"Calendar app." Chase shook his head. "On your phone, use it, set an alarm or something."
I sat back down and groaned. Trace had begged me to get sparklers for tonight and I'd totally forgotten.
"I need a favor."
Both guys stood abruptly and ran to the door.
"Not that kind of favor you bastards." I rolled my eyes. "I need sparklers for tonight, and some fireworks."
"Aren't those illegal?" Tex tapped his chin. "I mean I think the city of Chicago has this weird thing about fireworks within its limits and we did have a drought."
Chase put an arm around Tex's shoulders and nodded solemnly. "One should never take chances with fire safety."
"Agreed." Tex grinned.
I looked back at the screen to make sure Trace was okay and then back at them. "Fireworks, consider it your job."
"It'll cost you." Tex exhaled loudly.
"Extortion." I cursed. "Nice."
"Let's say we get these fireworks." Chase crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. "What will you do for us?"
"I won't kill you," I answered honestly. "Happy New Year."
"You know I'm really glad he's taking those anger management classes," Tex said to Chase. "Vast improvement since last Christmas when he tried to set the tree on fire because you looked at Trace cross eyed."
Chase grimaced. "To be fair I was trying to lighten the mood."
"Yeah this isn't memory lane and I'm not the ghost of Christmas past," I said gruffly. "Fireworks…" I cleared my throat and looked heavenward. "Please?"
"Say with a cherry on top," Tex whispered. "Say it, say it, say it."
Chase clapped.
I leaned forward to bang my head against the desk and grumbled, "With a cherry on top."
They laughed and walked out of the room while I lifted my head to the screen again. Phoenix had Trace in a type of headlock. I almost bolted out the door when she stepped on his foot, elbowed him in the ribs and twisted out of the hold.
Furious, I knew I couldn't do anything except watch, and trust both of them, something that was getting harder and harder every damn time he put his hands on her body.
CHAPTER FOUR
Trace
I was just about to Moo when Phoenix released me, his breathing labored, he took a step back and nodded. "Good job."
"Thanks." I huffed, sweat was starting to fall down my temples. I was desperately trying to get my shaking under control, but it was harder than I thought it would be.
"Are you okay?" Phoenix glanced briefly at my hands, his eyes narrowing. "If I pushed you too hard—"
"Totally fine!" I said in a high pitched lame voice. "I'm just tired and I didn't expect the fighting to be so…"
"Personal." Phoenix nodded curtly. "It's always personal, Trace. Just like killing, whenever your body is in contact with someone else's, whether it's negative or positive, an exchange takes place, it either drains you or inspires you, the choice is always yours."
My mouth would have dropped open in shock had the gym door not burst open with a loud thud. "You guys finished?" Nixon's eyes searched wildly over my body, from head to toe his eyes memorized every single inch of me, probably trying to find a hair out of place so he could put a gun to Phoenix's head.
"Yup!" I jogged over to him and threw my arms around his neck, kissing his cheek. "And I did good!"
Nixon's jaw flexed as his arms braced me, holding me so tight I almost let out a little squeak. "Of course you did."
"Same time tomorrow?" Phoenix called over his shoulder as he made his way to the door.
"Yup." I licked my lips, not breaking eye contact with Nixon. "That'll be great, thanks Phoenix."
"Yeah." The door slammed shut behind him, leaving me and Nixon staring at one another.
"Tell me the truth." His teeth ground together, his face was pale as if he was three seconds away from either passing out or all the blood had rushed to his hands so he could pummel Phoenix. "Did he hurt you? Scare you? Make you feel anything less than secure?"
"No, no, and no." I sighed against Nixon's chest, my cheek finding comfort in his soft black vintage t-shirt. "I was a bit scared once, but it was weird, like he could sense it, he stepped back, he never took anything further than I wanted and well we came up with a type of safe word."
Nixon's grip on my body loosened. "A safe word?"
"Yeah." I grinned up at him. "Moo."
