CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE
Fixing the broken pieces
Nixon
"Trace, look at me."
She moaned and shook her head.
"Trace!" My voice took on a frantic note.
Her eyes finally fluttered open. "Trace, I need to…" Panic rose in my chest. "…I need to know if anything happened if he—" I swore, biting down on my lips to keep the sob in. This shouldn't have happened. I should have been there.
"No." Her voice was scratchy. "You guys came just in time." Her entire body started convulsing.
I snapped at Chase in Sicilian to let her go, that I was going to take over.
He shook his head no.
Frank stood next to me, speaking in the same language. "We shall take care of this now."
"Trace, baby girl, I—" Frank's eyes welled with tears. "I should have done better. I don't know what I would have done if Nixon and Chase—" He swallowed. "I can't lose you. Do you understand? I can't, Trace. You're my life."
Her smile was brave, shaky, but brave. "I'm not going anywhere, Grandpa."
He sighed in relief and stood. "Nixon, would you please stay with her?"
I couldn't hide my shock. What happened to him wanting to kill me?
Frank glanced over at Phoenix. He'd passed out from pain. "I'll have everything ready for your arrival… sir."
He called me sir.
All it had taken was his reason for living — almost dying.
I tried to hide my shock.
"Family sticks together," Frank said, shaking my hand.
"I'll protect this family until I breathe my last breath, to that I swear." My voice shook with meaning.
"I know that now." Frank's nostrils flared. "Tracey, I love you, sweet girl. Please listen to Nixon in my absence. I'll be only a phone call away, but as you can imagine, I have something to take care of."
Two men came into the room and lifted Phoenix into their arms.
"When you're ready." Frank slapped me on the back and walked off.
"Ready?" Trace asked, voice still hoarse from exertion.
I swallowed. "Ready to rub him out." I gave a dark chuckle. "Kill him, when I'm ready to end his life, Trace."
"Oh." Her eyes narrowed, like she was unsure that was the best course of action, but I'd never been more sure of anything in my life.
Trace struggled to her feet. I caught her and motioned for Chase to leave.
He hesitated, damn him.
I tried to remain calm. "Chase, you can go."
"But…" Chase licked his lips, his hands reaching for Trace.
Hell no.
Trace sighed and stepped into Chase's arms. Confused, I could only watch as the girl I loved thanked Chase and said she loved him.
Said the actual words, "I love you."
To my cousin.
My best friend.
With her back turned to me.
Unable to control my emotions, I closed my eyes, pulling from every ounce of strength I had.
"Love you too, Farm Girl." He pulled away and held her chin in his hand. "You call me if you need me, okay?"
She nodded as he walked out of the room.
The minute the door closed, Trace wobbled on her feet.
I picked her up and carried her to the bathroom
"No, please, no I just—" She fought against me.
I gently sat her on one of the wooden benches used for decoration in the bathroom and cupped her face. "Trace, look at me."
She squeezed her eyes shut.
My hurt felt like all the blood was getting drained out of me with a dull knife.
With tears streaming down her face, she opened one eye, then the other.
My eyes pooled with tears as I wiped her cheeks with my thumbs. "Thank God, I don't have experience in this sort of thing, but I figured you'd want to take a bath or shower or something."
She nodded and broke down into more sobs.
"You're beautiful, Trace," I murmured kissing her forehead. "And Phoenix is a monster. You know that, right? What he did — it's unforgiveable, and I promise you, I will make it right."
"By killing him?" she asked in a small voice.
Hell yes. I shook my head. Comfort, she needed comfort, not scary. "It's your call, sweetheart. I don't want to upset you more, but believe me when I say your family and mine won't let this slide without a severe punishment. We don't typically turn people over to the authorities, but if you want him to rot in a hell hole all his life, just say the word. I'll link his accounts to prostitution and a drug ring in five seconds. Hell, I'll frame him for murdering a politician. Just say the word."
She chewed her lower lip. Then, as if deciding that answer was good enough, lifted her arms into the air like she wanted me to help her undress, her facial expression fearful.
I'd die before I let her be afraid of my touch.
Her arms snaked around my neck. "Will you help me?"
I sighed. "Whatever you need. I'm here, Trace."
"You aren't going anywhere?"
"No."
"You aren't going to pretend to like me today and hate me tomorrow?"
"Hell no." My heart shattered. I'd made her doubt; that was all on me, but never again. Never again would she doubt my love. I'd end my own life before I ever made her doubt how much I loved her.
"You aren't going to say you love me and then take it back?" Her voice was thick with tears.
I jerked away from her. "Listen to me, because I don't want you to ever forget this."
Her body swayed a bit in my arms. "Remember what I said about making promises?"
She nodded.
