“Twice you’ve asked me to marry you, and twice it hasn’t worked out.” Her eyes were soft, full of light and love. “Now it’s my turn.”
For half a second, Shane wondered if he’d slipped into some sort of dream. Then it dawned on him. Maybe this was her way of reacting to Justin’s death. If so, he wanted to stop her before she said anything else. “Lauren … we don’t have to decide this now. Last time we rushed the decision and look what hap — ”
“Shane.” She put her finger to his lips. “I haven’t rushed this. I’ve missed you with every breath, every heartbeat. Almost worse than I missed you the first time we were apart.” She slipped her arms around his waist, and her eyes found the way to the most private part of his soul. The place no one else had ever found. “I want to marry you and move to Fallon with you. I want to sleep with you and wake up next to you and share your passion for freedom and safety and for doing what’s right — even if that sometimes looks a little different to each of us.”
Doubt must’ve flashed in his eyes because she giggled. “A little different, Shane. Not so different that I see white where you see black. Not anymore. I told you … I’ve changed. God changed me.”
He put his hand alongside her face and searched her eyes. This was the scene he’d only dreamed about. “I thought you brought me here to tell me good-bye.”
“No. Never again.” She moved her arms from his waist to his neck. “I’m done saying good-bye.” Her voice trembled. “If … if you’ll still have me, then marry me. Marry me this Saturday at Emily’s church and let’s get started.”
He laughed. She was always ready for a project, a purpose. “Get started?”
“Yes.” She kissed him again. “On forever.”
And that had been that.
The plans came together quickly — almost everyone they wanted to attend was already in town, and his parents were able to catch a last-minute flight. His mother had pulled him aside last night, her eyes teary.
“I’ve prayed for this for two decades, son.” She took his hand. “We were wrong, what we did. But God’s ways are better than man’s, and now here you are. Here we all are.”
Morning took forever to come, and when it did, Shane still couldn’t believe it was happening. He wore his dress uniform and stood next to a preacher at the front of a church, the one Emily and Justin had attended just off the base at Fort Lewis. Organ music filled the air, and the faces in the first few rows of the church grinned their approval. And of course, in a few minutes he would do what he’d dreamed of doing since he was a junior in high school.
He would marry Lauren Gibbs Anderson.
The church held everyone who mattered most to them. Emily, who was in the back room with her mother, would be Lauren’s maid of honor; and Gary Baker, standing on his other side, sharp in his dark three-piece suit, would act as best man. His parents, who had flown up from California the day before, sat in the second row next to Angela Anderson — Lauren’s mother. Carol and Jill Baker were there, as was Joe.
And that was all.
He looked at his parents and then at Lauren’s mother. Twenty years ago, the three of them had fought this moment with everything in them. They were wrong back then, and they’d admitted so time and again in the past year. But only this moment — this marriage — could truly free them of the guilt and regret they carried.
Shane smiled. There was no anger now, no residual bitterness. Never mind the years he and Lauren had lost. They had a lifetime ahead of them. Shane caught Gary Baker’s eyes, and he gave him a look that said he still couldn’t believe this was happening. That a family could survive such terrible, unfathomable grief, and such limitless joy — all in one week.
He stared at the back doors of the church and waited. He and Emily had talked that morning. “Justin’s life mattered in a lot of ways, too many to count,” she’d told him. “But Daddy, you know what?” Her eyes were soft, full of emotion. “I think his life counted for this too. God used Justin’s life to change Mom’s heart.” Her eyes glistened. “And He used Justin’s death to show her that love never has enough time.”
Shane smiled. Love never has enough time. Leave it to Emily to sum up the entire situation with one sentence. She was right too.
He heard the music change, heard the beginning refrains of the traditional wedding march begin. Love never had enough time, but what time was left, he would savor. Every single second.
The double doors opened, and there she was, his bride. She wore a striking white dress, her blonde hair swept up in loose curls. But what made her beauty absolutely breathtaking was the look in her eyes. Reporting on the war, spending time with cynical people, being angry much of the time — all of it had taken its toll on Lauren. The entire time she lived in Fallon, he rarely saw her eyes soften, rarely saw her intensity let up.
But now … she looked seventeen again. She had no chip on her shoulder, nothing to prove. She was simply the tender girl he’d always loved, the girl with a heart bigger than the ocean and a soul full of kindness and love. Finally taking the walk they had both dreamed about.
The walk down the aisle.
Since her father had died the year before, she had explained that she wanted Emily to walk her down the aisle. “She spent a lifetime praying and dreaming about this moment,” Lauren had told him. “She’s the one who brought us back together. Long after we gave up. I can’t imagine anyone else walking with me.”
Neither could he.
Emily wore an elegant lavender dress, her dark hair styled much like Lauren’s. As she walked next to her mother, Shane caught Joe Greenwald watching her. The two had been together every day since the funeral, and Shane was glad. Emily needed a friend, and because of Justin, she had one.
Lauren was closer now, and their eyes held. Shane had expected to be choked up at this part of the ceremony, watching Lauren walk to him, knowing that finally they had found their way to this moment. But instead he wanted to laugh, wanted to raise his fist in the air and shout for all the world to hear. After searching and longing and praying and crying, here they were.
