CHAPTER X.
CONFESSIONS.
Esther found Genefer at the door on the lookout for her.
"O Miss Esther, my dear, I am glad to see you! I was getting fidgetyabout you--so long away up there, and the storm and all. But you are notwet through at all events," feeling the condition of her clothing andthe temperature of her hands. "Why did you stay such a time up thereafter the storm was over?"
"I stayed with Mr. Trelawny; he has been hurt. I found him in the cavewhere he tries his experiments. I didn't like to leave him till Mr.Earle came back. But the boys, Genefer--what about them?"
"Oh, they're in bed--the best place for them too. They were just soakedto the skin, and Master Percy had some of the pluck taken out of him. Idon't know just what it was all about. I was busy getting them put intoa hot bath, and then tucked up between hot blankets. Master Philipdoesn't seem any the worse. He was asking for you all the time. I saidyou would go up as soon as you got in."
"I will," said Esther. "I've had my tea up at the Crag. How is mama?"
"Lying down still with a headache. She got a bit upset when the boyswere brought in, so when I'd seen to them I coaxed her to go to bed, andI hope she's asleep. The thunder upset her head, as it almost alwaysdoes. I wouldn't go to her unless she calls to you going by."
Esther lingered a moment by her mother's door, but no voice summoned herin, so she went up-stairs, and soon heard Pickle's unmistakable tonesurging her to speed.
"Is that you, Essie? Come along! What a time you've been! We've got suchthings to tell you! Come on!"
Esther pushed open the boys' door, and entered the room where two smallbeds stood side by side, and a small boy occupied each. Puck wassnuggled down in his, though his eyes were wide open; but Pickle wassitting up, quivering with excitement to tell his tale to moresympathetic ears than those of either Mr. Earle or Genefer.
"O Esther! why didn't you come before? We've such things to tell you!Where have you been?"
"Up with Mr. Trelawny at the Crag. He's hurt himself. I had to stay withhim. O Pickle, what were you doing? The old fisherman's wife said youwere on the little island, and couldn't get back. Did Mr. Earle come andfetch you?"
"Oh, she let on to somebody, did she? I didn't quite understand aboutthat part of it. Well, perhaps it was a good thing she did. But, I say,Esther, we did have a jolly old time of it for a bit. We went such asail by ourselves. If it hadn't been for that stupid storm coming up andspoiling it, we could have showed everybody that we could manage a boatfirst-rate."
"Bertie was sick," chimed in Puck from his nest, "and I didn't like itwhen we couldn't get to shore. I thought we were going to be upset anddrowned once. I didn't like that part of it."
Esther looked from one to the other in some bewilderment and anxiety.
"O boys, what did you do?"
Then Pickle plunged headlong into the story. It was all rather mixed upand difficult for Esther to follow, but she began to understand that theboys had taken advantage of their liberty on Saturdays to go offregularly to the little island, and that they had kept this "city ofrefuge" quite as a secret of their own.
"I shouldn't have minded telling you," said Pickle, "only we thoughtperhaps you'd tell Mrs. Poll-parrot, or Pretty Polly, and then all thefun would have been gone."
"It wouldn't have been a city of refuge if the avenger of blood couldcome after us in another boat and take us away," added Puck. "I'm afraidit won't be a city of refuge any longer now. I wish we hadn't gonesailing, but just gone home. Then nobody would have known anything."
"Were you out on the water in the storm?" asked Esther, with a littleshiver. "O Pickle, you should not have been so disobedient. You know Mr.Earle and Mr. Trelawny would not let you sail the boat alone."
"Not the _Swan_," said Pickle quickly, "but nobody had said anythingabout that old tub."
Esther looked rather grave, and a quick wave of color swept overPickle's face.
"I wanted to do it," he said in rather a low voice; "perhaps that waswhy it seemed all right."
"You might have been drowned," said Esther in a voice of awe; "Mr. Earlesaid so himself."
"I thought so once," said the boy; "I was frightened then."
