He’d twisted my words.
I shut down my emotions, sending out a silent thanks that Phoenix’s essence had mutated in this way, rather than amplifying emotion as it did for him. “You need to leave,” I said. “I’m tired and we have a big day tomorrow.”
He stepped in dangerously close and his words were like a growl. “I walked away that night in London. I was wrong. I should never have given up. I think of all that time we denied our feelings for one another—all of that lost time—and I think of the past year, lost too. And now, to know that you live every breathing moment in intolerable pain on top of the heartache of us not being together…” He shook his head, breathing in deeply. “I’ll walk out of here and let you get some sleep, but hear me clearly when I tell you, no. In no uncertain terms, under no circumstances, Violet, will I ever leave you again.”
“You have been weighed on the scales and found wanting.”
Daniel 5:27
The next morning, Gray and I arrived at the Academy bright and early to find Steph, Sal, and Zoe in the main cafeteria having breakfast. I made a beeline for the coffee, grabbed a latte and a tea—yes, tea—for Gray, and joined them. It would be the first of several coffees this morning. After the events of last night, topped off by another series of odd dragon-filled dreams, I needed all the help I could get to stay on my game today.
Steph had a number of books open in front of her.
“You don’t look like you got much sleep,” I said.
She looked me up and down. “Well, when you throw around things like the weighing of souls, it makes a girl restless.”
I sat beside her. “What did you find out?”
“Nothing cheery, that’s for sure. The weighing of souls is a Judgment Day thing in the Bible, the day we will all have our souls weighed and each and every one of us will be judged. If it’s as simple as Heaven and Hell after all of this, well, the weighing of souls is kind of like green light, red light, if you get my drift. Here,” she said, opening a book and reading. “This is the Roman Catholic version—‘That you will gather the souls of the righteous and the wicked, place us on your great scales and weigh our deeds. That if we have been loving and kind, you will take the key from around our neck and open the gates of Paradise, inviting us to live there forever. And that if we have been selfish and cruel, it is you who will banish us.’”
My brow crinkled. “And this is all connected to the tournaments and Sammael how?”
She shrugged. “Beats me, but this stuff is major. And it’s not just the Christians.” Steph flipped through pages. “It turns up everywhere, dating back to ancient Egyptian mythology, and the concept of final judgment is shared by almost all religions. If this all has something to do with what’s going on now…” Steph paled and clasped Salvatore’s hand.
“Steph, breathe. It will all be okay,” Salvatore assured her calmly.
I nodded, taking a gulp of my coffee, leaving my hands wrapped around the mug. “If the world was scheduled to end later today, Phoenix would’ve found a way to tell me. So, whatever it is, there’s still a way for us to prevent it from happening.”
“Yes,” Zoe said dryly. “Because in Phoenix we know and trust.”
I stiffened. “Things have changed. He’s an angel now.”
“Which, by the way, does anyone else find just a touch hard to stomach?” Zoe asked casually.
“He gave his eternity to stop Lilith. Redemption is not for us to determine,” Gray said levelly from across the table where he’d been listening silently.
Zoe rolled her eyes. “Jesus, it’s just like having Griffin at the table.”
But I also noted the longing there. She missed Griffin and I understood; being around the old crew highlighted just how much I did too.
Gray’s eyes went wide with dismay and I almost lost a mouthful of coffee as I laughed. Griffin was not the kind of person Gray considered himself to be anything like. It was funnier still because Zoe was right.
Steph nodded vigorously, oblivious to Zoe and Gray’s conversation as she stared into space. “Because,” she said, her voice high-pitched, “we have a wedding coming up, you know. The world can’t end before I get married. That would just be…Vi? You have to save the world. You can do that, right?”
I put a hand on her shoulder and fought to keep my expression serious as I looked into her glassy eyes. “Steph, your wedding day will be perfect. Nothing and no one will ruin it. Got it?”
She exhaled. “Got it.”
Everyone went back to eating their breakfast, chewing on this latest information as much as their cereal—the big question being: Where did Sammael fit in to all of this? Max stopped by the table to let us know Josephine had scheduled a meeting for later in the morning.
Steph shuffled her chair closer to me and lowered her voice. “That’s the fifth time you’ve looked at the door in the past thirty seconds. Expecting someone?”
I lifted my cup to cover my mouth as I spoke. “No. Yes. I don’t know.” I sighed. “Last night after my group of visitors disappeared back to…wherever it is they go, I had another one.”
Steph choked on her mouthful of orange juice. “Details!”
I slumped farther into my chair. “Shh! Just rehashing a lot of things I would’ve preferred to have left buried.”
I was still reeling from the night before, and I’d barely slept more than a few minutes here and there after Lincoln had left my room following his never leaving me again bombshell. It was safe to say I might never sleep again given the way the words were stuck repeating in my head like a song that just won’t go away.
“Here he comes,” Steph said under her breath, her eyes flicking toward the cafeteria entrance. I turned slightly to see Lincoln striding straight toward us. When he stopped in front of Gray, I tensed, worried for all the obvious reasons, but Lincoln just put out his hand.
