All I could do was hold him and let my caressing touch tell him that I was fighting this. I was scared as hell, but I was fighting this.
Chapter Sixteen
~ Landen ~
I held her in my arms throughout the night. Time here was an illusion. The sky never really darkened; the purple tint just grew denser. I had felt through my touch how tormented she was when I was gone today. I was furious. I couldn’t stand that she was so weighted with negative emotions.
I knew keeping her against the rampart was the safest thing to do. Even though it backed up to the Veil and put us breaths away from our enemies, the power here was soothing her.
I watched her for hours as she laid across my chest. Once in a while, I thought she drifted off to sleep and thought to follow her to her dreams, but then all at once she would stir, and then tense. I could feel the sharp emotions in her soul and did what I could to comfort her, but I feared it was all for naught.
I must have drifted to sleep because when I opened my eyes again, she was gone from my side. In a panic, I shot up from the bed. It took my senses a moment to feel her close by.
I moved my body to the edge of the bed and leaned forward, feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders as I buried my head in my hands.
It’s not supposed to be like this. When couples come here for their celebration, to solidify their union and swear before the power of this dimension that they are two souls made of one, they should be filled with bliss. Absolute ecstasy. We were wrought with fear of the unknown, of not knowing what these marks would put us through during this ceremony.
I don’t care how many past lives we lived or dreams we shared in this life, this one right here, we’d only been side-by-side for months. Months. She knew me for a matter of days before I ripped her from her life, and it’s been hell ever since. We both had every right to be terrified right now.
We’ve always been told to go here and do this with the threat of death to us or the ones we loved hanging in the air.
I didn’t doubt that I loved her. That she loved me. But this place, the Radiance, turned your soul inside out. And it would only be harder from this point forward.
I pulled on my clothes and found her on the deck, staring out in wonder of this place. A thin blanket was wrapped around her petite shoulders. Silently, I moved my body behind hers and gathered her in my arms. Gracefully, she leaned into me, not bothering to be shocked by my sudden appearance.
“Is that where it takes place?” she questioned.
She was staring out at the massive body of water in the distance. It was surrounded by waterfalls that did not fall, but rose.
“It is.”
“What is going to happen to us?”
I pulled her tightly against me as I leaned my chin on her head.
“I only know the legend. No one has walked this path but us.” I angled her so she could see the vast water more clearly. “Do you see the diamonds?”
The water was clear, so blue that it almost blinded you. Lights were floating within the water, looking like diamonds. The sun was never directly shown in Radiance, so the light was seen as a supernatural power.
“Beautiful.”
“That body of water is said to be Guardian and Aliyanna’s home.”
She glanced up at me with disbelieving eyes.
“Some that study our beginning thought that was symbolic, for both their sun signs were water signs. Some believe there really is a home beneath that water, that it will rise when we return.”
“No one thought to dive in?”
I smirked. “No one can get close enough. There is a barrier around it; energy repels you backward if you get too close. Everything here is magical, Willow. It never rains, yet the grass and trees are vibrant. I have never discovered a place like this in all my travels.”
She turned to me, questioning her sanity, for it had rained on us last night.
“That’s why I asked you if your insights were back. I thought you brought the rain with your emotions. That the rampart had healed you.”
Her eyes, along with her emotions, told me that was not true, that all it was doing was slowing the pace of her internal war. One that was weakening her.
“I didn’t cause it to rain.”
“I know. I think someone was watching over you.”
“Some higher power that is corralling me here.”
There it was, that feeling we both shared, a feeling that seemed to push us into moments we were not ready for.
“We can leave. Right now. I’ll take you anywhere.” I had no idea if we had the power to outrun this. But if she wanted to go—we were gone.
“I may be terrified, but I’m not a coward. I just don’t understand.”
“Beyond adrenalin, the best way to defeat fear is to face it. So let’s face this. Why do you feel forced into this?” I asked.
Her eyes rippled with blue as she reached her hand for my face. “I don’t feel forced. I just don’t understand. One second, my emotions were so amped up that I brought destruction; the next, I felt normal. Grateful. Ready for anything. Then something happened. It struck my ego and knocked me down even further, taking my shield away.” She pulled the thin blanket tightly across her shoulders. “Donalt rigged the game, set the board, then moved his pieces into place, always centuries ahead of us, all the while only wanting to run the clock down, to exhaust us to the point that in the end not only would we fall, but an entire dimension would be overtaken.”
“True, I suppose. But some of this is Saturn. Its job is to test us. To give us the determination to shed what no longer serves us and put ourselves on the path we belong on. Willow, you can’t do what everyone else wants you to do now. Saturn will not allow it. You have to do what is in your soul.”
Her hand reached for my chest, and instantly we both sighed. “I've lived everyone's life but mine. Felt everyone's emotions but my own—right now, I feel my own. I know love, fear…I know me as an individual for the first time ever.” A weak smile came to her eyes, as she must have recalled a few good memories between us. Ones that I felt her embracing as she laid in my arms for hours last night.
