He put his hands palm down on the table, considering his words carefully. ‘I don’t have a solution. I can only confirm that it is likely we will all die very soon. Nothing I can do will change that but unlike some …’ His eyes bored into mine, ‘I’m not ready to confess all my sins and be absolved.’
‘As if absolution would ever be yours!’ Lincoln snarled.
‘True,’ Phoenix agreed.
I gnawed on the inside of my cheek. This wasn’t going well.
‘Then what are you here for?’ Lincoln pushed. I could see one of his hands fisted on his thigh. I could only imagine how angry he was going to be with me after we got Phoenix out of here.
Phoenix shrugged and leaned back in his seat. But his apparent openness wasn’t fooling me. He was highly strung. ‘I don’t kill kids. I’m here to help you save them. And make the agreement that we either destroy the Scripture or return it to you afterwards, whichever opportunity presents itself first.’
‘You mean the Scripture Lilith wouldn’t even have if it wasn’t for you!’ Lincoln raged. ‘This reeks of a set-up and you know it.’
Phoenix tilted his head. ‘Think what you will but I never told her about the Scripture. Not my fault every damn exile out there knew about it. I gave you lot a chance to get it back and you forced me into a corner.’ His voice had lifted in a rare display of anger. ‘Lilith found out about the Scripture within hours of her arrival. I hid it for as long as I could, but I couldn’t very well withhold it forever!’
Lincoln half laughed and not in a nice way. ‘Of course not! That would’ve required you actually doing the right thing.’
‘Why do you work with every “damn” exile, as you say, when you clearly hate them all so much?’ I asked, trying to understand.
Phoenix’s jaw locked. ‘We are what we are,’ was all he said.
At that, my heart broke a little.
He pointed a menacing finger. ‘Oh, spare me.’
I tried to pull in my emotions. ‘What are you suggesting?’ I asked.
‘Two things,’ Phoenix said. ‘One, Lilith wants you as her guests tomorrow night. That’s when I’m supposed to find you and bring you to her. She has Evelyn …’ His eyes softened on me for a moment and Lincoln stirred beside me.
‘She’s still alive.’ Phoenix swallowed and took a deep breath. ‘Lilith is offering you the chance to surrender. She has condemned you both to death but in return for your submission she has offered to reward you with the lives of as many of the children as you can manage to save.’
My mouth went dry. A million thoughts were running through my mind and yet, somehow, it was completely and utterly blank at the same time.
‘And how is it decided how many children we can save?’ I asked.
That’s me, Miss Practicality.
Phoenix’s mask fell away to reveal the true pale horror of what was to come. ‘Like me, Lilith hates the Cherubim.’ His smile was wry. ‘It’s the only hobby we ever shared. But whereas I just like to destroy them, she fancies herself as being more creative, using modern-day representations of their rank – of which the Cherubim despise – to disrespect and send her twisted messages to them.’
I had to know, once and for all, why he hated the Cherubim so much, so I asked.
‘They kept her locked out of Eden after she fled. They drew their flaming swords and guarded the place so she could never return. Angels might be many things, but forgiving is not often one of them. I actually suspect Lilith loved Adam – as much as she was capable of loving anyone. I never understood how love and hate could be so strong all at once. Not until recently.’
His words stung.
He kept going. ‘When the Seraphim decided I wasn’t angel enough and branded me one of the abyss – to have no home, no purpose – they took everything I was and stepped on it like I was no more than a piece of dirt beneath their mighty feet. The Cherubim were there, both light and dark. They cast me from the realm and locked me out with the seal of their given power. They hated me out of instinct because of Lilith.’
I could feel the pain in his words. He’d told me other versions of the same casting out, how he’d been rejected over and over in his life. The first rejection coming from Lilith herself.
Had I really been so awful? Had I made him come full circle, back to the very thing that first broke a piece of him?
‘I’m sorry, Phoenix,’ I said, and I meant it. My apology was many-fold and I couldn’t even begin to voice it, so I just let it flow from me to him.
