This was not part of our deal, but I wasn’t surprised she was already throwing curve balls.
Lincoln leaned back against the edge of the table and smirked. Judging by the number of similar expressions, he wasn’t the only person in the room who didn’t rate my chances against him in a one-on-one. My jaw clenched to see how sure he was of his abilities against mine, but I’d seen that small step back he’d taken. He was at least slightly wary. And I was highly aware of my strengths and weaknesses. I knew that what I carried within me was far more painful than anything else I could be made to endure, but I’d learned to control that pain. I’d had to.
Plus, Lincoln hadn’t seen me in action since before Phoenix gave me his angelic essence. He was severely underrating me.
I felt the corners of my mouth lift, just as his dropped slightly.
“Fine,” I said mustering my willpower. “Let’s do it.”
• • •
Walking into the main hall was like stepping back in time. The memories of my Grigori testing and the mayhem that followed enveloped me momentarily before I shoved them aside.
Gray was beside me, and already the hall was full on both the ground level and the overhanging balconies above. I’d never been in here prior to proceedings; I’d always been brought in as the entertainment.
Actually, today isn’t much different.
“God, I’d forgotten how much fanfare this lot enjoys,” Gray mumbled.
“You were once part of the Academy?” I asked. Gray made a point of not divulging his age or his history.
He shrugged. “For a spell. Figured out very fast that it wasn’t for me.”
I wondered, not for the first time, what had become of his Grigori partner, but I knew better than to ask. It was bad Rogue etiquette.
“When was the last time you were here?” I hedged.
He glanced at me, knowing my game. “Well before you were born.” And I knew he would say no more.
“Did you manage to get a team together?”
Gray nodded. “Carter, Taxi, and Milo will be here in a couple of days. I’ve got some locals on standby if we need too.”
“Is Carter going to be a problem?” I asked, well aware of how he felt about—and reacted to—any form of authority.
Not to mention I’m not his favorite person at the moment.
“He’ll be fine. He gave me his word.”
“And you trust it?” I pushed. “With your life?”
Gray set a level look on me. “Even with yours, princess.”
I grinned, knowing full well that, to Gray, my life rated well below his own.
At that moment, Lincoln brushed past, knocking Gray’s shoulder in the process. Gray watched as Lincoln continued without pause toward the front of the room.
“Not much of a welcome, mate,” Gray called out. I was surprised, considering Lincoln and Gray had seemed to get along well when they’d first met in Santorini.
Lincoln halted and spun on his heel, looking Gray up and down once with hard eyes. “I’m not your mate. And I didn’t invite you here.”
Gray glanced to me and then his eyes narrowed in on Lincoln’s, drawing some kind of conclusion. All I managed to draw was a bad feeling.
Gray snorted. “You Academy people are all the same. You think you know everything.”
Lincoln stalked back toward us, moving right into Gray’s personal space, using his slightly taller frame for maximum looming effect. “I know enough about you to have made up my mind,” he growled.
“I can see that, mate. At least, I can see that you think you have. So, tell me, have you been to London lately?”
The way he said it made me bristle. Lincoln stiffened at the same time. His eyes shot to me briefly as his jaw clenched.
“London is a city I go out of my way to avoid.” With that, he turned and walked away.
My heart pounded.
He’s known where I’ve been. All this time. And he’s stayed away.
Gray moved close to me as I stood in a daze, putting the painful pieces together. I knew I shouldn’t let it hurt. I tried to remind myself that it was what I’d wanted and that I should have been glad that Lincoln had moved on. But right at that moment, my heart wasn’t being practical.
“Hey.” Gray snapped his fingers in my face, causing me to blink. “You want to win this thing?”
“Of course I do,” I shot back.
“At any cost?” he added, eyebrows raised in challenge.
“I have nothing to lose, so yes. Why?”
He nodded but was silenced as the main doors swung open and the Assembly began to file in.
“There is no greater sorrow than to recall in misery the time when we were happy.”
Dante
Wilhelm and Rainer led the way down the long aisle that ran through the center of rows of chairs arranged in the massive opaque-glass-encased oval hall. Standing near the front, I had a direct view of the Assembly members as they walked in. Rainer caught my eye and nodded. It was her way of giving what support she could. Though I noted she also looked at Lincoln on the opposite side and gave the same gesture. Wilhelm gave me a quick wink.
Hakon and Valerie came in next. Hakon still looked like a hulk, but he was different as well; he moved slower and his expression was pained.
“What happened?” I whispered to Steph, who stood beside me.
“He never fully healed after the explosions Lilith and Phoenix set off. They managed to save his leg, but he’s never been the same. He doesn’t often fight,” she explained.
I nodded. It was all I could do.
That was my fault.
“No one blames you for what happened,” Steph said, reading my mind. “I don’t think you understand how highly regarded you are by those who know you.”
I smiled sadly, failing again to muster a response.
That didn’t stop Steph. “And as for the rest, they don’t know you. They hear the stories, but they don’t know what to make of them.”
There was a gap in the procession after Valerie. “No Seth and Decima?” I asked.
