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Pat and I spent a miserable, uncomfortable night huddled under a rocky outcropping. I slept very little, keeping watch over my friend. As the sun rose up in the east, my exhaustion got the better of me. My eyelids lowered down over my eyes and I drifted off to sleep.
“Eli.” Pat shook me awake. “Eli, wake up,” she hissed.
“I’m awake. I’m awake,” I lied. “I was resting my eyes.”
“Eli, listen,” Pat whispered. “I heard something.”
She had my attention now. I came fully awake, listening for whatever she had heard. Neither of us breathed. We held perfectly still, straining to detect any sound or movement. After several minutes, I gave up.
“Are you sure you heard something?” I asked.
“Positive,” she replied, staring into the woods.
“Well, what did you hear?”
“Something was moving just beyond those bushes,” she indicated a thick group of shrubs about sixty feet away. “It sounded like an animal snorting and grunting but then, I swear I heard someone muttering or talking.”
I listened for a few more minutes, hearing nothing. I was sure that Pat was imagining things but we had been through too much to not err on the side of caution. I grabbed my backpack and the Signpost and headed toward the area Pat had pointed out.
“Wait here, Pat. I won’t be a minute,” I said.
“Be careful, Eli. I have a very bad feeling.”
“Just going to check things out,” I assured her. “I promise I’ll be right back.”
Pat watched me cover the short distance to the trees with fear and trepidation. She shifted uneasily from foot to foot. Something really had her spooked. I gave her a quick wave and entered the forest.
I had expected to find a squirrel or maybe a chipmunk romping around in the leaves. Instead, as I came through the thicket, I found myself face to face with a creature I had only seen in books and movies. Standing nearly seven feet tall with the legs and arms of a man and the torso and head of a bull, stood a Minotaur. His horns gleamed in the early morning light. More importantly, his gigantic battle axe gleamed in the early morning light as well. It lay across his shoulder like a major league slugger might carry a bat. You’d think after all the aliens, dragons, and mummies, I’d be prepared for anything. Not so. I stood dumbfounded gazing at the creature. His blue tunic, stained red with ketchup (I know it was blood. I was trying not to think about where it came from) fluttered in the salty breeze.
“Ah. Breakfast,” the beast rumbled from deep in his throat. “You saved us the trouble of running you down, boy.” His grin revealed rows of razor-sharp teeth, also stained with ketchup or some other equivalent condiment.
“Us?” I questioned. “All I see is you, Cow man.” I’ll admit I was feeling a little cocky and self-assured. Brady and I have previously run with the bulls in Spain. I also enjoyed a short (around 38 minutes - my mom found out and put a stop to it), but successful, career as a bull fighter in Mexico a few years ago. You may have heard of me under my fighting name, Eli the Magnifico. I was magnificent.
Anyway, I was confident that I could easily beat this beast. “Bring it on, Elsie.”
The Minotaur laughed heartily. “You show much bravery for such a little man. I will enjoy devouring your body and your spirit.” He laughed again and whistled. The bushes shook all around me. More of the creatures entered the clearing. One of them pushed Pat in front of him. She stumbled forward and ran to me.
Two things immediately occurred to me. First, Pat and I were obviously in Ancient Greece. Greek mythology is rife with stories of Minotaurs. I guessed we’d have to be on guard for hydras, gorgons, and sirens as well.
Second, sometimes I can really have a big mouth. Good for eating chili dogs, bad for antagonizing a horde of bull-men who are looking for breakfast. Real smooth.
“I hope you didn’t take the ‘cow man’ and ‘Elsie’ cracks the wrong way, sir,” I addressed the leader. “If so, let me offer my most sincere apologies,” I continued.
He laughed causing the other beasts to break into laughter as well; a very disconcerting sound.
“Eli, what are these things?” Pat asked.
“They’re Minotaurs,” I replied. “Stay close to me.”
Pat moved further behind me as the herd tightened their circle. We were completely surrounded. I spun around looking for a way to escape or to successfully fight what had become nine enemies.
“There’s nowhere to go, little man,” the leader rumbled. “Taste the steel of my axe and know peace.”
“Thanks, but no,” I replied. “We’d rather not.”
“What is he saying, Eli?” Pat questioned.
“You can’t understand him?” I responded. “He’s speaking ...” My sentence died in my throat as I realized that the Signpost actually worked. Sir Mortimer had been right!
“He’s inviting us to breakfast, Pat.”
“It does not seem like that is what he is doing, Eli,” she responded.
“It is, Pat. We’re just supposed to be the breakfast.”
“Oh my!” Pat exclaimed.
The Minotaur grunted and his band slowly moved in for the kill.
“This is your last chance to walk away,” I said with much more conviction than I actually felt.
“We’d rather not,” the leader replied with a snort.
“Yeah, I thought you might say something like that.”
“Eli,” Pat said. “Do something!”
So I did. I reached into my pocket and removed Cyrus Fowler’s ring. I placed it on my finger and pulled Pat close to my side. She looked at me like I’d lost my mind.
“Thou cannot be serious,” she gasped.
“Got a better idea?” I replied.
“That ring is a tool of evil that we cannot trust,” she began. “We have no idea where it will take us, Eli.” The beasts were close enough now for us to smell their musky odor. “I do not have a better idea.” Pat quickly changed her tune. “Use it!” she screamed.
I twisted the top of the ring like I had seen Harold the former herald do when he had abducted Pat. The effect was instantaneous. Shadows pulled Pat and I into their dark embrace. As we faded from view, the blade of Elsie’s axe passed harmlessly through my head. I flinched involuntarily, unharmed but extremely disconcerted.
Pat and I vanished. The ‘All you can eat Eli and Pat breakfast buffet’ closed without ever seating a customer. All the talk about breakfast had really made me hungry. I hoped I could find a place to get a good burger. That would show those Minotaurs. I also hoped that we hadn’t just jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire.