„A lot," he said. As if somehow I knew exactly what he was going to say and this was the answer. „You know – I should tell you. When you and I have kissed before, it"s been different." His hands kept moving over me and I was struggling to remain upright let alone focus on the words.
This was too much multi-tasking.
„Except for that time on your birthday, I don"t count any of the other kisses. I mean we"ve already established that healing kisses don"t count, right?" he asked, the edges of his mouth turning up. I needed to turn the air con on.
„Uh-huh," was all I could manage.
„Uh-huh," he mimicked, but much lower. Much sexier.
Bloody hell, he was enjoying this.
„And then there was earlier, but that doesn"t real y count either. I wasn"t myself and I think that kiss should be written off as, warm-up. That okay with you?" His smile increased ever so slightly.
„Ah-hem," I think I mumbled.
„Good. And when I real y think back to it that kiss on your birthday was … amazing but we did get cut short didn"t we?" His fingers moved down my neck and along my collarbone.
I nodded. Mumbling now beyond me.
„So unless you have an injury that I don"t know about, if I was to kiss you now, in some ways it would be our first real kiss."
I stopped breathing.
„Do you, have any …" his lips were barely moving as they got closer and closer to mine.
Pull it together Vi, you"re shaking!
„… injuries that need healing, Violet?" His lips grazed mine as they spoke my name.
I didn"t answer, but – thank the heavens – he didn"t wait. His lips, delicious as ever, found safe landing on mine and the second they did, my frozen state melted in the absolute steaminess between us.
I don"t know how much time passed. It felt moment. But somehow my legs had found their way around Lincoln"s waist and my back was against the wall. For once, neither one of us pulled away. Even when we smashed into the bookshelf and it cracked in two. If anything, it made the whole thing better.
Our powers found their way to each other. We didn"t ask it of them, it just happened. a natural progression and yet more confirmation that this what was meant to be. And somehow through it all, my soul found his and they reached for one another like fingers stretching desperately, almost – but not quite – touching.
My breathing quickened, as did his. We both pulled back at the same time. „We should …"
„Stop," I finished for him.
„Yeah," he said, heavily.
We both knew that a few seconds more and clothing would be coming off.
And the problem is?
But then I remember. There was a problem. I straightened my top and moved to the far side of the room.
„Griffin will be waiting for us," I said.
„That"s true," he said, cocking an eyebrow at the distance I"d just put between us.
I started for the door, trying to steady my wobbly legs as I dodged the piles of books that had fallen to the ground.
„Ermina is not going to be happy with you," he said, not trying to stop the chuckle that followed.
Like I give a damn!
All more dilemmas aside, that was the most amazing kiss I"d ever had.
-
Lincoln and I sat on the sofa in Griffin"s room while he asked me a mil ion questions about Phoenix.
I told him most of everything and avoided anything that could lead to me having to admit that I"d let Phoenix bleed emotion into me. I told him how I"d followed the senses to the opening behind one of the waterfalls – how Phoenix had said he"d been waiting for us to arrive. How he had admitted he"d been responsible for sending Lincoln after Nahilius.
„But I don"t understand. Magda told you she found out about Nahilius while she was away," Griffin said to Lincoln, seeming more interested in this than anything else.
„Yeah. Phoenix probably arranged that, too," Lincoln said, brushing it off. „And it almost worked. If Violet hadn"t made it to me in time I would have done something I just …" his tone dropped. „Something I couldn"t have lived with."
Griffin shook his head as he paced the room, confused. Anxious.
„Violet, there"s something you"re not telling us. I"m sorry, normally I try not to pry into people"s lives, but right now I cannot afford to be tactful. You"re not giving the entire truth."
There was only one way around Griffin"s ability. You had to believe what you were saying.
It was the flaw in his strength – he could see truth from a person, so if they didn"t believe in what they were saying it was clear to him, but if they believed in it, even if they were wrong, he was fooled.
„Griffin, the truth is I … I don"t know if I can …" I dropped my head, embarrassed to cry over Phoenix.
Lincoln tried to console me even though it must have been hard for him. „It"s okay, Vi. Did you think we all expected you to return Phoenix? It"s not a possibility at the moment, anyway. Not until we can break his connection with you."
I pushed aside the thought that baited me, fear that there were some connections that may never be broken.
„Lincoln"s right. If we fight tomorrow, we wil find a way to stop him without returning him,"
Griffin said.
I kept my head down and nodded. I held on to the truth in my words rather than my lies by omission and I didn"t risk looking at Griffin. I tried not to let my thoughts drift – whether it was about the connection or not, could I really stand by and let him be returned?
„So," Griffin said, changing tone and sounding uncomfortable. „You two …"
Lincoln stood and I followed. It was definitely a good time to exit.
„The subject of we two is not open for discussion right now."
„Right, then your choice is made," Griffin said, sounding worried, even defeated. Good to see he was so thrilled by the idea of us actually being happy.
„Either way, Griffin – we"re not currently inviting outside opinions!" Lincoln called out as we continued walking into the hall.
„5 am tomorrow!" Griffin yelled after us.