"Tell me about it," said Esther with a little shiver. She sat down onthe side of Puck's bed, and he got fast hold of her hand. He was moresubdued than Pickle, though Esther could see that even the bold elderboy had received a considerable shock to his nerves. His eyes werebright, and he was excited and not quite himself.
"We had always wanted so much to sail the boat," said he in response toEsther, "but there had never been any wind. And to-day, when it beganjust to blow a little, it seemed just the very thing. So we got in andwent off, and it was delicious. We did it beautifully, and it was allpretty and sunny on the sea, and we went along finely. But by and by thewaves got bigger, and Bertie began to get sick, and some of them wantedto get home again. So we tried to tack her round as Mr. Earle does, butshe wouldn't go against the wind a bit, and the waves splashed in andwet us. And then we tried to row, but we only got farther and fartheraway from land, and the sea got rougher and rougher. And Bertie was sickand frightened, and everybody wanted to get home, and we couldn't."
"O Pickle, how dreadful! What did you do?"
"Well, we had to turn round at last and run before the wind," answeredthe boy, with as much of the sailor air as he could assume. "I saw itwas the only thing to try for. The waves were all right if you didn'ttry to meet them; and we thought perhaps we should meet a ship whichwould take us up."
"That might have been rather nice," said Puck, "only it got so dark, andthen the thunder and lightning came; and oh, how it did rain! Wecouldn't see anything. We felt like being all alone on the sea. I wasfrightened then, and Bertie was awfully sick, and Milly began to cry. Iwanted to cry, too, only I thought it would be like a girl."
Esther was shivering herself at the bare picture of all these horrors.She had nothing but sympathy for the boys now, though she knew that ithad been the spirit of disobedience which had prompted them to thisdaring escapade.
"Oh, what did you do?" she asked, in a voice that was little more than awhisper.
"We couldn't do anything but sail on and on," answered Pickle; "but Pucksaid,--
"Yes, we could. Milly proposed it. We all said our prayers; and Millyreminded us about Jesus walking on the water, and making the storm stop.So we asked Him to come and do the same for us."
"The storm did stop by and by," said Esther in a low voice.
"Yes, it did--almost just after we'd been praying," said Puck; "and whenthe rain went away and the sun came out, we saw the _Swan_ coming afterus as hard as ever it could come. Bertie thought perhaps it was Jesuscoming to us on the water, but it was only Mr. Earle."
"Perhaps Jesus sent him to you," said Esther in a low voice.
"He said it was you who sent him," said Pickle the practical.
"Yes, in one way," answered Esther, coloring up, for she was shy ofuttering her deeper thoughts; "but I shouldn't have known if the oldwoman hadn't come up. Perhaps it was Jesus who sent her--I mean, put itinto her head to come."
"Do you think so?" asked Puck, with wide-open eyes, and Esther answeredsoftly and steadily,--
"Yes, I do."
Puck suddenly scrambled up in his bed and got upon his knees.
"Genefer put us to bed without our prayers--she was in such a hurry," hesaid. "I'd like to say my prayers now, because I'm very much obliged,if it was like that. It's mean not to thank people when they've donethings for you. Let's all say our prayers together."
Esther immediately knelt down beside the little bed, and in a momentPickle was out and on his knees beside her. They both hid their faces,and a few half-whispered words and snorts from Puck, who was very muchin earnest, alone broke the silence of the upper room. But presentlyEsther felt that the child kneeling beside her was quivering all over,and suddenly Pickle broke down and began to sob uncontrollably.
This was a strange thing i
n Pickle, who had hardly shed a tear all themonths he had been under the roof of the Hermitage, and Esther wasdistressed and almost frightened at the sudden vehemence of theoutburst. She put her arms round him, and rather to her surprise he didnot repulse her overture of sympathy, but clung to her convulsively,weeping silently, but with great gasping sobs, that seemed wrung fromhim by some power too strong to be resisted.
Puck crept into bed again, and watched his brother with wondering eyes.But Nature was claiming her dues now from both, and Puck's eyes grewheavy with sleep even as he watched, and soon shut themselves upaltogether. Not even curiosity, or the remains of the excitementsthrough which they had passed, could keep him longer from the land ofdreams.
