugary green circles. "God, that was pretty hot. I did feel really bad for ruining your climax though. " I glared at her and she laughed again. "Remember? I told you I'd duck into my room for a few minutes if you wanted to finish. "
As she laughed again, I blushed even more. When I'd finally noticed that she was home, I'd scrambled to get Kellan disentangled from me and redressed. He'd chuckled, not bothered in the slightest, and had wanted to take Anna up on her outlandish offer. I'd made him go for a walk with me. Anything to douse the fire in my lower body.
Dropping my head into my hands, I shook it. "Why are you bringing that up?" I glared at her again. "Just to humiliate me?"
She twisted her lips, then tilted her head. "No. " Dropping her spoon into her bowl, she leaned back on the ugly couch where the intimate moment had happed. "Do you remember what Kellan said?"
I bunched my brows, trying to remember anything aside of embarrassment. Seeing that I didn't, Anna smiled. "He said, don't worry about it, Kiera. When we're old and gray, you'll look back at this moment and laugh. We'll tell our grandkids about it. . . and completely gross them out. "
I looked down, finally remembering him saying that. Anna grabbed my chin, making me look back at her. My eyes felt misty when I did. "I brought it up to remind you that Kellan is thinking long term with you. You're not just a girl he's seeing. You're THE girl. You're it for him. I see it in his eyes when he looks at you. " She sighed, wistfully. "He's completely, madly, deeply in love with you, and he wants a lifetime with you. . . so stop stressing. "
Exhaling slowly, I felt a weight lifting from me. She was right. I was fearing the fear. . . everything was okay. Nodding at her, I considered calling Kellan, just to tell him I loved him, when the front door was knocked on.
Anna ruffled my hair and went back to her cartoons while I got up to see who was here.
Opening the door and seeing Denny's warm smile behind it surprised me almost as much as bumping into him yesterday. It was one thing to hang out for a little while last night, it was another for him to just drop by. I guess he'd missed the friendship just as much as I had.
"Hey, Kiera. I was going to call, but I thought I'd stop by instead since I was in the area. You doing alright?" He tilted his head as his dark eyes searched my face.
Feeling better after talking to Anna, I shook my head and laughed a little. "Yeah, I'm fine. I overreacted last night. " I flung my hand towards where the offending laptop lay in my bedroom; I was definitely returning it today. "I flipped out over nothing. "
He nodded and smiled and I put my hand on his arm. "Thank you, for. . . being a friend. I can't think of too many guys who would have been as. . . supportive in the situation. "
He looked down at my hand on his arm then shrugged. "You and I have been through a lot, Kiera, and most of it was good. " His eyes flashed back up to mine. "I don't want to see you in pain. I don't have a. . . vendetta against you. " In a whisper that I almost didn't hear, he added, "You're my best friend, still, and I'd do anything for you, Kiera. "
I swallowed, hating and loving the sentence he'd just said. Knowing I shouldn't, I reached up and gave him as friendly and platonic a hug as I could. He held me back, equally platonic, with a huge gap between our bodies. "You're my best friend, too, Denny. I know it may not seem like it sometimes. . . but you are. "
Just as I was thinking that maybe that had been our problem all along, that we'd been more friends than lovers, an explicative sounded from the couch.
Denny and I released each other and twisted to look back at Anna. Her mouth was wide open as she stared at Denny in our doorway. With everything that had happened, I'd forgotten to tell her that he was back in town. She was looking at him like he'd magically materialized into the room.
I stood aside and motioned for him to come in while she sputtered, "Denny? What the hell? Did I wake up three years ago?" She looked over to the window with a view of Lake Union. "God, we're not back home in Ohio are we?" Her brow bunched into a perfectly adorable pout. "Because I cannot go through living with Mom and Dad again, Kiera. "
Denny chuckled at her while I rolled my eyes. "No, Anna, you didn't time travel in your sleep. Denny's back in town for work. "
She narrowed her eyes at him, eyeing him both suspiciously and a little unhappily. Denny wasn't really Anna's favorite person anymore, not since he'd beaten Kellan to a pulp and rattled my melon. I don't think she'd ever forgive him for kicking me. It really wasn't his fault, I was the one that had stupidly used my body as a shield, and Denny hadn't exactly been in his right mind. But Anna couldn't get past the fact that he'd hurt people she cared about. . . even if we had sort of asked for it.
