Chapter 9
After they returned to the platform, Melissa devoted herself to completing her training, secluding herself for large periods each day to finish reading the remaining volumes in her mother’s library. Determined, she pushed through the long nights without sleep, turning more and more to the virtues of copious amounts of food to console her. And while Asil never chastised her on gaining weight, she became more and more irritated at the absence of any and all kind words about her appearance.
In a month and a half, with no fanfare, Melissa turned fifteen. Only after the sun set did she even remember the occasion, a few hours before midnight. She paused from her studies to think on the lavish parties her father threw for her when she turned twelve and thirteen, before he began to grow infirm and distant. There was a parade down the Aisle of Ghent, with fifty Archsussa hailing from every Levitating City, creating dazzling displays in the heavens for all to see. Toby would give her a chaste kiss on the cheek, after which she always blushed. Yet in the midst of all that celebration, when she searched for her mother, she was nowhere to be found. At the end of the festivities, she would eventually find her, sitting in the shadows, watching with wary eyes.
But . . . it wasn’t the real me then, was it? Which memories are mine, and which are of the girl who once was me -- who wore such an evil aspect? And what did they think of the change?
When she lay down to sleep that night -- her own personal birthday gift, she was haunted by terrible dreams; echoes of nightmares that had been growing in intensity for the past several months.
Melissa bolted awake, and Asil ran in to hold her.
“What is it dear Lissa?”
“I . . . I had a dream; a bad omen.”
Asil tried to comfort her, putting his arm around her shoulders, but Melissa pushed him away, disgusted by his sentimental softness.
“What was it?” he asked, resigning to sit beside her with his hands in his lap.
“I . . . I dreamt of a time in the future when I was extremely powerful. When I could move the whole of Iqui with my sussa. I moved the planet through the sparkling darkness, closer to the light of life, so the whole world would be warm. I watched as the snow turned into water and that water stretched as far as the eye could see. I brought down all the Levitating Cities, and they sat on that water, unified.”
Asil nodded, absorbed in the dream. “That sounds wonderful.”
“It was, until I landed on one of those cities, and looked at my reflection in the mirror. I was so fat! I was old, and wrinkled, and there was hatred in my eyes. I accomplished all that good, yet all I felt was hate. I had made a contract with every living person, and after I moved that world, it was on them to pay it off.”
“How?”
“I don’t know, but it was something vile and disgusting.” Melissa sighed. “I have gotten so fat and so powerful, and even with you and the hlenna, I feel this anger building inside me.” She opened her fist, disbursing the tendrils of sussa. “I know I can obliterate whole mountainsides, Asil, without a trace of fatigue. I could even defeat the Freilux, break his body and burn it for all to see!”
“Is that what you really want?”
She sighed. “When I see myself doing that, I also see my brother looking back.” She grit her teeth, stifling a cry. “I can’t be like him, like that,” she said bitterly, “killing without remorse, having some pompous title and making people bow down before me -- he kills without thinking. He attaches so little value to life.”
Asil grabbed and held her hand tightly, giving her some space, and she moaned over and over again, her eyes like bags filled with tears she refused to release. “You will never become like him,” he said softly, “because you see that path and work to avoid it. Tell me, why do you never sleep? I mean I know it’s supposed to enhance your power, but don’t you think it’s time for you to have a real rest?”
“I . . . I don’t know,” she replied. “All I know is that every powerful Archsussa has given up sleep. It is written again and again that without the Centric Sphere, an Archsussa must mull over all they have learned for as many waking moments as possible to truly become and stay powerful.”
“But what of your sanity?” he pressed. “You need to find a balance, so sussa won’t control you. You might not be as powerful, but what is power?”
