when I realised that I hadn’t had nearly enough to drink yet because I didn’t even glance down to see how her cleavage looked. Before Rosie, that would have been the first thing I would have done, because when a girl crossed her arms it made her boobs look hot. I forced myself to look at her breasts just so I was behaving more like my old self, but I felt nothing. I didn’t even want to bed this girl, but I had to. I had to move on because I felt sick, I felt physically sick. Wait, I really do feel sick… am I actually going to puke? I pondered it for a few seconds – my head was spinning a little, but it wasn’t too bad. No, I was safe; I wasn’t going to vomit quite yet.
“Sorry, Minnie, it’s my fault. I’ll stop talking about her now, but you need to stop bringing her up too,” I accused, waving for the barman again.
She laughed and raised one questioning eyebrow. “Minnie?”
Ah, fuck it; she noticed my reference to the screechy cartoon mouse. I grasped desperately at something that wasn’t to do with the fact that every time she opened her mouth all the cats in LA sat up and looked around for their next meal.
Suddenly an idea hit me.
“Yeah Minnie, like the little mouse,” I confirmed. “Because you’re so cute I just want to pick you up and put you in my pocket and carry you around all day.” I shrugged, chuckling into my glass, causing whiskey to slop out over the side and onto the bar.
“Aww, that’s kinda sweet. No one’s ever called me that before.” She smiled happily which made me laugh even harder. She smiled seductively. “So, I was thinking… this girl’s hurt you, right?” she asked, stepping closer to me. I resisted the urge to step back away from her, she was in my personal space, and I just wanted to run away and crawl into my bed and sleep off the alcohol that was making my legs a little unsteady.
I scoffed and frowned. Of course Rosie hadn’t hurt me, because that would mean I cared about her, and I didn’t. I didn’t care about her at all. I wondered if maybe I kept repeating the words over and over in my head they would actually start to mean something, instead of just being a jumble of words strung together in a sentence.
When I didn’t say anything, she continued. “How about you come to my place, and I take your mind off her?” She trailed her hand down my chest until she got to my belt buckle. “I could make you forget all about this… Rosie,” she said her name like it was a dirty word and one of her fingers slipped inside the waistband of my jeans as she stepped closer to me, pressing her chest against mine.
Man up, Nate, and do it. Just say yes for fuck’s sake and take the girl home.
“Rosie who?” I whispered, snaking my arm around the blonde’s waist and pulling her closer to me. I pressed my lips to hers, kissing her roughly, as I ran my hand up her back and tangled my fingers into the back of her hair. I wanted to punch myself for noticing that her hair was shorter than Rosie’s and didn’t feel as soft or silky.
It wasn’t working though. I couldn’t get Rosie out of my head. I needed to try harder. A little hard work on my part and then I could forget that the gorgeous little feisty thing ever existed.
When the kiss deepened and my tongue touched hers, I wanted to pull away. She didn’t taste right; all I could taste was alcohol, and she wasn’t even a very good kisser, too much tongue, too desperate.
She pulled away from me after a minute, smiling happily.
“So? Want me to help you think about something else?” she squeaked.
I nodded gratefully. Hell yeah I wanted her to help me think of something else, because the more I drank, the more I wanted to go back to work, grab my rifle and shoot that lucky son of a bitch that was married to my girl.
She grinned and downed the last of her drink before closing her hand over mine and pulling me gently towards the door, giggling like a mouse on speed.
I’ll just do it and then leave, I thought. I didn’t want to spend the whole night with this girl. I wouldn’t be able to cope with her voice in the morning if I had a hangover.
I hailed a cab as she ran her hands down my back, pushing her hands into the back of my jeans. As I stood there, I thought about calling Rosie to see what she had to say for herself. It wasn’t too late for me to push this girl away from me and tell her I’d made a mistake. Could I call Rosie and beg her to see me? Could I just get a cab to her place and beat the shit out of her man? I wondered. Or a text. Maybe I should send her a message. But that idea was instantly dismissed because I had no idea what to write. I just had no words to describe how she’d made me feel, mainly because I barely understood it myself.