"Pickle dear," said Esther gently at last, "won't you let me put you tobed? You will be getting cold."
"Don't go away then," he said between his sobs. "Hold my hand and sitwith me. I don't want to be left alone."
How well Esther understood that appeal! She knew without any tellingthat if left alone all the horrors of that dangerous voyage would comeback over the boy's mind, as they had never done at the moment when thethings were happening. She felt as though a bond of sympathy had beenestablished between herself and her manly little cousin. Hitherto he hadnever shown weakness in her presence. Now he was clinging to her asthough he felt her presence to be a source of strength and refreshment.
She held his hands, and sometimes spoke softly to him, and presently thesobs ceased. But he did not on that account let go his hold upon her.She felt the grasp of his fingers tighten on her hands.
"Esther," he said presently, "I was the one who thought of it all andplanned it all. It was disobedience. I think I knew it was all the time,only I wouldn't think about it. I wanted to do as I liked. I always do.Esther, suppose the boat had gone down and we had been drowned, wouldthat have been dying in one's sins?"
"O Pickle, I don't know!"
"I know there's something in the Bible about dying in our sins. Ithought it meant going to hell. Esther, should I have gone to hell?"
"O Pickle dear, I don't think so!"
"Don't you? But I was being naughty all the time."
"We are all naughty very often," said Esther gently, "but you know Jesussaid He would give eternal life to every one who believed in Him. You dobelieve in Jesus, don't you, Pickle, even though you forget and arenaughty sometimes?"
"Yes, I do," answered the boy, very soberly and steadily. "It was theonly thing that helped us not to be very badly afraid when it was alldark and the thunder and lightning came. But it was Milly who thought ofit. She cried, but she helped us the most. And when the rain seemed tobe right off, and we saw the sun coming through again, and there was the_Swan_ racing along after us, why, then it did just seem as though Hewere coming to us on the water, as Puck said."
"I think He was," said Esther, with a little quiver in her voice; andPickle squeezed her hands, and she squeezed his, and they were silent afew minutes. Then the boy spoke again,--
"Essie, I must go to-morrow and tell Mr. Polperran all about this."
"Won't he know from Milly and Bertie?"
"Yes, but I must tell him too. It wasn't their fault. It was I who dideverything--getting the boat, and the city of refuge, and then goingsailing when there was a breeze. That's what I want to tell him. Hetrusted me to take care of the little ones--he told me so once--and Inearly drowned them. And it wasn't that I forgot about what Mr. Earlehad said about not trying to sail alone. I remembered it every bit, butI didn't choose to obey. I pretended to myself that he had only said wemustn't sail the _Swan_, but I knew he'd never let us go sailing alonein any boat. I'll tell him so, and get him to set me a punishment; andI'll tell Mr. Polperran too, and ask him to forgive Milly and Bertie,and only to be angry with me."
Pickle spoke with subdued vehemence, and with great earnestness. Estherapproved his resolution.
"Mr. Polperran is a very kind man," she said. "I don't think he'll beangry exactly; and you will never do it any more."
"I'm going to try and be obedient," said Pickle with a little sigh. "Mr.Earle is always telling us that we shall never be any good anywhere tillwe learn to obey; but I never quite believed him before. I do now."
Pickle was growing soothed and comforted now. Esther sat beside him tillhe dropped off to sleep. He was thoroughly tired out, and the burst oftears had relieved the overcharged brain.
When he was sound asleep, the little girl covered him up and kissed himin motherly fashion, and stole away to see if her mother had awakened.
Mrs. St. Aiden was ready now to hear the story of the adventures of herlittle daughter, and a modified account of the peril in which the boyshad placed them. She shuddered a little over the latter, but was notconversant enough with the subject to thoroughly realize how near thechildren had been to a tragic death. She was more immediately interestedin the accident that Mr. Trelawny had met with in his cave-likelaboratory, and made Esther repeat the story of her adventure more thanonce.
