Trin’s face went so pale that for a moment Thrace was afraid she might faint.
“You wouldn’t,” she whispered.
“Oh but I would my dear. Unless you comply with my request.”
“You—” Thrace took a step towards her but the small but deadly muzzle of a mini-destroyer suddenly appeared in Lady Tam-tam’s hand.
“Uh-uh, my dear,” she admonished him. “I know how protective you are of your mistress but believe me, I won’t hesitate to use this. And it’s quite powerful enough to blast a hole through the both of you so don’t think that stepping in front of her will save her.”
“I can’t believe this.” Trin’s voice shook. “You’re actually demanding that one of us penetrate the other? That I break either my promise to Thrace or my deeply held beliefs simply for your entertainment?”
“Well, when you put it like that, it sounds rather mean,” Lady Tam-tam said mildly. “But yes, essentially. I want to see your first penetration—I don’t care which way it goes but it must happen.” She shook a finger at Trin sternly. “And don’t think you can fake it—I can see the most vivid detail here. Either you penetrate your slave or allow him to penetrate you. If you do—and you put on a good show about it—I will buy your crystals for triple what they are worth and send you on your way. If you don’t, however, your mother and all the priestesses who taught you growing up will see your secret shame and know the truth—that you are in love with a male.”
“I…I never…” Trin seemed to be at a loss for words and Thrace didn’t blame her. The choice before them was a grim one.
“Mistress,” he said, taking her by the hand. “Come on. Let’s go talk about this. In private.”
“Yes, do go and talk it over.” Lady Tam-tam smiled languidly. “Take your time, my dears. But don’t take too much time. We only have a few more hours before the feast tonight and I want to see results long before then.”
“How can you do this to us?” Trin asked numbly, looking at her. “What kind of a monster demands such things of her guests?”
Lady Tam-tam frowned. “A very generous monster, my dear. I’m prepared to make you a rich woman if you do as I say.”
“Or break my mother’s heart and bring shame to my entire family if I don’t.” Trin’s voice was shaking and her eyes were filled with helpless rage.
“Yes, or that.” Lady Tam-tam shrugged. “Don’t think too harshly of me, Lady Trin. I’m just a lonely old lady who’s in need of entertainment.” Her eyes hardened. “Now go—you have an hour to get started. After that, I’m sending the entire vid of you and your slave to Zetta Prime.”
She made a motion, dismissing them. Trin looked like she wanted to say something else but Thrace stopped her with a shake of his head. Lady Tam-tam had made up her mind and she clearly wasn’t going to change it. She wanted to see a ‘first’ and she was damn well going to see one or she would ruin Trin’s life.
Can’t let her do that. He led his mistress out of the secret viewing room and back the way they had come. Can’t let her shame Trin in front of all her friends and family. Can’t let her ruin Trin’s professional and personal reputation—it’ll keep her from ever trading again either on Yonnie Six or her home planet.
He had to stop Lady Tam-tam from acting. But he knew couldn’t ask Trin to give up her long-held beliefs and let him penetrate her. Thrace could tell she honestly believed that to accept his shaft and seed within her would damn her soul to the Seven Hells—or whatever Hell the priestesses of the Goddess of Judgment had cooked up. So the penetration had to happen but it wasn’t going to be him penetrating her.
It would have to be the other way around. No matter how painful that might be…
“Say the words—say them, damn you!”
The thrust and push of a thick shaft inside him, invading him, taking him against his will…the rush of shame as his nether entrance was pierced and penetrated…the feeling of his pride and his body being torn at the same time…
No—stop! Don’t think of it! Don’t remember the past—it only makes things worse!
Thrace clenched his hands into fists, trying to force the painful memories back. If only he hadn’t had that dream the night before! It had brought everything he had tried so hard to forget back in vivid, painful detail.
