When he broke the kiss to take a breath, I whispered, “Tree hugger.”
He opened his eyes, blue as the afternoon sky, and gave me this look. A combination of amusement and exasperation and hunger. He looked like a teenager making out in the woods. Puzzling through this, I realized that I was gazing at him from the perspective of a six-year-old girl playing army and dodging rubber snakes.
But he was this teenager, and so was I. I felt the same need for him that he felt for me, like a force was drawing me forward into his heat. I just didn’t know how to say it.
He cupped my chin with his big hand and watched me. He breathed hard through his nose. His shoulders heaved way harder than they should have after a few minutes of kissing. I was about to suggest some additional conditioning exercises before football season started. I opened my mouth to tell him.
He kissed me again. His tongue passed my lips and played across my teeth. We’d only been kissing like this for a week, but it seemed very natural when I kissed him back the same way. My body was on autopilot as I reached blindly for his waist and dragged him even closer, his torso skin-to-skin with mine against the tree. Who were we? I was turning into any of the assorted older girls who’d been seen leaving the cab of Sean’s truck at night. I’d always viewed those girls with a mixture of awe and derision. Sexual attraction was funny. Lust was hilarious.
Now, not so much. Those girls had my sympathy, because I totally got it. I ran my fingers lightly up Adam’s bare back.
He gasped.
I opened my eyes to see if I’d done something wrong. He still touched the tree, but his muscles were taut, holding on to it for dear life. His eyes were closed. He rubbed his rough cheek slowly against mine. I had done nothing wrong. He was savoring.
I knew how he felt. Tracing my fingernails down his back again, I whispered, “Stubble or what?”
Eyes still closed, he chuckled. “I’m not shaving until our parents let us date again.” He kissed my cheek.
“What if it takes… a… while?” I asked, struggling to talk. He’d made his way down to my neck. His tongue circled there slowly. “There are only six or seven weeks until August football practice starts, right?”
“Hm.” His mouth moved up my neck, toward my ear. Oh.
“Will you be able to stuff your beard into your helmet?” I croaked.
In answer, he put his lips on my ear. I forgot the next joke I’d planned to make and lost myself in Adam.
I know this is hard to believe. We had a lot to worry about. My dad was threatening never to let us date again. And we were making out in broad daylight, with mockingbirds calling to each other and cicadas buzzing in the trees. We’d watched a lot of DVDs with our brothers over the years—or I had, and Adam had wandered in and out because he couldn’t sit still. We’d made fun of couples who suddenly decided to make out when they’d just escaped from a hoard of alien robots bent on killing them and taking their brains back to their home planet or an insidious, sentient slime that would hunt them down and eat through their flesh to their skeletons in a matter of seconds. Who could concentrate on kissing in these situations?
Now I understood. Adam kissed his way from my ear to my mouth. He hooked one thumb in the waistband of my shorts. I kissed him harder.
I enjoyed it. Really enjoyed it. But in the back of my mind, I worried that if we were gone too long, our parents would find us. And I still hadn’t had a private talk with him.
I pushed him away. “We need to go before our parents wise up,” I panted.
He came right back for more, regaining his balance and bracing his arms on both sides of me again, caging me in. “I was just getting started,” he growled in my ear.
I giggled. I’d never pegged myself as a giggler, but when Adam acted like this I couldn’t help it. “Why couldn’t you get started last night?”
“I was sleeping,” he said haughtily. He buried his face in my hair and sniffed deeply. I hoped this was not too unpleasant an experience after all the running.
That was fine. I would have stood there all day and let him sniff my hair. He could take care of himself. But I couldn’t shake the feeling we were running out of time.
“Seriously, Adam, we need to talk while we can.” I put my hand on his bare chest and pushed him six inches away, where he couldn’t reach my hair anymore.
He gazed down at my hand.
“I was talking to Cameron—,” I began.
Adam grasped my wrist with two fingers, like he didn’t really want to touch it, and removed my hand from his chest.
“—about how rude you were to your mom when she offered to help us,” I finished. “Frances had heard about it too. I know you’re mad, Adam, but it doesn’t make sense for you to dig a deeper hole for both of us.”
He scowled down at me. “I’m right and my mother is wrong.”
“I know…” I almost called him “baby.” I know, baby. I caught myself in time. Then I wondered why I’d caught myself. It just seemed foreign for this endearment to come out of my mouth. To Adam. And he would not have appreciated it, anyway. After sixteen years as the baby of the family, he did not consider it a compliment.
“I know,” I said again. “But Cameron said your mom would help us if we stay apart for a while first. In the meantime, if you can keep from cussing in front of her, I have a plan that might convince my dad to let us date a lot faster.”
He put his hand on my shoulder. “You make terrible, terrible plans.”
“Hey,” I protested. “One of my plans caught you, didn’t it?”
“Yeah, but you meant to catch Sean.” He took his hand off my shoulder.
I waved his concerns away, along with a cloud of gnats that had found us in the forest. “You’re getting lost in the details. Keep the big picture in mind. The plan is, I will find someone to date who is a hundred times worse than you. You will be the lesser of two evils. My dad will see the error of his ways in banning me from dating you, and he’ll let us get back together.”