"Hey, Denny. . . long time, no see. " She said it with a very slight edge, like she'd preferred the "no see" part.
Denny looked away, guilt flooding his face. He knew how Anna felt about him. She'd bluntly pulled him aside and told him. My sister wasn't one to mince words. If she had a problem with you, you'd know it. "Hi, Anna. "
Not liking the tension building, I twisted to Denny. "So, shouldn't you be at work or something?" I glanced at the button-up shirt he had on, the coordinating slacks. He looked like he'd just stepped away from a GQ photo shoot.
"I'm on lunch break. " Hands causally tucked in his slacks, he nodded his head at the door. "Care to join me?"
Seeing that I had just enough time to squeeze in lunch before class, I nodded and grabbed my bag off the table. Anna frowned at me, but didn't say anything in front of Denny. I mentally reminded myself to ask her to not say anything about this to Griffin. I wasn't sure how often they communicated, but I didn't need that particular D-Bag mouthing off to Kellan about Denny. I would tell Kellan, when the time was right, and in a way that wouldn't be hurtful to him. I was sure Griffin wouldn't be so tactful.
Thinking of Griffin reminded me of Kellan's odd text, a text that he'd said was from him, but I pushed the thought away as Denny led me to his company car. Kellan may have fibbed, or maybe not. Maybe Griffin had gotten a new number that Anna didn't know about, or maybe he was sending gross pictures from Matt's phone. That seemed plausible.
Just as I was feeling better about the strange text, Denny stopped us in front of his sleek, two-door sports car. It looked like one of those cars that they always show doing 360s in the commercials, like real people drove that way.
I let out a low whistle as Denny popped the passenger's side open. "Now I see why you don't need your Honda back," I muttered, sliding in to the creamy, leather seats.
Denny softly laughed as he got into his side. "Yeah, it's not bad. " He started it, revving the engine. Giving me a crooked grin, he shrugged. "There are some perks to being in charge. "
I laughed at his expression as he drove us along the roller coaster steep hills, happy that he was thriving too. At least I hadn't damaged the men in my life so badly that they'd never recover from it.
My bag rang as we headed out to a cafe that Denny liked when he'd been here before. I reached in and grabbed it, wondering if it was Anna, about to give me a mouthful for heading out with Denny. I stared at the screen and hesitated, just for a second. Denny eyed me curiously as I answered it.
"Hello?"
"Hey, gorgeous. . . guess where I woke up today?"
I smiled as Kellan's sultry voice met my ear. "I have no idea. " And I really didn't, I'd lost track of his exact location ages ago.
Kellan chuckled and I glanced over at Denny, his eyes back to the road. It gave me a weird sort of guilt to be back in a situation that was eerily similar to last year. Different though, since Denny and I weren't doing anything inappropriate.
"Kansas. . . know what's in Kansas?"
I leaned back in my seat and shook my head. "No. "
"Nothing," he dryly said. "Miles and miles of nothing. " I laughed at his answer and he sighed. "God, I've missed your laugh. It's just not the same over the phone, you know. "
Closing my eyes, I twirled a lock of hair around my finger, imagining that it was his. "I know. . . I've missed you, too. " I heard Denny shift beside me, but I kept my eyes closed, biting my lip as a little more guilt flooded me.
Just as I was thinking of ways to tell Kellan that Denny was back, Kellan asked, "So, what have you been up to lately?"