"I promised, Trace. As a man, I promised your grandfather that nothing would happen to you. He believed the longer I was with you the sooner Phoenix would put the pieces together. He already blamed you for everything. If he saw us together…" I swore and looked down for a brief second before meeting her gaze again. "I had to make you believed me. I didn't know what else to do. I thought the day before, when we'd talked— Damn, Tracey, I thought you knew me better than that. I'll protect you until the day I die, even if it means I have to protect you from myself. Because in protecting you from me, I was protecting you from them."
"But you weren't."
"I know that now. And I'm not leaving, but Chase—"
"I love him too." She shrugged as if it really was that simple when I knew— Hell, Chase knew it wasn't. "He was there for me when you weren't."
"Do you love him like you love me?" I asked.
"Who said I loved you?" she fired back.
"You did."
"When?"
"That night when—"
She smirked.
"Glad to see you still have your sense of humor." I rolled my eyes and tried to shrug it off even when my heart was still going, Holy shit, she doesn't love me? "I'll understand if you're not ready. Shit, I don't even know if I'm ready, but Trace, I really want to kiss you."
She nodded. "First a bath. I don't want any part of him on me when you touch me."
I nodded and backed away as she stood in front of me. I gently helped her take off the jacket Chase had covered her up with. The minute the jacket was removed I saw bruising.
First on her stomach.
Then her neck.
Fingerprints.
"Son of a bitch!"
I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Breaking his hands wasn't enough. Not by a long shot. I'm going to cut out his tongue and—"
"Can we not talk about him?"
"Sorry," I muttered, reaching for the spigot. I turned on the water then dumped some of Chase's girly bath-stuff into it.
Suddenly nervous, I rubbed the back of my neck. I slowly turned her away from me, unzipped her skirt and watched it fall to the floor.
I examined her from head to toe, kissing every bruise, vowing to every scar that I'd end Phoenix's life.
When I was finished, I was so upset it was hard to speak. "I'll turn around while you get in. There should be eno
ugh bubbles too cover you up."
"And if there aren't?"
"Then I'll pretend like I can't see," I said through clenched teeth.
She peeled off the rest of her clothes and stepped into the tub. Her foot slid, causing a shriek to erupt from her lips.
I caught her before she collided with the tile.
Her breasts were pressed against my chest.
Worst timing in the world.
I wanted her.
But not after all that trauma. It wouldn't be right.
But I was still a man.
"You okay?" I asked, voice rough.
"Yeah, sorry. It was slippery." Her voice wavered.
I let out a groan and released her into the water, my eyes refusing to leave hers as she sunk beneath the bubbles. "Damn bubbles," I mumbled, taking a seat on the wood bench and running my fingers through my hair.
"You got something against bubbles?"
"Yeah. I do." I pointed at the tub. "They're practically kissing every naked part of your skin while I sit here and watch." I let out a dark laugh. "I had someone rip a nail from my finger once. This…" I swallowed and looked away. "…is so much worse."
"Because of the bubbles?" A smile formed across her lips.
"Yes, because of the damn bubbles. Are you done yet?" I twitched in my seat, damn-near needing to sit on my hands.
"I just got in."
I swore. "Right. Well, can't you… just… be faster?"
"I thought you wanted me to relax? I was just attacked."
I moved so fast I almost tripped and fell into the water. Within seconds, my hands were touching her skin. I dipped the loofa into the water and ran it over her broken body, my breathing so slow I felt like I was going to stop inhaling altogether and just pass out on the spot.
I washed her clean.
Washed him away.
"That feels good." She closed her eyes as my warm hands replaced the loofa and began massaging her neck and shoulders.
"Just so you know," I croaked, my hands still kneading into her flesh. "I've never had to practice so much restraint in all my life."
"It builds character," she mumbled, her eyes flickering open.
My hands froze as my gaze went to her chest. The same bubbles I'd been cursing minutes before had all but disappeared, giving me a perfect view of her breasts, her tight stomach. Shit. I was going to lose my mind. I pressed my lips together to keep from saying something I'd regret and managed not to kiss her.
"Sorry." She moved to cover herself.
"Don't be." I swallowed slowly so I wouldn't choke on the dryness. "Don't you ever apologize for being beautiful — for being perfect. You are…" I moved my hands to tilt her chin. "…exquisite."
She nodded and then burst into sobs.
"Trace." I wrapped my arms around her and lifted her out of the tub. Without speaking, I set her down then grabbed a towel and covered her body. She felt almost weightless as I carried her into one of the bedrooms.
I located a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and handed them to her. When she dropped the towel, I closed my eyes, unable to handle seeing her naked three times in the span of fifteen minutes without doing something.
Wet lips met my cheek.
I opened my eyes and scooped her into my arms. With a grunt, I tucked her into my body, pulled her onto the bed and held her while she cried.
"I won't let anything happen to you. I swear on my life, I'll protect you until the day I die," I whispered hoarsely.
