It was then her uncles and dad pulled us off each other. Needing two of them on each of us to separate our bodies and hold us back.
Noah’s face was void of any emotion. For the first time I didn’t recognize the man staring back at me.
He was no longer my brother.
Looking at me with nothing but disgust in his eyes, he sneered, “Might as well keep him like that,” Nodding toward McGraw who was still holding my arms behind my back. “He’s the one who took Mia! He’s not the fuckin’ hero! He’s the reason she was fuckin’ missin’! He had her the whole fuckin’ time!”
Before McGraw’s hold could tighten on me, I broke away. My hand instantly reached down into his holster, pulling out his gun and clicked off the safety. He instinctively grabbed ahold of my arm, trying to wrestle it out of my hands. When a single shot fired into the air.
“NO!” Mia screamed, her mom and aunt holding her back. Ducking to the ground.
McGraw let go, jumping back with his arms in the air, surrendering. Knowing I wasn’t fucking around. Aiming the gun directly at all them, only having seconds to haul ass before they would take me in. I would never hurt her family, but they didn’t have to know that.
“This ain’t over,” McGraw threatened, eyeing me and then his gun.
I nodded, knowing he couldn’t have been closer to the fucking truth. I quickly backed away, never taking my eyes or the gun off them as I jumped onto my bike. Throwing back the throttle, the engine roared to life.
“You won’t get away with this!” her dad yelled. “I will hunt you down and fucking kill you myself if I have to!”
I wanted to look back at Mia one last time, needing to see her face for just one second, knowing in my heart...
I may never see her again.
I didn’t.
I couldn’t.
Too terrified to see the look on her face, showing her the man I always tried to hide. I took off like a bat out of hell instead, chucking McGraw’s gun into the bushes furthest away from them.
The war didn’t end here. It was only the beginning. I would get to the bottom of the truth that cost me my entire life, even if it meant...
I could die in the process.
“How does that make you feel?”
“Have I told you how much I hate it when you ask that, Dr. Garcia.”
“And yet after three months of coming to see me, you still know I have to ask,” my therapist chuckled.
Two days a week I sat on a comfortable leather sofa and poured my heart out to a complete stranger. We talked about anything and everything. Sometimes she just listened, and other times she’d ask questions. Trying to stir the empty holes in my memory into submission. Erupt something, anything from the months I was held captive. Wanting to trigger an emotion to open the floodgates and drown me with the truths of who I was.
My parents’ sat in on the first few sessions, but Doctor Garcia quickly put an end to that. My dad’s outbursts earned him a seat in the waiting room more often than not. So eventually he was banned. The doctor felt that their presence wasn’t helping with my healing process. If anything it was possibly making it worse.
“It makes me feel confused,” I simply replied.
“Have you seen him?”
“No. Not since I found out the truth. You know how it went down, Doctor. We’ve spoken about it several times.”
“Let’s talk about it again.”
I sighed. “I knew you were going to say that.”
She nodded, waiting for me to continue.
“I don’t know who he is... I don’t remember him. All I know is what I’ve been told or what I’ve seen. His name is Creed, and his brother’s name is Noah. I still don’t know what Creed and I were to each other, but from what I’ve gathered, he was very important to me. I guess we were important to each other... One night I ended up at his MC clubhouse and got knocked up by Noah, which is what my parents’ have told me. Kick to a few months later... I ended up getting taken by Creed, but I still don’t know why or where I was. From what my parents’ have said, I guess there was a shootout where I was shot in the back and...” I bowed my head, fidgeting with the hem of my dress. “They had to perform an emergency C-Section. My baby was only seven months and didn’t make it. Creed took me to the hospital after... and now... we’re here,” I relayed, shaking my head. “Jesus, that just sounded like a soap opera.”
She chuckled, “A bit, but trust me. I’ve heard worse.”
“I bet.”
“Does recalling those events stir any memories or emotions?”
I shrugged. “Yes, but not in the sense that you want. It stirs feelings from the fight I witnessed between them. It was so raw and real. So much pent-up anger, I felt every word, every hit, hurting right along with them. I know Noah blames Creed for the loss of our baby girl. He’s told me how he feels.”
“Do you believe him?”
“Yes and no. I don’t think it was intentional or malicious on Creed’s part. I think it just happened and they did what could under the circumstances.”
“Now why do you think that? You don’t know this man. He’s a complete stranger to you.”
“Something in my heart tells me not to be afraid of him. Here’s the thing, Doctor, from the second I saw Noah, I felt a connection with him and that was before I knew he was the father of my baby. The same goes for Creed. When I saw him at the cemetery, I didn’t even realize I was walking toward him until I was standing in front of him. It was like being pulled by a string he was controlling. Luring me right to him. Then when we spoke, I could see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice... he loves me. And not in the ‘I love you, I love you, too,’ kind of way. It’s in the ‘You’re my person, my lobster, my everything,’ and that alone tells me that what we had was true,” I sincerely expressed for the first time. Feeling like an elephant had been lifted off my chest.
“Do you want to remember him?”