And nothing would ever separate them again.
Lauren had never felt more certain in all her life.
She walked, unblinking, her eyes on Shane’s, and inside she celebrated like never before. She was marrying Shane Galanter! They’d agreed to write their own vows, but Lauren didn’t have to. She’d written them long ago, when she was a teenager, and she’d been reminded of them just a few months ago by Emily. Always Emily.
Her daughter stood tall, proud beside her. But there was no denying the way she trembled as they walked, arm in arm. Emily had waited for this morning all her life, and now it was here. Even in the darkness of the valley of the shadow of death, this day would cast a light. A brilliant light.
She reached the end of the aisle and the music stopped. The pastor smiled. He had talked with them yesterday morning, asked them and encouraged them about their faith and their determination to keep Christ at the center of their marriage. It was a reminder. They had gotten here by God’s grace, and they would stay together the same way. In Christ alone. Even if Lauren was still figuring some of that out.
“Who gives this woman to be married?” The preacher’s voice rang clear and strong.
Emily smiled up at her. “I do.” She kissed Lauren on the cheek and then took her place to the side.
Lauren turned her eyes to Shane. He looked like a dream, and she felt herself react to his presence. How long had she searched for him? Longed for this day? He walked down the steps, his eyes never leaving hers. Then he took her hand and led her back up the stairs to face the preacher.
“I had a chance to meet with the bride and groom yesterday.” The man smiled at the handful of people in attendance and raised his brow. “I must say, normally when a couple wants a wedding to come together quickly, my advice is to wait. But in this case — ” he grinned at Lauren and then at Shane — “the wedding is way overdue.” He opened the Bible and read
a passage from Colossians and another from 1 Corinthians 13. He focused his talk on love and sacrifice, and how it was impossible to have one without the other.
Lauren glanced at Shane, and he met her smile. The pastor was right. All their lives had been a picture of that truth. Love and sacrifice, and how one couldn’t exist without the other.
Finally it was time for the vows. Shane went first. He and Lauren faced each other, and he took her hands in his. “Lauren, I don’t know about love except what I’ve felt for you. I refuse to think about the years we lost, but only about the ones that will begin here, now.” He paused, and for a moment they both seemed to forget where they were. There was so much between them, so many memories that only the two of them shared.
Shane took a slow breath. “I promise to be with you, stay with you, love you, and laugh with you. I promise to listen and always look for new ways to show you how much I care.” The corners of his lips lifted. “Most of all, I promise to lean on God through life’s trials and tragedies and triumphs. Because if I lean on Him, you can always lean on me.”
It was her turn. Her throat was thick, and she didn’t want to take her eyes off Shane for a single instant. “Shane … you taught me about love a long time ago. And though I searched, though I became someone even I didn’t recognize at times, I never stopped believing in that definition. The one I’ve held onto since I was seventeen. This is what you taught me.” She opened the piece of paper that had been folded tightly in the palm of her hand.
“Real love is this.” Her voice rang clear through the church, “Real love waits in the snow on your front porch so you can walk to school together in the fifth grade. It brings you a chocolate bar when you fall and finish last in the seventh grade Olympics.” She smiled at him, seeing the way he looked that long ago day. “Real love whispers something in the middle of algebra about your pink fingernail polish so that you don’t forget how to smile when you’re doing math, and it saves a seat for you in the lunchroom every Friday through high school. Even when the other baseball players think you’re stupid.”
A few quiet laughs came from the front of the church.
Lauren’s chin quivered, but she kept on, looking from the page to Shane and back again. “Real love stays up late on a Saturday making chocolate chip cookies together, flicking flour at you and getting eggshells in the batter and making sure you’ll remember that night the rest of your life. And real love thinks you’re pretty even when your hair is pulled back in a ponytail and you don’t stand perfectly straight.”
She folded the paper and handed it to him. His eyes were damp, but he mouthed the words, “I remember.”
She smiled and looked to the most tender place in his heart, the place where the teenage Shane still lived. “And this year, you taught me something else. Real love lets you figure out the answers by yourself. It says good-bye for a season and prays for your return. Real love understands about love and sacrifice and is willing to live accordingly.” She held onto his hands tighter than before. “Shane, you’ve spent your life showing me what real love is. I understand now, and I promise to spend the rest of my life loving you like that.” She blinked back tears. “As long as we both shall live.”
From a few feet away, they both heard Emily stifle a squeal, and again there was laughter.
The pastor stepped closer and took the rings from Emily and Gary. He explained the significance of the unbroken circles, and the promise they would represent for all time. As Shane slipped the band of white gold onto her finger, she felt the greatest sense of rightness. Yes, her life was full before she found Shane again. She had a career and a purpose. But her life wasn’t complete until now.
The rings in place, the pastor nodded to Shane. “You may kiss your bride.”
He did so in a way that took her breath and made her anxious for every tomorrow they’d share together. Before they parted, before the pastor could present them as husband and wife, out of the corner of her eye, Lauren saw Emily close her eyes and lift her face skyward.