"That's a pretty big promise."
"Well, you're a pretty important person. Important people deserve big promises, and you, Trace? You deserve the world."
She shook her head as if she didn't believe me.
With a curse I tugged her closer. "You deserve the white dress, Trace. And the flowers and the music. You deserve that first dance with your husband. The stars in his eyes when he sees you walking down the aisle. You deserve the castle and the prince. A man who adores you, a family who sacrifices for you, friends who take care of you. Trace — you deserve it, but you have to believe it."
She sniffled. "What if I just want you? What if I just want that one thing?"
"Damn it, Trace, I'm the one that doesn't deserve you. The messed-up part is I know it, but I want you anyway."
"Want?"
"Need," I croaked. "I need you like I need my heart to pump blood through my body, like I need air to breathe, like we need gravity. Hell, Trace, you are my gravity. Being with you makes me feel centered and whole, and I'm too screwed up to convince you to want any different. I'm too selfish to push you into someone else's arms when I know mine may be the worst ones for you to be in."
"But I want…" Her lower lip trembled. She bit down so hard it turned white. "I want you."
My breath hitched, and then my lips found her my neck. She leaned into me. I swore in Sicilian then gently pushed her onto her back. I didn't get on top of her; instead, I stayed by her side and continued raining kisses down her neck.
"Where did he touch you?" I asked.
"Huh?"
"Where?"
She pointed to a spot on her neck.
I kissed it whole again.
She pointed to another area on her arm.
I followed the same tedious process of making sure my kisses healed what his hands had destroyed. I was out to fuse the pieces he'd tried to break up and destroy.
"And here." She pointed to her mouth.
I smiled and then devoured — not kissed — her lips. My mouth covered hers as my tongue slipped past her lips and touched her own.
Her hands circled my neck, pulling me firmer against her.
Damn, but she felt so good, so right. After hesitating, I slowly moved so that I was hovering over her. My hands dove into her hair as I deepened the kiss, tasting her, drinking from her, reassuring myself that she was here, and she was all right. Her tongue flicked my lip ring. With a moan, I forced myself to stay in check.
My hands gripped her face as she arched beneath me.
I knew I needed to stop.
But I didn't want to.
I just wanted her to feel whole.
But I didn't have the right to give that back to her, and she didn't have the right to ask me to.
It wasn't something a person could take from you or something you could willingly give.
"You're killing me, Trace," I groaned against her neck. With another sigh, I pulled back. "And I'm probably going to hate myself later tonight for saying this, but after everything…" I shook my head. "…I can't… I can't—"
Ignoring me, she licked her lips and leaned forward.
"Ah, hell." My mouth crushed hers, our lips molding against one another, eager, hot. My body was on fire for her. With each nip and kiss, I fell a little harder, taking her with me.
Her hands moved to my shirt. I was just about to help her pull it off when a throat cleared.
I jerked away and snapped, "This better be good, Chase, or I'm going to strangle you."
Chase's eyes weren't even on me, but Trace. He looked hurt, disappointed, upset.
He blinked at her as if trying to figure out why she'd be with me and not him then clenched the sides of the doorframe until his knuckles went white.
"I just thought you should know that Mr. Alfero has everything set up and ready. Seems he was a bit over zealous about getting some of the men together. I didn't think you would want Phoenix to die without letting Trace have a crack."
"A crack?" Trace repeated.
"At Phoenix." Chase's smile didn't reach his eyes. "You do want to slap him, don't you? Because if you don't, I sure as hell will. Shit. I'll break both his legs for you."
"How are you?" Chase walked into the room.
I held up my hand for him to stop.
"She's fine," I answered for her. Teeth clenched as I narrowed my gaze on Chase.
"She can answer for herself," Chase argued. "Trace, I—"
I leapt off the bed. "I said she's fine. You aren't needed anymore
. Alright? Text me the address, and we'll be there in a few. I've gotta get her some clothes to put on."
Chase's nostrils flared. "Maybe you should have been thinking about that before you started taking her clothes off."
Bastard! I lunged for Chase's body.
Trace scrambled off the bed. "Guys, stop!"
Chase reached for Trace, but I intervened, tucking her into my arm.
"Sorry, Trace. I'm just… shit. I'm just a little messed up after seeing everything go down today." Chase looked at Trace, his eyes full of questions.
Trace suddenly pulled away from me, not enough for Chase to notice, but enough for me to know. She didn't want Chase to feel bad.
But she wasn't really choosing me.
Not yet.
Fresh raw pain sliced through me.
"Now what?" Trace asked.
"Now…" I sighed. "You decide if he lives or dies. Just know my vote is death."
"And if I want him to get punished but live?"
I didn't respond; instead, I released her and walked toward the door, finally giving her the answer she probably needed, but not one I was sure I could keep. "I'll try to listen."