“Yes.” She paused. “I worked with him all last year. After I get out of here, I’m going to move back to Washington, D.C. He’s going to get me a job doing the news.”
“Sounds exciting.”
“David taught me so much. He told me once that he felt like he’d created me. And in many ways I guess that’s true. Sometimes I feel like I’m his age, that he gave me the benefit of his experience. He said that when I came to him, I was Emily–1, but after being with him I became Emily–2.”
“All this happened your freshman year?”
“Yeah.”
Brooke had an easy pleasant laugh. “The only thing I remember from my freshman year was how smelly chem lab was.”
“David Alexander and I became very close. And then, later, he sort of fell in love with me. He hasn’t said that in so many words, but I could tell what was going on.”
“How could you tell?”
“When he asked me to stay with him and his mother so he could see about getting me a job, he said something about the musical My Fair Lady, about the way he felt about me.”
“What did he say?”
“He said, ‘I’ve grown accustomed to your face.’”
For a fraction of a second Brooke winced but then quickly recovered her composure.
“You know, I think My Fair Lady is my favorite musical.”
“Do you have a mirror? I want to see what I look like.”
Brooke nodded. “That’s no problem. What do you think you look like?”
“Pretty bad, because my dad couldn’t even stand to look at me.”
“Before you look at yourself in the mirror, we need to talk about a few things. Is that okay with you?”
“I guess so.”
“Every time we do this I’d like us to talk in detail about what you’re seeing. The reason for doing that is that some areas may not look very good right now, but they are going to get better with time. For example, in some areas you may notice some swelling, but that’s going to diminish as time goes on. And then, in other areas, you may see some pinkness that looks like a bad sunburn. But that too will heal in time. So we’ll point out those areas. And then, we’ll point out some areas that were damaged so extensively they’re not going to heal by themselves. For those areas they’ll be doing skin grafts. So even those areas will improve as time goes on.”
“Just let me see myself in the mirror.”
Brooke nodded. “Of course, but, remember, it’s better if we take our time and talk about what you’re seeing. Here’s the mirror.”
Emily took one look at herself and gasped. She felt like crawling into a hole and dying. After a brief glance, she handed the mirror back to Brooke.
“Tell me what you saw,” Brooke said.
Emily started sobbing. “It’s awful.”
“But it’s not all the same, is it?”
“I don’t know.”
“Can I show you what I see?”
“No, just leave me alone. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”
Brooke nodded. “Sure. I’ll come back later.”
As soon as Brooke left, Emily was sorry she’d sent her away.
Fifteen minutes later, Brooke returned. “How are you doing?”
“Show me what you see,” Emily said.
Together they looked at the areas damaged by the fire. Slowly and with great patience, Brooke helped Emily to learn to make a distinction between skin that would heal in time and the areas that would probably require skin grafts.
“Anytime you’d like, we can do this,” Brooke said. “That way you’ll be able to see the progress you’re making.”
Emily nodded. Even though her injuries were overwhelming, there was something about Brooke’s confident reassurances that made her feel better about her situation. “Thank you.”
“You’re quite welcome. Is there anything else I can do for you?”
“You said you had a few posters that people have donated. Could you put one or two of them on the wall for me?”
“Sure, let me go see what we have.”
She returned a few minutes later with a poster of a beach. “This is Hawaii. My husband and I went there on our honeymoon. It was great, but he got sunburned real bad. So, once again, I had to fuss over another burn patient. Red nearly died laughing when I told him. He said it was my punishment for going to Hawaii without him.”
“Would he really have gone with you and your husband on your honeymoon?”
“Gosh, I don’t know. Knowing Red, he might have. Let’s ask him the next time we see him.”
Emily found it easy to warm up to Brooke, who laughed easily and smiled a lot. Her optimism was infectious, and she clearly got a lot of joy out of her work. All that made it easy for Emily to trust her.
Brooke pinned the poster to the wall where Emily could see it without turning her head. “I also brought some music for you to listen to. It’s nice to have it on real loud when you’re in the tank room. I didn’t know what you like, so I just grabbed some of them.” She shuffled through the stack. “We’ve got some Bach, we’ve got some country western, we’ve got some rap. What would you like?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Well, I’d say go with the Bach then. Red likes country western and hates classical music, so I like to get everybody to choose classical.”
Emily thought about the friendly way Red had talked to her the night before. “I choose country western.”
“Country western? Oh my gosh! This is mutiny in the ranks! Red will be gloating about this all day!”
Brooke inserted the disk in the CD player and tested it to make sure it worked and handed it to Emily. “There, I think you’re set. Before I leave, we need to talk about what’s going to happen today.”
“Okay.”
“First of all, they’re going to come and change your bandages. They’ll do that right here in your bed. And then Doug, he’s the physical therapist, he’ll come and do a little work with you. Probably all he’ll need you to do today is raise your arms up. The reason for that is that when you get burned, the skin tends to tighten up, so you have to keep stretching it so it doesn’t heal that way. Okay so far?”
