Phoenix’s breath was hot on the back of my neck. “Don’t you ever do that again.”
“What?” I didn’t move.
“Stand between my gun and my target.”
“You can’t just kill people because they piss you off, Phoenix.”
“Says who?” he asked in a dark voice. “I mean it, Bee.”
“So do I.” I quickly turned around and poked him in the chest. “You want me to make friends? Then you can’t get pissed every time someone comes up and talks to me. Would it be different if it was a girl?”
His jaw cracked. “Of course it would! A girl wouldn’t be trying to get into your damn pants!”
“Really?” I placed my hands on my hips. “Who’s to say a girl wouldn’t want this too?”
“You’re impossible.” He scowled, throwing his hands into the air.
“You almost pulled a gun on a student and I’m the difficult one?” I tilted my head. “You can’t control everything all the time, Phoenix, and you sure as hell can’t control me!”
“You think?” he snarled, his hands reaching for my shoulders. Fingertips dug into my skin; his lips were inches from mine. “I only let you see what I want you to see, Bee, and that’s the truth. If I wanted to control you, I’d control you — and you’d like it, believe me.”
“Try me.”
With a growl, he released me and reached for his keys. “You aren’t worth the effort.”
The words were like the final blow to the miniscule amount of self-esteem I’d managed to build up over the last few days. My body physically reacted, slumping into itself and disabling the armored blanket I’d once been able to wrap around my heart.
Bruised.
Broken.
Battered.
“Bee—”
“No.” I said in a hollow voice. “You’re right. Funny, I remember my dad saying the exact same thing to me before he died.”
“Bee—”
“Let’s go home.” I marched past him and didn’t look at him again, not when he started the car, not when he turned on Jay-Z, or even when he stopped at Starbucks and ordered my favorite drink.
I was silent.
Because he’d finally gotten his wish — he’d broken me. How many times can a girl face rejection before the only way to find comfort is to close herself off from the very world that rejected her in the first place?
Freshman Retreat.
I’d focus on that.
I’d forget about Phoenix.
I’d flirt with whomever I wanted.
I’d make friends.
And in the end, I’d be okay. I had to be okay. Because if all else failed, what did I really have to look forward to in life?
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Never let them see you cry.
Phoenix
“YOU SURE YOU’RE READY for this?” Nixon asked. I’d told him I needed him to come. He said if he came, so did Mil, Chase, and Tex.
All five bosses.
Together again.
Only they were there to show their support, rather than fight.
I wasn’t myself. Hell, when had I actually been myself over the past few weeks? I was still pissed at losing control with Bee, at hurting her feelings. I knew what her triggers were, and I’d blatantly played with them until I’d gotten the result I wanted.
Her hurt.
So why did I feel so bad?
She hadn’t talked to me the entire ride home, even when I’d bought her coffee, something that I had been convinced would do the trick.
When I’d knocked on her door that night to tell her I was leaving and that Sergio was staying behind if she needed anything, I’d been greeted with silence.
Panicking, I’d broken down the door only to find her listening to music and doing homework — in nothing but a sports bra and a pair of tiny shorts.
She looked up, unfazed, and gave me the finger.
“It’ll be fine,” Mil said, regaining my attention as she squeezed my hand with hers. “Remember, you’re their boss.”
I nodded and took a deep breath. It was one of the first official meetings I’d called, with Nick’s help.
I had no trouble running the business with the Nicolasis; hell, it practically ran itself. What I did have trouble with? Its men and their loyalty. It was time to prove a point, time to be boss.
“When all else fails—” Tex slapped me on the back. “—shoot first.”
“Oh, great advice,” Chase muttered. “Because that’s always been the answer to world peace. Shooting things.”
“Just saying.” Tex shrugged.
I walked through the doorway and looked around. We were meeting at one of the restaurants the Abandonatos owned, a Chinese place close to the lake that looked more like a warehouse than anything. It was popular with the locals and had soundproof rooms.
Two bonuses.
No one to hear the screams.
But enough people to cover for us if it was necessary.
The men were all piled into the back room, eating a dinner I’d specifically set out for them. If there was one thing I knew, food always made people less angry. I should know; I was freaking angry most the day, and I was pretty sure it had to do with the fact that I was still drinking protein shakes instead of eating Bee’s lasagna.
Forcing her out of my head, I made my way into the room.
Absolute silence greeted me as the men looked up from their plates. All in all, I had thirty of them who were close to me; the rest were simply foot soldiers, not needed in one of these meetings.
“So…” Nick stood. “…if we’d known we would be entertaining the Cappo, we might have had a parade.”
“Ha.” Tex clapped his hands once. “You’re cute. Tell me your name so I can remember to say a prayer on your behalf before I shoot you between the eyes.”
Nick’s eyebrows shot halfway up his forehead as a smile curved across his lips. “Phoenix, if this is the company you keep, we may be in for an interesting few years.”
“It is,” I said in a tense voice. “And, by the way, he will follow through on that promise, so I’d watch it.”
