Chapter 27
Ella said anxiously, "John, our money situation is desperate, and I've been thinking about getting a job,"
"What’s that? Damn it, Ella, no wife of mine is going to work! I'm the one who supposed to make the money!"
"Maybe you’re right, but you're not making enough. This month, I couldn't pay all the bills. Tell me why you don't want me to work."
He took a deep breath and replied, "I want you here to make my dinner."
"Is there anything else?"
"Yes. The kids need you to be here."
"What else, John?"
"I don't want you running off to some God dam place where I won't know what you're up to."
"Is there anything else?" she patiently asked.
He scratched his head. "By God, a woman's place is in the house."
"Look John, I can get a part-time job at the Greasy Fork Cafe. It's in walking distance, so you won't have to worry about where I am. If I take that job, I'll have your dinner ready for you every night, and I'll be here when the kids need me. Let's just give it a try."
He screwed up his face and scratched his head. Finally he said, "Well, I don't like it, but we can give it a try."
After working at The Greasy Fork for two weeks, Ella rubbed the small of her back and glanced at the clock, thinking, only twenty minutes more and I'll be through, thank God!
The waitress who was wiping the counter asked, "By the way, Ella, have you found another house to rent?"
"No, I haven’t found anything we can afford. When our house went up for sale, I wanted to buy it, but John refused. I’m so exasperated with his excuses."
A late customer entered the restaurant. Faye slid along the counter, asking, "Yes Sir, what would you like?"
"Well, I'm not exactly sure," He replied.
Ella was shocked and turned to face the man who had haunted her imagination. When their eyes met, she felt a thrill of electricity. With his face glowing, he said, "Ella, I had to see you on my last day in the States."
She spoke in a rush." Hello Baxter. It's wonderful to see you again, but why are you going to China?"
I’m going there to fight the Japs. I’ve join the Flying Tigers, and I’ll board a ship later tonight. Is there somewhere where we can go and talk?"
Ella glanced at Fay who was listening to their conversation. She nodded and said, "Ella, you can leave early. I can finish up."
"Thanks a lot, Fay. I haven't seen my cousin in years," she replied, feeling guilty over her lie.
As they walked to Ella’s car, she took his arm. When they were alone, she said, "I’m so happy to see you, but I don’t have much time. I have to pick up the kids in just a few minutes."
He caressed her fingers, saying, "Ella is there any way you could see me tonight? This will be our last opportunity to be together."
With her mind racing, she thought, I could tell John I was going to my regular meeting of The Native Daughters of The Golden West, but what am I doing? This is madness. She swallowed. "All right Baxter, I’ll meet you tonight by the high school at eight o'clock."
That evening, Ella prepared for the night. As she pulled on her formal golden gown, she thought, I feel guilty for deceiving John, but I can't help myself. Tonight, I’m going to be with Baxter. Tomorrow, I'll be a faithful wife again.
John lay on the bed with his hands behind his head, watching her as she brushed her hair with her eyes sparkling. He asked, "When are you getting home tonight?"
She busied herself with her earrings before answering, "Oh, I guess I'll be back about the same time as usual."
She zipped her purse shut. "I better get going. I've got to pick up Violet. Joey's asleep. Be sure to make Tommy get in bed by nine. Good bye now, John," she said, bending over and giving him a quick kiss.
When Ella pulled into Violet’s driveway, she was waiting in her formal gown, saying, "Hi Ella. We’re almost late."
"Hi Violet, I’m not going to the lodge. I’m going to see Baxter, you know, that guy I told you about. He’s going to fight a war or something, and this is our last chance to see each other. Would you cover for me at the lodge?"
"Sure, I'll be happy to make explanations," Violet replied.
"Thanks, Violet, maybe I'll see you later tonight at Jack's Bar."
After she dropped Violet off at the lodge, she went to the high school where Baxter was waiting. He got into the car quickly, saying, "Hi Ella. I’m happy to see you again."
When he tried to give her a kiss, she pushed him back, saying, "Baxter, not here. Someone might see us. I know a place we can go."
When she parked by an inexpensive motel a few miles from Santa Rosa, they went Inside their room. Baxter wrapped her in his arms, saying, “Ella, I've dreamed of this moment. I've never stopped thinking of you."
