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It took a moment, and then the sudden pressure of Arden’s fingers burying into my arm, to understand he was speaking about me. My throat tightened. He had noticed. Perhaps he had stopped there, in the doorway of Benny’s room, looking at the books piled on the table or the plastic toys that had been cleared from the floors so the students could sit. He had been watching.
“To Arden and Eve,” Leif added, as he grabbed another jug from the tree stump and raised it in the air. He kept his brooding eyes down, not looking at us. The other boys turned, all of them to give thanks—some with a nod, others with a smile—before passing the jug around and taking long, slow sips. Then the seriousness lifted and the boys dug into the spread of roasted boar, berries, and wild turkey.
Finally, when the new Hunters had consumed enough and their feverishness subsided, Leif spoke again. “Tonight is the full moon,” he said, pointing above him. It was just appearing, its faint outline clearer as the pink sky deepened to purple. “And we’ve discovered that the troops have changed their direction. They’ve abandoned the southern outpost. Which means tonight—”
“Raid!” Michael yelled, bits of boar flying from his fingers as he raised his hands. “We’ll raid their supplies!”
Silas broke into a sudden cheer. “Candy! Candy! Candy!”
“Yes. ” Leif nodded, a slight smile on his lips. His thick bun had come undone, sending his damp black curls cascading over his shoulders. “The time is right for a raid. We’ll meet back here in an hour. ”
The crowd of boys started toward the dugout, carrying the last of the feast. I felt an arm wrap around my bare shoulder. “May I?” Caleb asked.
My arm tingled where our skin met. We walked together, my steps matching his. Could he sense my thoughts about him? Did he know that he’d worked his way into my dreams, where I missed him, even in sleep?
“Yes,” was all I could manage. “Yes. ”
Chapter Eighteen
“I SAW YOU SNUGGLING UP WITH CALEB. ” ARDEN WAS already in our cave when I returned, bundled in a jacket, her legs folded on the mattress. She held the flashlight to her face, then turned it on me for a response.
I ignored her, instead pulling on a pilled sweater for warmth. The night air was stiff with a chill and I wasn’t sure how far the outpost was.
“Headmistress Burns would not approve,” she pressed.
I covered the beam with my hand. “Oh stop,” was all I could say.
“Don’t ‘Oh stop’ me. ” Arden laughed. She gestured with the flashlight. The beam moved over her blunt bob and a sliver of milky white leg, settling on her pale face. “I’m sick for a week and you’re practically falling in—” Her hand covered her mouth. I thought she was going to cough, but she stayed quiet.
“What is it, Arden?”
She nodded behind me, to where Caleb stood in the doorway, clad in a thick brown jacket and knit cap, his hair tucked up inside it.
“You’re falling into this teaching routine . . . ” Arden tried, but even I was not convinced. She stood, awkwardly pushing past Caleb into the hall. “I’ll meet you two by the fire,” she said, before disappearing into the tunnel.
I turned away from him, pulling on another thick sweater. “So are we riding with you?” I asked, trying to hammer the nerves out of my voice. “Arden is feeling better. She swears she’s well enough to go. ”
Caleb grabbed my hand. Then he looked down, as if considering my slender fingers laced with his. “It’s not that. When Leif said the troops abandoned the outpost . . . ” he began. “It’s because they’re moving north, toward the road. ”
“It’s because of me, isn’t it,” I said, before Caleb could go on. It was half-question, half-statement, but Caleb’s silence confirmed what I already knew. “They changed their direction because of me. ” I closed my eyes, but all I saw were the headlights of their Jeeps shining on the road, looking for the girl from the flyer.
Caleb leaned closer. The charcoal lines had been rinsed from his face, leaving only the faint smell of fire. “It might not be safe for you to go on the raid tonight. An encounter with the troops is always dangerous, and it may be too much of a risk. ” His fingers moved through mine, wrapping my hand in his fist.
It was so easy to be afraid. Even in this underground dugout, where the troops could walk above us without knowing of our presence, my heart quickened. I wanted to curl up on the bare mattress, wrapped in a cocoon of blankets, and give up, to plant myself down here indefinitely. But this was nothing new. They would always be after me. Every flashlight over the lake was them. Every puttering engine was them. They were every shadowy figure lurking behind the trees.
My whole life had been spent in the confines of the School’s walls—eating when I was told, drinking when I was told, swallowing the slick blue pills that rocked my stomach. What was one night outside? Couldn’t I allow myself that?
“What if I still want to go?”
“Then you’ll go,” he said. “But I wanted you to know the danger. ”
“There’s always danger. ” His green eyes met mine.
I was starting to see it, how it could happen—Caleb and me. Out in the wild there was no thinking, only Califia ahead of us, the swift travel that consumed the days. But underground, teaching the boys in Benny’s room, leaning against the mud wall at night, after Arden had fallen asleep, I imagined staying here. I needed more time. With Caleb, with the younger boys. A stretch of weeks or months didn’t feel like enough . . . I wanted more. And what if it did work out, what if it could? What then?
We could live together here—it was possible. At least until Moss had assembled enough rebels to combat the King’s troops. At least until I could retrieve Pip. It would be dangerous, but we’d be careful to remain hidden. Caleb and I could build a life, however small. A life together.
“Just stay close to me and if anything happens we’ll break off from the group. ” His gaze traced the lines of my mouth, his eyes finally settling on mine. His breath filled my ears and I smelled the charcoal again as I leaned closer. He was just inches away, those pale green eyes still looking at me, watching. I couldn’t stop myself. I pressed my mouth to his. A warmth spread through my body and into my fingers as we moved into one another, his lips giving way.
In an instant, I realized what I’d done. I pulled back, my hand breaking free of his to rest on my forehead. “I’m sorry, I just—” But he pulled me closer. I rested my forehead lightly on his cheek. His fingers worked their way down my head, threading my thick brown hair between them, until they settled in the tender hollow behind my neck.
“Don’t be sorry,” he said. He held me in the dim cave. I wrapped my hands around his back and gripped his sides. We didn’t move until the sound of voices echoed down the tunnel, calling out for the raid.
Chapter Nineteen
I HELD ONTO CALEB, LETTING MYSELF RELAX INTO THE musty cushion of his jacket. Arden clutched my shoulders as we rode through the thick wood, the trees just visible through scattered starlight. She’d questioned me before we’d set off, noting the sudden pink wash over my cheeks, the way I kept bringing my fingers to my lips, touching them to confirm they were still there. She’d laughed when I’d eagerly jumped on the horse, settling into the middle spot, where my head nestled into Caleb’s back. Anyone could see that things between us had changed. But I kept the news close to my chest anyway, wanting it to exist a little longer, just mine, to have and to wonder over.