Well, at least Trin didn’t remember the contents of the dream, even though she had shared it. Thrace watched her from the corner of his eye as they made their way back to their suite. If she had remembered the nightmare, this would be so much harder. Not that it wouldn’t be hard enough already…
But as hard as it was, Thrace was determined to do it. He had reached the Crux—he was devoted to Trin—owned by her body and soul. But more even than that, he loved her. Loved her as he had never loved a female in his life—and had never expected to love one.
The Havoc do not bond.
But at least he could do this for her—though he couldn’t tie her to him for life, he could save her reputation and keep her from shame. And he was determined to do it.
Anything for you, Mistress, he thought, looking at her lovely, troubled profile. Anything—even this.
Even this.
Chapter Twenty-six
“We can’t do this,” Trin said, as soon as they got back into their room. “We can’t. I can’t.”
“Yes, you can.” Thrace went to the sleeping platform and got the double-ended heart’s blood phallus. “You have to.”
The implications of what he was saying suddenly sank in and Trin looked at him, wide-eyed.
“Thrace…you don’t mean…?”
“Yes.” He looked at her sternly. “I know you can’t be penetrated yourself, Mistress—I wouldn’t ask it of you. But you can…” He took a deep breath, as though trying to calm himself. “You can penetrate me. It must be done.”
“No!” Trin exclaimed, backing up a step. “I don’t want to…to do that to you! I know how you feel about it—you don’t want it!”
“No, I don’t,” Thrace said softly. “But I do want what’s best for you and this is it. So come on, Mistress—let me help you on with your equipment.”
He knelt between her legs but Trin pushed him away.
“You can’t be serious! You told me this would make you feel less of a male—subjugated…dominated. I know you well enough to know that you’re proud—as proud as I am. You don’t want to submit to this, Thrace.”
“I’d rather submit to you than see your professional reputation ruined! Than see you never be able to trade again, either here on Yonnie Six or on your home planet.” He sighed and raked a hand through his hair. “I’d rather do this than let you be shamed in front of your mother.”
Trin crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes.
“What do you know or care about my mother?”
“I know that you care about her and you care what she thinks of you. Look, Trin…” He rose to his feet, the heart’s blood phallus still held loosely in one hand. “I have no parents left—my Sire was killed when I was only sixteen cycles old. But you do—you have your mother. You shouldn’t be shamed in front of the one whose good opinion matters to you most.”
What he was saying made sense but somehow Trin wasn’t listening to it. Sixteen cycles old. His father was killed when he was only sixteen cycles old… Why did that detail bother her so much? For an instant she seemed to see an older male Havoc—one that looked remarkably like Thrace—being shot with a blaster. A huge, bloody hole opened in his chest…he fell to his knees…somewhere a familiar voice cried out in shock and pain…
Then the image was gone. But it left Trin shaken. So shaken she couldn’t stand and had to go sit on the edge of the sleeping platform. To her dismay, Thrace followed her.
“Please, Thrace,” she said, putting her head in her hands. “I can’t…can’t do that. So don’t ask me any more.”
“What else are you going to do?” he asked harshly. “How else are we going to get out of this with your reputation intact? How else are you g
oing to pay off your ship? There is no other option—I know without asking that letting me penetrate you is out of the question.”
“I…” Trin bit her lip, the blood rushing to her face. “You know…how I feel about that.”
“Yeah, I know.” His deep voice was bitter. “I know better than you do—you’re of two minds about it.”
“What do you mean?” She looked at him, deeply troubled.
“I mean your body wants it desperately—your scent tells me so.” He inhaled deeply, his eyes going half-lidded with desire again. “You’re hot for it, baby. But your beliefs…they won’t let you give in to your physical needs.” He sighed. “And I would never ask you to abandon those beliefs. Not for me or anyone.”
“What about you?” Trin asked desperately. “What about your beliefs?”
He shrugged, his broad shoulders rolling with the motion.
“Don’t have any particular beliefs about letting someone fuck me,” he said bluntly. “I don’t like the idea but that’s not the same as thinking I’ll be cursed to the Seven Hells or wherever it is that damn judgmental goddess of yours sends you if you let a male’s shaft inside you.”
