“You’re lucky…” I heaved as the university came into view. “…that I like bossy bastards.”
His warm chuckle had me grinning like a fool as I made it back onto campus in one piece.
“Hmm, have I told you how hot you look today?” I whispered into the phone, my eyes drinking him in. He was waiting by the student center, hands on hips, sweater off, white T-shirt wrapped tightly around his body. Damn, the man was delicious to stare at. And I wasn’t the only one who thought so; I’d almost gotten into a fight the day before when a girl tried hitting on him.
He couldn’t be less interested, but still, it was the principle.
Girls openly stared.
“Playing games, Bee?” Phoenix asked in a teasing voice and then disappeared from sight.
He ducked behind the student center. Where was he going? I quickened my pace and then started to jog around the building when warm arms wrapped around me, pulling me into a familiar chest.
His voice rumbled against my neck. “If I look hot today, then you look sexy, Bee… so sexy.” His lips nibbled my ear.
With a shiver, I dropped everything in my hands and wrapped my arms around his neck.
“I love your mouth.” I captured his lower lip between my teeth and bit down.
With a groan, he pushed me against the brick wall and slid his hands up my sweater. “Damn, I love…” He cursed again. “…you.” His tongue slid into my mouth then pulled back. “Everything about you.”
“Oh good…” I pushed at his chest. “Because I was getting worried.”
He rolled his eyes and looked down.
And paled.
Crap! I tried to wrap my arms around his neck again, but he gently pushed me back, his eyes still trained on the ground, and I knew it wasn’t my shoes he was staring at.
Twisting my hands together, I waited for him to yell.
Instead, he leaned down, and picked up the box that had fallen out of the paper sack. “Bee…” His voice was so quiet I almost didn’t hear it. I think I would have preferred that he’d yelled. “…what’s this?”
“A new pen?” I joked, trying to swipe it from his hands.
He pulled away from my body, taking the box with him. He swallowed slowly, his eyes still staring at the little box, probably the same way I’d been staring at it earlier in the drugstore. “How late are you?”
“A few days.” I forced the words from my mouth; they tasted wrong, like I was in trouble for something, like I should feel shame for being in that situation. “But I’ve never been super regular, you know how it was with my dad… weird eating schedule, hearing people get murdered, then getting captured here. It’s not like my body is calm and able to produce hormones in a totally carefree way.”
“Let’s go.” He grabbed my backpack and started walking.
I had to run to keep up with him. “Phoenix, wait…” I put my hand on his shoulder, but he jerked away. “I’m sorry—”
“I don’t want to talk right now, Bee.”
“But—”
“Get in the damn car.” He nearly took the door off the hinges as he held it open.
Trembling, I got in and buckled my seatbelt.
When he got in the car, he slammed his hand onto the steering wheel and started mumbling in Sicilian. I didn’t even try to decipher what he was saying. By his tone, I knew it was bad.
And it felt like it was my fault.
He was pulling away.
He was angry.
And I was terrified that what the girls had predicated to be true was about to happen. Because the Phoenix I’d grown to love wasn’t present on the way home.
The haunted look was back.
And I could no sooner stop it than I could stop breathing.
When we pulled up to the house, he didn’t say anything, simply opened my door, led me through the kitchen and up the stairs, then handed me the test.
“Do you need water?”
“What?” I shook my head. “What for?”
He braced his body against the bathroom door. “Can. You. Go. To. The. Bathroom.”
“Y-yes.” I mumbled, choking down tears. “I mean, I can manage. I don’t need water.”
“Good.” He shut the door in my face, leaving me alone to face the music.
I was a planner; that was how I was put together. I’d constantly made just-in-case plans because I’d never known when my dad was going to snap. I’d never known if it was the last day I would see sunlight or if he would throw me at one of his men.
So I’d planned.
I’d had escape routes.
I’d had detailed versions of what could happen to me and choices to make if they did.
But in this situation? I had no plan. Because I’d never noticed the danger. I didn’t think. And that was the problem.
My heart was invested.
So my head had taken a siesta.
I braced my hands against the sink.
If I was pregnant, what would happen?
If I wasn’t? Would it ever be the same as before?
Shaking, I quickly pulled the test from the box and peed as fast as humanly possible then sat it on the table and waited.
Two minutes was a long time.
It sounded short. Most TV commercials were under two minutes; I mean, it took longer to walk from my room to the kitchen.
But those two minutes were absolute hell. I kept checking my watch.
When the two minutes were finally up, I couldn’t look.
I simply picked up the test and opened the bathroom door.
Phoenix was slumped against the wall, bracing his head in his hands like it would fall off if he didn’t have the extra support.
When the door shut behind me, his head jerked back. “What’s it say?”
“I didn’t look.” I handed him the test with shaking hands.
He stared at the test, his lips trembling, then very slowly pulled it from my grasp and looked for both of us.
When a smile replaced his frown, I wanted to beat him with my fists. So what? I wasn’t pregnant and now everything was right in the world? I was about to yell at him when he said in such a low voice I had to strain to hear.