Lincoln walked me to my room but didn"t come in.
„I think it"d be best if I …"
„Went back to your own room," I said, smiling.
„You need to sleep," he said.
I was exhausted. „You too."
„Anyway, Ermina probably patrols the hal s at night." He was so right. As much as I wanted him to come in I knew if he did he wouldn"t be leaving and, apart from already having one broken bookshelf to explain, I wasn"t sure that I could be trusted.
He kissed me lightly on the cheek and then pulled me close. „I love you, Violet Eden."
My mouth wasn"t dry now and I knew exactly what I wanted to say.
I prayed to God – prayed in that moment, desperately, that there might be a God and that that God might be listening and willing to do one thing for me that would actually reflect well on him.
Please, please, please, let there be enough of my soul left to give.
As, once again, the fear that I gave up something very vital in that desert plagued me.
„Heart and soul," I whispered.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
„ I tell you the truth, you shall see heaven open, and the angels of God ascending on the Son of Man."
John 1:51
By six o"clock the next morning, we were back in Madaba"s city centre and there was only one thing on my mind. Coffee.
You"d think I would have already had several, I"d been up since dawn, but Ermina doesn"t believe in it and looked at me like I was the devil"s progeny when I told her that every hotel needed a seriously large espresso machine.
Lincoln had dragged me onto the minibus, promising he"d find me coffee as soon as we reached the city. But we"d been there twenty minutes and I was still caffeine-free – not a state that agreed with me. The last thing I needed was another one of my addictions dangled in front of me, while I endured a killer heada
che from the withdrawals.
Finally Salvatore, who shared my love of coffee, found a little café – if you could call it that. Anyway, it served coffee. While Zoe, Magda and Nyla walked down the street with Azeem to wait for his local Grigori, Salvatore and I ducked into „Ayola."
We were given a choice – Turkish coffee or Nescafe. Salvatore had to snap me out of my stunned state. He ordered Turkish coffees for both of us since they were short and fast.
Griffin and Rudyard hadn"t looked impressed by out detour so he figured they"d be the best option. They just didn"t understand that I couldn"t function without a hit.
The coffee was disgusting. It tasted gritty and bitter with a very strong flavour of cardamom. But I was dedicated to the cause and desperate for my headache to go away so I closed my eyes and downed it. Salvatore, who couldn"t manage and left his coffee untouched, gave me a nod of respect. I suppose it takes an Italian to understand that kind of dedication to the beam.
When we walked out of the coffee shop, I felt something shift. A distinctive alteration. The air was thinner, the gravity unstable. I slowed, struggling to understand the change.
Salvatore went on, none the wiser. My senses were everywhere. I half expected to look around and be surrounded by exiles.
„Linc!" I called out.
He only had time to spin around and face me before he stalled.
Everything stalled.
A kind of amplified noiselessness surrounded me that reminded me of putting a seashell to my ear. My heavy, frantic breathing echoed like a tornado. I felt hurt each time my stomach rose up into my chest and plummeted back down to my gut.
Not good.
„Lincoln!" I yelled again, but it was futile.
No one else reacted when the sands started to roll in. I wondered if I was losing my mind, if somehow the memories of my time in the desert had driven me completely insane.
I watched, unable to walk or run, though I wasn"t sure if the inability was enforced by another or just human nature. The dust storm settled and cleared my view to a man who had not been standing in front of me a moment before.
I fought for feeling in my legs, I needed to be sure I could move them if it came to a fight.
The thing about angels is, you just never know. Especially, I suspected, when it came to this one.
„Hello, Nox," I said.
„Hello, Violet," he said, keeping a clear distance from me.
I knew it wasn"t that he was scared of me, more that I repulsed him somehow.
„You have been busy since we last met. Are you enjoying your new path?"
I remembered how he had asked me about Phoenix when I"d embraced. „You knew this would happen. You knew that Phoenix would turn on me, didn"t you?" I responded, suddenly angry that angels had the power to play these games, that they seemed to enjoy manipulating humans like pawns on a chessboard.
He raised his chin, before adjusting his silver cufflinks. His suit was different from the one he"d worn last time. This one was more like a tuxedo, with tapered shiny seams. His shoulder-length, sandy-blond hair was slicked back.
„I did not put any if it into effect, if that is what you are suggesting."
„Right, like I believe that!" I wanted to call out to Lincoln again. It was sickening to know he was so close and yet so far.
„Do you think it matters what you believe? Do you think it could change the reasoning or fact of any situation? I have presented many paths to you Violet, I will present many more. I do not find value in lying to you."
„Why didn"t you tell me about Phoenix?"
He ran a hand over his jawline, the way men do after they"ve shaved. He just seemed intrigued. „You discovered it at the right time, in the right way – that is all you need to know."
„Great." I"d forgotten how annoying my angel guides were." Where are we, anyway?" I asked, looking around. I could still see Lincoln, maybe ten metres away, and Salvatore nearby, but they were completely unaware of me. Nox wasn"t exactly here either. When I looked closely, his feet, still in those patent-leather black shoes, were in the sand of his desert. He was here but not at the same time and behind him, something was moving. Clear swirls of something indefinable, almost translucent, that blurred like drifting sunspots.