Their daughter was praying, no doubt. Thanking God, because no matter how hard the journey, they were here. Where they had always belonged. And this time no one and nothing would separate them until death intervened. The bridge to this place had been built with wisdom and prayer and love and sacrifice.
But most of all, it had been built by God.
As Shane drew back, as they shared a smile of sweet expectation and oneness, Lauren was reminded. The miracle God had given them was greater than either of them had imagined possible. Because they had found something they never really believed they’d find, something only God could’ve given them. A place to start and stand and build upon. A place to love and laugh and live.
Precious, priceless common ground.
THIRTY-ONE
Eighteen Months Later
The haunting sound of taps rang out across the base as the Memorial Day service came to an end. Rain had fallen relentlessly all day, but it stopped an hour earlier, and now only the gray clouds remained.
Emily took the hand of the soldier beside her, and silently they walked to his pickup truck. When they were inside, as Joe Greenwald started the engine and pulled out of the parking lot, Emily turned to him. He still held her hand. “It feels like yesterday.”
“I know.” He smiled at her, no longer the tentative smile of a young man uncertain about how to proceed. Rather, a smile born of friendship forged in the flames of grief. Friendship … and something else.
Something deeper.
They had planned this day for a month, knowing what they would do, where they would wind up, and now Joe drove his truck onto the southbound I-5 freeway and settled into a steady pace. They were headed for Kelso, for the place where Justin was buried.
There had been no way to foresee how the past year and a half would unfold, no way of knowing how pain would bring the two of them so close. Emily leaned her head back and closed her eyes. They had been determined to be friends because Justin asked them to be.
But from there, the bond between them took on a life of its own.
It started with the teen center. A month after Justin’s death, Joe picked her up at her residence hall and drove her downtown. She had worried that the familiarity of the afternoon would wear her out, leave her emotionally drained. But instead, the time together that day had breathed new life into her. Justin’s work, being carried out the way he would’ve wanted it to be.
Snow fell lightly as they made their way into the center that day, and there they were. The guys who had loved Justin so much. Bo seemed to notice them first. He gave Emily a questioning look, and then he turned to Joe.
“What’s up?” The question was loaded, fully defensive and almost threatening.
Joe separated himself from Emily and approached him. “Thought we’d play a little ping-pong.” He shrugged. “You know, since there’s snow on the court.”
Bo crossed his arms and stuck out his chest. He looked at Emily and back to Joe. He began to shake his head, slowly at first and then faster. “Oh, no you don’t.” He jabbed a finger at Joe. “I know what you’re doing.”
“Bo …” Emily took a step forward.
Joe held out his hand, stopping her. “It’s okay.” He looked at Bo. “I’ve got this.”
“No, you ain’t got this, man.” Bo raised his voice. He gestured hard toward Joe. “You think you can walk in here and take his place? Is that it?” He waved off Joe, turned, and paced three steps. Then he stopped, his voice louder than before. “You can’t take his place, man. No one can.” He pointed to the door. “Get out. We don’t want you.”
Dexter lifted his chin. The others looked like they felt the same way.
Emily felt tears on her cheeks even before she knew she was crying. Of course they didn’t want Joe, they wanted Justin. They all wanted Justin. But he was gone, and Joe was determined to help these kids, to pick up where his buddy had left off. She reminded herself to breathe as she watched Joe.
He laughed,
as if Bo’s attitude hadn’t affected him at all. “Man, I didn’t come to babysit you.” He crossed his arms. “I came to whip your tail in ping-pong.” He held up his hand. “But hey, if you’re afraid, that’s cool.” He looked at Dexter, and then at the others. “Someone’s gotta be up for the challenge, right?”
A gradual shift happened among the teens. They glanced at each other and then at Bo, as if to question whether he would really back down from someone calling him afraid. Bo looked angry; he’d been tricked. He gritted his teeth and hissed in Joe’s direction. “Someone wants me to beat ’em at pong — ” he flicked his shirt, all macho and tough guy again — “then I say bring it.”
He walked to the table and picked up a paddle and a ball. “Come on, white boy, bring it.”
Joe rolled up his sleeves. “Yeah, that’s the Bo I heard about all those nights in Iraq. All talk, no action.”
“What?” Bo let his mouth hang open. “I could take Justin any day.”
“Fine.” Joe practically spat the word. “Let’s see what you got.”
That first game was one of the fiercest, most intense competitions Emily had ever seen. When it was over, Joe had won more than the game. He had won the respect of every boy at the center. Once a week they began coming, and over time Joe forged a relationship with the guys, a friendship. And at the end of that semester, Bo showed them his report card. Nothing less than a C, even in math and science.
Joe would never be Justin.
But he brought his own brand of loving and learning, and that was more than enough. Emily liked watching him, liked seeing how he was quieter than Justin in some ways, and yet maybe more able to connect with the teens individually. And he was funny. Humor gave Joe a connection the guys hadn’t expected. Half the time Joe was teasing them, and the other half he was telling them how God was the only way off the streets.