I groaned as the girl started kissing down the side of my neck, scratching her nails on the skin of my lower back. It all felt so wrong, but I didn’t know why. I was a free agent. Hell, Rosie and I were never even exclusive, we hadn’t had that conversation at all, but yet it felt a little like I was cheating – which was ridiculous seeing as she was the one that was married!
Anger was making my hands tremble as I closed my eyes. I hated that she was making me feel like this. Why did I have to meet her? Why couldn’t I have listened to Ashton and stayed the hell away from her? My life would be so much easier if I hadn’t, and then I wouldn’t be standing here feeling like someone had just stolen something that could have possibly been the best thing that had ever happened to me.
The thing that pissed me off more than anything else was that I couldn’t even hate Rosie. I wanted to, but I just couldn’t bring myself to.
I looked down at the blonde. She smiled seductively, and I was totally fed up with thinking. Nate the player didn’t think, he acted, so that’s what I’d do. I’d go back to what I knew best. This was me. Screwing girls was the talent that I’d been given, so I’d make the most of it. I bent my head and pressed my lips to hers, ignoring the small part of me that still wanted to run away.
By the time we got back to her place she was all over me. She stripped off her top as soon as we were through her front door, throwing it in my face as she laughed hysterically. I smiled weakly and kissed her as she led us to her bedroom, unbuttoning my shirt as she walked. When we finally reached the bed, she pushed me and made me sit on the edge as she rid me of my shirt. She smiled, biting her lip in appreciation as she moved forward, settling herself on my lap.
“Poor baby’s been so hurt. Want me to kiss that better for you?” she whispered, kissing down my neck and guiding me to lay down on my back. Her hands unfastened my belt as her mouth travelled lower, unbuckling my belt as she kissed lower and lower over my chest and stomach.
I closed my eyes. None of this felt right. What the hell is wrong with me? I haven’t gotten any for three weeks, and this girl is offering it to me on a plate. Get your shit together, Nate! She pushed my jeans down around my hips and her hand closed around my dick. I grunted, gripping my hands into my hair roughly as images of Rosie came to the front of my mind – the way she laughed or the smell of her perfume.
When the girl’s hot mouth started lavishing attention on my dick, trying to wake it up and spur it into action, I gritted my teeth.
Something was wrong with me. Nothing was happening at all. The girl was pretty, half-naked, and sucking on me, yet I was still limp as anything. Deep down, I knew what the problem was. She wasn’t the one I wanted, and I shouldn’t be here.
“Stop. I can’t,” I croaked.
The girl pulled away, looking up at me with a bewildered expression on her face. “You want me to stop?”
I nodded quickly and looked at her apologetically. “I can’t do this. I’m sorry.”
She sat up, frowning. “What? You can’t?” she asked incredulously.
I shook my head and sat up, pushing her off me as I pulled my jeans back up. “I’m sorry, but I shouldn’t be here. I’m…” I didn’t know what I wanted to say, so I just shook my head and left the sentence hanging as I stooped and plucked my shirt from the floor.
As I took a step away from her, her hand closed over mine.
“Nate, that girl’s not worth it. She doesn’t wa
nt you. She’s not going to leave her husband for you after three weeks. Face it, you were just a little something to make her life more exciting for a while. Well screw her, if she doesn’t want you then you should show her that you don’t need her either.”
I flinched. The words hurt even more when they came out of someone else’s mouth. I sighed, sick of thinking, sick of overanalysing, sick of everything.
This girl was right; Rosie didn’t want me so I should just forget about it. This girl could help take the pain away; at least for a little while, and then when it came back I’d just go find another girl to make me feel better. I couldn’t help but wonder how many girls I’d have to sleep with before I stopped comparing them to Rosie.
The blonde crawled to the end of the bed and tugged on my hand, making me move closer to her. “You should show her what she’s missing out on,” she persuaded. “It’s her loss, not yours,” she whispered, pressing her lips to mine again.
