“No.” I couldn’t help but puff up my chest a bit. “I mean bringing a kid into all of this.”
Trace cupped my cheek with her hand. “The way I figure… we get a do over… your parents messed you up so badly, why not start a new legacy? One we control — turn the bad into good. Besides, I would love to have little boys that look exactly like their dad running around the house tying Tex’s shoelaces together. Priceless.”
I barked out a hoarse laugh and jerked her against my chest. “Have I told you I loved you today?”
“Say it again.”
“I love you…” I whispered in her hair. “Today, yesterday, tomorrow, forever. I can’t wait… to start a family with you and that’s the truth.”
“Well that’s a relief.” Trace sighed. “You know all things considering.”
I wrapped my arm around her and led her to the door.
“Oh and we should probably go to the security room, make sure there isn’t a tape Tex or Chase can use as bribery.”
“Another reason I love you.” I pushed the door open. “You think like a boss.”
“Can’t help it. I’m sleeping with him.”
“Yes.” I growled. “You are.”
CHAPTER SIX
Trace
I TRAINED WITH PHOENIX for five days, each day was more grueling than the next, by the time day six came around I was sore everywhere and he was relentless in pushing my every limit, hitting my every nerve.
Yawning, I waited for him to arrive at the gym. Normally he was right on time, but he was already five minutes late.
The lights went off.
I looked around, blinking as my eyes adjusted to the darkness. It was really early in the morning so it wasn’t necessarily sunlight flickering in the window.
“Concentrate,” Phoenix said softly. “I’m going to attack you from behind, this is the only warning you’ll get.”
My mouth went completely dry and then watered as I tried to swallow, tried to gain my bearings. Suddenly his arms were around me, and I freaked like lost my mind. I screamed and just slumped against him.
“What the hell are you doing?” He pulled me tighter against his chest.
“I’m… I don’t know, I’m scared.”
“No.” He said quietly. “Fear causes your senses to be heightened, your smell, taste, sight, use the fear, rather than let it cripple you, what are you going to do, how are you going to save yourself? You have five seconds to make it to the door before you die. What. Do. You. Do?”
With a roar all the training came back slamming into my brain as I flipped him over me, hitting him in the chin, the nose, and then pulling a knee to his ribs as I ran towards the door like a woman insane.
When I reached the door, the lights flickered on.
“Told you she could do it.” Phoenix said from the ground as Nixon stood on the opposite end of the room, arms crossed, gaze murderous.
“I did,” I huffed. “I did it.”
Nixon’s nostrils flared as he moved toward Phoenix.
“No!” I yelled, then ran, not thinking about anything but making sure Nixon didn’t do something he would regret. I moved in front of Phoenix just as Nixon’s fist came back. He paused mid-air, his jaw cracking.
“Move, Trace.”
“No.” I reached behind me to help Phoenix up. “He didn’t do anything wrong. He’s training me, and he’s doing a good job. I trust him.”
Phoenix collapsed out of my hands slumping to the floor in a heap. I turned around thinking maybe he was bleeding or something but he was just staring at the ground, his eyes watery.
Nixon looked between us then with a quick nod stormed out of the room.
It was quiet, except for my heart slamming against my chest and Phoenix’s heavy breathing.
Not knowing what else to do I sat down next to him.
We sat in silence for five minutes.
“You should have let him hit me.”
“That wouldn’t have made you feel better, Phoenix.”
“Yeah,” he whispered hoarsely. “I know.”
More silence. What was I supposed to do? How do you comfort someone you aren’t even sure you aren’t still pissed at? Or scared of?
“I have nightmares.” Phoenix finally said. “Of that afternoon, almost every night. It’s like this horror movie on repeat and the part that really sucks is every time, every damn time, I scream at myself to make a different choice. I watch myself hurt—” His voice cracked. “I watch myself hurt you, I watch myself turn into this monster and every time I can’t help but think, if only I could stop it this time, it will be okay. If only I could stop—” Phoenix shuddered, closing his eyes as he rocked back and forth. “I hate the dreams, Trace, but not as much as I hate myself.”