I opened my eyes and tensed, wondering if someone had told him already. "Uh. . . just work and school. Did I tell you I started my new quarter last month? I have a poetry class now. "
I rolled my eyes, hating that I'd chosen the most trivial fact to tell him. By his reaction, though, you'd have thought I'd just told him I'd won the lottery. "Really? I like poetry. . . it's a lot like lyric writing. Less cursing though. "
He chuckled again and I relaxed. If he knew about Denny, he probably wouldn't be joking. I glanced over at Denny studiously studying his driving, maybe uncomfortable, maybe just giving me privacy, I wasn't sure. As I watched him, Kellan added, "So what are you up to today?"
I flushed, not wanting to lie, but not ready to tell him. "Nothing really. . . "
He sighed softly. "Well, I've just got endless driving in front of me. . . please tell me your life is more interesting than that. One of us needs a good story to tell. "
I smiled, knowing his current life was much more interesting than most people would ever experience, even if it did involve endless driving. Biting my lip, I studied Denny again. "Well. . . I'm on my way to have lunch with a friend. "
Denny looked over at me, raising a dark eyebrow and frowning slightly. I knew he wanted me to expand on that to Kellan, but I couldn't yet, not over the phone. I felt like this conversation needed to be done in person.
Kellan brightly said, "Good, it's good that you're getting out, having a life. "
I looked straight ahead and twisted my lips. "Of course I still have a life. Do you think my world revolves around you?"
I said it in an obviously teasing way, but Kellan paused a moment before answering. "No, no I don't think that at all. " His voice was quiet, introspective, and I again wondered if he knew something. Maybe I should tell him over the phone anyway. . .
"You alright?" I asked quietly.
He inhaled a deep breath, taking a very long time before answering. "Yeah, I'm fine. " There was so much in his voice that he wasn't saying. Even though Kellan was good at it, I knew he was lying to me.
"Kellan. . . is there something you want to tell me?" My heart started pounding, the ice in my stomach so painful I nearly doubled over. That woman's face flashed in my mind, the look on his as he'd leaned in to whisper in her ear. The mysterious text number rang through my brain on a never-ending loop. . .
He sniffed and took another long moment. "It's nothing, Kiera. . . just the stress of the road. I'm sure you can imagine what life on a bus with Griffin is like. " He chuckled, his voice back to light and happiness, and I didn't believe a word of it.
I bit my lip as I stared at Denny, now giving me concerned glances. Kellan was holding back from me, that much I could tell. I didn't know what or why, but I couldn't open up to him about Denny now. I just couldn't. "Okay, well. . . if something was going on, you know that you could tell me. . . right?"
He sighed softly. "Yeah, I know. . . " His voice trailed off, then brightened. "But really, nothing is up, aside from the fact that I miss you like crazy. "
A sad smile touched my lips. "Yeah, me too. " As we pulled into the parking area of the cafe, I sighed. "Hey, I'm here at the restaurant. . . I need to go. I'll call you later?"
"Yeah, okay. " With a humorless chuckle he added, "I'll be here, on the road through nowhere, wishing Griffin didn't need to let The Hulk breathe quite so often. "
I laughed, the release of it easing the knot in my belly. "I love you, Kellan. "
"I love you too, Kiera. " He said it immediately, with no hesitation or trace of deceit. If anything else, he at least honestly meant it when he said it.
I hung up the phone as Denny shut off the car. Twisting to me, he shook his head. "You didn't tell him I was here. " It was a statement, not a question.
I sighed, fingering the cool contraption in my palm. "Not yet, it didn't feel right yet. " I peeked up at him. "I will. . . soon. I promise. "
He shook his head again but didn't comment any further. Just as he cracked open his door, his cell phone rang. He glanced back at me, a small smile on his lips. "Well, aren't we popular?" I smiled at his comment and watched as he checked the screen. The small smile on his face grew about a million times brighter. He looked up at me real quick. "It's Abby, I need to take this. "
I nodded as he answered, "Hey, babe. " Pushing open his door, he stepped out to the parking lot. Before closing his door, I heard him say, "No, you caught me heading out to lunch with Kiera. . . "
He shut the door and I didn't hear any more than that, but it marveled me a little that he'd confessed so openly to her that he was with me. I guess they didn't have the same trust issues that Kellan and I had. I guess that's what you get when your relationship starts by betraying someone-a never-ending well of doubt. If we could do it to someone, it could be done to us.
