CHAPTER XX
THE ARBITER
True it was that Padre Irene had said: the question of the academy ofCastilian, so long before broached, was on the road to a solution. DonCustodio, the active Don Custodio, the most active of all the arbitersin the world, according to Ben-Zayb, was occupied with it, spendinghis days reading the petition and falling asleep without reaching anydecision, waking on the following day to repeat the same performance,dropping off to sleep again, and so on continuously.
How the good man labored, the most active of all the arbitersin the world! He wished to get out of the predicament by pleasingeverybody--the friars, the high official, the Countess, Padre Irene,and his own liberal principles. He had consulted with Senor Pasta, andSenor Pasta had left him stupefied and confused, after advising him todo a million contradictory and impossible things. He had consulted withPepay the dancing girl, and Pepay, who had no idea what he was talkingabout, executed a pirouette and asked him for twenty-five pesos tobury an aunt of hers who had suddenly died for the fifth time, or thefifth aunt who had suddenly died, according to fuller explanations, atthe same time requesting that he get a cousin of hers who could read,write, and play the violin, a job as assistant on the public works--allthings that were far from inspiring Don Custodio with any saving idea.
Two days after the events in the Quiapo fair, Don Custodio was asusual busily studying the petition, without hitting upon the happysolution. While he yawns, coughs, smokes, and thinks about Pepay'slegs and her pirouettes, let us give some account of this exaltedpersonage, in order to understand Padre Sibyla's reason for proposinghim as the arbiter of such a vexatious matter and why the other cliqueaccepted him.
Don Custodio de Salazar y Sanchez de Monteredondo, often referredto as _Good Authority_, belonged to that class of Manila societywhich cannot take a step without having the newspapers heap titlesupon them, calling each _indedefatigable, distinguished, zealous,active, profound, intelligent, well-informed, influential_, and soon, as if they feared that he might be confused with some idle andignorant possessor of the same name. Besides, no harm resulted fromit, and the watchful censor was not disturbed. The _Good Authority_resulted from his friendship with Ben-Zayb, when the latter, in his twonoisiest controversies, which he carried on for weeks and months in thecolumns of the newspapers about whether it was proper to wear a highhat, a derby, or a _salakot,_ and whether the plural of _caracter_should be _caracteres_ or _caracteres,_ in order to strengthen hisargument always came out with, "We have this on good authority,""We learn this from good authority," later letting it be known,for in Manila everything becomes known, that this _Good Authority_was no other than Don Custodio de Salazar y Sanchez de Monteredondo.
He had come to Manila very young, with a good position that had enabledhim to marry a pretty mestiza belonging to one of the wealthiestfamilies of the city. As he had natural talent, boldness, and greatself-possession, and knew how to make use of the society in whichhe found himself, he launched into business with his wife's money,filling contracts for the government, by reason of which he wasmade alderman, afterwards alcalde, member of the Economic Society,[43] councilor of the administration, president of the directory ofthe _Obras Pias_, [44] member of the Society of Mercy, director ofthe Spanish-Filipino Bank, etc., etc. Nor are these _etceteras_ to betaken like those ordinarily placed after a long enumeration of titles:Don Custodio, although never having seen a treatise on hygiene, cameto be vice-chairman of the Board of Health, for the truth was that ofthe eight who composed this board only one had to be a physician andhe could not be that one. So also he was a member of the VaccinationBoard, which was composed of three physicians and seven laymen, amongthese being the Archbishop and three Provincials. He was a brother inall the confraternities of the common and of the most exalted dignity,and, as we have seen, director of the Superior Commission of PrimaryInstruction, which usually did not do anything--all these being quitesufficient reason for the newspapers to heap adjectives upon him noless when he traveled than when he sneezed.