She got up, and stood by the window. “I can feel the anger burning inside me, Asil. I feel so powerful, and while I know I could overthrow the Freilux, I also know I could take over this world.” Absently she clenched her hands tightly as tendrils of sussa appeared and swirled like twin firestorms around them. “I could make it so that everyone lives in peace -- a peace I impose. I can power whole cities, ignite hundreds of thousands of firespheres, all without straining myself.” She gazed down on the valley below, opened her hand, and pushed away the snow to reveal the metal bird they had discovered. “I am so powerful, I can scarce believe it!”
“And what of everyone else?”
“What of them?” sneered Melissa. “People follow who is strongest. They would follow me.”
“Like the hlenna?”
“Yes, like them.” She watched as Asil moved away, turning to face a dark corner.
“I . . . I love you, but I don’t like you now. I want to please you, to bring you joy, but not like this.”
His mood infuriated her, as she was growing tired of his independence. She had come to feel he was sitting in judgment of her, criticizing her decisions, when she made him to keep her company. She conjured tendrils of sussa to turn him around. When he tried to avert his gaze, she forced him to face her.
“Who are you to refuse me, or question what I think? You always seem to think you know best, always question my decisions, and I am sick of it! I made you, Asil, and you will do what I say. Perhaps it is time I became a woman, and you a man.”
She began to undress him with the sussa, but his stoic demeanor incensed her to no end.
“Is this how you imagined it would be?” he asked.
“Perhaps,” she snapped. “Perhaps it’s what you really want.”
She had taken off all but his underclothes, and still he refused to squirm or beg her to stop.
“Perhaps this is how the Freilux would want you,” he said simply.
“Damned the Freilux -- I’m nothing like him!” she screamed. “Toby’s the one calling himself Nemesnik, waging war, killing.” Her words tumbled over each other, as she paced around the room. “I’m nothing like the Freilux. You just can’t accept your place in the world. I created you; you are mine. You are meant to do my will. If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have clothes to cover your nakedness. Without me, you would have no intelligence, no foundation from which to pretend to sit in judgment of me! You don’t learn, you don’t create -- you couldn’t even defend yourself if the Freilux came here. You would cry out, beg me to fight him, to defend you. And here you can’t even feign interest in this bloated body, after all I’ve done for you.” Melissa flopped back into a chair, letting loose a torrent of tears she had held in for far too long. “I’ve never been more powerful, yet I’ve never hated myself more.” She felt a weight lift off her, as if she finally came up for air from the murky depths. “I . . . hate myself, Asil. Have I become what I despise? Would I really have forced you to love me?”
Asil stood over her, and she couldn’t meet his noble gaze. “Power can not only give you much, but with it you can take what you don’t have. Ultimately, there are some things that can never be stolen away.”
Melissa curled into a ball. “Don’t look at me,” she said, crying. “How can I face you?”
“I don’t know. As you said; you are the creator. Though you have given me much of your wisdom, you still know best. How shall we proceed?”
She sat for many minutes with her head hung low, thinking. Finally, she said; “call the hlenna in.”
Asil went in the next room as Melissa gathered herself and wiped her face. The hlenna came in slowly, follo
wing Asil.
“Are you two fighting?” asked one of them. “We’re scared.”
“No need to be scared, my precious joys,” said Melissa cheerfully, putting on her bravest face. “It’s just that I’ve decided to leave on a trip.”
“No!” they all cried, “what will happen to us?”
She took a deep breath, and managed to look at them all, save Asil. “You need to find yourselves, as I need to find out who and what I really am. I will miss you all, and will be back as soon as I can.”
She got to her feet, and gathered her things quickly with the aid of sussa. She slung a small backpack over her shoulder, and went out the main door.
“Won’t you be cold?” asked Asil.
“Thank you for thinking of me, but I have learned enough to take care of myself.” She managed a sideways glance at him, and said; “I have charged the storage tanks for the platform with sussa, and it should last for many months. In the event I’m not back before then, the platform will seek out Imathrin, and deposit you all there.” She sighed deeply. “Take care of yourself, Asil. Forgive me, if you can.”
She leapt off the platform and flew along the rushing currents of air, which quickly carried her far away from her mother’s home.
Part III