A switch flipped inside me as I made up my mind. I wasn’t changing it again tonight. I bent down, looping my arms under her ass as I lifted her to me, crushing her body against mine.
“Well her loss is your gain,” I said confidently, smirking at her.
She giggled, biting her lip excitedly as I reached between our bodies pulling at her clothes desperately; desperate to feel something other than confusion and hurt.
~ Rosie ~
I felt sick; DJ was clearly in pain and I could do nothing about it. I turned to Josh. “What happened?” I snapped accusingly.
He frowned angrily. “Don’t you dare blame me for this. This isn’t my fault! He was jumping on the bed, I’d told him not to do it, but he carried on and then fell off,” he retorted, throwing his hands up in exasperation.
I groaned. DJ did like to jump on beds, and I’d told him time and time again not to do it, I couldn’t really blame Josh for this.
“Okay, sorry.”
His face softened as he looked at me apologetically. “It’s alright. I’m sorry I had to call you away from your date.”
Holy fudgeballs, my date! I turned back to Nate, knowing that he must be wondering what on earth was going on. I hadn’t told him about DJ yet so hearing him call me Momma would have knocked him for six. But as I turned, I noticed that he wasn’t there.
My eyes widened. Had he seen DJ, heard him call me Momma, and then left? The air left my lungs quickly. Of course that would be his reaction. I’d already known that he wouldn’t want anything to do with me once I let slip that I had a son – that was one of the reasons I was delaying in telling him. I liked the attention. I’d never had anyone treat me so nicely and want to be with me like that. Hell, I hadn’t even been on a date with anyone since I split up with Josh three years ago, so I loved the attention and didn’t want it to end.
Deep down I knew it was selfish not to tell him, but all I’d wanted to do was enjoy the company of an extremely hot guy while he looked at me with those bedroom eyes of his. What I hadn’t realised when I’d first agreed to a date, was that I’d start to like him. I’d just thought it would be nice to go out with someone a couple of times, have some fun, and think about something else other than life as a single mother. I never expected to want to see more of him. If I was honest, I never expected him to be as amazing as he is. With him looking the way he did, I didn’t think there would be much else to him other than his cocky, flirty attitude, but I couldn’t have been more wrong.
“Where did he go?” Josh asked, looking over my shoulder.
I shrugged, pretending I wasn’t bothered but, in actual fact, I felt a little sick with disappointment. But my son’s little whimper of pain immediately pushed all thoughts of Nate from my mind.
Six hours later and DJ was finally allowed to leave. He’d fractured his wrist but it wasn’t too bad so, thankfully, they didn’t have to re-set it, just put a plaster cast on for six weeks. They’d given him meds for the pain, so he was currently in a deep sleep in the back of the car.
As we pulled up at my apartment, Josh looked at me apologetically again; he’d been doing that a lot tonight, but for once this wasn’t his fault.
“I’ll carry him upstairs for you,” he mumbled, getting out and going to the back seat, carefully lifting DJ into his arms. I smiled gratefully and headed up to unlock the doors and pull the sheets back on his bed so Josh could put him straight in. I hovered around behind him worriedly. As a mother, the worst thing in the world was seeing your child in pain and knowing you couldn’t help them.
“Thanks, Josh. If you want to come over tomorrow and see him that’s fine, we won’t be going anywhere.”
DJ didn’t see his dad that often because Josh could be a little flaky and cancel on plans at the drop of a hat. I hated having to explain to DJ why Daddy wasn’t coming to get him like he’d promised. The disappointed look on his face always broke my heart a little. Thankfully, since we’d moved to LA, it made it easier for him to see him now that we were closer and he didn’t have to drive for two hours to pick him up. So far, he hadn’t actually cancelled yet.
“Yeah? Okay, cool. I need to bring his weekend stuff over anyway,” he whispered, as he pulled the bedroom door closed quietly.