“And looking back, the only thing I miss is sharing emotions with you—feeling every part of you.” Those eyes, which were still rippling with blue, pinned me where I stood. “I don’t want to go back to the way I was. Yet, I don’t want to lose my insights, either. I’m scared because I don’t know what is going to happen if this goes right or wrong. I don’t know what to hope for and, if anything, this world has taught me that you have to speak clearly and precisely to the universe for it to return your wishes. I want to blame this internal war on someone, but I think I’m doing it to myself, and it’s not fun knowing you are your own worst enemy.”
My hand reached to caress her neck as I dipped my head to allow our eyes to meet. “You are not alone in this. I feel the same war inside. I never wanted this,” I said, letting my eyes dart to the body of water. “I just wanted you. And you’re right, our intentions paved our path. So I’m going to trust the universe and believe that going through with this is what it’s going to take to feel you in my veins.”
“You’re scared for our family, our world.”
“I am.” I let out a frustrated sigh. “If we walk away from this, even if nothing happens to that barrier, even if centuries pass before Donalt manages to breach it, I will always be the one that let them down. That built a world, only to destroy it. My insights might be intact, may not have fluctuated the way yours have, but I still feel pushed. And we shouldn’t feel that way.”
I saw and felt the pain in her eyes. The rejection was the hardest thing for me to swallow. I had to figure out how to stop causing that reaction in her. “I felt pushed to live up to someone that was surely amplified over time. I seriously do not think we knew what the hell we were doing then any more than we do now.”
“This is not about Chara, or the couples that may or may not fall apart. I can’t live for them right now.??
?
I furrowed my brow at her. Those were not words that belonged to my Willow.
“It sounds cold,” she said with a tremble, “but I mean it. The old Willow would have found some way to assure myself that everyone we love, couples across this dimension, were truly happy with who they were meant to be. I would have weighed every circumstance, broke it down and weighed the risk. But I can’t do that now. I have to live by example. If I doubt them, I doubt us. If I question my path, I judge theirs. I can’t do that right now. I know I love you, I know that I hurt you in the past…and I know that what we feel for each other is unconditional. I’ve always known that.”
I tilted my head as I analyzed her emotions and intent. Normally that would be easy, but her fear had been so ripe that it was near impossible now.
“Where did that balance come from?” I finally asked her.
“I daydreamed. Standing here, I imagined waking up in the other reality at your side. Looking in your eyes and telling you of this horrible dream I had. How I had to fight to come to you. In that daydream, you were the boy that found me. The one before all this darkness. You were in love with me, with your world. Excited to show me everything. Excited that I was in your arms. You pulled me against you to soothe my nerves from how wickedly I woke up. I told you everything, and when it was over you looked into my eyes and said, ‘Everything happens for a reason—you woke up in my arms, just as you will for the rest of your existence.’ And I believed it. Even if I fabricated it. Even if that is a foolish daydream. I’m living for myself right now. I’m telling Saturn to go to hell. That it can take everything but you from me. Because I know that with you at my side, we can fight anything. Help anyone. Restore anything.”
“I wish I was still that guy.”
“I want you to be you. I’m starting to get flashbacks from other lives. This isn’t the first time your personality has carried an edge. I doubt it will be the last. But no matter what, deep down you are that guy, even if I’m the only one that ever sees him.”
“There are going to be millions of people there,” I warned.
Her skin turned crimson, but she nodded once anyway.
“It could be painful—it will be painful—if this ceremony accepts us, if we rise to Flames, it will still be painful…we will stand in judgment of ourselves, maybe even each other. We’re all that we have held back from each other.”
That stubborn stare remained.
“The prophecy is riddled with symbolism. It says the first moon after the marks appear, the souls will be pulled to one—a burn will pull them to the water.”
She glanced at the sky. “Where is the moon? How long have we been here?”
I was sure we were edging close to two days at this point. Time was odd in the Radiance. You never grew hungry or really tired. You could be here for a day’s time and it could feel like a month, and a month could feel just like five minutes. It depended on your state of mind, how much time the Radiance wanted you to feel.
My gauge on time was coming from the emotions I felt below, how anxious everyone seemed to be, that and the mass of souls I felt moving ever closer to the Radiance.
“I don’t think we have much more time before we will be pulled.”
She glanced over her shoulder at the body of water. I felt her fear explode. Anxiety seize her. This was it. She was going to tell me to get her the hell out of here.
She turned and looked up at me. “Will you take me to my mom? I want her to help me get ready.”
I don’t know why it happened, but my knees grew weak. My breath left me. I felt myself slowly sliding down. Literally kneeling before her. I wrapped my arms around her, burying my face in her chest. I sighed, feeling her fingers caress my hair.
“We are going to be okay,” she whispered, but I heard and felt the doubt in her words. She didn’t believe herself.