"Dear, dear, poor man! I do hope his sight will not be permanentlyinjured; it would be such a terrible loss. Mr. Polperran has always beenafraid of some accident. He has said to me many times that he was afraidMr. Trelawny was sometimes too eager to be cautious; and, poor man, I amafraid it was so to-day. What a good thing you found him when you did,Esther! It must have been so bad for him down there in that lonelyplace. You will be more of a favorite with him than ever."
Esther's eyes opened rather wide at that.
"Am I a favorite?" she asked; and her mother broke into a little laugh.
"Have you never found that out yet, child? Ah! you are always sofrightened at him. Perhaps you will get over that now. You will findthat he does not mean to eat you."
"I think I have been rather silly," said Esther soberly; "but I havebeen trying not to be so afraid of things lately."
"Yes, that is wise; for Mr. Trelawny is really our very kind friend,though he is strange and sometimes rough in his ways. And I have notquite forgiven him yet for cutting off your hair."
"I have been so much more comfortable without it, mama," said Esther,ruffling up her wavy crop. "My head never aches now, and it is so nicenot to have all the tangles to pull out."
"Well, dear, I have got used to it now, and if you are more comfortableI am glad. All the same, it was a liberty for anybody to take; but Mr.Trelawny is not like anybody else, and it is no use minding."
Next day Esther and Pickle were the only two able to go to church fromthe Hermitage. Puck was sleeping on so soundly that Genefer would nothave him wakened; and Mrs. St. Aiden was still feeling the effects ofthe storm of the previous day, and was not able to attempt the service,though she was able now to go to church sometimes.
The children looked eagerly towards the rectory pew, but nobody appearedthere except Prissy, who was looking very prim and rather severe; andshe would not throw so much as a glance towards Esther and Pickle,though the little girl was really anxious to catch her eye and telegrapha question to her.
At the proper place in the service Mr. Polperran rose, and said in avoice which had a little tremor in it, that a father and mother desiredto return thanks to Almighty God for the preservation of their ownchildren, and some others, in a great danger to which they had beenexposed.
It came quite unexpectedly, and Pickle threw a hasty glance at Esther,whilst the color flamed all over his face; and as the words of theGeneral Thanksgiving were spoken, with the special clause which soundedstrangely impressive as read by Mr. Polperran that day, his head sanklower upon his folded arms, and Esther saw his shoulders heave, and felther own warm tears gathering under their long lashes.
But it comforted her to hear this public recognition of God's care forHis children in their peril. It seemed to bring home to her themysterious and wonderful truth about the fall of the sparrow--theindividual care and love which God feels towards every single livingatom in His vast creation. And the sound of the fervent amen whichpassed through the church at the close seemed to speak
of the universalbrotherhood of those who owned the Lord as their Master; and thoughEsther could not have told the reason of it, a strange sense ofsweetness came into her soul, and a peaceful assurance of God'sFatherhood crept over her spirit and took up its habitation there.
Pickle was wonderfully quiet and attentive during the rest of theservice, even listening to the sermon as he had never listened before.
Was it a coincidence, or had the father's heart been moved by what hehad heard yesterday, so that he had prepared his discourse after thereturn of his children from their hour of peril? Esther did not know,but she gave a little start when the clergyman read out his text, for itwas nothing more or less than the account of how the Lord came to Hisdisciples walking on the water, and how His presence with them therebrought them immediately to the desired haven.
Pickle squeezed her hand tight as the impressive words were read out,and his attention never wavered for a moment during the whole of thesimple discourse, which went home to many hearts that day; for it wasknown all over the place by this time that the rector's children hadbeen in great danger, and there was something in Mr. Polperran's way ofdealing with his subject which showed that his heart was full ofthankfulness for their escape, and that he could not forget the peril inwhich they had been placed.
At the close of the service Esther and Pickle remained in their placestill the congregation had pretty well dispersed, and then found theirway round to the vestry door from which the clergyman would take hisdeparture. The boy's resolve had only been strengthened by the emotionsof the morning. He must ask the forgiveness of Milly and Bertie's fatherbefore he could be happy again.