“Redemption.”
CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
The moment everything in my world — clicked.
Phoenix
IN THE SPAN OF a half-hour, I’d gone from complete shock to rage, back to shock, then something had twisted in my chest, like a part of it had broken off and floated away.
Because the rage had been replaced with hope.
The shock with elation.
And the anger… with complete terror.
It was my fault she was in that position. The hate that I felt for myself was suffocating, and then to see her face… I knew she thought I was mad at her, like it was her fault. But I didn’t trust myself to speak. I couldn’t. I was afraid I’d scare the shit out of her. As it was, I was scaring myself.
STDs had crossed my mind because of the women I’d dealt with in the past, but pregnancy? Yeah, long ago I’d given up on that particular worry because none of the girls had ever gotten pregnant.
And I knew that for a fact.
That had to mean that God had been punishing me physically, or maybe at the time just giving me a blessing. When I’d talked to my father about it, he’d laughed and said that when I’d been out for my sixteenth birthday — after a failed overdose on my meds — he’d asked the doctors to sterilize me.
He’d said one son was enough. For me to carry on the seed of our family would only disappoint him.
I’d never felt so angry in my life, wanted to murder him so badly. Because he’d taken that choice away from me. Made it so that I was ashamed of my own bloodline. Not only had I been ashamed of what I was doing for him, but it appeared as if he’d been protecting the women we’d used — from me.
As if I had been the real monster.
Not him.
I’d never told a soul what my dad had done to me. So
mehow, it felt like saying it out loud only solidified the truth, and the more I’d thought about it, the more I’d wanted to scream in outrage.
Because I would have loved a second chance.
And to me, life? Giving life to someone? That was a second chance. And he’d taken it from me — purposefully.
I’d slumped to the hardwood after Bee had gone into the bathroom. I hadn’t trusted myself not to burst into tears.
I hadn’t trusted myself not to yell then crumpled to the floor and pounded my fists until they bled.
With trembling fingers, I’d gripped the test in my hand and read the result. A smile had erupted across my face before I could stop it.
Bee had clenched her fists.
“Redemption,” I’d whispered…
“What?” she choked. “What are you talking about?”
I licked my lips and met her gaze. “You’re pregnant, Bee. We’re… pregnant.”
She nodded her head, once, twice, then burst into tears.
“Shit.” I shoved to my feet and pulled her into my arms, taking her and the test with me into my bedroom. The door slammed behind us. I kissed her cheeks, the salty taste of her tears making me feel like more of an ass because she was so upset. “It will be fine, baby. Just take deep breaths.”
Bee’s eyes were wild as she tried to inhale, only to start coughing against my chest.
“I love you…” I choked. “I was scared… I love you though, Bee. You need to know something.” I pulled back and gripped her face tightly in my hands. “You are never alone. Do you understand?”
More tears streamed down her face, colliding with my fingers.
“Bee, look at me.”
“I… am,” she whimpered.
“I’m never leaving you,” I vowed. “Ever. Pregnant or not pregnant, nothing will ever change the way I feel about you.” I kissed her mouth. “You own me, Bee Campisi, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“Y-you scared me so bad.” She huffed, her tears melting into her pouty lips. “I thought you were going to hate me, and I’m so sorry. I just—”
I kissed her. Hard.
Molded my mouth against hers, pressed my body so tightly against her that there was no clear indicator where she ended, where I began.
Her lips were soft against mine.
My hands tangled in her hair as I deepened the kiss, sucking on her tongue, drawing her sadness out, praying I could take away every inch of pain she was experiencing, hating myself because I knew the only reason it was there was because I’d panicked when she’d needed me to be at my best.
“I…” A kiss across her lips. “…love….” Both cheeks. “…you.” Her forehead. “I may not react perfectly in every moment. Hell, I may look terrified, angry, frustrated, but Bee, I would never walk away from you. Ever. I don’t have it in me. Don’t mistake my silence or anger for a lack of love — most of the time it’s because I love you so much that I react. I know that’s no excuse, but you’re the most precious thing in my world.” My throat caught. “Both of you.” I placed my hand against her flat stomach. “God…” The words caught in my throat.
“Why?” she whispered in a cracked voice. “Why were you so upset?”
“Because…” I kept my hand where it was, afraid that if I took it away, it would all be a dream. “…my father said I wasn’t able to have children. I was operated on after being in the hospital. He wanted the bad seed, the curse, as he’d called it, to end with me.”
Bee covered her mouth with her hands. “I’m so sorry!”
“So…” I went down on my knees and pressed my head against her stomach. “…right now… I’m pretty sure I’m witnessing a miracle.”
She tangled her hands in my hair; now that it was longer, it was possible for her to grab it. “Yeah.” Adoration shone in her eyes. “I think I am too.”
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
Killing friends, never part of the plan.
Sergio
I WAS GOING TO have to kill Phoenix.
No matter how I looked at it, the scenario was the same. The feds wanted in, and the only in they could get would be me.