He gripped the table, bracing as he experienced the influx of my remorse. He covered it quickly, straightening, and I turned off the emo-tap.
‘Back to the part where we die,’ Lincoln said, unimpressed by what had just passed. ‘How is it decided?’
I thought about what he’d said. The modern-day image of a cherub was a creature of love, tiny fat, winged babies that flew around shooting their arrows of passion.
‘Arrows,’ I whispered.
Phoenix nodded, his eyes closing briefly. ‘Violet will be strung up and shot with finger-length arrows. A child will be freed for each arrow she can survive, until she can take no more.’
‘You mean until I’m dead?’
‘Until you’re dead.’
I ignored my subconscious, the ultimate realisation that death was now beating at my door. Relentless, unwavering, certain death. I looked at Phoenix, unable to face Lincoln beside me.
‘And what about Lincoln?’ I heard myself ask.
‘He is required to accompany you. He’ll be made to watch.’
‘But he doesn’t have to go?’ I asked.
Phoenix shook his head. ‘He has to go. She wants him to see. Without him, the deal is off.’
‘Will he live?’
Phoenix looked down. I closed my eyes.
They’d execute Lincoln after he’d watched me die.
Lincoln’s laugh was bitter. ‘So Lilith expects me to stand by and watch while Violet is tortured?’ He shook his head and leaned forward. ‘That’s never going to happen. Tell your psycho-bitch of a mother to sit on the pointy end of her deal and twist.’
Phoenix didn’t say anything in Lilith’s defence, he simply continued grimly, like a doctor delivering news no patient wants to hear, but must. ‘I can help, but There’s only so much I can do. There’s no way to stop her, but I can give you my word that I’ll get your mother out afterwards, Violet. She’ll keep her alive after …’
‘I’m dead.’
‘There’s something else.’ He glanced at Lincoln now, as if trying to tell him something. But Lincoln was seething so much I didn’t think he could see anything but red. ‘She knows we’re connected, she sensed the bond on me and Olivier was only too happy to confirm it. She’ll order me to reinstate your wounds if you are too strong. She’ll stand by her word to release the children but she won’t want to lose too many.’
He looked between Lincoln and me and sighed, coming to some sort of decision. ‘You’d …’ He swallowed as if it was hard for him to say. ‘You’d be best off if you considered every way to make yourself as powerful as possible before then.’
Lincoln threw his mug at the wall, the pieces shattering, coffee staining the white paint as it dribbled down.
‘This is sick. Vi, you can’t listen to this,’ Lincoln said, but he knew as well as me, it might be sick but it was also the truth.
‘And if you refuse to hurt me?’ I asked Phoenix.
‘I’m of her blood. She can force me.’ He looked down. ‘She knows that I Lincoln isn’t the only one who will be expected to watch.’
I remembered how Irin seemed to have so much control over his Nephlim children. I wondered if Lilith had a similar kind of control over him.
Lincoln stood, scraping his chair roughly as he did. ‘This is priceless! So, you’re telling us to surrender to Lilith based on your assurance that you will free her mother after we are both dead and trust that you will keep Violet alive for as long as possible so her death can be slower and
more painful! You’re insane. We may as well take our chances and kill you!’
I heard Lincoln’s words, the desperate plea that this was not happening. But we both knew he’d left out the one thing that made the difference. That in return for all of that, we would have a chance at saving those innocent children.
Phoenix simply shrugged. ‘We all know complications arise from that solution, too.’
I looked at Lincoln, pain rippling through his features.
‘He’s right,’ I said, quietly. ‘And you know it.’
Death is racing towards me.
Lincoln didn’t respond. Instead he stared at Phoenix while Phoenix stared back. Their hate for one another seemed to morph into a mutual resentment, a shared desperation and even heartache. Finally, Lincoln dropped back into his seat.
‘Is there any other way?’ he asked.
‘If there was, I would’ve found it,’ Phoenix replied.
And I believed him.