In spite of so many offices, Don Custodio was not among those whoslept through the sessions, contenting themselves, like lazy and timiddelegates, in voting with the majority. The opposite of the numerouskings of Europe who bear the title of King of Jerusalem, Don Custodiomade his dignity felt and got from it all the benefit possible, oftenfrowning, making his voice impressive, coughing out his words, oftentaking up the whole session telling a story, presenting a project, ordisputing with a colleague who had placed himself in open oppositionto him. Although not past forty, he already talked of acting withcircumspection, of letting the figs ripen (adding under his breath"pumpkins"), of pondering deeply and of stepping with careful tread,of the necessity for understanding the country, because the nature ofthe Indians, because the prestige of the Spanish name, because theywere first of all Spaniards, because religion--and so on. Rememberedyet in Manila is a speech of his when for the first time it wasproposed to light the city with kerosene in place of the old coconutoil: in such an innovation, far from seeing the extinction of thecoconut-oil industry, he merely discerned the interests of a certainalderman--because Don Custodio saw a long way--and opposed it withall the resonance of his bucal cavity, considering the project toopremature and predicting great social cataclysms. No less celebratedwas his opposition to a sentimental serenade that some wished to tendera certain governor on the eve of his departure. Don Custodio, who felta little resentment over some slight or other, succeeded in insinuatingthe idea that the rising star was the mortal enemy of the setting one,whereat the frightened promoters of the serenade gave it up.
One day he was advised to return to Spain to be cured of a livercomplaint, and the newspapers spoke of him as an Antaeus who hadto set foot in the mother country to gain new strength. But theManila Antaeus found himself a small and insignificant person at thecapital. There he was nobody, and he missed his beloved adjectives. Hedid not mingle with the upper set, and his lack of education preventedhim from amounting to much in the academies and scientific centers,while his backwardness and his parish-house politics drove him fromthe clubs disgusted, vexed, seeing nothing clearly but that therethey were forever borrowing money and gambling heavily. He missed thesubmissive servants of Manila, who endured all his peevishness, andwho now seemed to be far preferable; when a winter kept him betweena fireplace and an attack of pneumonia, he sighed for the Manilawinter during which a single quilt is sufficient, while in summer hemissed the easy-chair and the boy to fan him. In short, in Madrid hewas only one among many, and in spite of his diamonds he was oncetaken for a rustic who did not know how to comport himself and atanother time for an _Indiano_. His scruples were scoffed at, and hewas shamelessly flouted by some borrowers whom he offended. Disgustedwith the conservatives, who took no great notice of his advice, as wellas with the sponges who rifled his pockets, he declared himself to beof the liberal party and returned within a year to the Philippines,if not sound in his liver, yet completely changed in his beliefs.
The eleven months spent at the capital among cafe politicians, nearlyall retired half-pay office-holders, the various speeches caught hereand there, this or that article of the opposition, all the politicallife that permeates the air, from the barber-shop where amid thescissors-clips the Figaro announces his program to the banquetswhere in harmonious periods and telling phrases the differentshades of political opinion, the divergences and disagreements,are adjusted--all these things awoke in him the farther he got fromEurope, like the life-giving sap within the sown seed prevented frombursting out by the thick husk, in such a way that when he reachedManila he believed that he was going to regenerate it and actuallyhad the holiest plans and the purest ideals.