“Noted.” Nick chuckled.
The men around the table were still inspecting us; most of them had been at the commission, but a few had still been in Sicily when Tex had taken control of the five families, the day Luca had died.
When he’d left me with his legacy to keep up.
Damn it.
“Find your seats,” I said in a low voice.
Nixon, Chase, Tex, and Mil all went to sit on the left side of the table where a few seats were empty.
The door opened and then closed behind me.
I didn’t need to turn to know who it was.
“Frank, you’re late.”
“Sorry.” He chuckled then laid a hand on my back.
Slowly, I turned to face him. Luca’s brother and, at the end of his life, his best friend. It still hurt to look at Frank because he reminded me of Luca, of what he was to me, of what he’d done for me. I saw his eyes in Frank’s. I saw his strength, and it killed me inside that I might never live up to the legacy that he’d left behind.
“Blessings…” Frank took my face between his hands and kissed both cheeks. “…to the new boss of Nicolasi.”
“Salud!” Nick lifted his wine, and the rest of the men followed.
“He would be proud.” Frank nodded and slapped my cheek with his right hand. “So proud to see you here standing in front of your men.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat because Frank knew the truth. I’d done nothing in my life that had garnered that word. Pride. I was the exact opposite, and the faith he had in me did nothing but make the weight heavier on my shoulders.
Frank released me and walked over to his seat.
“First order of business.” I pulled out my gun and fired two shots at the man sitting directly in front of me. The one who, after lots of digging, Nick had discovered was talking to the feds about our family. At least we kn
ew where the leak had come from.
He slumped against his chair as blood splattered across the wall behind him.
“That,” I said in a cold voice, “is what happens when you go to the feds. That is what happens when you choose the government over our own blood. I spill yours. Capiche?”
The men nodded with murmurs of agreement.
“And the second order of business…” I looked around the room and finally, finally felt a rightness settle over me as I was about to do something that Luca had been fighting for ever since he had been forced to leave the US, forced to leave his brother and the love of his life that he’d never reunited with. “We’re staying.”
“Staying?” Nick repeated, his accent thick.
“In the states.” I nodded. “It will be as it was before. The five families in Chicago, working together. We stay.”
Nobody said a word. It was a quiet moment, not tense, just quiet, as if each man was trying to figure out if my word could be trusted.
I walked over to the table, grabbed an empty glass, and poured some red wine into it. When I lifted it into the air, it was with purpose, a purpose for some reason that Luca had thought I was ready for.
“To keeping his legacy alive.” I lifted the glass. “To keeping the family safe. To blood… to Luca Alfero Nicolasi. May he rest in peace.”
The rest of the men stood and lifted their glasses.
“And to the new boss.” Nick centered his gaze on me. “May he find meaning in the Nicolasi blood.”
“All is not lost,” I said back.
“All is ours,” the men repeated.
“Salud.” I took a drink and everyone followed.
Luca trusted me, which meant he saw something that even I couldn’t see. He saw a sliver of potential, a sliver of good. He saw what my father had failed to see for my entire existence.
A need to belong.
A thirst.
He saw potential, but most of all…
He saw hope.
THE REST OF THE meeting passed by in a blur. I made sure I debriefed the men on the potential threat at Eagle Elite and also named my second in command — Nick. He was thirty-two, bloodthirsty, and trustworthy.
By the time the meeting ended, it was around midnight. I’d had crap sleep the night before, so I hoped that at least getting the meeting out of the way would make it so I could sleep nightmare-free; then again, I’d just disposed of a body, so I wasn’t confident in my ability to fall asleep without watching that same body sink through the rough waters of Lake Michigan.
When I got back to the house, all the lights were off.
I stripped out of my clothes without bothering to turn on the light and quickly jumped into bed. It smelled like vanilla, just like Bee.
“Damn it,” I muttered, scooting over to the side. My hand flopped over the covers and came into contact with something warm.
A body.
Holy shit.
I froze.
A feminine moan escaped and then a curse. “Phoenix?”
“You have exactly three seconds to explain why you’re sleeping in my bed.”
“I didn’t mean to.”
“So you accidentally wandered into my room, took off your clothes, jumped into my bed, and fell asleep? Are you drunk?”
“No.” Bee’s voice was small. “I couldn’t sleep. I got scared and came in here…”
I couldn’t see her face, but it sounded like the truth. “And fell asleep?”
“Why is it so hard to believe I fell asleep?”
“Why the hell didn’t you go get Sergio if you were so afraid?”
“He was in his room, but the door was locked. I heard a noise, and I ran into your room with my Kindle. End of story.”
I sighed heavily. “Well, now I’m here, things are clearly fine. Go to bed.”
She didn’t move.
“Bee, you have to be up in a few hours for your freshman class trip. I have to be up in a few hours to make sure you don’t walk into any walls. Do us both a favor and get the hell out.”
Nothing.
Had she left? Had I imagined the whole thing? I reached across and found her body — still clothed, thank God — huddled into a tiny ball as if she was trying to turn into herself.