“I guess so.”
“All right. Look, if you ever have any questions, let me know. I may not know the answer, but I’ll find out from one of the nurses or a doctor and then let you know.”
“Okay.”
“There’s a couple of other things I need to talk to you about.”
“Go on.”
“When a person has been burned, the body goes to work right away to repair the damaged tissue. That takes a tremendous amount of energy. You couldn’t possibly eat all the food your body needs to make you better. So they have a machine that can feed you twenty-four hours a day, but to get it to work they’ll need to run a tube through your nose down to your small intestine.”
Emily was astounded. “You’re kidding, right?”
“I know it sounds awful, but, the thing is, the feeding system will allow you to get the nutrients your body will need to heal.”
“How long will I have to keep the tube in?”
“Well, that depends on how things go. I’m not a nurse, you know, but it’s often until just before a patient is released.”
“How long am I going to be here?”
“Rather than give you a specific time, you need to think of it in terms of goals that need to be achieved before you’re released.”
“What kind of goals?”
“You’ll be released when all your surgeries are finished, and when you’re eating enough so you won’t lose weight after you leave. They’ll want to make sure that your mom or someone else can help you with dressing changes, and you’ll have to arrange for someone who can help you with any physical therapy you may need.”
Just the idea of someone running a tube through her nose and down her throat made Emily feel queasy, but it turned out not to be as bad as she imagined. The technician who installed the tu
be explained that its placement was extremely critical. It had to extend beyond her stomach, into her intestine, otherwise she would constantly feel full and be unable to eat any additional food. To make sure the tube was properly located, they took an x-ray. Then they used a small skin staple to fasten the tube in place, just below her nostril.
Later that day, two nurses came to change her dressings. Working carefully and applying very little pressure, they gently rubbed the burned areas with a washcloth, removing some of the most severely damaged skin. They called the process debridement and told Emily that they would do the same thing every time they changed her bandages.
Then a nurse gave her a sponge bath and expertly changed the sheets without getting Emily out of bed. Finally, Doug, the physical therapist, came and briefly had her exercise her arms. All that activity left her feeling drained and exhausted.
Her mom and dad spent all day with her, leaving her bedside only when the staff came to work with Emily. As evening approached, Emily suggested they go home to Ogden, rather than spend another night in the hospital with her. They agreed.
“I wish I could be here with you every day,” her dad said, “but the thing is, I’m probably going to have to get back to work in the morning.” He paused. “Your mom will be here all day, and I’ll come to see you every day after I get off.”
One thing Emily held against her dad was that he had always been in the background, always too busy at work, always with a reason why he couldn’t be more involved in her life. Even though she really didn’t want her parents hanging around, she resented his excuse.
That’s the way it had been all through school. She’d always gone to her mom for help. There had been an incident in junior high, in the cafeteria, when a boy had grabbed her and kissed her. She’d pushed him, but all he’d done was laugh and walk away. When she got home, she told her mom and dad what had happened. What she wanted was for her dad to go to the boy’s house and get mad and start yelling and warn the boy never to do that again.
That’s what she wanted. What she got was a phone call made by her mother to the principal demanding the boy be expelled. Her father did nothing except go to work and let Emily’s mom take care of it.
This is no different than the way it’s been all my life, she thought.When things get tough, my dad excuses himself and goes off to work.
It wasn’t that he had that great of a job. He worked as the produce manager at a large grocery store in Ogden. Emily viewed it as a dead-end job, leading nowhere. But he prefers that over me, she thought. He always has, and he always will.
Tuesday was a carbon copy of Monday, except that they got her out of bed and sitting up in a chair for part of the time.
In the afternoon, Molly, her roommate, came to visit. Molly tried to be up-beat and positive, but couldn’t completely hide her shock at seeing the condition Emily was in.
Emily, who had learned to picture what she would look like when viewed on TV, let the camera pull back to take in the full view of what she had become—scarred, bandaged, immobile, and pathetic.
“I’m sorry it took so long to get down here to see you,” Molly said.
“It’s no problem.”
“I got you some flowers, but they wouldn’t let me bring ’em in. So next time I’ll get you silk flowers.”
“You don’t have to get me anything.”
“Are they taking good care of you?” Molly asked.
“I guess so.”
“I couldn’t sleep at all Sunday night. I just kept going over what happened. I feel bad that it took me so long to put out the fire.”
Emily was exhausted, and it took more effort than she could muster to carry on a conversation. “You did the best you could.”
“That’s what Brett said. He told me he’s proud of me for what I did.”
“I can see why.”
“There’s one other thing,” Molly said. “I’m not sure if I should even bring it up with you like this.”
“What is it?” Emily slurred.
“Last night Brett asked me to marry him.”
“What did you say?”
“Well, I told him yes. He gave me a ring. Want to see it?” Molly held the ring so Emily could see it without moving.
“It’s very nice.”