Adam nodded.
I nodded with him, grinning. “Good, huh?”
He kept nodding, but his mouth drew into a tight line. “This person you want to date. It’s Sean.”
“Sean!” I exclaimed. Sean hadn’t even crossed my mind. “No! I was thinking about Kevin Ye. Do you know him? He’s two years older than us, but he was in my driver’s ed class last year because he’d flunked it twice. I’m pretty sure he didn’t graduate, what with prison and all. Anyway, one day last week when you and I were driving into town, I saw him mowing the grass with a work-release crew. Maybe I could even convince him to wear his orange jumpsuit on our date. That would really impress my dad. Do you think Kevin Ye would go out with me?”
Adam’s hand was over his mouth, hiding his baby beard. But his light blue eyes widened with horror. I did not want him horrified. He would be difficult enough to drag into the plan as it was. Instead of just the skull and crossbones around his neck, he needed a more specific warning label that said DOES NOT TAKE DIRECTION WELL.
I wasn’t giving up. The plan was a good one. I could be flexible and change the details until Adam agreed to play along.
“You’re probably right,” I said. “Forget Kevin Ye. Sean would be easier.”
“I knew it!” Adam pointed at me. “You were trying to get Sean this whole time.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “What are you saying? I planned to get Sean, I got you instead, but I was always aiming for Sean, and now I’m going in for the kill?”
“You don’t fool me. You play dumb, but you made an A in trig. You’re diabolical without even trying.”
I folded my arms on my sports bra. “I’m pretty sure that’s a contradiction in terms, but remind me to look up ‘diabolical’ later.”
He put his fists on his hips, which made the bare, tanned chest in front of me look even broader. “I won’t be able to give you that reminder, Lori, because we’re not allowed to see each other, and you’ll be out with Sean.”
“What is this business with Sean?” I insisted. “I thought you and Sean worked everything out. I saw y’all talking Saturday night.”
“Worked everything out? I guess. We agreed that he would not interfere when I tried to get you back, and I would not interfere when he tried to get Rachel back.”
“Oh.” I’d thought they’d talked about something more meaningful and brotherly, like how Sean had mistreated Adam for sixteen years and how Adam had begun to strike back in a big way. I’d hoped they had, because it would have meant Sean might help Adam and me out of our latest predicament. But this was too much to ask. Before that night, I’d never seen Sean and Adam voluntarily have a talk with each other. Ever.
“Well, fine,” I said. “I won’t go out with Sean either.”
We both jumped when a bird burst from a dogwood near us and soared away. Adam watched it as it went. I watched Adam. He tracked the bird with his eyes, chin lifted as if he’d regained his dignity. I expected the next thing out of his mouth to be an apology for doubting me.
What he said was, “Who’s your next choice? Cameron?”
Brilliant! I hardly even registered the sarcasm in Adam’s voice. I snapped my fingers. “That’s not a bad idea. Cameron’s three years older than me. He’s about to be a sophomore in college. My dad will pass out. He’ll be so happy to have me dating a high school junior again! Even if it’s you.”
“Plus, you and Cameron are so familiar with each other anyway, since you’ve already made out.” His blue eyes accused me. This time his sarcasm was hard for me to gloss over.
Exasperated, I put my hands in my hair, which was a mistake because it was up in a ponytail. I only managed more of a tousled, cornered-by-my-boyfriend’s-superior-logic look before putting my hands down. “Adam, we did not make out. We kissed once, when I was eleven. I should never have told you that.” I really never would have told him if I’d had any idea he would be my boyfriend a week later and he would throw it back in my face. “I am trying to solve this problem for both of us, and all you can do is be unreasonable and furious about everything.”
“I don’t think it’s unreasonable for me to not want you to date my brothers or a freaking convicted felon,” Adam said. “What did Kevin Ye get arrested for, anyway? Didn’t he steal a car?”
“He stole the driver’s ed car.” I laughed. Then I saw how Adam was looking at me. “He gave it back.”
“They make you give stuff back, Lori, after they arrest you for stealing it.”
I opened my mouth to respond. I was going to say something about Kevin passing driver’s ed the third time he took it, despite his brush with the law. But now Adam was giving me a look that said, I know you are not about to defend Kevin Ye. I closed my mouth.
Adam sighed through his nose, disgusted. “I can’t believe you’re trying to plan your way out of this. What we do together is none of our parents’ goddamn business, and if you try to work around what they say, you’re just giving in.”
“I’m not. It’s a means to an end. You have to think like them, Adam.” I poked at my head to signify thinking. “Think like a middle-aged man with OCD, a dead wife, and a teenage daughter. Think like a woman with three teenage sons who once ran a golf cart into the side of their granddad’s house.”
“Cameron and Sean shouldn’t have let me drive,” Adam said in his own defense. “I was seven.”
“You shouldn’t have asked to drive. You were seven.”
“And I don’t see why we can’t just run away to Montgomery.”
This idea sounded as ridiculous now as it had when he’d first suggested it last night. But the sentiment behind it—that was very sweet. As we’d argued, Adam had moved several feet away from me across the forest floor, and I’d backed against the tree. When we stood this far apart, it was hard to remember we were arguing because we wanted to be together.