His stern expression turned into a smile, and then a full out laugh as he tugged me tighter against him and kissed my forehead. "Leave it to you to Moo when you're getting attacked."
"What?" I pulled away and swatted him playfully. "I was being clever."
"Right." His crystal blue eyes narrowed. "That's the word I was thinking… clever."
"Liar." I pointed at him. "Hey want me to show you what I learned today?"
After a severely long patronizing look Nixon took a stance in front of me, one that said, I'd like to see you try.
I walked up to him and shrugged, then ran my tongue along the bottom part of his lip. With a groan he lifted me into his arms—that's when I struck. I kicked the inside of his knee causing him to fumble since he wasn't expecting it and then elbowed him in the ribs followed by a front push kick to his thigh, he stumbled down a bit and then looked up at me. "That was cheating."
"That," I said, dusting my hands together, "was winning, but I understand how you'd be confused, since it's so rare that it happens to you."
"Run."
"Nixon—"
"Run."
I turned, but not fast enough, he tackled me to the ground, rolling me onto my back then straddled me with his hips, pushing me against the mat. "I think I won."
I wiggled beneath him a bit then threw my head back and let out a tiny moan. His mouth dropped open as he lost complete control and started kissing down my neck.
"No," I whispered wiggling again as he started reaching for my t-shirt. "I think I did."
"We both win." He said gruffly, peeling my t shirt off then following with his. "It's a tie, now keep moving exactly like that." The cold lip ring had me almost screaming as it came into contact with my bare stomach.
"This thing on?" Someone came on over the intercom. "As much as I love a free show and all that, we're out of popcorn and somehow this feels like I just caught my parents having sex, so if you could please bring this to the bedroom we'd all be really thankful."
Tex.
I felt myself blush.
"Cameras." Nixon cursed and moved away from me then gave the middle finger to the camera on the side of the wall. "Sorry, I forgot I left Tex in there."
I tugged the back of Nixon's neck and kissed him hard across the mouth then glanced at the camera. "Don't like what you see, Tex? Close your eyes."
"Sorry Trace. Continue." Tex said over the intercom.
"Your eyes better be covered, bastard."
Tex's deep laughter boomed over the intercom. "I did one better, I turned off the monitor, now if only we could turn down the sound. Real world problems and all that…"
"Just leave, Tex!" Nixon roared when I started peeling off his jeans as fast as my hands would let me.
"Hey did she hurt you?" Tex asked. "I heard you yell?"
"Tex! I will shoot you!" Nixon yelled and then hissed when I tugged on his lip with my teeth scratching down his chest. "Damn, that feels good."
"You felt me caressing the screen?" Tex asked.
"Tex!" This time I yelled. "Go away!"
"Fine, fine." The buzz of the intercom turned off but I was too distracted to ask if he was still there, watching. Who cared? I was with my husband and I wanted him—desperately.
"We really doing this here?" Nixon mumbled against my lips, his tongue diving in before I could even answer yes or no.
Apparently we were, because he was already pushing me against one of the walls and stripping down my yoga shorts until I was in nothing but my sports bra and under armor. "I'm sweaty."
"Good." Nixon licked d
own my neck and then moved his tongue towards the indentation of my hips, I lurched forward, catching myself with his head. "I like a little salt."
With a groan I gripped him by the hair tilting his head up so I could stare into his eyes, those same crystal eyes that held me captive the very first day at Elite, the same eyes that used to cause fear, were now the object of absolute undying, unrelenting love.
Slowly, Nixon rose to his feet, pushing me back against the wall, his hands on either side of my face as his forehead touched mine. "I love you. More than anything in this godforsaken world—I love you."
It transported me back—back to our first time back to the moment I gave him not just my heart but my soul. At the time I wasn't even nervous, the idea to be nervous hadn't even crossed my mind. All I knew was that he'd looked so lost, so desperate, I wanted the darkness to go away so bad and I wanted to be the one to make it go away. I wanted to be his savior—for once in my life I wanted to do the rescuing. So when his hands moved to my hips, when he gently pushed me back onto the bed, when he didn't use any words, but his hands to convey the absolute horror of our situation, the danger, the fear. I let him, without hesitation. I opened up my body, my heart, my soul to everything that was in him, knowing it was possible that it would be the last time. Of course, I didn't know Nixon would fake his own death—I didn't think him that crazy, but something was wrong.
