Janus thought about it as he looked out at the soundless dawn. He realized his values were different from society’s values. Results weren’t inconsequential to him. Results mattered to him. His perfect capture record mattered. It mattered because it kept his sanity intact. It mattered because it kept him from going crazy in this mundane world of unremitting sameness, sameness, sameness.
He tried to imagine what his life would be like if he didn’t have a perfect capture record. It was impossible to imagine. He’d have no place in the world. No purpose. He’d be just like everyone else. Just another brick in the wall.
Now he opened the window a few inches and put his hand outside and rubbed one of the bricks. He pictured the thousands of other bricks out there, each one part of the whole, each one existing for the building, not a single brick existing for itself.
Janus shivered in the cold air. He closed the window and then stood staring out at the darkness. He now realized his line of thinking was selfish. His thoughts of vanity were wrong. He knew it. Knew it but didn’t feel it. What he felt was something else, something true, something right.
Staring out at the darkness, Janus was beginning to see the light, realizing he could make a change in his life. He could become a better person, a happier person, with a new purpose in life. A more meaningful purpose. One that could sustain him for the rest of his life. His new purpose? Diana’s freedom.
Something inside Janus had changed. He wasn’t sure how or when the change had come, but he knew there was no going back.
Now he rubbed his chin with the back of his hand. He told himself, Okay, you lie to Sheriff Aurora. You tell her you never found Diana. Make it convincing. You already know how she’ll react. She’ll just shrug and give you a new assignment. Then she’ll assign another Sheriff to capture Diana. Chances are, no Sheriff will ever capture Diana. She’s too cunning for the average Sheriff. Way too cunning. She’ll have her freedom.
Now Janus inhaled through his nose, slow, and then exhaled. Looking out the window, he pursed his lips and began to roll the Equalizer between his forefinger and thumb again. He knew his actions could lead to his own death. He’d be euthanized if they caught him lying about never finding Diana. He thought about that now. He thought about dying. He thought, To end it all—not a bad thing. The thought soothed him. Like vodka always did.
His decision was made. Diana would have her freedom. Even if Janus had to die for it.
Staring out at the twinkling stars, he felt relaxed now, peaceful in the dawn solitude. After a while he looked over his shoulder at the fireplace. Flames blazing inside. He ambled over to the glowing orange light. He stared into the flames for a moment. Then he threw the Equalizer into the roaring fire.
AUTHOR INFO
You finished Equal Part 1. Now what?
Part 2 is available for purchase.
So is Part 3.
So is the full saga.
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