“I will handle the girl. Just as I always have. You do your part. You fail, and your bloodline will end immediately.” That was Alamos. I would know his voice anywhere.
The heated fury laced with betrayal lunged me forward. I was prepared to attack—make a fool of the man that had played the innocent servant for the sake of me, Perodine, and Drake.
Right as I opened that iron curtain, everything turned blindingly white; the glow was more intense than the string could ever hope to be.
There was silence. Emptiness. I searched in every direction, looking for Justus. Looking for a way out. My mind could not comprehend how I went from a sour, filthy enclosed booth to this serene light.
The brightness began to lose some of its power, lowering itself to a glow that I could see through without squinting my eyes.
Standing a few feet away from me was a figure. Taking in her build at first, I thought it was my image again. But this woman was taller, built differently. She was fit from one end to the other. In her silhouette, I could see long, lean muscles that silently screamed one thing: do not cross me.
She stepped closer, and as she did her image became clear. Her hair was long and auburn, but she was not the woman my image had shown me before. Sisters, maybe. This girl had long dreads, pristine ivory skin, and eyes that I could swear were one shade away from a deep red.
“Who are you?” I demanded.
“Mazing,” she answered blankly as her eyes gave me a once over.
The sound of her voice spiked familiarity, as did her image, but I didn’t know this girl. What kind of a name was Mazing anyway?
“Where am I?”
“Home. Yet you cannot stay here.”
“Fantastic. Can you please show me the way to the string?”
“And if I did, where would you choose to go? Back to the filth I just pulled you from?”
“I have karma to deliver.”
“That is not your war.”
“So says who?”
“Your sovereign.”
There was that word again. The one Justus loved to call me. At least she was saying I was ruled by someone and not bowing down to me—even though no one ruled me.
“Your Majesty,” I said in a mocking tone. “Release me.”
Mazing smirked. “I am not a sovereign. I am a First.”
My eyes grew wide. I got it now. I was in my head again. I must have opened that door and been struck, that or Justus knocked me out. Either way, this was in a twisted dream, like the one I was in with Aella. I knew one thing for sure: I was not fond of my subconscious. It always managed to tell me exactly what I didn’t want to hear.
“Awesome. You must be proud. Met another First today. A risen dead man. He seems misplaced. Maybe you should be lurking in his head, and not mine.”
“We are not in your thoughts. If we were, you would be in listening mode only. This is reality; therefore, I’m forced to hear your meaningless banter.”
I let a bold glare ease over her. “Let’s just get to the bottom of this. What do you want? What am I doing wrong? What have I vastly misunderstood? Go on. I’ve played this game before.”
Her scowl was almost amusing. She gave me the same look Justus had supplied, the one that made me feel like a wayward toddler.
“Your sovereign wishes to be here now. She is watching closely.”
“Which direction do I wave in?” I mocked.
“She wishes to come to you, but she cannot claim you—for if she does, your life will be at greater risk.”
“Seriously? That threat is beyond old. Didn’t you get the memo? I’ve already died. Recently. And beyond that, I have faced far greater fears than death itself.”
Mazing sucked in a deep breath. She was clearly holding a fury deep within herself, though I had no notion of that feeling vibrating my soul. Man. I loved this new life of mine.
“You are near your end. Donalt is weak.”
I smirked. It was almost as if she were reading from a script. The look in those near red eyes told me that she wanted to rip me in two, at least give me a piece of her mind. But she kept right on saying what she was obviously supposed to be saying.
“He was a looker when I saw him last,” I said with a sly grin.
“You will fail at the end if you do not let your ego diminish.”
“Ah, you and Justus with that same song and dance. You guys have been hanging out in the First Club, haven’t you?”
“Let your soul out, Willow,” she commanded.
“All soul, girl,” I said with a wave of my hands over my body.
“No, you are pure ego. You’re self-absorbed, and when you are not, you are hunting drama to drown yourself in. You, as the ego, know your end is near; therefore, you are grasping any and every distraction you can.”
“This argument is old, too. Just tell me who’s at risk this go around and how to save them. Might as well tell me the lesson I’m supposed to learn while you’re at it so we can save some more time.”
I literally could see the rage rippling off her. I could not feel it for the life of me, but I swear I could see it. Mazing glanced upward, and the glow around us seemed to embrace her for a mere instant, taking that wrath away.
“You’re the risk. You’re precious. And it is time to come forth.”
Her eyes. They were not looking at me; they were looking deep within me, as if she were trying to speak to someone beyond me.
Deep inside, I felt a warm tingle. But I didn’t trust it. Instantly, my arm grasped my gut. The memory of Donalt touching me there, sending that cold through me, was fluent. If I ever needed to protect myself, now was the time.
“You know, don’t you? You’re aware that no Earthly form can be created now. You’re aware that your soul will rise.”
“I’m aware of no such thing,” I bit out. I mean, how many times could one person curse another? Wasn’t there some rule book that Donalt had to wait until the first curse was over before he could strike me again?
“It is of no consequence. Donalt took nothing from you. You will rise before that point.”