“But…I don’t even know how to go about it,” Trin whispered. She could feel her resolve weakening which she knew was wrong. But Thrace was right—what else could they do?
You could let him penetrate you, whispered a little voice in her head. No one would ever have to know…
I would know, Trin told the little voice fiercely. And the Goddess would know. I would never be able to take it back…never be able to atone for it. Letting him do that to me—no matter how much I want it—would stain my soul forever. I would never be free of that sin…never be forgiven for it. No matter how close I may have come to it or how much I care for Thrace, that is one line I cannot, I must not cross.
“Mistress…” Thrace was on his knees before her again and somehow he was raising her skirts and spreading her legs. “Let me help you put on the phallus. We’ll go step by step…you can do this.” He took a deep breath. “And I can too. It’s the only way.”
“I don’t know…” Trin began but he was already licking her, dragging his hot tongue in long, slow strokes over her heated pussy, making her moan with need. Before she knew it, he was fitting the heart’s blood phallus to her entrance and entering her slowly and gently, seating the thick shaft firmly inside her pussy.
“That’s right, Mistress,” he growled softly as the head of the phallus kissed the back of her tight channel. “That’s right, take it all in…so that you can take me.”
“Ah! Goddess!” Trin moaned, bucking her hips up to meet the thrust of the phallus. If it was so wrong to allow anything inside her here, in this most secret spot, why did it feel so Goddess-damned good? She had no answers. And before she could think of any, Thrace was pressing a small, cool cylinder into the palm of her hand. Trin looked down at it uncertainly. “What—?”
“To prepare me.” Thrace’s voice was a low growl and his silver-blue eyes were troubled but he seemed absolutely sure about this all the same. “Unless you’d rather I did it myself?”
“Oh…oh, no. No, of course not.” Trin suddenly understood. With trembling hands, she unscrewed the lid of the small container and squeezed something cool and slippery out into her fingers.
Thrace was already kneeling at the side of the bed but now he removed the black silk loincloth which had covered the front and back of his crotchless black leather trousers. Folding his arms on the top of the bed, he spread his legs, giving her access to his tight, muscular ass. Then he looked back at Trin.
“Go on—do it.”
“All…all right.”
Awkwardly she knelt beside him, excruciatingly aware of the way the heart’s blood phallus felt moving inside her as she did so. The other end of the phallus—the golden rod carved with elaborate, flowing script and characters, stuck out in front of her strangely. Was she really going to use this on Thrace? Was she really going to take him this way?
What else could she do?
Reaching between his spread thighs, she found the small, tight opening. He was clenched as tight as a fist and for a moment Trin wished she had the same ability he did to loosen and relax tense flesh. But she had not been born Havoc with such innate skills—the slippery substance and her own slender fingers would have to do.
Slowly, her hands trembling, she tried to massage the lube into his entrance. Thrace said nothing. He only buried his face in his muscular arms and took deep, gulping breaths as Trin penetrated him first with one fingertip…and then two. How widely would he need to be stretched to take the golden end of the heart’s blood phallus? And would she really be able to help prepare him? She had been working on him for a good while now and he still seemed as tight as he’d been to begin with.
“I’m sorry,” she said at last. “I…I guess I need more of this stuff.” She reached for the small tube again but Thrace surprised her by turning and grasping her wrist.
“Stop.” His voice was hoarse, a deep, jagged growl.
“Oh. Of course I’ll stop. We don’t have to—”
“No, I mean stop trying to prepare me. This…” he gestured to himself with the other hand. “This is as prepared as I’m going to get. I can’t loosen up for you. I can’t relax. All I can do is take it. So go on, Mistress—give it to me.”
“Thrace…” Trin cupped his cheek with her free hand. “Goddess, you’re shaking.”
He shook his head. “It’s nothing. Just nerves. Do it. Please just do it and get it over with, Master—I mean, Mistress.”
Trin frowned at his slip.