I’d have to set him up. Make it look like he trusted me enough to take over the Nicolasi family. I’d have to lie, cheat, steal, murder. All because it was my life on the line.
When did I turn so selfish? Did I suddenly wake up one day and decide that I would live life for myself and only myself?
I clenched the glass of whiskey in my hands.
The problem was it would be too easy, a few alterations to the contracts Phoenix already had drawn up — that every boss had drawn up just in case he was killed, so the family wasn’t left in chaos.
My name replaced with Nick’s.
After all, he was old news, and I’d be the one to bring his treachery to the family, only I’d make it look like he was selling secrets to the feds right along with Phoenix and Pike.
Well, Pike was just an unfortunate loose end. He made it easy for the feds to kill him without making it look like it was on purpose.
He’d cut a deal, given them all the intel they’d needed, and now they were finished with him.
And I was going to be the one to end him.
No loose ends.
See, the thing about the mafia? People always judged us; they said we’re the evil in the world; we’re heartless.
Bullshit.
The mafia was a freaking parade compared to what I was dealing with. The feds? All they wanted was power and more power, and they didn’t care who they killed in order to gain it.
My fingers went numb from the ice in the glass as I continued to stare at the clock in the kitchen.
Bee was going to be devastated.
Nixon was going to suspect, but he’d always suspected, never truly knew why I’d kept things so hidden so close to myself.
I took another sip of whiskey, letting the burn trail all the way down into my stomach.
I’d stopped living for my family.
And had started working for the devil.
And I hoped one day someone would kill me for it — the way I wanted to kill me.
But it was either Phoenix, or it would be me.
And apparently, I valued my life more than his — or maybe it was just the fact that I knew he wanted to be put out of his misery.
I hadn’t seen him in two weeks. I’d stayed away on purpose; it had made the job harder.
Laughter erupted from the upstairs and floated down.
It got closer.
Until both Phoenix and Bee were in the kitchen.
She jumped into his arms, wrapping her legs around him, and kissed him. I expected Phoenix to freak; he hated being touched, and I’d assumed their fling was long over.
Instead, it looked hotter than ever.
He groaned and then laughed against her mouth.
I cleared my throat. Slowly, Phoenix inched her down his body and glared at in my direction. “Catcha cold, Serg?”
“Cute.” I lifted my glass toward him. “Playing with the Cappo’s sister, Phoenix?”
“Playing would mean I was about to stop… or somehow get bored.” He tilted his head, his eyes murderous. “And considering she just agreed to marry me, I’d say that’s not going to happen.”
I spat out the contents of my drink and slammed the glass onto the table. “What?”
“Married.” Phoenix grinned. “The normal reaction is a toast, but choking is fine too… I guess.”
“Married,” I repeated. “To Bee?”
Bee burst out laughing. “Um, do you see him kissing anyone else?”
No. Then again, Phoenix avoided women like the plague. I’d started to actually put stock into the idea that he swung the other way.
“Does Tex know?” I cleared my throat and put the ice that had spilled out of my drink into my hand.
“Not yet.” Phoenix flinched. “I’m meeting with him later this week.”
No. He wasn’t.
He wouldn’
t get the chance.
Because he would be dead.
By my hand.
“Well…” Words felt funny crossing my lips. I tasted blood, must have bitten my tongue. “I hope all goes well.”
“It will.” Phoenix leveled me with a glare. “Why wouldn’t it?”
Because… friend. I’m going to end you and quite possibly take away Bee’s only reason for living.
“It will,” I lied. “I have to go out. I’ll see you guys… later.”
I brushed past them and jogged out to my car. I was surprised that it only took ten seconds before I pulled off the side of the road and puked onto the gravel.
As if sensing my hesitation, my phone went off.
Agency: Tomorrow night. Eight. Don’t be late, and bring a friend.
It looked like a friendly text.
It was an invitation to certain death.
Me: Can’t wait.
I texted back and puked again. My hand hovered over my contacts list, but that was the thing… I had my brother, but he had Amy… I had Nixon, but he had Trace.
No friends.
No close family.
No one.
I had no one.
And now Phoenix did.
So why… why was my life more precious than his?
CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
Just when everything starts to look good…
Phoenix
I STARED UP AT the ceiling and planned, plotted was more like it. I knew that look on Sergio’s face.
It was only a matter of time.
I’d planned on tailing him all day and hadn’t told Bee that I wouldn’t be going with her to school. Chase said he’d cover for me.
Funny, because I’d wanted Nixon and had gotten Chase instead, and he’d said I was lucky he was doing me a favor and not telling Tex.
I trusted Chase.
I just knew he hated me.
Nixon, somehow, was able to push past things; Chase had the tendency to chew on them a while, pretend to swallow, then cough them back up and go to town again.
“Phoenix,” Bee whispered against my chest. “What time is it?”
“Morning.” I turned and looked at her. Dark hair fell across her high cheeks. My breath hitched. I’d do anything to keep her safe.