During the first months after his return he was continually talkingabout the capital, about his good friends, about Minister So-and-So,ex-Minister Such-a-One, the delegate C., the author B., and there wasnot a political event, a court scandal, of which he was not informedto the last detail, nor was there a public man the secrets of wh
oseprivate life were unknown to him, nor could anything occur that hehad not foreseen, nor any reform be ordered but he had first beenconsulted. All this was seasoned with attacks on the conservativesin righteous indignation, with apologies of the liberal party, witha little anecdote here, a phrase there from some great man, droppedin as one who did not wish offices and employments, which same hehad refused in order not to be beholden to the conservatives. Suchwas his enthusiasm in these first days that various cronies inthe grocery-store which he visited from time to time affiliatedthemselves with the liberal party and began to style themselvesliberals: Don Eulogio Badana, a retired sergeant of carbineers;the honest Armendia, by profession a pilot, and a rampant Carlist;Don Eusebio Picote, customs inspector; and Don Bonifacio Tacon, shoe-and harness-maker. [45]
But nevertheless, from lack of encouragement and of opposition, hisenthusiasm gradually waned. He did not read the newspapers that camefrom Spain, because they arrived in packages, the sight of which madehim yawn. The ideas that he had caught having been all expended, heneeded reinforcement, and his orators were not there, and although inthe casinos of Manila there was enough gambling, and money was borrowedas in Madrid, no speech that would nourish his political ideas waspermitted in them. But Don Custodio was not lazy, he did more thanwish--he worked. Foreseeing that he was going to leave his bones inthe Philippines, he began to consider that country his proper sphereand to devote his efforts to its welfare. Thinking to liberalize it,he commenced to draw up a series of reforms or projects, which wereingenious, to say the least. It was he who, having heard in Madridmention of the wooden street pavements of Paris, not yet adopted inSpain, proposed the introduction of them in Manila by covering thestreets with boards nailed down as they are on the sides of houses;it was he who, deploring the accidents to two-wheeled vehicles,planned to avoid them by putting on at least three wheels; it wasalso he who, while acting as vice-president of the Board of Health,ordered everything fumigated, even the telegrams that came frominfected places; it was also he who, in compassion for the convictsthat worked in the sun and with a desire of saving to the governmentthe cost of their equipment, suggested that they be clothed in asimple breech-clout and set to work not by day but at night. Hemarveled, he stormed, that his projects should encounter objectors,but consoled himself with the reflection that the man who is worthenemies has them, and revenged himself by attacking and tearing topieces any project, good or bad, presented by others.
As he prided himself on being a liberal, upon being asked what hethought of the Indians he would answer, like one conferring a greatfavor, that they were fitted for manual labor and the _imitativearts_ (meaning thereby music, painting, and sculpture), adding hisold postscript that to know them one must have resided many, manyyears in the country. Yet when he heard of any one of them excellingin something that was not manual labor or an _imitative art_--inchemistry, medicine, or philosophy, for example--he would exclaim:"Ah, he promises fairly, fairly well, he's not a fool!" and feel surethat a great deal of Spanish blood must flow in the veins of such an_Indian_. If unable to discover any in spite of his good intentions,he then sought a Japanese origin, for it was at that time the fashionbegan of attributing to the Japanese or the Arabs whatever good theFilipinos might have in them. For him the native songs were Arabicmusic, as was also the alphabet of the ancient Filipinos--he wascertain of this, although he did not know Arabic nor had he ever seenthat alphabet.
"Arabic, the purest Arabic," he said to Ben-Zayb in a tone thatadmitted no reply. "At best, Chinese!"
Then he would add, with a significant wink: "Nothing can be, nothingought to be, original with the Indians, you understand! I like themgreatly, but they mustn't be allowed to pride themselves upon anything,for then they would take heart and turn into a lot of wretches."
At other times he would say: "I love the Indians fondly, I'veconstituted myself their father and defender, but it's necessary tokeep everything in its proper place. Some were born to command andothers to serve--plainly, that is a truism which can't be uttered veryloudly, but it can be put into practise without many words. For look,the trick depends upon trifles. When you wish to reduce a peopleto subjection, assure it that it is in subjection. The first day itwill laugh, the second protest, the third doubt, and the fourth beconvinced. To keep the Filipino docile, he must have repeated to himday after day what he is, to convince him that he is incompetent. Whatgood would it do, besides, to have him believe in something else thatwould make him wretched? Believe me, it's an act of charity to holdevery creature in his place--that is order, harmony. That constitutesthe _science_ of government."
In referring to his policies, Don Custodio was not satisfied with theword _art_, and upon pronouncing the word _government_, he would extendhis hand downwards to the height of a man bent over on his knees.
