always thought that it was romantic to stroll around its streets while the moon watched over the city.
When they arrived at the noodle house, he recognized the place from a distant past. They’ve situated themselves in direct of the air-conditioner. His head sweated profusely and he excused himself to the comfort room to change his clothes. He looked into the mirror and stared at himself, thinking if it was a good idea to come along with a beautiful stranger. But he had a taste for danger.
He finally emerged from the comfort room refreshed and ready for dinner.
“Wow, you had a costume change, but still in blue, huh?” Julia quipped.
“Blue’s my favorite color, I don’t even have a red shirt, or green, even black.”
“I love blue, too. It actually suits you, but I like red better, makes me look on fire, blue makes you look cold, frigid, and icy. Are you the ‘cold kind of guy’?” She asked.
“I’m not really sure about that, but I love blue, like the sky and the ocean, two ends that mirror each other’s color.”
“Am I the sun? The fire between your worlds?” she jokingly asked.
He wanted to say yes, that since the moment they met in the eyes, he knows she had captured him, that she is now the curse residing in his heart. He had never fallen so fast with anyone before –All it took was just one look straight into her eyes and she took his soul for her own. Charles was in a spell he couldn’t escape.
“This place must be here for decades already, huh?” said Charles.
The noodle place was damp and warm. It had an open kitchen where diners could see how their hand-pulled noodles were being made, to show that they served clean and fresh ingredients. The open kitchen may be impressive, but the dining furniture lacked spirit, tables were made of old marble and dust had settled in the cracks. The wooden chairs would creak with each movement. The waiters were seasoned, almost all of them looked like they’ve been working for the noodle house since it was opened – but as old as they may be, they were masters of their craft. They were impressed of how they carried large trays with bulk orders with only three fingers. And they moved fast and with finesse. After a few minutes, their order arrived – Two Beef Kan Pan La Mien and twelve pieces of steamed dumpling.
“Now that’s what I call value for food!” Julia expressed her satisfaction.
A single La Mien order was almost enough for them, the saucy noodle filled the plate with huge chunks of beef spareribs as topping, it came with a separate bowl of beef soup that was best sprinkled with spring onion. The steamed dumpling was soft and inside it was Kuchai mixed with grounded pork. Julia urged Charles to take the first bite.
“Here’s what you do, take a bite with the noodles and then follow it up with the soup, then take a dumpling.”
Charles followed as instructed. Charles watched Julia eat, when she noticed he was looking, she smiled to break the awkward situation. He saw her wide round eyes and again he skipped two beats. He thought that her lips were a trigger, and a bullet kiss would be a killer.
“It’s really good and tasty, I love it!” said Julia.
He didn’t answer, he didn’t need to. Her smile was all he needed, she came in like a lightning that struck his heart and gave it new life. There was so much energy and positive vibe that Julia brought into Charles’ senses. He thought it was impossible for him to feel this again – He was in a sweet disposition; arms spread wide and gravity not doing its part. His heart felt whole, and it never felt like this in years, but Julia made it possible in just a single day. And Charles knew he was in danger, but he loved being vulnerable, his heart had taken risks before that ended in desolation. But he didn’t care, for in the pain he felt after each failed love, he knew that he loved true.
“So have you eaten here before?” she asked.
“No,” he quickly replied.
“Something tells me that’s not entirely true, c’mon! Spill it out.” she teased. Charles had second thoughts on sharing about his life, but Julia had a way in him that he couldn’t resist her.
“I used to go here with my girlfriend but it was years ago, and ever since she left I came here alone. She was the first one I brought here, there were many fun memories of it…”
As Charles spoke about her past relationship, he started feeling the thorns that remained in his heart, grasping with every recollection. With every happy memory came the bitter ones that dragged him into his self-destruction. He remembered being drunk every night for months, hopping from one bar to the other, talking to strangers, staring at the moon for countless hours trying to sober up and waking up inside his car at midday. He frequented the bars burning throughout his savings so he could forget her for a moment.