Mr. Polperran came out looking rather absorbed, but when his eyes fellupon the two children his face lighted. He put out both his handstowards Pickle, and drew the little boy towards himself, saying,--
"They tell me that you were their greatest help, and never lost courage,and saved the boat from being upset by your clever handling. My dear,brave, little man, I shall not forget that. If you had not had thepresence of mind to get the boat round and let her run before the wind,she must have been swamped."
Pickle was so taken aback by receiving praise and kindness instead ofblame that for a moment his breath seemed taken away, but then he burstout with all the greater emphasis,--
"O sir, you mustn't call me brave; you mustn't think me clever, oranything that is good. I was very naughty and disobedient, and I ledthem all into it. It was all my fault. They would never have thought ofit but for me. I don't think they would ever have gone in a boat at all,even to the city of refuge, if I hadn't taken them. It was disobedience.Perhaps they didn't think of it, but I did. I want to be punished forit; I don't want to be praised. I was very conceited, and thought I knewsuch a precious lot. When the storm came, I found I didn't knowanything. I was frightened, though perhaps they didn't know. But I was.I knew I had done wrong. I thought God was angry with us. It was Millywho helped us most. It's she you ought to praise. I was naughty. I'mvery sorry. I want to ask you to forgive me."
The last words came out almost with a sob. They were not easy words forPickle to speak. He had not been used to make confession of hismisdeeds, or to ask forgiveness. In the old days he had taken thingsmuch more lightly. But something new seemed to have come into his lifenow; and perhaps Mr. Polperran understood, for he sat down a littlewhile upon the low stone wall, and talked very gravely and kindly toPickle, and then forgave him fully for his share in the act ofdisobedience which might have ended so badly, and sent the children homewith warm hearts and smiling faces, although there was real seriousnessin their hearts.
"He is a very nice man," said Pickle with emphasis. "I think he is verygood too. I like him better than Mrs. Pol--Polperran. But I'll tell herI'm sorry when I see her next. I shan't like to, but I will. I'm sorryBertie's sick and has got a cold. But I daresay he'll be better soon."
Puck was up and dressed when they got back, and quite interested to hearabout the thanksgiving, and the sermon, and the talk with Mr. Polperranafterwards. He was not quite so serious as Pickle, but then he had notquite the same weight upon his conscience. He had always been used tofollow the lead of his brother, and though he was quite aware that theyhad been disobedient to a certain extent, he had not the same burden ofresponsibility as that which weighed upon the elder boy.
Mr. Earle had not been in church, so there was no news of Mr. Trelawny;and after the early dinner, Esther and Pickle walked up to ask afterhim. Puck felt indisposed for the exertion, and remained at home. Mrs.St. Aiden expressed her intention of walking as far as the rectory toinquire for Milly and Bertie, and Puck said he would like to go withher.
As Esther and Pickle climbed the hill, he asked her about Mr. Trelawny,and listened with immense interest as she told the tale of her doingsthat afternoon.
"Weren't you afraid to go in? I thought you couldn't bear the cave. OEssie, I wish I had been there! But I never thought you'd dare go in."
"I didn't want to much," answered Esther in her grave way, "but itseemed like my duty."
Pickle pondered a while, and then said suddenly,--
"It's better to be frightened doing our duty than frightened becausewe've been disobedient and naughty and horrid things have come thatneedn't have done if we'd been good."
Esther turned this over in her mind for a while, and then looked atPickle with a kindling smile.
"And yet we were both helped and taken care of. Pickle, I do think Jesusis very, very good."
"So do I," he answered, looking down and kicking the soft pine-needlesunder his feet; and after that they walked in silence up to the Crag.
Nobody was about upon the terrace, which seemed strange on such a fineafternoon; but Mr. Earle came down to see the children, and gave themthe report of Mr. Trelawny.
