Chapter Twenty
8:45p.m.
The only way it will take me fifteen minutes to walk to the park is if I decide to do an impression of a snail on the way there, but I can’t stand to wait any longer. The last thing I want is for Tanner to show up first and think I’m not coming. He probably already thinks I’m a little weird. Kicking my blanket off, I creep over to the window.
I can hear the faint sounds of the television playing the living room. Hopefully they will stay there and not try to come in and cheer me up. Forcing the window open for the first time since moving in, I remove the screen quietly and stick my head out into the cool night air. The smell of lilacs fills the night air, reminding me of standing on the porch with Tanner yesterday. The scent makes me smile despite the gloom hanging over me.
Pulling my head back in, I stick my leg out instead and climb through to the soft grass below. My sneakers are a little damp by the time I make it to the gate thanks to the sprinklers that were on a few minutes earlier, but everything seems just as quiet as before so I unlatch the gate and slip through.
The house next door to us is quiet and dark. I heard my mom mention that an elderly woman lives there, so I’m not too surprised that there is no one awake. I pass by her carefully pruned yellow rose bushes. The aroma of the blooms radiates over the sidewalk. Normally, I like the smell of roses, but scents from the dreams creep into the air somehow, distorting the sweet smell and souring my stomach. My steps quicken as I hold my breath. When the roses are behind me the strange dream scents disappear and I am able to breathe again. I continue down the sidewalk quickly. The lights are blazing in the next house, but I hurry by and round the fence to the park.
I step off the sidewalk and catch movement at the back of the park. My heart stops, and so do my feet. The figure quickly steps into the spreading light of the street lamp. Tanner’s features light up under the pale light and I can see his nervous smile.
“Hey,” he says.
“Hey, you’re early.” My relief has me shaking almost as badly as my fear had. I try to shake it off as I step toward him.
“I, uh, didn’t want you to get worried I wasn’t coming, so I came a little early,” Tanner says.
“How long have you been here?” I ask. If the sprinklers in the back yard hadn’t turned on, I probably would have been here twenty minutes ago.
“Just about ten minutes or so,” he says. His sheepish smile draws me in closer. “Besides, I really wanted to see you again anyway.”
“Me too. Seeing you that is, not me.” Now I am blushing from his compliment and my bumbling speech. Of course that’s what I meant. I didn’t need to explain it. Tanner just smiles and offers me his hand. I take it and let him lead me over to an old wooden bench at the edge of the light.
“Do you think I’m a total weirdo for asking you to meet me here?” I question him.
Tanner looks over at me, surprised. “What? No, of course not.”
“Really? I’d probably be freaked out if it was you who asked me.”
The sound of Tanner’s laugh filling the night makes me blush. “Well, at least you’re honest.” He slips his arm around my shoulders. “I supposed you’re right, though. It would be different if a guy was trying to get you to sneak out at night and meet him. I’m sure you’d think I was trying to seduce you, or something worse.”
“You aren’t afraid I’m trying to seduce you?” I tease.
Tanner laughs again. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
His words are enough to turn me crimson, but the heat smoldering in his eyes steals away my ability to think or breathe. I can’t seem to move when his fingers come up to brush softly against my cheek. The slow turn of his lips up to a smile nearly sends me over the edge. I came here with my head so full of despair and fear, but now the only thought I can hold onto is that I desperately want Tanner to kiss me.
Startling me, Tanner’s hand drifts down from my cheek and takes my hand. The motion finally allows me to breathe again. Tanner looks down at our hands, his gaze lingering a moment before turning back to me. “In all seriousness, though,” he says quietly, “I figured you had more important things on your mind right now anyway. Whatever you want to talk about, I’m here, Arra.”
For a while, we just sit quietly. I lean my head against his shoulder, reveling in how good it feels to be near him. I asked him to come because I needed to talk, but I want a few moments to ignore everything and just pretend. With Tanner, I can convince myself tomorrow will just be another day. Tanner doesn’t push me to say anything. He seems content to let me get to what’s troubling me when I’m ready. I am thankful for that. When he does finally speak again it’s just an innocent question that hits the wrong nerve.
“So, are you excited for the bonfire on Saturday?”
Tears well up in my eyes and I just can’t hold it in any longer. I start crying right there on the bench when all I wanted to do was forget everything for a while. Tanner’s face freezes in confusion, but his arms instantly come up around my shoulders and pull me into a hug I desperately need.
“Arra, are you okay? What did I say?” he asks. “I’m so sorry.”
I want to respond, but I can’t stop crying. He is never going to want to speak to me again. But after tomorrow, even that won’t matter. That thought does not help me stop crying. Gentle fingers reach up and brush my tears away. His hands smooth my hair out of my face and he tells me it will be okay over and over again.
Not sure how long I have been crying, I can only take deep cleansing breaths when the tears finally stop. “Tanner, I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what you must think about me right now,” I say. I keep my head down, waiting for him to jump up and run.