“Yeah, I’ll need that damn Woody doll back before bedtime tomorrow,” I grimaced. DJ was so into Toy Story it was unreal, actually, anything Disney and he was there with bells on.
Josh headed towards the door. “I’ll go and let you get some sleep.”
Now that he’d mentioned sleep I couldn’t help but yawn, it was past three in the morning already.
“Bye then, and thanks for the ride home.” I yawned, waving, and then locking the door before heading to bed, not even bothering to change out of my clothes.
I expected sleep to come quickly, but it didn’t. Instead, I lay awake for another hour wondering if I’d just lost someone potentially important from my life. I couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if I’d told Nate sooner about DJ. I’d only planned on leaving it for another couple of dates before I told him anyway, at that point he probably would have run away from me as fast as his legs could carry him. I knew that a guy like Nate wouldn’t want anything to do with a single mother, so I’d planned on making the most of being treated like a normal woman for just a few more dates.
I groaned and rolled over, squeezing my eyes shut tight, trying to think of something else so I could fall asleep. In the end, I recited the alphabet backwards until I was so bored I could stay awake no longer.
I woke in the morning to the sound of crying. I jumped out of bed so fast it actually made my head spin as I darted out of my room and into DJ’s. He was sitting up in the bed, sobbing. I sat down and wrapped my arms around him, rocking him gently.
“Okay, Baby? Does it hurt?” I asked, stroking his hair. He shook his head and sniffed loudly. “Then why are you crying?” I asked, feeling sick with worry.
“I left Woody at Daddy’s!” he wailed. I laughed with relief. “He would have been on his owns, and he would’ve been scared without me there all night!” He looked at me with his big teary brown eyes and I couldn’t help but smile at him.
“No, Baby, Daddy was watching him for you. He said he’d let Woody sleep in his bed so he didn’t miss you too much.” I lied, kissing his forehead and smoothing his messy bed hair.
A weak smile twitched at the corners of his mouth as he wiped his tears with his good hand. “Can we go gets him back today?” he asked, pouting pleadingly.
“Daddy’s going to bring him back for you. Come on, let’s get some breakfast.” I lifted him out of the bed and hugged him tightly to my side, carrying him through the apartment and sitting him up at the table ready to eat. He sat there, munching his way through a bowl of cereal, while I just watched him and silently thanked God that he’d broken his arm instead of his neck.
DJ kept glancing at his cast with a small frown on his face. I knew exactly what would cheer him up though. “Hey, Baby, you know what would be really cool?”
&nb
sp; He shook his head looking at me curiously. “No, what?”
“We could ask Auntie Anna to draw on your cast. I bet if you found a really good picture of Woody or Buzz that she’d be able to draw it on there for you. How cool would that be?” I offered, knowing he’d love that idea.
He gasped. “Will she?”
“Yeah, I bet she will. You can call her and ask her later.” I looked up at the clock, wondering if ten a.m. was too early for me to call Nate and apologise.
When DJ was done with his breakfast, I set him in front of the DVD and headed into the kitchen to call Nate. The phone rang for a long time, and finally, just as I was about to give up, he answered. My heart seemed to stop dead. What was I supposed to say? How was I supposed to explain why I hadn’t told him earlier?
“Er, hey, Nate,” I mumbled, squeezing my eyes shut.
“What do you want, Rosie?” he replied, sounding a little gruff, as if I’d woken him.
“I was hoping to be able to explain.”
A bitter, humourless laugh drifted down the line. “Explain what? That you have a son and a boyfriend? Hell, maybe you even have a husband for all I know. So, did you take off the wedding ring when we went out or what?” he asked sarcastically.
I sighed, knowing I deserved his anger.
“I’m really sorry. I should have told you, but I just… I don’t know… it was nice for a little while to have you look at me. I swear I didn’t mean to mislead you or anything, but I liked having your attention. I guess I knew that as soon as you found out about DJ that you’d run a mile. I’m sorry, Nate. I was going to tell you though, I swear. Next week.” I rested my forehead on the table. I