„We are exactly where we were a moment ago."
„Nox. How are we talking to each other and why can"t anyone else see us?"
„Realms are just layers. There are many layers, any one layer is at any time close to another. Right now your realm and my realm are like a pair of fragile curtains blowing in the breeze through an open window, moving just enough that at one point they touch."
„Our realms are overlapping," I said, trying to understand.
„Very good. For a time, in this place, the realms are touching."
„You can do that?"
„It is not without difficulties, and I had to pay a price," he said, now unhappy. Why Nox had bothered to pay anything in order to see me made me very nervous.
„Why can no one else see?" I asked as I silently wil ed Lincoln to find me.
„Time has been altered. It would not be good if everyone else could see these things. I can see them because I am a guide, linked to both realities as much as any angel – elect or malign – is now permitted."
„And me?"
He nodded, showing some vague form of fascination. „I admit, I did not know if you would be able to see me. It is part of the reason for my journey."
„So it was a test?"
„Yes. And no."
„Why? I thought you guys knew everything."
„We do," he said, shortly.
„Everything but that which comes from above you," I said, remembering what Griffin had explained to me once before.
„How"s your conscience, Violet?" Nox sneered, now angry.
„Why did you come here?" I retorted quickly, knowing to stand my ground. I hadn"t meant to anger him but now that I had, decided it would be a bad idea to back down.
Nox tilted his head to the side, examining me, but also looking beyond, momentarily, to the city and its people. He was acutely aware of his surroundings, though he didn"t want to show it. He was fascinated by humanity. No, he was enthralled by possessions. „I have a question and a message."
„Let me guess, question first."
He smiled. „Are you ready to take his life?"
I wet my lips, unnerved to once again be in a desert with angel of dark. „I thought I would only be returning him? If I kil Phoenix"s physical form his spirit stil goes back to the angel realm, doesn"t it?"
„Little girl, I am not asking you about your exile. I am asking about the one who mirrors your soul?"
I gasped. „It"s true, then, we are soulmates?"
„You didn"t need me to tel you that. Now give me my answer, we are running out of time."
„But I don"t understand. I … I would never hurt Lincoln."
„And yet, your decision says you would. Darkness and lessons lie ahead – I will be watching closely to see where that wil of yours takes you."
„That"s it?"
„Yes."
„Well, where"s Uri? Is he here, too?" I asked, not sure if I wanted him to be or not.
„In his way. He sent the message. He is anchoring the realms so that I can move between." He smiled deliberately. „We tossed a coin. He lost." Nox looked disdainful for a moment and I thought he wouldn"t tell me what Uri"s message was, but then he spoke. „I am supposed to remind you of his words about surrender. Goodbye."
I couldn"t remember what they were.
The sands picked up again and I knew only had seconds. „Nox! Wait! I need to know what happened that day, that night, in the desert! Please!"
I heard him laugh but that was all.
The world around me started moving. Lincoln rushed towards me, „What? Is it the senses? I can"t feel anything." He was looking around on full alert.
I couldn"t answer him. I couldn"t do anything. The angel realm or whate
ver it was, the desert that the guides came from, had just overlapped with my reality. I didn"t know if I would ever have the same feeling of gravity after experiencing the strange sensation of being in two places and yet neither at the same time.
„Violet!" Lincoln said, shaking my shoulders. „Snap out of it!"
I blinked. „Sorry." I was about to tell him what had happened. was about to explain how he"d just stopped, how time had stopped, when a familiar feeling came over me. This time it wasn"t only me.
„Violet. I can sense it, there"s an exile here."
I nodded. „It"s the same on I sensed when we arrived." I was speaking on autopilot. I knew I should be onto it, but all I could think about was Nox, how I"d just missed my chance to find out. I wanted to scream. No, I wanted to hit someone.
My eyes darted everywhere, but all I could see was a man in a dirty brown robe walking down the other side of the street. When he was opposite us, he turned towards us and stopped. I waited for him to look up. He didn"t
In the blink of an eye, he was gone. „Did he just disappear?" I asked, letting my frustration get the better of me. „Jesus."
„No, but just as old." I spun around. Rudyard had come up beside me. To say he looked pale didn"t cover it.
„You sensed him?" I asked.
„We all did and you were right, Violet, he is very old indeed. And he is very, very powerful."
„What is he? He didn"t feel like a normal exiled – something was off," Lincoln said.
„I have no idea. We are in an ancient place. There are things here we cannot begin to comprehend," Rudyard said.
„Yeah, well, no offence but the sooner we get out of here the better. I"ve had it with being everyone"s play-thing," I said, running my hands through my hair and starting to put up my wal s. Lincoln looked at me, a question in his eyes. He knew he"d missed something.
With everything that had been happening, I"d been letting everyone down more and more
– new friends, people to confide in, Lincoln, it was all making me lax and that just wasn"t good enough.
Things were pushing at the edges, scary things were playing games with me and I was letting it all spiral out of control. Something had to give.