“I’m thinking that you’re having a really hard time right now, that’s all,” he says. “And I don’t know if I can help, but I’ll do my best if you’ll let me.”
Tanner can’t possibly be so nice. I want to reach up and kiss his concerned lips until he forgets the last few minutes, but I resist that urge. I asked him here to talk and he certainly deserves an explanation. Finding the words to begin proves more difficult than I expect.
“Arra,” Tanner says quietly. He pushes my chin up to look at him. “Is everything okay at home? I know the move has been hard, but last night when you talk about your family you got upset. And when I took you home, you didn’t seem to want to go in. If something is going on at home, you can tell me. Will figure out who to go to for help.”
My eyes widen as I realize what Tanner is saying. I shake my head in disbelief, feeling terrible that I’ve given him the wrong impression of my family. “Tanner, it’s nothing like that, I promise. My mom and dad have never mistreated me. Last night, I just didn’t want to leave you. It wasn’t about being scared to go home at all.”
“Really?” he asks, obviously not convinced.
“I promise. My mom and dad are great. This has nothing to do with them.”
“Then what does it have to do with?” he asks.
I know that what is really happening to me sounds absolutely insane. I hesitate actually telling him, but if I don’t, he might go on thinking my parents are abusing me. I don’t want him to look at me like I have completely lost it, but I know I need to. Oh well, I think, chances are I won’t be around for him to laugh at anyway.
“Tanner, this is going to sound really crazy,” I begin.
“Your brother isn’t really in college, is he? He’s living in your basement chained to a wall because he eats little children,” Tanner says with a lopsided grin. I laugh and his smile widens. “I’m just kidding, Arra. Whatever it is, though, just tell me. I promise I won’t laugh, or run off or anything.”
“Well, it all started with these weird dreams I’ve been having ever since we moved,” I say.
“What kind of dreams?” Tanner asks. “Nightmares?”
“Yeah, you could say that. In the dreams, I see this girl who looks exactly like me being drug up an Aztec te
mple to be sacrificed to one of their gods. The first night I saw her kidnapped from her home, and every night after that I see more of what she went through,” I say.
“Human sacrifice, huh?” Tanner says. I can almost hear him thinking how cool that is in his mind. Boys. “That’s pretty grisly stuff, but …”
“But nothing to cry about, right?” I finish.
He shrugs apologetically. I’m sure after thinking I was being abused at home, bad dreams seem pretty mild.
“If it were only the dreams, I would have just passed them off as nothing, but then I started finding these pictures in my mom’s albums. There were all these girls that looked just like me, that all died on their sixteenth birthdays. That’s when I found out about Katie. She died on her sixteenth birthday too, just like all the others.”
“Okay, that’s a little creepy,” Tanner agrees. “How many girls are we talking about?”
“At least a dozen that I found. That’s as far as my mom’s records go back. I’m sure there’s even more, though,” I say. “One of them was my grandpa’s sister.”
“What happened to her?” Tanner asks.
Quickly, I dole out the details of both Katie’s and Maera’s deaths, details I was sure he hadn’t heard about Katie from his mom. Tanner listens to every word with rapt attention. I even point out how every girl looked just like me, handing over the pictures from my back pocket to prove it. His expression goes back and forth between bewildered and disbelieving to worried more times than I can keep track of.
“And if all that doesn’t freak you out enough,” I say, “when I asked my grandpa about all of this, he told me an old family story about a woman who was supposed to be made a human sacrifice, but made some kind of deal with the gods to save herself and curse her daughters to die in her place.”
“Your grandpa believes all of this?” Tanner asks, back to disbelief. I nod. “Do you?” he asks.
Of course I do. Anyone in my place would, but I feel like an idiot actually saying it. “I’m starting to,” I say weakly. “I mean, maybe if it was just the story or just the dead relatives, I could laugh it away, but, Tanner, the dreams are so real. I wake up at night crying, too scared to go back to sleep.”
“Well, I guess I just don’t know what to say, Arra. It’s pretty hard to wrap my head around curses and stuff, but I can see that you’re really worried about this,” he says. “Do you really think this curse, or whatever, is coming after you?”
“I turn sixteen tomorrow, Tanner.”
“Oh. I can see why you’re so freaked out then. I guess I would be too,” he says. “Are you scared?”
“Terrified.”
“What can I do?”
“Just stay with me. I don’t want to be alone tonight,” I say. “I feel safe with you. I feel like everything might actually be okay when I’m with you.”
Tanner stands up from the bench suddenly and I worry that I have finally pushed him too far. Instead of running away as fast as he can, he grabs my hand and pulls me up beside him. “Come with me,” he says. I follow him past the swing sets and out of the pale circle of light from the street lamp to a grassy hill behind the park.