They kissed passionately. She lay back on the bed, saying, "Baxter, I love you."
He looked into her eyes and smiled. "Ella, I’m so glad you love me. I want to marry you."
She drew back. "Baxter, if it were just me, I'd run off with you tonight, but that's impossible. You're going away, and there’s my family to think about. I've allowed myself to be with you tonight only because you're leaving. Let's make the little time we have be just for us."
"Could we get married when I come back?"
She touched his face. "I can't promise anything. Let's not worry about the future. Let's just cherish each other for now."
As his fingers caressed her face, she thought, after tonight he’ll be gone. Now, he's a gift just for me. She pressed her hand to the back of his neck, whispering, "Baxter, let's make love."
Later, at the Santa Rosa bus station, saying goodbye was difficult. Ella tried to find words to express her feelings, but she could only weep. When their remaining seconds expired, Baxter tore his magical green eyes from her face and dashed for the departing bus. She stared at the empty space he had occupied, whispering, "Good bye, you beautiful dream, good bye."
When she was in her car, she became concerned about the time, thinking, it’s late! John will wonder what's happened to me. Please let him be asleep. I hope Violet is still at Jack's Bar so I can say I was with her.
As her anxiety grew, she increased her speed.
Back at Sebastopol, she entered Jack’s bar and saw Violet sitting at the bar.
Violet waved. "Hi Ella. Come over here," she called.
Ella took a stool and nervously looked around the crowded saloon for any sign of danger. With a knowing wink, Violet asked, "Well, how did everything go?"
"Don't ask Violet; I'm in no shape to talk right now."
Violet tapped her arm. "Don't look now, but John just came in, and he looks plenty mad."
Ella saw him in the back mirror with his face livid. He rushed to her and roughly grabbed her arm, shouting, "Ella, where the hell have you been? Come with me, you bitch."
She cried out, "John, let go. You're hurting me. What's wrong with you?"
"What's wrong with me?" he shouted. "I just talked to that waitress. Who's this so-called cousin you've been seeing? Where did you go tonight?"
The customers suddenly became quiet, with all eyes turned in Ella’s direction.
"John, shut up. We can talk about this in private!"
He shook his fist in her face. "Goddamn you, Ella. You come with me or else."
A huge lumberjack moved quietly through the crowd, stopping in front of John. Without warning, he swung his fist. John reeled backwards, crashing through tables and chairs. "You treat ladies with respect," the giant woodsman rumbled.
Ella grabbed her purse and dashed for the door, not caring what the bar patrons might think. As she drove, she tried to control her panic, thinking, Oh God! John’s so mad he could kill me! I better get the gun.
When she reached her house, she ran into the bedroom and took the Colt .44 from the dresser drawer. Her fingers trembled as she pushed bullets into the cylinder. She heard footsteps on the po
rch. She snapped the gun shut, thinking, Oh God, it's him.
The front door banged open. "Ella, where the hell are you?"
Her hands shook. John dashed through the house and stopped at the bedroom door. "So there you are, you slut!"
Ella raised the gun. "John, I'm warning you. Don't you come near me or I'll shoot."
"Damn you, I'll teach you," he snarled, doubling his fists and lunging across the room.
She closed her eyes and squeezed the trigger. The explosion nearly tore the gun from her hand.
John cried out, "Oh my God, you shot me! You shot me!"
Tommy ran into the bedroom, but stopped when he saw his stepfather fall across the bed with blood gushing from his head. Ella pushed him back and yelled, "Tommy, you go back to your room this minute! Now mind me!"
He returned to his room. Ella felt stunned, unable to think. Noticing the revolver in her hand, she replaced it in the drawer. John moaned as she wrapped a towel around his bloody head. She heard a car sliding to a stop in front of the house. Violet ran through the open door, yelling, "Ella, where are you? What's happening?"
Ella shouted, "Violet, I’m in the bedroom. Go get the doctor. Please Hurry!"
In a few minutes, Violet returned with the doctor who dashed to the bedroom and examined John’s injury. With a worried look, he said, "This is a gunshot wound, and it’s serious. He needs to go to the hospital. Ladies, can you help me carry him to my car?"
The three of them carried John to the doctor’s car and put him across the back seat. With bloody smears on her golden gown, Violet said, "Ella, you can go with the doctor. I'll stay here and watch the kids."