Steph shook her head. “I’ve never even seen them.” She pouted and I realized Steph was star struck by two of the fiercest warriors I’d ever laid eyes on. “I don’t think they’ve returned since you were here last,” she went on, then leaned a little closer and lowered her voice. “Rumor is they’ve petitioned for release.”
“Release from what?”
“Everything. The Assembly for one, but also from their angel makers. They’re the oldest Grigori alive, but word is that they’re asking to die.”
“Oh.” I wasn’t even sure that was allowed. But I could understand. After all they’d given, surely they deserved some say in the matter.
Josephine came down the aisle next. She still carried herself as though she were merely the Vice of the Assembly, but everyone knew she wielded the power over Drenson.
Another reason I could never be part of their system.
As Josephine strode toward the stage, a number of Grigori began to make a small gesture, clenching their right fist and raising it to their left shoulder.
“What’s with the salutes?” I asked.
“It’s old tradition,” Steph explained quietly. “Not many Grigori from this century partake, but some of the older ones still do it. They’re marks of respect. Though rank has always been the obvious dictator in the hierarchy, throughout the history of Grigori, true leadership was earned and won, irrespective of rank. The first level of regard is to bow one’s head. Second, the fist to the shoulder. And third”—Steph pointed to where a few Grigori knelt on one knee—“complete service.”
I didn’t fail to notice that there were significantly fewer gestures of respect displayed when Adele and Drenson made their way down the aisle at the end.
While Drenson a
nd Josephine addressed the Academy, I looked around the room. There was so much power here, but that only seemed to give rise to an air of uncertainty. Drenson was not a good leader, and it felt as if the entire room was aware of that and, therefore, discouraged.
Valerie and Hakon, along with Rainer and Wilhelm, were strong Grigori, but they were not leaders. And with Seth and Decima—along with their battle know-how and wisdom—increasingly absent…I didn’t like what I was seeing.
Unable to stop myself, I allowed my eyes to travel to where Lincoln stood, hands clasped behind his back. He had changed his top, now wearing a well-fitting white T-shirt, and appeared patient and attentive. But I could have sworn I saw a similar air of concern about his features as he looked over the Assembly members.
Will he become an Assembly member one day?
I hoped so. Maybe he would bring something to this place that it was sorely missing. The Lincoln I had known could make things right, here. But the one who stood in front of me now? I didn’t know him so well.
Yes, you do.
No. He’s not the same.
Liar.
At that moment, Lincoln looked up and our eyes met for a flash. Just a minuscule moment was all it took for his piercing green gaze to cause the soul I had buried so deep to demand I move closer. Panicked, I looked toward the exit doors for a fraction of a second. When I looked back, Lincoln’s focus had moved to his feet. His shoulders dropped as if he had let out a breath or sigh, and I caught the slight shake of his head.
Showing nothing outwardly, I turned my attention back to the Assembly, but having seen Lincoln’s reaction to me, his disappointment, my chest constricted and I had to work hard to keep each breath even and calm. The question was: Had Lincoln reacted that way because I looked at the door or because I didn’t take the opportunity to leave?
I blinked away my scrambled thoughts as Drenson started to introduce the authority challenge between Lincoln and me. I saw Lincoln move toward the main sparring arena that had been left clear. He looked focused, strong, and confident.
“So, about winning this fight,” Gray said discreetly from my side.
“Yeah.” I swallowed, suddenly nervous to be on display this way. Lincoln and me…and sparring. I cleared my throat. “About that.”
“You’re going to have to play a little dirty if you want to beat him.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because I’ve seen him in action. And with their big guy out,” Gray said, gesturing to Hakon, “there’s a reason the Assembly defer to Lincoln and let him lead in combat. Even with your speed, he’ll have strength over you. You’ll hold the element of surprise, but only for a short time. Plus, he’s on home turf. So you’ll have to take him down hard and fast, or you’ll lose your window. You hearing me?”
I glared at him. “Thanks for the vote of confidence. And your point is?”
He smirked. “My point is that pissing him off will be the best distraction you could hope for. Just make sure you stay focused afterward.”
“After what?”
I glanced at Lincoln. He stood in the fighting square, waiting for me. When I turned back to Gray to tell him I had to go, he grabbed me around the waist and pulled me flush to his body, kissing me hard on the lips and holding me there.
I was so shocked, it took me a moment to push him away. I heard people nearby gasp and then I saw Gray smirk. More than anything, I felt an overwhelming fury.
Gray grabbed my chin, squeezing tightly to hold my attention as he leaned in and whispered, “Now, keep your shields locked tight, stay the hell focused, and win.” He winked.
I leaned in a little farther, my hand gripping his shoulder as my fingers dug in—hopefully painfully—to the soft spot. “You’re going to pay gravely for that.”
“No doubt,” he said with a devilish grin. “But until then, use it.”
And I knew exactly what he meant and was already following orders, pushing my shields to the max.
It was underhanded, but Lincoln was the first person who’d taught me: you do what you’ve got to do to win.