“Thrace, what’s going on? Is there something you’re not telling me?”
“Nothing.” But his eyes slid to the side and wouldn’t meet hers when he said it.
Trin regarded him uneasily. The Havoc was so big—so massive and powerful. He was so much taller than her—his shoulders were fully twice as broad as hers and he probably weighed three times as much as she did, all of it solid muscle. And yet here he was, humbling himself before her, giving himself freely. But somehow she sensed it was more than just his pride he was going to be losing if she went through with this.
“Thrace,” she said uncertainly. “I don’t want to do this if…if it’s going to hurt you.”
“That doesn’t matter. Nothing matters now but doing it and getting it over with.”
“This is an intimacy,” Trin objected. “One that neither one of us would have chosen, maybe, but still an intimacy. I won’t let it become a rape.”
Thrace flinched, his eyes narrowing.
“It won’t be rape. I’m willing, I tell you.”
“Your body tells another story,” Trin objected. “A much different one Look how tense you are—how tight. You remind me of my stallion, Swift when he’s scented something that frightens him.”
“Not your fucking pet,” he growled. “Not some stupid animal that doesn’t know better. That’s not why I’m doing this.”
She frowned. “Why are you doing it then? Is it because of what you told me earlier? That your body is attuned to me? That I’ve somehow…broken your barriers? I don’t want to do this to you because you feel you have to let me—because you’re under some kind of…of chemical or hormonal spell or—”
“It’s nothing like that,” he interrupted. “It’s true I’ve reached the Crux—the point of no return when it comes to you. But that’s not why I’m doing this. I’m doing this because I lo—” He broke off abruptly, shaking his head. “Never mind. You wouldn’t understand.”
“I might.” Trin’s heart was beating hard. “Try me, Thrace. Tell me…what you were going to say.”
But he only shook his head. “Look, all you have to know is that I’m devoted to you. Didn’t I tell you I’d hold nothing back?” He lifted his chin. “A Havoc always keeps his word. This is me, baby, holding nothing back.”
“Thrace…”
“Listen to me.” He caught both her hands in
his and faced her, looking earnestly into her eyes. “Mistress,” he said gravely, “I submit to you and offer my neck for your collar. I will serve you until I die or until you set me free.”
Trin bit her lip. Those words…the words… Why did they echo in her head like the tolling of a great bell? Why did they make her feel so uneasy?
Say it! Say the words, boy! Say them, damn you!
But Thrace wasn’t done yet. Still looking into her eyes, he continued softly.
“I will belong to you body and soul. I will protect you with my life, shield you from harm in times of danger, and pleasure you in times of peace. To the last drop of my blood, I…am…yours.”
Say the words! Say them!
Suddenly his face flickered before her eyes and Trin saw something else—someone else. Another Thrace—a younger Thrace—looked out at her. He was bound by his wrists and ankles, chained up beyond hope of escape. And there was a male—an older male with graying hair and a paunch standing behind him…hurting him…forcing him…
“No!” Trin sat back with a gasp as everything suddenly came rushing back. The dream…the nightmare…only it had been no nightmare. It had been a memory—reality!
“Trin? Mistress?” Thrace was looking at her with concern.
“That dream I had last night.” Trin knew her voice sounded accusing but she couldn’t help it. “It was about you. You and what happened to you in the past. Your father…murdered. And you were bought by some horrible old male…with graying hair and purple robes. He beat you and tied you up and…and…” But she couldn’t continue. She could only shake her head and stare at him. “It was real, wasn’t it?” she whispered. “All of it was real. You really were a slave.”
“Yes, it was real.” Thrace sat back scowling. “My Sire and I were taken when I was only sixteen cycles old—caught unaware by slavers. We were taken to the Flesh Bazaar. My Sire was killed but no one cared—doubtless none of the Masters or Mistresses there thought they could handle a full grown Havoc. A half grown one, though…now that was a different story.”
He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face, pinching the bridge of his nose as though trying to drive back a headache.