"Thanks, Violet, you better go in and talk to Tommy."
As the doctor sped to the hospital, he glanced at Ella, saying, "I have to report all gunshot wounds to the police, but I can wait until tomorrow. I suggest you carefully think about your answers before you make any statement. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
Unable to speak, she silently nodded.
At the hospital, John was wheeled quickly to the operating room while the doctor prepared for surgery. During the next two hours, Ella paced anxiously in the waiting room. When the doctor finally returned, he said, "He's going to live. The bullet grazed his forehead, and I had to remove bone fragments from his frontal lobe, but, in time, he will fully recover."
Ella clasped his arm. "When can I see him?"
"You can see him as soon as he wakes up."
When Ella saw her husband with his head wrapped in a bloodstained bandage, she cried out, "Oh, John, I can't tell you how sorry I am."
He reached for her hand, saying quietly, "It’s my fault, Ella. I promised you once I would never hit you. You were only protecting yourself. I'm going to tell the police I accidentally shot myself while I was cleaning my gun."
She stood by his bed submissively, saying, "Oh John, I don't know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything. Are you going to leave me?"
She blinked in disbelief. "Why, no. No! I'm not going to leave you. You and the kids are my family. I'll stay if you want me."
Four months later, Ella and her family had moved into a ram-shackled house near Occidental. She was sitting at her round oak table, warmed by the early morning sun. John had left for work and Tommy had walked to school, the same one-room school she had attended. Joey was still sleeping. She shifted her weight and grabbed another cracker, waiting for the bout of nausea to pass. Frowning, she thought, that doctor was wrong about John’s full recovery. Ever since the shooting, he’s different. Now he never worries or gets angry, sad or happy. We don’t argue any more, but he’s lost his zest for living.
After eating another cracker, she removed a newspaper clipping from her pocket, a ritual she frequently repeated. Through her tears, she read, "BAXTER HAMILTON was mortally wounded in a fierce dogfight with Japanese aircraft while he was working for the Chinese government."
She returned the clipping back to her pocket, next to her heart. When she glanced outside, she saw a chipmunk chattering furiously as a red and yellow leaf spiraled down, twisting, falling, descending until it touched the ground and was gone forever.
Postscript
A young matron with haunting green eyes was sitting in her wheelchair next to her mother. Gently, she shook her mother awake, saying, "Mom, wake up. It’s me, Susan."
Ella slowly opened her eyes and recognized her daughter. "Oh, hello Honey. I’m so glad to see you. How long have you been here?"
Susan wiped her mother’s forehead with a damp cloth, replying, "I’ve been here a couple of hours, but I didn’t want to wake you up until I heard you moaning in your sleep. How are you feeling?"
Ella derisively laughed. "I feel as good as a person can feel, racked with pain and about to die."
"Oh Mother, I’m so sorry. Is there something I can do?"
Ella beckoned to her daughter to come closer, saying, "Yes, there is something you can do. I want you to buy me a large bottle of sleeping pills so I can put myself out of this misery."
"Mother, I just can’t bring myself to participate in your death, but the nurse from hospice said she would start you on morphine. In the meantime, let’s talk about the important people in your life. You’re 69 and you haven’t told me very much about your past."
Ella moved to find a more comfortable position as a grinding pain increased, saying, "Well, you kids are the most important people in my life, but I feel so guilty about passing my father’s blindness to Tom and Joe."
"Mother, you shouldn’t feel that way. Both of those brothers have done alright."
Ella replied, "Tom has done well, being a teacher and a psychologist, but I worry about Joe. He’s still tied to my apron strings, and I don’t know what’s going to happen to him when I’m gone."
Observing her mother appeared to be distracted from pain, Susan continued, "Mother, what about the other people in your life? I’d like to hear about them."
Ella replied, "I wasn’t overly sad when my rat brother was killed on his motorcycle, but when Kenny was shot in Korea, I grieved hard. He was only 17, too young to die. My best friend, Violet, and her husband were killed in a car wreck. I cried for days. Oh yes, there were my three husbands. After I left Rico, he moved to Texas and married some young Mexican woman. I think they had six children. John and I had our differences at first, but he mellowed out after an accident. You were only 11 when he died at work from lifting something too heavy. Finally, there was Bud. I cut up his clothes and threw him out when I found lipstick on his underwear. After a heart attack, he moved to Needles where he’s been living all these years, but the joke’s on me. I’ve been paying for his life insurance ever since."