I marched into the combat arena, not looking at Lincoln, and faced the Assembly. “Rules?”
Drenson looked at me for a long moment, clearly unimpressed by what he saw. I was sure he’d hoped he would go the rest of his long life without ever laying eyes on me again.
Yeah, well, the feeling’s mutual.
“First to move into a clear kill position,” he stated.
One round. Fine by me. Perfect, in fact. I nodded, turning to Lincoln. “Ready when you are.”
Lincoln’s arm shot out so fast, I was surprised. But I dodged it, my speed beyond that of any other Grigori I’d known.
I smirked briefly when I saw the shock register on his face. But my optimism was quickly strangled when I glimpsed something else in those green eyes of his. Something almost like pride.
I didn’t have long to ponder this, though, since I was already moving into a full-force round kick. It was another flashy display of my speed, and Lincoln never saw it coming. As soon as my foot made contact, I spun a second time, coming at him with another kick.
Lincoln managed to thwart my second attempt and then delivered a few good hits himself, gaining control. Gray had been right. His focus was adjusting to the fight, and I knew I only had the upper hand for a few more moments.
Without hesitation, I ran at him, leaping into the air and spinning as I did. My feet hit his chest with enough force to take him straight down onto his back. I surfed him like a wave and landed on top of him, straddling his waist.
I hit him hard across the face once, twice, further startling him, then both of my fists jabbed above his heart.
“Kill shot!” I yelled, jumping off Lincoln and putting as much distance as possible between us, trying to control my manic breathing. My body was flipping out while my soul was having some kind of hysterical fit. I needed to get out of this room, fast. It was all too familiar, being so close to him, smelling him, feeling him—and all while sparring, one of the things we used to do so well together.
I put my hands on my hips and addressed the Assembly.
“I’ll take a team of six and we’ll head out tonight,” I said to Josephine, but she wasn’t looking at me.
My stomach flipped again.
“We’re not finished here!” Lincoln roared from behind me.
I didn’t turn. “Oh, I think we are,” I replied, starting to walk toward the side door. “Don’t be a bad loser.”
“Terms of a challenge are that the participants cannot use internal powers to give them the advantage.”
I paused as I scoffed. “I hate to break it to you, but my speed and strength are not internal.”
His voice lowered. “But the cowardly shields you and your Rogues are famous for relying on so much are.”
I flinched at his words.
Anything but this.
I turned, slowly. Lincoln looked straight at me. Emotionless.
Does he know what he’s doing? What this will do to me? Could he be this cruel?
He raised his eyebrows. “You want to beat me, you have to drop your walls.”
I looked up at the Assembly. Drenson was smiling. Josephine seemed surprisingly speechless. I gestured to Lincoln. “I’ve already beaten him. This is bullshit!”
Drenson made a pathetically brief attempt to appear compassionate to my argument. “Nonetheless, he is right. You have to prove you are of sound mind.”
“But I beat him physically. Who else has done that in the past two years?” I challenged, looking around the room.
“Even so,” Drenson said, increasingly unable to hide his enjoyment.
Shit.
I can do this.
No! I damn well cannot!
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d let my guard down completely
. I wasn’t even sure I’d physically survive it. Part of me suspected that the only reason my soul had not shattered into oblivion the way it was probably supposed to was because I had naturally strong guards. I was broken into smithereens inside, but my shields were like a protective glass jar holding them all together.
Ignoring Lincoln’s eyes on me, I wrapped my hands around my waist, considering what would happen if I let the cold take hold.
Pain. That’s what.
There would be so much pain. Even if I could physically survive it, mentally…The constant smarting I endured even with my defenses on high made my existence barely tolerable—like sharp knives set on a constant cycle of stab and repeat. The idea of bringing down my walls…
Oh my God.
It would be like putting my body through a meat grinder and my heart through—
I stopped the thought.
Lincoln was a good leader. I truly believed that.
Maybe I should just let him lead and go on my way, try to find Spence on my own.
I glanced over my shoulder to Gray. Even he looked sick.
Shit!
I needed their damn intel. I couldn’t take chances, and I needed to be in charge; otherwise, I couldn’t be sure to cover all the bases. Spence had said that Lincoln would be out of his depth. I couldn’t risk that.
“Fine,” I gritted out as I forced myself back into position.
Lincoln averted his gaze.
Good. I hope you feel guilty.
“When you’re ready,” he said, making it clear he didn’t feel too bad to proceed.
I couldn’t believe he was going to do this to me. But I was almost certain he couldn’t know. How could he? No one knew exactly what it would do to me. He was just playing the game, like I had—win at all costs.
Slowly, I began to lower my shields for the first time in two years. My soul charged forward like the caged animal it was. And it was not happy with me.
The impact was immediate.
I knew my shields were not all the way down, but there was no way I could go any further. My insides contracted painfully. The coldness that never fully eased its grip seeped into my blood and bones completely, like a poison, reaching all the way to my dysfunctional heart. The ache consumed me with such terrible grief that I screamed out in agony. My legs shook, about to give way. I stumbled but couldn’t focus on anything around me.