After endless moments of holding her, I stood. “I’ll send everyone up here.”
“Where are you going?” she asked with a tremble.
“Nowhere. Just getting your family for you. Promise.”
I pulled her lips to mine. It was an innocent kiss, one where our lips barely moved, but we managed to feel every emotion from bliss to agony. This woman had just agreed to end her existence as she knew it to be. I couldn’t fathom her strength. I couldn’t understand what I did so right to deserve her. She was right. All of this hell was worth it. I’d walk through it all ten times over just to experience this one kiss.
Against her lips, I said, “I love you.” She mirrored my words instantly. I thought she had her hearing back, but then I understood she just felt the vibration of my voice against her flesh.
“We face this. Protect our people,” I thought as I released her lips.
“Then the seven.”
I was in awe. She was seeing past this day, which was more than I could handle. All I could think about was when that moon would rise. I suppose in my mind I had to get through that before I could figure out what myself and the others had dared to understand when we felt that volt of energy between us. Standing in the presence of Drake and the others, I did feel like a king, had next to no doubt that yes, I would rule fear, as they would rule their emotions. Away from them, those ideas were more distant. The reality of what I was in the middle of took over.
I stole one gentler kiss, then vanished from her side.
I appeared down below on the top floor of the building that lined the courtyard. Everyone from our bloodline, with the exception of Marc and Chrispin, was there. Each of them pinned me with their stares as they waited with bated breath to hear what I had to say.
No words of wisdom or heartfelt speech were going to come. They may have seen this as a celebration, but in my mind—and no doubt Willow’s—we had just committed to cross a final line, to become something that we didn’t understand.
I locked eyes with her mother, who was clutching Libby’s shoulders in her hands. That little girl had become the strength of this family. I couldn’t help but feel pride for that. She was mine first. She was mine and Willow’s. A gift that could never be matched.
“She’s asking for you. She wants help getting ready.”
A collective sigh left them all at once. Jason wasted no time as he collected his wife and daughter and pulled their energy upward, as all warriors were able to do in the Radiance.
Rose smiled at me before she followed.
I felt my mother’s hands on my shoulders, but I couldn’t give in to her right now. Just smile and let her think I was okay. My mind was heavy. She kissed my shoulder before she followed suit. Olivia and Felicity were not far behind. Before long, I was left standing with my brother and father. The room could not feel any smaller if it were the size of a tin cup.
“You can’t walk into this with anger, son,” my father stated evenly.
I had to smirk, envying that Willow had that privilege right now. That some higher power was watching over her. I could only hope they were doing a better job than I was.
“Who surrenders mortality with a smile on their face?”
“Someone who has lived a good life, who gave everything they had for the passions in their soul. Someone who knows they left no stone unturned.”
“Which would be why I’m not smiling. I have plenty left to do. Donalt still exists.”
“And the Flames, with you at the lead, will end him. This is your golden weapon.”
“Awesome. So we can tell the future generations that I joined my Flame to defeat evil, not because our love was so strong that we could not bear to be apart.”
My father turned red as a beet, as he often did when I pushed one too many buttons.
August emerged from the doorway, pulling reading glasses from his face as he closed the ancient book in his hand. “No. We tell the future generations that love defeats all, as we have told every past generation.”
My father pointed at his father, huffed, then moved to leave the room, fully intending on avoiding me until this was all over
. He knew if he said one cross word to me, I would be gone.
I figured Brady would follow him since he was basically turning into him lately, but he stayed. My grandfather walked slowly to me, letting his aged eyes look over me.
“Have we been soul searching?”
“Willow has.”
“And you?”
“I still have disdain.”
“The flames are going to amplify that,” he warned.
“So you mean I’m not going to walk out of this as some all-knowing God that can do no wrong?”
“No, I mean the flames are going to amplify that. You will walk through your lives, through your course, or so I’ve come to understand,” he said as he glanced at the book in his hand.
My gut cringed. Willow had been doing that for days and had not fared well so far.
“This is going to hurt her,” I breathed with obvious agony.
“We’re talking about you.”
I smirked. “Phoenix kinda walked me down that road already.” Which was true. The worst night of my life was when he gave me my memories back. Nothing could ever bring me more turmoil than what had already been thrown in my face.
“Landen, I have never forced thoughts into your mind.”
“Then don’t start now.” I balled my fist, hating that I had just bit his head off. He didn’t deserve that.
“I don’t plan to. But I’m asking you to trust yourself. This entire time, we have been following your words. From the scroll to the ring on your hand. We have fought this curse with you each step of the way. Yes, it was suggested that this day would come to pass. It was willed with hopeful thoughts, but no one would command it if your own body had not marked you. This is bigger than you. Trust yourself. I cannot tell you what lies beyond today, how long you will live, or in what form, but I can and will tell you that you willed it to be, and a higher power agreed with you.”