In regard to his religious ideas, he prided himself on being aCatholic, very much a Catholic--ah, Catholic Spain, the land of_Maria Santisima_! A liberal could be and ought to be a Catholic,when the reactionaries were setting themselves up as gods or saints,just as a mulatto passes for a white man in Kaffirland. But with allthat, he ate meat during Lent, except on Good Friday, never went toconfession, believed neither in miracles nor the infallibility of thePope, and when he attended mass, went to the one at ten o'clock, orto the shortest, the military mass. Although in Madrid he had spokenill of the religious orders, so as not to be out of harmony with hissurroundings, considering them anachronisms, and had hurled cursesagainst the Inquisition, while relating this or that lurid or drollstory wherein the habits danced, or rather friars without habits,yet in speaking of the Philippines, which should be ruled by speciallaws, he would cough, look wise, and again extend his hand downwardsto that mysterious altitude.
"The friars are necessary, they're a necessary evil," he would declare.
But how he would rage when any Indian dared to doubt the miraclesor did not acknowledge the Pope! All the tortures of the Inquisitionwere insufficient to punish such temerity.
When it was objected that to rule or to live at the expense ofignorance has another and somewhat ugly name and is punished by lawwhen the culprit is a single person, he would justify his positionby referring to other colonies. "We," he would announce in hisofficial tone, "can speak out plainly! We're not like the Britishand the Dutch who, in order to hold people in subjection, make useof the lash. We avail ourselves of other means, milder and surer. Thesalutary influence of the friars is superior to the British lash."
This last remark made his fortune. For a long time Ben-Zayb continuedto use adaptations of it, and with him all Manila. The thinkingpart of Manila applauded it, and it even got to Madrid, where itwas quoted in the Parliament as from _a liberal of long residencethere_. The friars, flattered by the comparison and seeing theirprestige enhanced, sent him sacks of chocolate, presents which theincorruptible Don Custodio returned, so that Ben-Zayb immediatelycompared him to Epaminondas. Nevertheless, this modern Epaminondasmade use of the rattan in his choleric moments, and advised its use!
At that time the conventos, fearful that he would render a decisionfavorable to the petition of the students, increased their gifts,so that on the afternoon when we see him he was more perplexed thanever, his reputation for energy was being compromised. It had beenmore than a fortnight since he had had the petition in his hands,and only that morning the high official, after praising his zeal,had asked for a decision. Don Custodio had replied with mysteriousgravity, giving him to understand that it was not yet completed. Thehigh official had smiled a smile that still worried and haunted him.
As we were saying, he yawned and yawned. In one of these movements, atthe moment when he opened his eyes and closed his mouth, his attentionwas caught by a file of red envelopes, arranged in regular order on amagnificent kamagon desk. On the back of each could be read in largeletters: PROJECTS.
For a moment he forgot his troubles and Pepay's pirouettes, toreflect upon all that those files contained, which had issued from hisprolific brain in his hours
of inspiration. How many original ideas,how many sublime thoughts, how many means of ameliorating the woesof the Philippines! Immortality and the gratitude of the country weresurely his!
Like an old lover who discovers a moldy package of amorous epistles,Don Custodio arose and approached the desk. The first envelope, thick,swollen, and plethoric, bore the title: PROJECTS IN PROJECT.
"No," he murmured, "they're excellent things, but it would take ayear to read them over."
The second, also quite voluminous, was entitled: PROJECTS UNDERCONSIDERATION. "No, not those either."
Then came the PROJECTS NEARING COMPLETION, PROJECTS PRESENTED, PROJECTSREJECTED, PROJECTS APPROVED, PROJECTS POSTPONED. These last envelopesheld little, but the least of all was that of the PROJECTS EXECUTED.
Don Custodio wrinkled up his nose--what did it contain? He hadcompletely forgotten what was in it. A sheet of yellowish papershowed from under the flap, as though the envelope were sticking outits tongue. This he drew out and unfolded: it was the famous projectfor the School of Arts and Trades!
"What the devil!" he exclaimed. "If the Augustinian padres took chargeof it--"
Suddenly he slapped his forehead and arched his eyebrows, while a lookof triumph overspread his face. "I have reached a decision!" he criedwith an oath that was not exactly _eureka_. "My decision is made!"
Repeating his peculiar _eureka_ five or six times, which struck theair like so many gleeful lashes, he sat down at his desk, radiantwith joy, and began to write furiously.