"His eyes are bandaged up still, and will have to be for some littletime yet; and the burns, though they are not deep or dangerous, arerather painful. He says nobody touches them so gently as his 'littlenurse.' That is you, Esther. He is to be kept quite quiet for a fewdays, and then the doctor will be able to judge better what is theextent of the mischief. That is as much as I can tell you to-day."
Esther's face was full of concern.
"Oh, I am so sorry. Can I go and see him?"
Fancy her asking this of her own accord!
"If he had not just dropped asleep you should have done so. He wouldhave liked it; but he must not be disturbed, for he had a bad night, andnow he has taken a draught, and perhaps will sleep some hours. But Iwill tell him you have been to ask, and will come and see him anotherday."
"To-morrow," said Esther promptly; "and please, Mr. Earle, mama says shethinks we had better have a week's holiday, so that you can stay withMr. Trelawny, and we can go blackberrying and nutting. We didn't have aholiday in August because we had not worked long enough."
"I am much obliged to your mother for the kind thought," said Mr. Earle."I think a holiday will do none of you any harm just now, and I shall beglad to have the time with my old friend."
He stopped and looked rather earnestly at Esther, and then said,--
"What was it that took you into the cave to find Mr. Trelawny onSaturday?"
"I heard him groan and call out. The sound came through the chimney."
"Did you know who it was?"
"No; but it was somebody who wanted help."
"I thought you were too frightened to go into underground places. Didn'tyou once tell me so?"
Esther's face crimsoned over, but Pickle broke in,--
"That's what I said just now; but she went because she thought it washer duty."
"I thought somebody wanted help, and it would be unkind not to," saidEsther, hanging her head.
"But you were afraid?"
"Rather." She paused and hesitated, and then looked up quickly into Mr.Earle's face. "I remembered what you had told me about when you were alittle boy, and what your mother had said. I did that too. Then I wasn'tso frightened."
She knew he u
nderstood, for she felt the touch of his hand upon hershoulder. She was too shy to look up again, but next moment she heardhim ask another question.
"Esther, suppose you had been afraid, and had not gone in and got Mr.Trelawny safely out of the cave, do you know what would have happened?"
"No."
"If he had lain there till I got back, he would have been a dead man."
Esther started and looked up with scared eyes, and Pickle drew a longwhistling breath.
"Oh, I say!" he murmured, with staring eyes.
"It is quite true," went on Mr. Earle. "You would not understand if Iwere to try and tell you; but Mr. Trelawny had been trying a dangerousexperiment. I do not think he knew himself how dangerous it was. Thefirst explosion was enough to injure him and reduce him to the state inwhich you found him; but there was worse afterwards. He probably did notknow it, not being able to see; but there was something going on all thetime which must quite shortly after you left the cave with him have madea second and a worse explosion. Had anybody been there then he could nothave lived. I suppose the thunderstorm prevented this sound from beingheard, but a number of things down below are shattered to atoms thatwere all safe in their places when the servants went down at yourbidding."
Esther's face had grown pale with excitement and awe. It was rather aterrible thing to feel how nearly Mr. Trelawny had lost his life.Suppose she had not heard him. Suppose she had let her fears get thebetter of her. Oh, how glad she was that she had been trying to conquerthem before! That had made it much easier when the moment for provingherself came.
The children walked very gravely away hand in hand. Then Pickle suddenlyburst out,--
"I say, Essie, it's you who have taken the palm after all. You arereally the heroine. I used to think girls were no good. But I think it'sboys now."
"O Pickle, I don't think I like to be praised. I've been so silly oftenand often. But I am very happy and glad. Still I don't think I shouldhave dared to go in if it hadn't been for what Mr. Earle told me once."
"What did he tell you? I wanted to ask."
Then Esther told of the talk in the old ruin, and Pickle listened veryattentively.
"What a lot of different things God had to see to that afternoon," heremarked very soberly, after a long pause; "I do think it was awfullygood of Him."
"So do I," answered Esther softly; "I should like always to do what Hewants us to now."
"Well, we'll try," said Pickle with emphasis. "I think after all this itwould be mean not to."