Unsure, Gray glanced at me then slowly clasped Lincoln’s hand.
“I owe you an apology,” Lincoln said, causing more than a few people to pause and listen in. “You’ve had Vi’s back for the past year when she needed someone. I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions.”
Gray shook his hand. “No hard feelings.”
Lincoln smirked. “Although I still owe you one for your dirty-handed tactics in the hall yesterday,” he said.
Gray shrugged. “Tell me you wouldn’t have done the same.”
Lincoln laughed. “Perhaps. Nonetheless, you deserve my gratitude, not attitude.”
Zoe snorted. “Since when did you start rhyming?”
Lincoln smiled and it seemed different, almost boyish. “Well, Zoe, you can expect a lot of things to change around here.” He looked at Morgan, who had just arrived and was sitting down beside me. “Would you mind? I need to discuss a few things with Vi.”
The way he was now saying my name was so raw; the only time he’d used it like that had been at the cabin, when we’d thrown all caution to the wind. At least, that was what I’d thought. Lincoln had already devised his plan for everything by then.
I glared at Morgan as she cheerfully leapt out of the seat.
Traitor.
It wasn’t lost on anyone that there had been a definite shift in Lincoln’s behavior between last night and this morning.
“What are you doing here?” I gritted between my teeth, dreading what everyone was probably thinking.
“I live here.” Lincoln leaned in close but spoke freely, unconcerned with who heard. “And I thought I made myself clear last night. I’m not letting you go again.”
“Someone should record this for Onyx,” Zoe threw in.
When I turned a horrified look on her, she raised her hands in surrender. “What? He’ll only make us retell the whole conversation a dozen times if we don’t.”
Christ. She actually has a point.
I pushed back my chair suddenl
y, putting distance between us and ignoring the sharp grinding sound that echoed through the large cafeteria. “There’s a meeting in the hall in a few hours to start assembling the team going to New Orleans.”
“Max told me,” Lincoln responded, accepting a coffee one of the staff had brought over to him.
No one delivered my coffee.
I nodded. “Good. Well, I have something I need to do first.” Seeing his expression, I quickly added, “In private. I’ll meet you there.”
Deciding that was that, I collected my bag, swiped a croissant from the table, and turned around, only to find Lincoln now standing, blocking my path with a twinkle in his eye. Before I could ask him to move out of my way, he grabbed me around the waist and dipped me, following me down, his mouth coming dangerously close to mine.
I froze, caught in the moment for a second before I came to my senses and pushed my hands hard against his chest. Now I was frustrated and embarrassed.
And stuck with a pounding heart I have no idea how to calm.
Lincoln had never behaved like this in public, even when things were good.
“Next time you try that, I’ll hurt you,” I threatened, regaining my balance and shrugging myself free of his hold.
“Don’t you think we’ve done enough of that? Personally, I think it’s time for something else.” He popped a piece of bread in his mouth.
Seriously, who is this guy?
“Such as?”
He finished his mouthful and smiled—and damn him because it was a mighty fine look on him. “Getting on with the rest of our lives.” His smile widened to a megawatt beam. “Together,” he added.
And the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus will come and join us for Sunday lunch too.
I shook my head at him, suddenly weary. “Don’t do this. It’s not going to go the way you think. Steph?” I called, looking down at the wide-eyed people around the table.
She nodded, quickly grabbing her books and following me out.
The moment we hit the corridors, she started quizzing me. “What the hell happened between you two last night? You didn’t…I mean, did you?”
“No! Of course not. Lincoln just found out some stuff and he thinks it changes things.”
“But it doesn’t?”
“No. It doesn’t. My future is already set, and as long as Lincoln is in my life, he’s always only a heartbeat away from leaving me. I can’t live like that.”
“’Cause life as it is, is so grand?” Steph quipped.
When she saw my face, her expression dropped. “Sorry, my bad. It’s just I hate to see you two like this. I mean, maybe you’re right, but maybe it would be a hundred or two hundred years before anything bad happened. That’s a long stretch of happiness. No humans ever get that.”
I knew she was right, but… “You don’t get it, Steph. You can’t.”
“Oh, but I do, Vi. I was there when Phoenix brought you in a breath away from death. I stood on the other side of the door, helpless, while he killed you, only to then realize he’d also brought you back to a world without your soul mate. I pulled you out of that shower that had burned your whole body, and then—even after you saved all those children, defeated Lilith, redeemed Phoenix, and saved Lincoln—I watched you walk away. You saved everyone but yourself, and I get that you’re scared to let yourself be happy. I get that you’re scared to lose everything, but you’re ignoring what you’ll get in return.”
I looked down, fighting the conflicting emotions running through me, and was tempted to just reach in and shut them off. But I didn’t. “It’s not that simple.”
“But it is,” Steph shot back. “Let me ask you this: If you could go back in time, would you give up that one perfect night you had with Lincoln?”
I thought of the constant agony I lived in every day because of our souls being ripped apart after they’d been joined that night. And even so, the answer came easily.
“No.”
Steph’s expression softened. “And are you really telling me you’d regret another night like that? Or a thousand?”