Before the reality of what we were discussing could hit me, I powered on. ‘Where do you stand in all this, Phoenix? What happens – Lincoln and I both die and you go on your merry way with Lilith, letting her kill anything and anyone that crosses her path?’
Lincoln ground his jaw together and slammed a fist on the table. ‘Jesus Christ! We are not having this conversation. She is not going in there to be tortured!’
I flinched, but otherwise ignored the outburst. Phoenix shook his head when he saw I was still waiting for his answer.
‘When Lilith finds out what I’ve done, she’ll kill me. I’ll do everything I can to take her with me. I swear it. I thought …’ Remorse filled his eyes. ‘I didn’t expect this to happen It’s not what I wanted.’ He ran a hand around his neck and dropped it back on the table. ‘I expected collateral damage and told myself it wouldn’t matter.’ He huffed. ‘I even let you believe I’d had your friend killed.’
He was talking about Rudyard and at the mention of him both Lincoln and I straightened.
‘I didn’t,’ Phoenix added.
‘But you brought Lilith back,’ Lincoln pushed.
Phoenix nodded. ‘Yes. But killing kids wasn’t ever part of it. Not for me. I’m prepared to give my eternity to put her back in the ground.’
Lincoln glanced at his watch. It had been almost two hours since one of us had patrolled the perimeter.
‘I’ll do it,’ I offered.
He shook his head. ‘No.’ His eyes shot to Phoenix. ‘I can’t be alone with him. I’ll go.’ He stood up, strapped on his dagger and headed out. I followed him to the verandah.
‘Linc?’ I said from behind him. He stopped, reached out and pulled me to him, arms wrapping tightly around me.
‘Don’t ask me to deliver you to her. I can’t,’ he pleaded.
I didn’t respond. And we both knew why. He moved back just as quickly as he’d pulled me to him.
‘I’d better get this patrol done. Back soon.’
He took off into the trees.
I sat down on the steps leading to the lawn and stared out over the river. Phoenix approached from behind, sitting beside me.
‘I heard what you said. About never loving me.’
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were listening.’
He shrugged. ‘It’s not like it was news, anyway. I’ve felt enough from you to know you could’ve loved me, though, that you came close, even. Maybe, if I hadn’t destroyed everything Maybe, if you’d given me a chance to explain …’
‘Did you know what would happen after we were together?’ I asked, finally deciding I was ready to hear it, ready to know if he had planned it all – sleeping with me and forming the connection that led to Joel and Onyx first attacking me.
‘No. And yes. I felt it happening while we were together. I could’ve stopped but I couldn’t at the same time. There’s a part of me made by darkness that’s inherent in me and fundamental to my existence – I can’t deny that. With you, when we first met, I tried.’ He shook his head, lost in memories. ‘So. Damn. Hard. I wanted to be everything you deserved and I wanted it for me too, but, when we were together that night, I was so drunk on you I knew the right thing to do but I let the darkness take over. It’s not an excuse but you have to understand–’
I cut him off. ‘It’s your nature.’
He gave a sad nod of agreement. ‘I tried to explain the next day, but I saw the adoration in your eyes when you healed Lincoln and the temptation to use the new power I had over you was too much to resist. I thought if I could just sway you a little, encourage animosity towards him and devotion to me But by the time it all came out and I’d healed you I’d already lost you.’
I shook my head, hearing it all like this, I believed him. ‘You’re right, you know. I think I could’ve loved you, but even with everything that happened, that wasn’t the reason we didn’t end up together.’
He looked towards the trees. ‘Him,’ he said.
‘Him,’ I agreed.
He smiled ruefully. ‘There is always that. I should’ve known better, of course. About a lot of things. Now it’s too late to make amends.’
‘I thought you didn’t apologise?’
His smile turned a little playful and I was reminded of the Phoenix I had first become friends with.
‘I don’t. But if I can make it right … I will. This whole thing, it’s my fault. I did this, not you.’
I leaned forwards onto my elbows. ‘Because of you I have my mother back. Because of you, that volcano might not have erupted, but without you, all those people on Santorini would have died. Because of you … I’m alive.’ I gave a cynical laugh. ‘Maybe not for long, but still, I’m alive.’