My body shuddered as his fingertips had caressed my bare skin, danced along my collarbone, then moved down to remove the rest of my clothing.
Every inch of me wanted to feel every inch of him, I almost cried out before we'd even started—knowing I would be a wreck when we were done, unable to pull myself away from him, even if he pushed me away, even if it's what was best.
"I love you," he'd whispered in my ear, over and over again as his mouth unlocked every secret I'd kept, touched places I'd never touched. "I love you," he whispered with conviction when he made me his, when the pieces of the puzzle that was our relationship finally settled into place, when the sensations of having a man who loved me so desperately, washed over me, moved within me, against me, and then with me again. I squeezed my eyes shut then opened them, hands gripping his shoulders as I let go—and gave him everything.
I watched as he opened his eyes, locked them with mine, and took all.
In hindsight, it was stupid to think that I could ever erase the marks he'd made on me—but when death surrounds you, something desperate claws within to be released. I thought I was going to go crazy and there was Chase. The guy who really didn't deserve the hell and torture I put him through.
"Be present." Nixon kissed my mouth, his breath hot on my neck. "Be here, with me now, not in the past, not in the future. Here." He lifted me against the wall, his hips rocking into mine. "Be here, Trace."
I sighed, running my hands through his dark hair. "For you…" I hooked my feet behind his back. "I'm always present." I felt my eyes well with tears. "Right here, forever."
"I'm never leaving you, Trace." He vowed his eyes darting back and forth between my lips and my gaze. "Ever. We're forever… you and me. Not being with you would be absolute death. I love you." He shuddered. "I love you so damn much."
Our mouths met in the same frenzy as before, only this time, I ignored the fact that I was sweaty, that we were in a gym, that I'd just learned how to fight from the one guy that tried to take the fight out of me. Nixon slid off the under armor as I fumbled with the rest of his jeans, sliding them as far as I needed before he slammed me back against the wall and reminded me again and again how much he really did love me.
CHAPTER FIVE
Nixon
I always thought I would die alone—I mean, Mafia boss doesn't really scream marriage with kids, but that's what I wanted with Trace, she made me crave normal, she made me believe it was possible. She inspired me to pull away from the blood and darkness to want something more for myself, for my family. I leaned my head against hers, my breathing ragged as her body was still wrapped tightly around mine.
I didn't want to move.
Wasn't sure it was even possible.
Funny, I'd always been a really careful type of person, every decision I made was made with strategy, with thought, with absolute control over every single player in the game.
And I'd totally dropped the ball. I would have laughed but I wasn't sure if Trace was going to be freaked out and slap me or just shrug. I never knew with Trace, she was about as unpredictable as a bomb. So when I looked at her flushed face, and finally pulled my body away from the warmth of hers. I wasn't sure what to say.
"Nixon?"
"Shit." I buttoned my jeans and helped her set herself to rights. "Trace, I swear we'll be more careful next time, I think I was too upset with Phoenix and then I lost control and—"
"Careful?" She squinted. "You didn't hurt me, plus I'm pretty sure I can kick your ass now."
"No, not that." I sucked in my lip ring waiting for her to put two and two together. Then again, it was Trace, innocent, I-grew-up-on-a-farm, Trace. I'd have to spell it out for her, fantastic. "We um… just had unprotected sex and I know we're a forever thing but you know…" I swallowed, shit was I sweating? "Sometimes accidents happen and," I rubbed my forehead, while Trace gave me a blank-as-hell look. "And kids are probably a long way off, and I don't want you to freak out. Just don't cry. It will be fine. I mean, it's probably—"
Trace burst out laughing. "Wow I can't wait to sit in on that particular conversation when we have kids, you uh see son when you love a girl and…" She covered her mouth, laughing even harder.