“I don’t know. I think about him a lot... more than I probably should,” I nervously laughed. “Sometimes I think it’s because I want him to tell me what happened. Give me some closure. Confront him to ask why he took me... and then other times I think it’s from missing him. That’s what confuses me the most, Doctor. How can I miss a man I don’t remember?”
“Our mind and hearts are two different organs, Mia. Just because you don’t remember your memories, doesn’t mean you can’t recall your emotions. The deep feelings may be coming from your core, reminding you of happier times.
“That’s deep, Doc.”
“Let’s walk through how you felt witnessing the burial.”
“We have been through this already. Out of everything you ask me to recall, for some reason that is the hardest.”
“It’s because I’m making you tap into those raw emotions. Pulling them forward in your mind so you can heal. You may not want to relive it, but it will eventually prove that you shared a bond as a mother to your baby girl, which can trigger so much, Mia. Do me a favor and close your eyes.”
I did.
“Now go back to that point in time and tell me what you feel.”
I took a deep breath, knowing that this was going to hurt. “Okay, I’m standing in the rain...” My mind drifted off, telling the story for me.
I watched with stone-cold eyes as the shiny white casket was lowered into the earth’s soil. The heavens were weeping right along with me, raindrops seeping into my black jacket.
Burning my core.
Little by little.
Deeper and deeper.
Until darkness surrounded me, until all eyes were only staring at me. I could feel their eagerness, like a noose around my neck. Waiting for me to react, waiting for me to break down, just waiting for me to do something.
Anything.
I tried to pretend I wasn't there. I tried to imagine that my life hadn't been changed in a matter of seconds. That my world hadn't been turned upside down in the span of a few hours. That everything I wanted to believe in was
n't truly...
A lie.
It also cost me the love of my life. The person I watched being buried deep into the ground, six feet under, where I would never see them again.
Not one smile.
Not one I love you.
My eyes fluttered open when I realized I had tears streaming down my cheeks. I leaned forward grabbing a tissue off the table, wiping away the emotions I tried so hard to forget.
“Continue, please,” Dr. Garcia said in a sincere tone. “This is good.”
“For who?”
“You.”
I closed my eyes again, picking up where I left off.
“I suddenly felt Noah behind me. Everything about him hurt. His scent, his aura, especially his love for me. For us.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so fuckin’ sorry,” he voiced in a tone that was filled with nothing but pain and remorse. His guilt was so thick, so consuming, I could feel it engulfing me, making it hard to breathe.
My life ended before it ever had a chance...
To begin.
While I stared at the gray granite tombstone, etched with the last name...
Jameson.
“How does Noah fit into this?” She pulled me away from my memories. Away from my sadness, grateful to be pulled back to reality.
“I mean... he’s been there for me. He came and talked to my parents’. Asking their permission for us to hang out. I still can’t believe the day he showed up at my house unannounced, a few days after the altercation. All bruised and cut up, asking to speak to my parents alone. They went out on the patio, shutting the sliding glass door behind them, but that didn’t stop me from eavesdropping. I hopped up on the kitchen counter and slid the window open a crack so I could listen.”
“If it weren’t for my wife, you wouldn’t be in my house. You have ten minutes before I kick your ass out,” Dad ordered in a harsh tone.
“Sir, first I want to apologize for my behavior at the cemetery. That ain’t right, what I did... I’m sorry.”
“Let’s cut the bullshit. Why you really here? You’re now down to eight minutes.”
“Lucas...” Mom reprimanded, making me smile.
“I came here wantin’ to ask your permission to hang out with Mia, sir,” Noah declared, making me jerk back. Almost falling off the counter from the sudden movement.
“This is what you’re wasting my time for?”
“Oh my God, Lucas! Give the man a chance.”
“Look what happened last time we let Mia out... Ended up knocked up by this little shit, and apparently screwing his brother on the side... It’s not fucking happening, Alex. Not anymore. We’re done here.”
I winced, hearing my dad say such hurtful things. He hadn’t talked that way to me. At least not recently.
“Sir, it ain’t like that. Things are different now. I left the MC behind. I wanna fresh start with my life. Make somethin’ of myself. I’m not askin’ to date your daughter. I just want to hang out with her. Be her friend. Maybe help her, ya know?”
“What—”
“I agree, Lucas,” Mom interrupted him. “He has a good point. I want my Mia back... And I’m willing to try anything to make that happen. I know you are, too. So please, put your stubbornness aside for our daughter. She’s not a child anymore. We can’t keep treating her like one. He didn’t have to come here to ask for permission, but he did, out of respect for you. That means something to me and I know it woul,d mean something to you, if you let it.”
“Half-Pint, the answer is no. I don’t want to lose her again.”
“She’s already lost! Let Noah help. Jesus, Lucas... you were far from perfect at their age. I don’t need to remind you what you were like. Mia doesn’t even come close to how you behaved! Noah may not be the man we thought she might end up with, but the same can be said about you! After everything you put me through, my family still gave you a chance. You owe it to your daughter to help her get better. Do you understand me?”
No one spoke for what felt like forever, until finally my dad yelled, “Fine! But if you lay one hand on Mia, touch her in any way. I will hunt you down and it won’t end fucking pretty. You hear?”