Slowly, I inched my hand across the mat until my fingers collided with his. It’s funny, I thought his hand would be cold, lifeless, I thought his touch would scare me.
Instead, his fingers were warm, his hand rough but strong. He gripped my fingers so tightly I almost winced, he gripped them like I was the only thing keeping him above the water.
“Trace—”
“Phoenix,” I interrupted. “Maybe we should just start over, I don’t know this guy, this one you are right now. I never had the privilege of meeting him.” I elbowed him in the ribs. “And the thing is, he’s kind of great.”
“Yeah?” He licked his lips and glanced up at me through long eyelashes. “You really think so?”
“I know so.”
He lunged for me, enveloping me in such a tight hug it stole my breath away. “I would like that, a lot.”
I hugged him back just as tight. “Me too.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
Nixon
“DUDE, TURN UP THE SOUND.” Chase moved around me and started playing with the monitor.
“Stop.” I smacked his hand. “They need privacy.”
Tex and Chase just stared like I’d lost my mind.
“Did you hear that?” Tex tilted his head while the gum dropped completely out of Chase’s mouth. “Privacy? Did he say privacy?”
Chase still wasn’t speaking. I could tell he was fighting a losing war in his head. He’d been just as pissed if not more when everything happened with Phoenix and then marrying Mil had helped alter his view a bit of what had happened to Phoenix as a kid to make him the way he was, but I think, just like me, he had this uncontrollable rage, this need to shoot the guy for everything he put us through.
“Chase?” Tex nudged him. “You alright?”
“I’m thinking about it,” Chase finally answered, stretching his arms above his head and letting loose a string of curse words. “Trusting him is hard, Nixon.”
“So is dying,” I said honestly. “Our lives are hard. Everything about what we do is hard, Chase.”
We all fell silent.
Tex was the next to speak. “I know you guys know this, but Phoenix basically saved us all, he’s proven again and again we can trust him and the guy just hugged Trace like she was on her death bed. I know we’ve forgiven him, I know it’s water under the bridge, I know it still sucks, for everyone, just because the pain is still there doesn’t mean we can’t move away from it, learn from it.”
I smirked. “When did you get so smart?”
“I married your sister.” Tex winked. “Oh and I’m kind of the Cappo so yeah there’s that too.”
“There he is.” Chase coughed.
“Did I pass?” Another voice interrupted. I nearly fell out of my chair trying to stand to my feet while Chase and Tex moved out of the way.
Phoenix was leaning against the door, his face impassive as if he knew the whole time we’d been spying on him.
“Yeah, Nixon.” Chase turned to me. “Did he pass?”
Tex grinned, facing me too, the bastard.
I rose from my seat and shrugged. “It was never a test.”
Phoenix nodded once. “She knows the basics so we’ll probably only train three times a week now to ge
t her to pro level.”
“Pro level?” Chase asked.
Phoenix smiled. “Yeah Chase, pro as in, good enough to kick your sorry ass.”
Tex held up his hand for a high five from Phoenix while Chase scowled. “You aren’t supposed to make her better than me.”
“Like that’s hard.” I laughed.
Chase lunged for me, I ducked just as he tried to punch me in the jaw, then grabbed him by the waist pushing him against the wall.
Tex swore then jumped in followed by Phoenix.
“What the hell!” I yelled. “No biting!” I elbowed Chase in the chin while Phoenix pulled Tex away from Chase.
“Boys.” Trace said from the door. “They never change.”
“We have fun parts.” Tex felt the need to point out. “Like you really want us to change, that.”
I let out a low growl. “Talk about parts again in front of my wife and you’ll be the recipient of shiny new ones, capiche?”
Tex grinned, lifting his hands into the air while I approached Trace and kissed her across the forehead. “You sure you’re okay?”
“Sure I am.” She grinned then peered around me. “I’m going to be able to kick Chase’s ass finally!”