I about choked on my tongue. "Kids?"
"Right." She nodded slowly. "Usually the product of too much hot and crazy sex with your Mafia boss husband who can't seem to keep it in his pants long enough to protect his wife from what I'm only assuming is pregnancy." She winked. "Good talk, Nixon, and if I'm pregnant I probably will cry, but it will be the good kind. I promise. Now stop being so still. It's freaking me out."
"You don't mind?" I blurted.
"Having the best sex in the world? With you?" She looked around. "Trick question, right?"
"No." I couldn't help but puff up my chest a bit. "I mean bringing a kid into all of this."
Trace cupped my cheek with her hand. "The way I figure… we get a do over… your parents messed you up so badly, why not start a new legacy? One we control — turn the bad into good. Besides, I would love to have little boys that look exactly like their dad running around the house tying Tex's shoelaces together. Priceless."
I barked out a hoarse laugh and jerked her against my chest. "Have I told you I loved you today?"
"Say it again."
"I love you…" I whispered in her hair. "Today, yesterday, tomorrow, forever. I can't wait… to start a family with you and that's the truth."
"Well that's a relief." Trace sighed. "You know all things considering."
I wrapped my arm around her and led her to the door.
"Oh and we should probably go to the security room, make sure there isn't a tape Tex or Chase can use as bribery."
"Another reason I love you." I pushed the door open. "You think like a boss."
"Can't help it. I'm sleeping with him."
"Yes." I growled. "You are."
CHAPTER SIX
Trace
I trained with Phoenix for five days, each day was more grueling than the next, by the time day six came around I was sore everywhere and he was relentless in pushing my every limit, hitting my every nerve.
Yawning, I waited for him to arrive at the gym. Normally he was right on time, but he was already five minutes late.
The lights went off.
I looked around, blinking as my eyes adjusted to the darkness. It was really early in the morning so it wasn't necessarily sunlight flickering in the window.
"Concentrate," Phoenix said softly. "I'm going to attack you from behind, this is the only warning you'll get."
My mouth went completely dry and then watere
d as I tried to swallow, tried to gain my bearings. Suddenly his arms were around me, and I freaked like lost my mind. I screamed and just slumped against him.
"What the hell are you doing?" He pulled me tighter against his chest.
"I'm… I don't know, I'm scared."
"No." He said quietly. "Fear causes your senses to be heightened, your smell, taste, sight, use the fear, rather than let it cripple you, what are you going to do, how are you going to save yourself? You have five seconds to make it to the door before you die. What. Do. You. Do?"
With a roar all the training came back slamming into my brain as I flipped him over me, hitting him in the chin, the nose, and then pulling a knee to his ribs as I ran towards the door like a woman insane.
When I reached the door, the lights flickered on.
"Told you she could do it." Phoenix said from the ground as Nixon stood on the opposite end of the room, arms crossed, gaze murderous.
"I did," I huffed. "I did it."
Nixon's nostrils flared as he moved toward Phoenix.
"No!" I yelled, then ran, not thinking about anything but making sure Nixon didn't do something he would regret. I moved in front of Phoenix just as Nixon's fist came back. He paused mid-air, his jaw cracking.
"Move, Trace."
"No." I reached behind me to help Phoenix up. "He didn't do anything wrong. He's training me, and he's doing a good job. I trust him."
Phoenix collapsed out of my hands slumping to the floor in a heap. I turned around thinking maybe he was bleeding or something but he was just staring at the ground, his eyes watery.
Nixon looked between us then with a quick nod stormed out of the room.
It was quiet, except for my heart slamming against my chest and Phoenix's heavy breathing.
Not knowing what else to do I sat down next to him.
We sat in silence for five minutes.
"You should have let him hit me."
"That wouldn't have made you feel better, Phoenix."
"Yeah," he whispered hoarsely. "I know."
More silence. What was I supposed to do? How do you comfort someone you aren't even sure you aren't still pissed at? Or scared of?