“I got depressed, and I took my whole life down to the shithole. I was alive, but I had no purpose. All I knew was loving her and that’s what I was best at. I was a better man when she was around, I felt infinite, and I could have done anything because I knew she was behind me.” Charles said.
Julia had stopped eating, she was surprised that he had suddenly become emotional. He was like a dam that couldn’t handle the water anymore, he started to show cracks. Charles looked broken, he stared at his noodles, aimlessly playing with it, it froze him to a point that he didn’t remember he was with somebody. Julia held his hand and it brought him back to his senses.
“Hey, are you ok? What happened? Why did she leave you?” she cautiously asked.
He looked at her with a blank, soulless stare and for a moment she thought he might have been offended so she let go of his hand and continued eating. It was a few moments before Charles responded.
“She just got tired of suffering, she couldn’t suffer anymore.”
“What do you mean?” she asked. Charles slouched and drank.
“You know the feeling that you thought you had everything planned in life? That you thought you’d reach this milestone in your relationship when you get to a certain age. But then life gets in the way, these little and big humps in life kept me off track of my plan? I had a lot that.” Charles explained.
“I had so much of that, I did try my best, stretched myself to make everything work out, but it beat me, it beat our relationship and I couldn’t let her suffer anymore because my failure destroyed us. It was all my fault, I wasn’t enough for her, I couldn’t do the things she wanted us to do. I failed her. And it hurt so much when she said that I should let her go because I loved her more than anyone in the world. I loved her with all I can, but it wasn’t enough, and I feel that if she already had the best version of me, who would ever love this person now? This version of me is so dark and full of regret. Dying tonight wouldn’t be the worst thing for me now.” Charles’ voice cracked.
And like water held in a dam, the gates opened. Tears became waterfalls and he sobbed quietly inside the restaurant. Julia didn’t know what to do so she just sat in front of him, petrified.
Julia finished her meal but Charles barely touched his. The dumplings had gone stale.
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t control myself.” Charles said.
“Hey, it’s alright, everyone fights their own battles, you know. Do you want to take a walk?” she asked, to which Charles agreed.
They got out of the restaurant and slowly walked toward the granite-built Binondo Church without saying a word to each other, in front of it was San Lorenzo Ruiz plaza to which they entered and sat in one of its benches. It was past 8 o’clock now and the streets were nearly empty, they could only hear the distant Jeepneys going across the bridge, street children swimming by the old fountain at the plaza, and the flickering of the traffic lights.
The night was windy and the summer breeze was unusually cold.
“I’m sorry about what happened back there.” Charles finally broke the silence.
“It’s just that I’ve never talked to anyone about it, just now.”
“I’m not that far off to what you’ve experien
ced in love.” She replied and lighted two cigarettes and gave the other to Charles.
“You see, love is illogical. You can’t really quantify why you love a person, right? Do I love someone because he buys me all the chocolates in the world? Drives me around with his luxurious cars? Or even buys me the most expensive house around? That’s not love! Those are material things, and love can’t be contained in an object,” she explained.
“Let’s say you love the laziest person in the world, will you leave her because she is lazy? Or do you make a way to help her get up on her feet? Do you leave her because you know you won’t get anything from her? Or you stay with her and take the risk of being ridiculed by the world for staying with her?” she challenged Charles.
“Of course I’ll stay, I love her.” Charles responded.
“You’re a hopeless romantic, aren’t you?” she quipped.
“Are you?” He asked her.
“Well I am, the idea of being there for just one another, no need for the luxury, all I need is that one guy who’ll be crazy enough to accept my faults, my physical imperfections and my crazy mind. A guy who’s honest, even if it leads to fighting, because it only means that he is scared to lose me and that he cares for me.”
“Well, you’re not that bad.” Charles reacted.
But what he really meant was that she had the most beautiful smile in the entirety of the universe.