“A little too early to celebrate.” Chase said from behind me. “But dance if you must.”
She wiggled a bit in front of me. Rolling my eyes I lifted her into my arms and helped her wrap her legs around me. “How about we take that dance elsewhere.”
“Yes.” Chase coughed. “For the love of God, take it elsewhere.”
“Like he should talk,” Tex murmured. “Oh and PS you made our lamp fall down last night.”
“Earthquake.” Chase called. “They happen in Chicago.”
Phoenix was standing silently by the door, his look pensive. “She hurt you or something?” I kept my voice light, but I could tell it wasn’t helping his mood. Instead he shoved away from the wall, his expression indifferent.
“Phoenix?”
“Just tired,” he finally said, pulling his phone from his pocket, when he looked at the screen he paled.
“What?” I still had Trace in my arms, but I was ready to jump into action if I needed to. “What’s wrong?”
“Oh nothing…” His eyes flashed. “Just babysitting duty.”
“You got a kid we don’t know about?” Tex teased.
Phoenix blushed. “Yeah, something like that. I’ll catch you guys later, and Trace…” he paused in the doorway. “Good job today.”
“Thanks.” She beamed.
Phoenix nodded to us and walked briskly out of the room.
“So.” Chase coughed. “Not weird at all, what’s stuck up his ass?”
“Sure as hell isn’t a woman,” Tex commented. “The guys like a monk these days, won’t drink, rarely swears, and I’m pretty sure he actually said a prayer before eating yesterday.”
“Someone should.” I rolled my eyes. “Bye guys, I’ve got official…” I hefted Trace higher. “Business to attend to.”
“Nice.” Chase laughed. “Good wording, that’s not suggestive at all, be careful we don’t need any kids up in here.”
Trace sighed and looked directly into my eyes. It felt like we were sharing a giant secret, one that probably would happen sometime in the near future and for once it didn’t scare me, but it sure as hell made me walk a lot faster down the hall towards our bedroom. After all, what kind of boss would I be if I wasn’t thorough? What kind of husband… if I wasn’t seeking to constantly please my wife.
I slammed the door behind me and dropped Trace to the floor.
“So about those kids…” She teased then lifted her shirt over her head.
“Keep talking.” I commanded, not caring that the guys knew exactly what was going on… as far as I was concerned it was none of their business and she? She was finally, finally, all mine.
Ember
Eagle Elite Book 5
Ember: A small piece of burning coal. Origin: Old English, Germanic. Example: All it takes is a one tiny piece of Ember to start a flame, one small flame to burst forth into a fire. One spark, and a man’s world may implode from the inside out.
PROLOGUE
Phoenix
“DO IT,” MY FATHER spat. “Or I will.”
I looked at the girl at my feet and back at my father. “No.”
He lifted his hand above my head, I knew what was coming, knew it would hurt like hell but had no way to fight back—he’d already starved me of my food for the past three days for arguing, for trying to save the girl.
His fist hit my temple so hard that I fell to the ground with a cry. The click of his boots against the cement gave me the only warning I’d have as he reared back and kicked me in the ribs; over and over again he kicked. The girl screamed, but I stayed silent. Screaming didn’t help, nothing did.
I waited until he was done—I prayed that he would kill me this time. I prayed so hard that I was convinced God was finally going to hear me and take me away from my hell. Anything was better than living, anything.
“You worthless—” Another kick to the head. “Piece of shit!” A kick to my gut. “You will never be boss, not if you cry every time you must do the hard thing!” Finally blessed darkness enveloped my line of vision.
I woke up from the nightmare screaming, not even realizing that I was safe, in my own bed. With a curse I checked the clock.
Three a.m.
Well, at least I’d only had one nightmare—that I’d remembered. I’d been living with Sergio for the past week, his house was so big that I basically took the East Wing and he took the West, said he’d hated living alone anyways. I wasn’t stupid, I knew the guy wasn’t exactly a big fan, but it worked, I needed to stay in the States while I figured shit out.