A painful seizure prevented Ella from concentrating, but the nurse from Hospice arrived and quickly injected her with morphine. Ella soon became drowsy and fell into a deep sleep.
"Hey Ma, wake up. It’s me, Frank," her youngest son said, gently shaking her awake.
Her eyes fluttered open, and she weekly said, "Oh Tom, I’m so glad you’re here. I want you to get me a big bottle of sleeping pills."
"It’s not Tom. It’s me, Frank!" he answered irritably.
She grasped his hand. "Oh, Frank, I thought you were in Viet Nam. I’ve been so worried about you."
"Ma, I’ve been back from Viet Nam for ten years. You’re confused, and what’s this business about sleeping pills?"
She drew in her breath from a sudden pain. When she could speak, she whispered, "Frank, could you get me the pills? I’m in so much agony I can’t stand it. It’s time to check out."
With tears in his eyes, he replied, "Ma, please don’t ask me to do that. I still have nightmares about all the people I killed in Viet Nam."
The nurse came in the room interrupting their conversation, cheerfully saying, "Ella, it’s time for your happy time injection."
Later, the nurse woke her up, saying, "Ella, you have a long distance phone ca
ll from someone called Tom."
Ella struggled back to consciousness and took the phone, saying, "Tom, what’s wrong?"
A familiar voice laughed. "Nothing’s wrong Mother. I just wanted to say hello and see how you’re doing."
Ella waited for a spasm of pain to pass before speaking. "Oh, Tom, please hurry. I’m in so much pain, even with the morphine. All of the other kids refuse to help me. I know I can count on you to get me something to put me out of this misery."
He hesitated for several moments, saying, "All right Mother, I’m going to hang up now, but I’ll see you this afternoon."
She hung the phone up, thinking, I can count on Tom. He’s always been my favorite.
Later that afternoon, Ella opened her eyes, delighted to see her oldest son standing by her bed. She whispered, "Tom, you finally made it. It’s hard for me to talk, but would you please run down to the drugstore and buy me a big bottle of sleeping pills?"
He replied, "The doctor said he has increased your morphine. Doesn’t that help?"
With a look of distress, she said, "Tom, don’t argue. That stuff puts me in a dream world that scares me, but when I’m awake, the pain is unbearable. I want out!"
"All right, damn it! I’ll do it."
Ella remained quiet with a pensive expression. Finally she spoke, "Tom, there is something I need to tell you. When you were just a baby, a man by the name of Julius Carlini often came to our rescue. I wondered at the time why he was so kind. I later found out from Rico’s sister that he was Rico’s father. She made me promise not to tell Rico, but I thought you should know about your grandfather who’s now dead."
That evening, Ella slipped into a deep coma. While the siblings sat in the living room, Susan thought, Joe and Frank look like brothers, but Tom and I look completely different. The one thing in common is we’re all handicapped. Both Tom and Joey have RP. Frank is screwed up from Viet Nam, and I’m in a wheelchair, thanks to polio.
Joe remarked, "The doctor said it’s just a matter of hours."
Tom was the first to speak. "Personally, I’m glad she’s in a coma. At least, she’s out of pain. I told her I would help her commit suicide, but I just couldn’t bring myself to kill our mother."
Susan touched his arm. "Don’t feel badly Tom. None of us could do it either. There’s nothing we can do now but wait. I suggest we take turns watching her."
Joe volunteered to go first, but when he went into her room, he shouted, "Everybody, come quick! There’s something wrong with Mother."
They quickly came and stood around Ella’s bed, listening to her struggle for breath with a rattling sound in her throat. Slowly, she opened her eyes, recognizing each of her children, and closed her eyes again. After a painful moment, she spoke with animation. "Oh! I can see them all, Mama, Papa, sister, Violet, Kenny and Baxter’s there too! They’re calling to me. They want me to go with them."
Joe whispered softly, "Mother, go to them. Just turn loose and go."
As she drew her last breath, Ella ran, Young again, glory bound, no longer in pain, shouting, "I’m coming! I’m coming!"
Author’s Note:
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