Stopping at the top of the hill, Tanner lies down on the grass and motions for me to lie down next to him. The cool grass tickles the back of my legs and arms, but Tanner’s arm behind my head protects my neck. He cradles me against him and stares up at the sky. Following his gaze, I look up and am filled with amazement. I have never seen so many stars at once. I couldn’t even see the stars from our old apartment, and even if I was outside after dark, the city lights usually overpowered everything else.
“It’s beautiful,” I whisper.
“This is my favorite place to come when I need a break from everything,” Tanner says.
“Thank you for bringing me here.”
We lay silent for a while, I’m not sure how long, but I try to let the peaceful night seep into me and carry away my fear. It works for a while. As time passes, though, I wonder what Tanner is thinking. Figuring that since he is still here he might be up to answering another question, I decide to ask.
“Tanner, do you believe any of what I told you?”
“Yeah, I mean, most of it,” he says. “It’s kind of hard to argue with the fact that so many girls have died at sixteen in your family or that they all look just like you. And your grandpa certainly believes in the story about the sacrifice.” He pauses.
“So what don’t you believe?” I ask.
“That you’ll die tomorrow.”
“How can that be the one thing you don’t believe?” I ask. “Everything else leads up to it.”
Tanner shifts, and is suddenly up on his elbow looking down at me. “I don’t believe it because I don’t want to.”
I stay completely still as Tanner’s arm crosses over me and starts gliding up and down my arm. I’m not sure if he is actually leaning closer as he speaks or if it just seems like that to me because I want him to so badly. My desire to keep him near me pushes me to add to the connection. The trembling in my fingers doesn’t stop me from sliding my hand behind his neck. I want to pull him closer, but I am not that brave, so I hold him in my gaze, waiting and wishing.
“I’ve only had three days to get to know you,” Tanner says. “I simply refuse to believe that this will be my last night with you.” His face is serious and he is definitely moving closer to me now. “Besides, you still have too much work do to on your shooting.”
His attempt to lighten the mood doesn’t work on me any more than it does on him. Between fate and the intensity of the desire swirling around inside of me right now, I have room for nothing else. He leans in closer, only inches away from me now. My breathing stops.
“Tanner, I’m so scared.”
Any attempt at hiding his true thoughts fades away. “So am I,” he whispers. Pain and fear edge his features. His hand reaches up to my face as his lips come down to mine. It’s just a light brush at first, but I can’t resist pulling him back down to me. When we met again, it is with more force. I want to lose myself in Tanner’s touch, but all too soon he pulls away.
“I should get you back home,” he says quietly. He smile turns teasing, yet still filled with desire. “I knew you were trying to seduce me.”
“Yet you still came.”
Tanner smiles again, “Of course.”
“Well, I must not have done a very good job if you’re taking me home already.”
I watch as Tanner’s smile falters and concern begins to fill his eyes. “If the situation weren’t what it is, maybe it would be different, but I know how scared you are right now and I don’t want to take advantage of that.”
I want to stay under the stars with him forever, but as much as I want to be distracted, I know he is right. “Thank you,” I say honestly.
I let Tanner pull me up with only a hint of regret. He holds me close as we walk past the busy house that still has a few lights on and the shut-in’s house with the yellow roses. Instead of heading to my front door, he turns toward the backyard and silently opens the gate for me. I look up at him with a question.
“I figured you didn’t tell your parents you were going out in the middle of the night to hang out alone with a guy you barely know,” he says. There is no judgment in his words, but there is an almost guilty edge.
“What did you tell your mom?” I ask.
“I told her I was staying over at Evan’s,” he says.
Back at my window by then, Tanner pulls the window open as soundlessly as he can. We wait for the creaking to settle before he helps me climb through. Standing on either side of the window we hold onto each other. I don’t want to let go. I am scared of letting go. Tonight is a night of risks.
“Tanner, will Evan say anything if you don’t show up at his house tonight?” I ask.
Tanner shakes his head. It is barely noticeable, but the way his fingers tighten around mine is answer enough.
&nb
sp; “Will you stay?” I ask. “No more jokes about who’s trying to seduce who. It’s just…I don’t want to be alone tonight.”
“Of course I’ll stay.”
He doesn’t let go of me as he climbs through my window, or when I lead him to the bed. And he only wrapped his arms around me more tightly as we lay side by side. Safely snuggled up against his body, I close my eyes and focus every ounce of my mind on the rise and fall of Tanner’s chest. His breathing slows eventually and falls into the pattern of deep sleep long before mine does.
Hope and dread dance around in my mind. Dread for what I will soon have to face is easily winning. There is no hope left in me that my grandpa will find the hidden solution, the way to fool fate. Chilled, but not by the temperature, I pull a quilt my mother made for me when I was little over our bodies. It is too warm for the heavy blanket, but the mish mash of creamy colors is soothing to my mind. I barely even register that someone assembled my bed for me. I cry as I lay in Tanner’s arms, knowing what a wasted effort it will turn out to be.
Tears seep out of my tightly sealed lids as reality slips away and a different, ancient reality slowly creeps in.