And I wasn’t ready to leave. Not when I needed to learn all I could from Nixon. Not when I had responsibility.
“Hey!” Bee barged into my room.
“Damn it!” I pulled the blankets over my naked body, my heart picking up speed at her tousled hair and bedroom eyes. Tex’s sister, Tex’s sister. My body wasn’t accepting that—physically it wasn’t accepting any information other than she was beautiful.
And it was dark.
I looked away scowling.
“I heard screaming.” Bee took a step forward, her perfume floating off of her body like an aphrodisiac or drug, making me calm, making me want something I had no business wanting.
“Yeah well.” I gave her a cold glance. “Clearly I’m fine, so you should go. Actually, why are you here? You know you live with Tex right?”
She shrugged and sat on my bed. I clenched my fists around the blankets to keep from reaching out to her.
“He’s with Mo, and they need privacy, I’m not stupid, so I asked Sergio if I could move in for a while.”
“You did what?” I asked in a deadly tone.
She grinned. “I’m your new roomie!” Bee bounced on the bed and gave me a shy look beneath her dark lashes. “Admit it, you miss our slumber parties.”
Forget the nightmare—I was looking at it.
CHAPTER ONE
Phoenix
IF THAT GIRL TEXTED me another picture of herself one more time I was going to lose my damn mind.
I drove like an insane asylum escapee back to Sergio’s then speeded to a stop right in front of the gate, waiting impatiently for it to open, tapping my fingers harshly against the leather steering wheel of my Mercedes C class coupe. Another gift from Luca… I would have rather had his life, than the new car every guy on the planet was salivating over.
I wanted a lot of things.
But want didn’t really belong in my vocabulary anymore.
The gate opened, slower than I would have liked since I was pissed off. I sped through the minute I saw an opening, not caring that I could possibly scratch the ridiculously expensive car and pulled to a stop right before hitting Bee.
“Damn it!” I threw open the door and slammed it as hard as I could. “What t
he hell are you doing?”
“You curse more now.” Bee’s eyebrows furrowed. “You know that?”
Yeah I was picking up bad habits where she was concerned, really, freaking awful bad habits. “What do you want, Bee? And didn’t we talk about the pictures? I don’t have time to respond to pictures of goats and sheep and ugly dogs. I have a business to run, a family to protect…” My voice trailed as her face scrunched up with hurt.
“I just…” She shrugged. “Thought they would cheer you up.”
“How is a turtle making it through traffic then causing a ten car pileup cheerful?” I challenged.
She smiled wide, hitting me square in the chest. “Because the turtle made it!” She danced around in front of me and clapped, then paused and arched her eyebrows in my direction.
“I’m not clapping.”
“It’s worth clapping for.”
“Turtle power,” I said through clenched teeth. “Now, was there anything else? You said something about an emergency?”
“Oh.” She waved me off. “I need help picking out my first day of school outfit.”
“Call a girl,” I snapped, walking past her.
I felt warm fingers on my arm, and before I could jerk away, I was rendered completely paralyzed by her tender grasp. Shaking, I swallowed the terror and gave her a pointed look.
Her face fell but she didn’t remove her hand. “I just… I heard they wear uniforms at Elite I just don’t want to look stupid, I only have a few choices, I mean it’s not a big deal, I just…”
Well, damn me to Hell. I sighed and hung my head. “Fine.” I’ll just try to ignore the way that the clothes hugged her body then when she was done twirling in front of me, I’d go puke in the bathroom and run ten miles to get the image out of my head. Sounded like the time of my life. Bring it on. After all, I deserved that type of torture, didn’t I?
“Yay!” She clapped again then looped her arm in mine. “Thanks, Phoenix, I knew I could count on you.”
Funny she should say that… after all, I wasn’t that guy. The trustworthy one, the accountable one, the mature one. I may as well be a body without a soul. It’s what I felt like most days and she did nothing but remind me… that I’d once had it all and lost it.