He looked away and I saw his hand go to his face. I wondered if he was wiping away a tear.
‘It would be easier if I didn’t love you. Saying things like that, after all I have done,’ he half laughed. ‘You ruin me. Absolutely and totally obliterate me.’
We were silent for a while, both lost in our own thoughts.
‘Did you really not mean for Rudyard to die?’ I asked after a time.
He held my gaze and opened the channels to his emotions, showing me his regret. He’d thought he had been so clever, controlling the exiles and getting what he wanted. Death was not what had motivated Phoenix, despite all his threats.
‘It was still my choices that led to it. Still my fault,’ he admitted.
I couldn’t deny that.
Lincoln chose that moment to reappear. His face was expressionless, his shields up, blocking me from any insight. I understood.
‘Perimeter is clear.’ He looked at Phoenix – his green eyes like steel, his voice dripping with contempt. ‘Violet and I need to talk. You can come back to collect us tomorrow night. If we’re here, we’re here. If not, you have your answer and good luck ever finding her again.’
Phoenix nodded and we both stood, brushing off the dust we’d attracted as we did.
‘Fair enough,’ Phoenix said. Then, after a pause, ‘I don’t suppose you could offer me a ride into the nearest town? I’d prefer not to use my powers more than necessary here – I tend to work as a homing beacon for Lilith.’
That was the first I’d heard of such an ability. By the dubious look on Lincoln’s face and his crossed arms it was the first he’d heard of it too, but again, something seemed to pass between them and I saw Lincoln nodding, looking to me.
‘Will you be all right?’
I raised my eyebrows. The two of them, enclosed in a vehicle for the next twenty minutes, and he was asking if I would be okay.
‘Will you?’ I asked.
He nodded solemnly, going inside to get the keys.
When I turned a sceptical gaze back to Phoenix, his hair sparkled in the late afternoon sunlight. With the backdrop of the river he looked striking and my breath caught. Phoenix didn’t offer any further explanation and instead cast his eyes out over the water. Surprising us both, the moment overcame me and I closed the distance between us. He actu
ally braced in readiness for a strike, but nothing could have hit him harder than when I put my arms around him.
Tentatively, his arms returned the gesture, exhaling as though the heaviest of weights had been slowly lifted from him and pulled me close.
For once, Phoenix didn’t try to play with my emotions. Instead, he was eerily still, emotionally and physically.
‘We’ve all made mistakes,’ I said quietly. ‘Terrible mistakes. We’ve all played a part in where we are now – you don’t carry this alone. You won’t finish it alone, either. I promise.’ I didn’t tell him about the potion Steph and Dapper were working on, but I would make sure he got it when I was gone. I just held him tight and he held me back, his cheek resting on the top of my head.
‘I’ve never felt … The way you get to me.’ He was breathing deeply. ‘I know what I’ve done but, I swear to you … If there is a way to save you, I’ll find it.’
‘I know.’ And I did.
He leaned back, his hand cupping my face tenderly. ‘Next time I see you, you’ll be lost to me forever.’
I stared back into his sad eyes, caught in his spell.
What does that mean?
Lincoln cleared his throat from the doorway. ‘For Christ’s sake, when you’re done groping her, can we go?’
Phoenix’s chest trembled as he snickered. I found myself mimicking the silent response. After all, a couple of hours ago such a comment from Lincoln would have ensured physical combat between the two of them.
When Phoenix pulled back from me, his eyes were different. Somehow they seemed renewed, reflecting something of the old him that made me smile. I wondered fleetingly, if in another time, another place, the three of us could have been friends.
Probably not.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
‘You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day.”
Psalm 91:5
The water pelted down, hot and fast and I relished the extreme sensation.
My life was officially on the clock.
I would never see Dad again. I would never hang out with Steph or joke around with Spence. I’d never paint another canvas.
And yet, despite all of this, like Phoenix, a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Did that make me terrible?