Panicked, I rose to my knees. “Bee? What else is wrong? Did someone hurt you?”
“Y-yes, I mean no,” she choked out. “I’m sorry I’ll leave.”
I knew it was wrong — to ask her to stay — but I was so weak in that moment I would have done anything to keep her from crying.
“It’s fine,” I said in a rough voice. “Just… try not to touch me.”
“You mean it?”
“Yes, I mean it. Don’t touch me.”
“No, you mean I can stay?”
“Just for tonight…”
“Like old times.”
“Yeah,” I croaked, turning on my side, “exactly like old times.”
Except in the old times I’d practiced restraint, because not practicing it meant that I would give up my secret identity to her father.
Not practicing restraint now meant I’d either get shot by Tex or do the honors myself, on account of tainting her purity.
“Thanks, Phoenix.” She sighed happily, and her deep breathing soon followed.
I was going to get no sleep, and I had nobody to blame but myself — well, myself and my inability to say no to the one girl I really needed to be saying no to.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Falling asleep with a nightmare, waking up to a dream
Bee
HOW PATHETIC COULD A girl get? I heard a noise, one small noise, and next thing I knew I was in Phoenix’s room. His smell was so familiar, so comforting, despite his jack-assery, that I lay down on his bed and started reading, fully planning on leaving in an hour or so, once I’d calmed down.
Instead? I fell asleep.
And woke up with him freaking out because he’d found me there. But he’d said I could stay… and here I was waking up again. Next to his warmth.
Not just touching his perfect body or staring at his naked chest, but straight up tangled in his legs, in his arms, my head resting in the crook of his neck.
It felt right.
So right that I was afraid I was dreaming, afraid he was going to wake up and yell at me for doing the one thing I promised I wouldn’t do — touch him.
He was a wall of solid muscle and warmth. I could lay in bed with him, just touching his smooth skin forever.
Slowly my gaze slide down his torso to where the V of his muscles dipped beneath the blankets.
I knew the minute he woke up, because the very muscles I was currently salivating over, tensed so extremely that it seemed like he was trying to do a sit up without actually moving.
“Bee.” His voice was gruff. “What are you doing?”
Staring, lusting, imagining— Really, take your pick. “Taking advantage of you with my eyes. What’s it look like I’m doing?”
“Whatever it is, it’s creepy. Stop it.”
I smiled and took my chances by looking at him.
Bad choice.
His hair had started to grow out a bit more since he shaved it so close to his head; pieces of light blond peeked out from some of the dark, and, to my amazement, it had a slight curl to it. Not reaching out and touching it was killing me inside. It seemed Phoenix could use more of that — touching.
“You look surprised,” he said, eyes narrowing. “The open-mouthed look isn’t so hot on you, Bee.”
“I’m touching you.”
“You are.”
“In your space.”
“Right again.”
“And you aren’t yelling.”
With a sigh, he gently pushed me away. “I think I can manage not to be an ass first thing in the morning.”
“Weird, since usually I imagine you spend your mornings kicking puppies and shooting birds that chirp.” I smiled.
“Hilarious.” He raised his hands above his he
ad.
My body hummed with want. The man was gorgeous, so gorgeous it was impossible not to stare at every single inch of him. “I… um, owe you an… apology.”
“What was that?” Holy crap, I really was dreaming. I’d fallen asleep in the monster’s bed and woken up to find a prince.
Phoenix’s face tensed. “An apology.”
“Say it with a smile, and maybe I’ll believe you.”
“So that’s what she wants in the morning…”
“Amongst other things.” I reached for the blanket and covered up the lower half of his body.
He hissed.
“Hey, don’t kill a girl for trying.”
“Let’s make a deal.”
“Wow!” I moved to my knees and let out a laugh. “First, you don’t wake up yelling. Second, you apologize, and now… you want to make a deal? Did you fall into a radioactive tub of Prozac last night or something?”
His lips twitched.
“Aw, it’s okay to smile.” I leaned in and whispered, “I won’t tell.”
His eyes darted to my lips and stayed there, as if he was waging a war within his mind as to whether or not he wanted to taste. I leaned forward; he met me halfway.
My body buzzed with warmth. Was this really happening?
He stopped moving and cupped my face with both of his hands. “I’m an ass… but everything I do has a purpose.” He released a soft sigh. “But when that purpose ends up hurting you more than helping, then I apologize. So, I’m sorry for what I said yesterday. You are… and always will be… worth the effort, just not from a guy like me. But someone better.” He tilted his head. “Yes.”
“But—”
He placed his fingers against my lips. “Don’t ruin the moment by talking.”
I puffed out a frustrated breath.
“So this deal…”
His fingers were still pressed against me; it took every ounce of willpower I had not to either lick them or take a small bite and savor his taste.
“…if I smile and play nice, will you please return the favor this weekend? No running off with Pike, no late-night make-out sessions, no going out of my sight, and, for the love of God, no more YouTube videos of turtles.” He removed his hand and crossed his arms.