“Yes, sir. Thank you.”
“Even after what we all witnessed and heard that day from Creed and Noah’s fight, my dad reluctantly agreed but it was more my mom’s doing. She hopes it will help me remember. I think my dad is just grateful to know the truth behind my disappearance because of Noah. I mean, after Creed took off that day, it was bad.... I mean really bad. I think my dad might also respect the fact that Noah came to him and asked, even though I know he would never admit it.”
Dr. Garcia nodded again. “How do you feel about Noah? You’ve been hanging out with him a lot. Do you ask him questions?”
“I like Noah. I haven’t asked him anything about what I don’t remember, yet.”
“Why? You know he has answers.”
“I just... I mean... I don’t feel like I disappoint Noah, like I do everyone else. Like he’s happy that I don’t remember him. It’s almost like we can start over with a friendship, and I think he likes that as much as I do. I know if I ask him, he’d answer, but a part of me is scared to know what he would say. It’s obvious he hates his brother... I don’t know how sincere he may be about the subject, and I guess I don’t want it to confuse everything even more.”
“Has Creed tried to reach out to you?”
I shook my head. “He’d be stupid if he did. Between my uncles and my dad, they’ve made it their mission to get him out of hiding. The reward money alone is insane. Uncle Dylan has a warrant out for his arrest, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he alerted people on the other side of the world about it. I think I’d prefer Creed to be brought in before my dad found him. I’m pretty sure Dad would be the one who ends up in jail for murder.”
“I know, Mia. It’s why your parents’, mostly your dad, aren’t allowed in on our sessions anymore. He’s very protective over you. I could see that from the second I shook his hand at the hospital. At first, I thought it was from you missing, him just being worried. Then I realized it’s something that I think you may have struggled with before. Holding on tight to the leash they have on you. Every parent raises his or her kids differently. I’m not saying the way they raised you is wrong, but I think it’s good that they’re giving you some space now. You need it. You’re going to be an adult soon, and they’re not going to be able to shelter you forever.”
“Yeah, the last few weeks they’ve actually let me leave the house with Noah. I got my Jeep back, I guess they found it abandoned at the train station not too long after I went missing. Since I was returned safe and there was no circumstantial evidence found in it, I got it back. It’s been awesome to drive by myself, go to the store, the library, the mall. Sometimes I need to clear my head, so I just drive around, aimlessly... I’ve ended up at those train tracks a few times. Enjoying the quiet privacy,” I shared, thinking about the peace those tracks bring me. “But one thing I do miss is being around people my age. Being homeschooled by my mom is starting to take its toll. I guess it’s just exhausting to feel like I was perfect in their eyes before and now I’m not. Even though I still look the same, I don’t feel same anymore, Doctor. I’m scared that even if my memories come back, I still won’t want to be that girl. It’s what terrifies me the most.”
“Let's not think about that now, you need to concentrate on taking life one day at a time. In the meantime, between our sessions I want you to write in this.” She turned around and pulled a notebook off her desk, handing it to me. “Anytime you remember something, you feel anything, whether it’s a trigger or a dream, I want you to write it in there. Consider it your homework. You bring your notebook to our sessions, and we can talk about what you’ve written down. Makes sense?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, great. You did good today, Mia. It will get easier, I promise. Same time next week?”
“Yes. Thank you, Doctor.”
I walked ou
t of her office, feeling better. I always did when I left our sessions. There was something about being able to talk to her with no judgment, which made it easy for me to speak the truth.
I looked up when the elevator door dinged, letting me know I was in the parking garage of her office.
“Noah,” I announced, not surprised he was standing in front of me.
He did this sometimes. Show up after my sessions were done. As if he knew I needed someone to take my mind off everything that was discussed in therapy.
“Hey, pretty girl. I thought I’d take you to dinner and then maybe a movie. If you’re up for it?”
“Yeah! I’d love that. Umm... you want to drive my Jeep?”
He chuckled, knowing I didn’t want to go on the back of his bike. I wasn’t sure why, it just felt wrong. I chalked it up to being nervous about being on a motorcycle.
“So how was your day?”
“Better now,” he rasped, bumping his shoulder into mine before he threw his arm around my neck. Pulling me into his side.
I liked the way he felt, so warm and cozy. Winter officially kicked in, and we were experiencing our first cold front in Oak Island. I smiled, leaning into his embrace. Enjoying the feel of being wrapped in his arm.
Once we got to my Jeep, he opened the passenger door for me, grabbing ahold of my keys. I put my seatbelt on and pulled out my cell phone that my parents’ had recovered, from the center console. Needing to call my mom to tell her I was going to dinner and a movie with Noah. Knowing she’d worry if I wasn’t home right after therapy.
1 new text message
I clicked over the screen, expecting it to be her or my dad. Checking in on me like they always did after therapy.
“I know you probably don’t wanna hear from me, but needed ya to know... I miss you, babe.” – Unknown Number
“You alright over there?” Noah asked, glancing over at me.
I quickly clicked off the screen. “Yeah, just texting my mom.”
He nodded, appeased with my answer. Focusing back on the road.
I thought about the text message for the rest of the night, not having to guess who it was from.