I looked up at her, lost. “I…I have responsibilities. The angels are keeping things from me again, and I know it’s all coming to a head. I need to stay focused, and Lincoln will only complicate things more than I can handle.”
“Bollocks!” she scoffed. “And you know it.”
I quirked an eyebrow. “Gray?”
She nodded seriously. “His language really rubs off.”
I sighed. “Steph, I don’t even know who that guy was back there. He was so…”
“Hot?” Steph laughed. “Actually, he looked a lot like a guy on a mission, one who has definitely considered the risks and formed a plan of attack. Gotta admit, it’s refreshing. He’s coming after you, and let’s face it, Vi, you might’ve managed to avoid him for the past two years, but now you’re face to face…any woman would be lost with the likes of him hunting her down.”
“Why do you think I left the city before he woke up?” I asked, feeling a small but sad smirk form. “And should I pass that tidbit on to Salvatore?”
She rolled her eyes. “Oh, please! I’m getting married, not going deaf, dumb, and blind.”
“It was definitely a new side to him,” I mused.
“Or maybe it’s finally the honest version, without all the hang-ups. Everything is finally out in the open. I can’t help but wonder what the honest version of you might be like too.”
It was my turn to roll my eyes. “I don’t have that luxury anymore.” Being with Lincoln involved a set of consequences I simply couldn’t abide by.
“Oh, stop being a martyr!” Steph said, stealing my description of Lincoln yesterday, along with the croissant I was still holding, before she spun and stormed down the corridor as I watched after her, blinking.
• • •
The process of passing security to gain access to the infirmary took considerably longer without Steph to clear the way. When I finally walked into the medical rooms, I wasn’t surprised to find Chloe’s empty. I’d managed to fully heal her yesterday and imagined they’d released her to return to her own room. It didn’t mean a wasted trip, however, especially considering Chloe wasn’t the reason for my visit.
I took a deep breath as I knocked on the door to Nyla’s room. The moment Rainer opened the door, she caught me off guard, pulling me into a tight embrace. “It really is good to see you,” she said, squeezing me one more time before letting me go. “You’ve become something of an elusive legend around here. Especially with the children telling their stories of how your rescued them and parted walls of fire.”
“Don’t believe everything you hear, Rainer. Kids embellish,” I said, moving toward the bed where Nyla slept.
“True,” Rainer said. “But they can also understand the true gravity of some things better than most adults. And Simon in particular doesn’t strike me as the type to exaggerate.” Her eyes dropped to her hands.
I glanced over at Nyla, my heart tightening at the memories of that day in Jordan when Rudyard was taken from her.
“Violet, when we spoke last, before your trials, I was hard on you. I pushed your soul connection with Lincoln, and I…”
“You couldn’t have known what would happen, Rainer.”
“Was there any alternative?” she asked, her guilt still showing.
I dug my nails into my palms in hope of distraction. But nothing diverts the coldness. “We’ll never know. Anyway, that’s partly why I’m here.”
She looked up but didn’t say anything.
“I presume you know that I brought Lincoln back after his soul shattered?”
Jesus. There’s a reason I never speak about this stuff willingly.
She nodded slowly.
“What I’m about to tell you stays between us, okay?” I added, holding her gaze.
“Und
erstood,” she said, hesitantly taking a seat.
I sat down in the chair on the other side of the bed where Nyla lay perfectly still, the white sheets tucked seamlessly around her.
Give me strength.
“You’ve heard the stories but not everything. When Phoenix killed and revived me, I came back to discover that Lincoln’s soul had shattered. My soul didn’t shatter completely like his.” I half laughed in the most never-going-to-be-funny way. “I don’t think it knew what to do, and with Phoenix’s extra gifts making me stronger, I somehow survived. Barely. It’s like being broken into a billion pieces and yet held together by some unforgiving force.”
Rainer gasped. “Violet. I’m…I’m so sorry. Is it painful?”
I nodded. “It is. Like nothing I’ve ever known. If I didn’t have the gifts that Phoenix gave me, I don’t know if my mind could survive the intensity of the physical pain.”
Rainer looked at me with such pity; that look was the reason I never told people the truth. “That’s why you’re so different, so…disconnected.”
“I suppose,” I admitted.
One of the reasons.
“You’re telling me to let her go,” she said, looking to Nyla.
“I’m telling you what you need to hear and understand before I say what I am about to now.”
She looked back at me, confused.
I continued, hoping this was the right thing. “I’ve given this a lot of thought, and I’ve grown a lot stronger over the past two years. When I walked by Nyla’s room yesterday, I felt something familiar.”
“What?” Rainer whispered.
“You. I felt recognition of you. But also Nyla. It’s hard to explain.” I took a breath before I continued. “I was able to bring Lincoln back and find him amid millions of souls because he is my soul mate. I think there’s a chance you would be able to find Nyla’s too.” I took another breath. “Because I believe you were born of the same soul. It’s not the same as what Nyla and Rudyard were, but I think, as twins, you have a unique connection.”
The color dropped from Rainer’s face, and I didn’t know if it was in dread or hope.