Giving Denny a private moment to catch up with his faraway girlfriend, I ran my fingers back through my mostly dry hair and stared at my phone. I wanted an explanation to magically appear on it, but it didn't. Sighing, I typed a message into it and pressed send.
I watched Denny through the window while I waited for a reply. He was leaning against the hood of the car, laughing at whatever conversation he and Abby were having. He seemed genuinely happy, his eyes practically glowing as he spoke to her. I wondered if he'd looked like that when he'd talked to me so long ago. I wondered if he'd tenderly made love to Abby before he'd left her. I was pretty sure he had. . . and it had probably been a lot more romantic than getting sloshed and having sex in a bathroom at a party.
As I watched Denny run a hand back through his hair in warm, familiar way, my phone buzzed in my hand. Pressing the screen, I read the message from Kellan. 'I love you too. . . more than anything. I can't wait to see you again. . . soon, hopefully. '
I repeated the sentiment, then opened my door to join Denny, since his conversation looked about over. Sighing peacefully, he nodded over to the cafe doors. "Sorry about that, she was getting ready for work and I didn't want to miss her. " Looking down, he kicked at a rock as we walked along. "I make sure to talk to her as often as I can. . . "
He looked up at me from the corner of his eyes and a flash of guilt ran through me. I was the reason he kept in constant contact. My cheating spree with Kellan had started while he'd been gone. The experience had made him all the more attentive to his current girl. I guess something good had come out of the whole mess after all.
Not commenting, I only nodded as we made our way inside. Sitting down, I tried to keep the light smile on my face. "So, Abby. . . what's she like?"
He looked at me blankly before picking up a menu. "You don't really want to talk about this, do you?"
Watching him absentmindedly flip through the pages, I nodded. "Yes, I do actually. " When he looked up at me, I shrugged. "We're friends, remember, and that means sharing our lives. She's obviously an important part. " I shrugged with one shoulder. "I saw your face while you were talking to her. . . "
Sighing, he looked over my shoulder. A reminiscent smile on his face, he shrugged. "She's. . . she's great. She's warm and sweet. . . loving. "
He looked at the table, a small flush coloring his cheeks. I felt the same mild embarrassment, but I did my best to ignore it. We should be able to talk about the people who were important to us. His fingers flicking over the menu pages, he exhaled softly. "I was really. . . broken when I got home. She helped me through it, made me smile again. "
His warm brown eyes looked up at me and I clenched my stomach, willing my eyes not to water. I'd done that. I'd broken him. Smiling softly, he shook his head. "I think I love her, Kiera. . . really love her. I think she's the one," he whispered.
Then my eyes did water and I couldn't possibly stop the reaction. I nodded as I swiped my fingers under my eyes. "Good, I'm glad, Denny. "
And I was happy. . . and devastatingly sad too. It was hard, watching someone you had once loved, loving someone else, and loving them more than they'd loved you. But, really, that's exactly what I'd done to Denny with Kellan.
Denny's hand stretched across the table to rest on my arm. "I'm sorry if that hurts you. I just wanted to be honest with you. " He stressed the word honest.
As I considered all of the multiple things that I hadn't been honest about in my life, Denny tilted his head and asked, "What about you and Kellan? Are you guys really okay?" His hand on my arm squeezed it. "Are you happy, Kiera?"
Shaking my head, knowing I was worrying about things with Kellan before their time, I smiled as effortlessly as I could. "Yeah, I am. " I nodded, remembering all of the good times Kellan and I had shared. "I mean, being with him has its challenges. . . but. . . we're good. "
I absently stroked the ring on my finger and Denny's eyes locked onto it. The dark depths glossier when he met my eye again, he smiled effortlessly too. "Good, I'm glad, Kiera. . . I really am. "