“We’ve got so much to do before the wedding,” Molly said. “Sending out invitations, planning the reception. My mom said she’ll help me make the dress.”
Exhausted by the day, Emily stared at the ceiling and wished she had the nerve to ask Molly to leave.
And then she fell asleep. When she woke up, she was happy to discover that Molly had left.
On Wednesday morning, Dr. Beiser, her attending physician, dropped by to see how she was doing. After checking her over, he said, “We need to talk about tomorrow.”
“What’s going to happen tomorrow?”
“It’ll be a busy day. We’ll be doing your first surgery. We’re going to do two things: first, we’re going to do what we call a deep debridement to completely clean up the worst of the burned areas; then, we’re going to harvest some good skin from your bottom so we can use it to do a skin graft. On Friday, we’ll attach the new skin to the damaged area. Once the new skin takes hold, you’ll be well on your way to getting out of here. That’s what you want, isn’t it?”
“Yes, that’s what I want.”
“Do you have any questions?”
“I can’t think of any right now.”
It amazed her how often she couldn’t think of any questions until after Dr. Beiser left. Sometimes she wrote them down and asked him when she saw him again. Or sometimes she just asked Brooke.
One of Emily’s cousins came to see Emily later that day. Feeling physically and emotionally exhausted, Emily didn’t welcome the visit. Bethany was only a junior in high school, and she and Emily had never been close.
Bethany came in to Emily’s room, chewing gum. “Oh, my gosh, I hardly recognized you. You look awful.”
Is this the way it’s going to be on the outside? Emily thought.
“So, you got burned, right?” Bethany asked, smacking her gum.
“Yes.”
“I know exactly how you feel. This morning I burned my head with a curling iron.”
Emily closed her eyes and gritted her teeth.
“So are they going to fix you up like before? I hope so. I saw this guy once at a mall. I guess he’d been burned. Anyway, he was like his own freak show. Megan, my friend, goes, ‘Probably the only time he feels really comfortable is Halloween, except he doesn’t even need a mask.’ Well, I know that wasn’t very nice, but I had to laugh anyway.”
Bethany may have realized she’d gone too far. “But you won’t end up looking that way, right?”
“I’m really tired now, Bethany.”
“Yeah, sure, well, I just wanted to see how you’re doing, okay?”
“Right, thanks,” Emily replied. She knew it was rude to do so, but Emily didn’t say anything else, hoping Bethany would get the hint and go away.
“Well,” the younger girl finally said, “I hope you get better soon.”
Left alone, Emily began to fantasize again about David Alexander. If he knew I was here, he’d come and visit me. There must be new techniques some place. Maybe back East. Some hospital where it’s not so painful and you don’t need to stay a month to get better. David would find out, and he’d get me in there, and I’d end up the way I was before all this happened. And then David would let me stay in his house for as long as I wanted. And I wouldn’t have to go outside and meet people until I was feeling better. He could help me because he’s rich and because he loves me. And if he’d do that for me, I’d marry him. And after a while he’d want me to work with him on a national network news program. And we’d be happy.
Because there was very little else to look forward to, the fantasy grew until Emily finally asked a nurse to show her how to make a long distance call on her room phone.
She remembered the number he??
?d given her. After three rings, he answered with an impatient, “What?”
She had planned on using her broadcaster’s voice. She hadn’t used it since she’d been admitted. Instead, she had reverted to talking in a breathy whisper to try to lessen the pain, and because she had gone to shallow breathing to avoid stretching the wounds around her chest and ribs.
“Hello, David, this is Emily,” she said, hating it that she sounded like a little girl.
“Emily! Are you in town?” he asked enthusiastically.
“No, I’m in Utah. I’m in the University of Utah Medical Center. I was burned in a fire.”
“That’s awful,” he said. “How are you getting along?”
“Not too good.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“David, could you do something for me?”
“Of course I will.”
“Could you find out if there’s some new technique for treating burn patients that’s not so painful and has better results? There must be, somewhere. I mean, you live back East where they do research on things like that. I don’t want it to hurt so much, David, and I don’t want to have any scars. There must be some place where they can do it better than they’re doing here.”
“Well, sure, I can check around and see. But how would you get from there? Can you travel?”
Her voice became even more like a little girl’s, and more desperate. “No, but maybe you could charter a plane and fly me out there.”
“I see,” he said softly.
I need something to bargain with or he’s not going to do it, Emily thought.
“David, if you’ll help me, and get me to a place where they can fix me up without so much pain, then I’ll marry you. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
There was silence on the other end of the line.
“David, I know you love me. I mean, you as much as told me so when we had dinner together. You asked me to go back to your apartment with you that night. You remember that, don’t you?”
“Nothing happened,” he said, suddenly on the defensive.
“I know.”
“So, tell me again what you want from me,” he asked.
“You were in love with me, David, I know you were.”
“I’m in the middle of a meeting, Emily. I’ll call you back later.” He hung up.