“Rise to what?” I said with contempt, not really caring to hear the answer. I had already had a pretty crappy day. I didn’t care for her to add to it.
“To assume Donalt’s reign.”
“Were you in some kind of First’s slumber? I found Madison. Any rule in the dimension of Esterious has nothing to do with me.”
There was that rage again. “You are not a mortal ruler.”
I shrugged. “Well, then. I don’t care for the way wings look on me. I’m too short for them to look anything but foolish. Thanks for the offer. But mortal or immortal, Donalt can have his reign.”
“Wings,” she said with a leer. “That was most unimpressive. I suppose he thought you would relate that manifestation to something powerful.”
“So I can ditch the wings and still be a queen?” I mocked.
She was losing patience with me, but I didn’t care; it was my subconscious I was fighting with, now wasn’t it?
“Your sovereign is taking your shield of wrath away.”
I felt a ripping sensation deep inside me. An unmistakable pain. It was as if my soul and mind were at war. I wasn’t sure whose side to take on the matter, but I did know that I could have gone all day long without hearing that revelation.
“So what is she going to do? Give me fairy wings and a wand? Have me fly around spreading bliss made of pixie dust?” It was a dry threat. I was trying to figure out if my energy was powerful enough to block the hostile siege that I was about to experience.
“Not amused.” Her eyes moved above us again. I could almost swear I could feel her arguing with someone, and whoever it was, I could only hope they were on my side because if this girl decided to go head-to-head with me, I wasn’t entirely sure who would walk away from the fight.
I tensed, ready to charge her with wit or power, whatever came first.
A leer came to the edges of her lips as she dominantly
walked forward. I stood still, waiting for a reason to strike her. When Mazing reached me, she slowly circled me. She was only a few inches taller than me, but that glare made me feel all of two feet tall.
“You are angry,” she said as she moved beside me. “Wrathful,” she said against the back of my neck. “Weak,” she said as she emerged on my other side. “A disgrace to the energy that bore you.”
Right as those last words left her mouth, her entire body tensed as if someone had shocked her. She let out a small grunt. “Your ego, that is,” she said as she stood before me.
“You cannot bear anger and fight fear.”
I glared forward as I spoke. “Fear is a weakness. Anger is power. Anger brings forth change.”
Her red eyes looked deep into mine. “Every emotion only has the power it is given by the host. You are designed to relieve an emotion when it is in excess.”
I went to argue that I had all I could take of every emotion in the book, but she raised her hand to stop me. “Yet you can’t relieve an emotion unless you have mastered it.”
“I’ve mastered fear. Have you been not paying attention from your box seats in the heavens?”
“You have not faced fear. You have never understood fear. You have hidden layers deep behind shields. You should have come forth long before this point. Your soul is needed to take this reign.”
“Are you calling me soulless? I have more soul in one hand than you do in your entire body—”
I stopped my verbal thrashing short. A pain seized me. Every muscle was on fire. I could swear I felt pain in every cell of my body.
“You are weak. I am not even trying to bring you harm.”
Whatever grip she had on me ended, and I all but collapsed forward. I braced my arms on my knees as I glared up at her.
“Your light has protected you for far too long. Now he dares to think you are lost forever. The ego must fall. The soul will rise.”
“I’m not going back to being some naïve little girl. I’m done playing games.”
“Are you done living?”
I stood up straight and pulled my shoulders back. “I told you before, I fear no death.”
“For you believe you have another life. You believe that in some form you will be forevermore with the light that has so honorably claimed you.”
“Are you threatening Landen?” I seethed.
“No. You are. This cycle of eternity is over. If you do not release your soul and join with his, you will be forevermore lost. You have been chosen to rule for an eternity of eternities—to save all those that will face the emotion you have conquered—but you have stayed too sheltered for too long. Time is up. This is your harsh lesson. Anger is leaving you now.”
“Whatever.” I didn’t care if she was God himself. No one could stifle the anger I had in my soul. I was over all of this.
“You will feel fear. You will find humbleness. And you will see how limited your breathing days are.”
When I didn’t argue or show fear, she went on. “Until such time that you have mastered fear and how to be humble, you are banned from the dimension of Esterious.”
I rolled my eyes. “If I’m not allowed in the dimension, then I have no reason to fear anything.” I glanced away. “Like you could stop me anyway.”
Right then, a pain that I could never describe fractured through my body. I fell to the ground screaming. A second later, it stopped.
“That is only a fraction of what you will feel if you cross the passages to that dimension.”
“I have to help those people.”
“No. No more distractions. Master your emotion, then rise to take your reign.”
I made it to my feet. “I’m not afraid of you.”
Those eyes of hers moved over me once. “And you are not angry with me, either.”
She was right. I wanted to hate this girl. I wanted to rip her into shreds, and then rip those shreds into pieces, but I couldn’t find the energy to do so.
“Your sovereign wants you to know that this had to be done. That in order to rule the emotion you are set to rule, you must do so without the crutch of anger. She wants you to know she will continue to protect you, but she can no longer allow you to shield yourself behind wrath, for it will weaken you when you must be strong.”