Boosting myself off the tree with one running shoe, I closed the space between us, put my hand on his arm, and stuck out my bottom lip in sympathy. “I’d like to graduate from high school first.”
He looked down at my hand on his arm and muttered, “I’m not graduating from high school anyway.”
I stepped even closer, put my other hand on his arm, and fluttered my eyelashes at him. I was getting good at this, if I did say so myself. “I told you I’d help you in chemistry next year.”
Stubbornly he held onto his anger. He didn’t touch me. But he didn’t back away or shake my hands off his arm, either. He said, “Even if your plan worked and they let us date again, the next time we did something wrong—”
“Why would we ever do anything else wrong? We would be very careful.”
“Lori. This is you we’re talking about. And me.”
I laughed. “I see your point.”
“The next time we did something wrong, they’d just tell us again that we couldn’t date.”
I stroked my thumbs across the golden hair on his tanned arm. “Not if we convince them that we’re meant to be together.”
“I’m not sure we are anymore.”
I looked down at the diamond and pearl ring that my mother had left to me, which my dad gave me for my birthday yesterday. Of course we were meant to be together. My mother had seen this and as much as told me this before she died. It had just been a matter of me seeing this for myself. But if Adam didn’t believe it anymore… I looked up at him in confusion. “You’re not?”
“Not if you’re that desperate to go out with Sean.”
I pulled my hands off his arm. “So this is what it’s about. You’re still mad about Sean. What happened to what you told me a few days ago, that you’ve been in love with me forever?”
“You’ve been in love with Sean forever, and you expect me to believe you’ve switched from him to me in the past week, just like that?”
I’d had enough of this. If he didn’t trust me when I said I wanted him and not Sean, what kind of boyfriend was he? I would tell him we should break up, as if my dad hadn’t broken us up already. Things would be so much easier this way. We could enjoy the rest of the summer. Our dating ban wouldn’t matter anymore, and we could go back to being friends and pretend we’d never gotten together. I hoped. Someday.
And then, something happened. The sunlight filtering through the leaves shifted on his face. He looked different. This boy I’d been staring at in disbelief and deciding to break up with… I knew it was Adam. I was in the middle of an argument with Adam. But in the dim forest light, he didn’t look like Adam. He didn’t even look like Sean, who was so much like Adam in appearance but was two years older.
This time, as Adam pierced me with those light blue eyes and privileged me with the full view of his tanned, muscular chest and the golden stubble on his face—I couldn’t quite get over the stubble—he reminded me of the senior football players whom I’d brought water and bandages to with the rest of the girls’ tennis team last fall. Boys I’d considered so dreamy and so much older than me that I’d never have a chance with them, so why try?
It occurred to me that August football practice did begin in six or seven weeks. School would start a few weeks after that. With Sean a freshman off at college, Adam would be out of his shadow for the first time—the only Vader brother left in town. Adam would likely start for the varsity football team. He would get noticed. And he would no longer be my property all day every day like he was during the summer. I would have to share him with the other girls in my high school, including every flirtatious ditz in the lower sections of math, where he always got stuck.
I couldn’t break up with him. I couldn’t watch him date another girl, or a series of them, for the rest of high school. I would regret it for the rest of my life.
And I couldn’t afford to argue with him like this. I had to convince my dad to lift the Adam ban before the summer was over. And I had to convince Adam the plan was worth it.
Unfortunately, Adam couldn’t read my mind. “You know what?” he asked. “Screw this.” He turned on his running shoe
and crashed through the fallen leaves, toward the road. He must have thought I had no defense for switching from Sean to him so fast.
I had to fix this. But jogging after him, clinging to his arm, and begging him to be reasonable would not convince him I was a terrific catch myself, one worth all this trouble. So I used a little strategy, joking my way back into his good graces. “You have no right to dis my plan,” I called after him. “Your idea of a plan is to grow a beard.”
“Hey. It’s a lot harder than it looks. I’ve only been shaving for a year.”
Good. He was joking back. That meant my humor was working on him.
Bad. He didn’t even call this over his shoulder to me. He yelled it facing forward as he stomped through the forest. I could hardly hear him. My humor was not working well enough.
I skipped after him until I caught up. I kept pace beside him, which was difficult. He was much taller than I was, with a longer stride, and he maintained a straight course while I had to dodge around bushes and briars.
“This is good,” I panted. “We’re both awful actors, as we’ve established. If we’re genuinely angry with each other, we won’t have to fake being broken up.”
He never slowed down. I practically ran beside him. Branches slapped my face. Acting genuinely angry was getting easier, and I may have forgotten some of my resolve to patch things up with him. “While we’re at it,” I said, “why don’t you call me a bitch like you did a couple of nights ago?”
“Why don’t I call you a slut for hooking up with me just to get Sean?” he snapped.
“Why don’t I call you a slut for hooking up with a different girl every month for the past year?” I yelled at him. “I’ll bet your so-called Secret Make-Out Hideout isn’t even a secret. You’ve had your license for three weeks. You probably took Rachel there before you took me.”