I may not have anger, but I still had the ability to smirk, and I did so. “Was I supposed to learn something here today? I think you and your sovereign are way off course. I have dealt with emotions my entire life. If there is one thing I have learned, it is that you cannot control how other people feel. They feel what they want, when they want. You can take whatever you want from me. You can give me every reason to be terrified, but somehow, some way, you will release me and I will be right back to where I want to be.”
Yep, she wanted to beat the hell out of me. That was the message that cold expression of hers clearly sent. “Where you want to be? Would that be standing at the end of a life plan alone? Did you intend to hurt all those in your path? Did you intend to break the soul of your light? Did you intend to let the Creator himself down?”
I wasn’t going to bother answering any of that. I wasn’t alone. I didn’t hurt anyone, and I empowered Landen. I did not break him. And if the Creator himself had a problem with me, then He needed to float on down here and have a little chat with me.
Mazing’s eyes moved upward, and when they did a sly smile came to her lips. “Tsk, tsk. You should not think such thoughts. Here is a glimpse of what you will feel if you do not let your soul rise.”
At that moment, I felt a bitter cold. That was the best way to describe it. Not only did my body feel cold, but also everything around me did. I was divided. Not connected to anyone or anything; I was nothing more than a void. No family, no Landen, no world to call my own.
That emptiness erupted fear deep in my soul. I felt an internal struggle, a ripping sensation. A pleading for one more chance. It was as if I had just been told that my days were over. To get my affairs in order. As soon as that emotion left, grief set in. In the worst way possible. It was worse than losing Monica, worse than when I lost Landen and Drake in The Realm. It was worse because not only did I lose all of them once again, I lost everything. I lost myself.
“You will not remember this conversation, but you will feel these emotions. You will feel this warning.”
“You’re kinda hard to forget,” I mumbled, not meaning to sound sarcastic; that hadn’t fared well for me so far in the grand scheme of things.
“It’s time to wake up, Willow.” She glanced over me once. “In more ways than one.” Her stare grew sincere for the first time as she said, “I truly do wish you a safe passage. It would be an honor to serve with you.”
She nodded her head, and a sickening, dizzy feeling brought me to my knees, then to the floor. Everything was spinning out of control. Then darkness came.
Chapter Seven
~ Landen ~
Nearly two days. How could anyone sleep that long? I knew she was tired. Overwhelmed. But she was to the point of terrifying me now. I’d tried to find her in her dreams over and over, to no avail. I even had her father come and look over her just to make sure her soul was not trapped somewhere or lost like before. Perodine even ventured into the gates of Chara to look over her. Nothing. She was simply sleeping.
I regretted not waking her up before I left a few days ago. Obviously, after I left she got up and showered, ate something, and fell right back asleep where I left her.
Every time she stirred, I would come to attention, hoping that time she would wake up. I’ve called her name gently, shook her shoulders, even picked her up and held her. She would slightly open her eyes, smile, then slip back into a peaceful sleep. I mean peaceful. She was lacking the one emotion that she had hidden behind since the day she discovered her friend Monica had been killed: anger.
I have to admit that at times I could pull her away from that emotion, distract her, at least I did for a month. The last time I remembered her feeling a
nything close to this was just before Mercury reared its ugly head, which was more than likely why this slumber of hers has me so bothered. She looked as if she were peacefully sleeping then, but she wasn’t. She was in Drake’s arms. That wasn’t the case now. I was sure of it.
I had my suspicions about Justus, the dead man that had a scent that matched hers. I found him leaning in the bedroom doorway watching her sleep when I came home a few days ago. That didn’t sit too well with me at all.
What really didn’t sit well with me was that both Justus’ and Willow’s scent had been altered, the warm honey smell was absent. Now, it was only lavender.
I had read more lore on that scent and this upcoming ceremony of Chara in the last few days than I had in my lifetime. I found nothing concrete beyond the basic claim that the scent belonged to dreams, dreams I could not reach her in.
I was furious at this whole deal. As soon as I decided to man up, tell Willow what I had been hiding from her, explain what terrified me, let her see beyond what I’d shown her, she wasn’t there anymore—which meant even if I played out this little myth of Chara, we would not survive it…at least I didn’t understand how we would.
I needed a shower, a way to wake up.
The steaming water didn’t do anything but make me feel even weaker. It was almost as if I hadn’t eaten in days, but that wasn’t the case. I was weak because I didn’t have her, because she was slipping further away, because the thin thread that I’d been holding on to was shredding.
I’d pulled on my jeans and was leaning forward, staring into the mirror. I reached for the steamed mirror and let my finger trace lines across the glass, knowing the man in the mirror was far less confident than he seemed to the rest of the world.
All at once, I felt a bolt of energy vibrate through me. It was gone as fast as it came, but in its wake I felt terror. Within a beat of my heart, I’d flung the bathroom door open and was at Willow’s bedside.
She was silent, sleeping just as I’d left her moments ago. But something was wrong. Gently, I let my hands rest on hers, which lay across her stomach. I could always feel emotions more clearly with a touch. Over the past few days, that was the only way I could feel an emotion from Willow. And that petrified me.