And while I certainly don't condone what he did, I have to admit that it worked. And now, all I have to do to see him again is just say the words out loud and he'll manifest right here before me. Because the truth is, I do love him. I've loved him without ceasing.
I've loved him since that very first day. I loved him even when I swore that I didn't. I can't help it, I just do. And even though I'm not so sure about this whole immortal business, Summerland was pretty cool. Besides, if Riley is right, if there is such a thing as fate and destiny; then maybe it applies to this too?
I shut my eyes and imagine the feel of Damen's warm wonderful body curled around mine, the whisper of his soft sweet lips on my ear, my neck, my cheek, the way his mouth feels when it parts against mine-I hold onto that image, the feel of our perfect love, our perfect kiss, as I whisper the words I've held all this time, the ones I was too scared to speak, the ones that will bring him back to me.
I say them over and over again, my voice gaining strength as they fill up the room.
But when I open my eyes, I'm alone. And I know I waited too long.
Thirty-Seven
I head downstairs, in search of some ice cream, knowing a rich and creamy Haagen-Dazs Band-Aid can't possibly heal my broken heart, though it just might help soothe it.
And after retrieving a quart from the freezer, I cradle it in my arms and reach for a spoon, then the whole thing crashes to the ground when I hear a voice say:
"So touching, Ever. So very; very touching."
I bend over, squeezing the toes that got nailed by a quart of Vanilla Swiss Almond, as I gape at a perfectly turned-out Drinalegs crossed, hands folded, a prim and proper lady; seated right there at my breakfast bar.
"So cute how you called out for Damen after conjuring that chaste little love scene in your head." She laughs, her eyes grazing over me. 'Ih, yes, I can still see inside your head. Your little psychic shield? Thinner than the Shroud of Turin, I'm afraid. Anyway, as far as you and Damen and your happily ever after, and after, and after?" She shakes her head. "Well, you know I can't let that happen. As it turns out, my life's work has been destroying you, and little do you know; I still can."
I gaze at her, concentrating on my breath, keeping it slow and steady; while I try to dear my mind of all incriminating thought, knowing she'll only use it against me. But the thing is, trying to dear your mind is about as effective as telling someone to not think about elephants-from that moment on that's all they'll think about.
"Elephants? Really?" She groans, a low evil sound that vibrates the room. "My God, what does he see in you?" Her eyes rake over me, filled with disdain. "Certainly not your intellect or wit, since we've yet to see any evidence it exists. And your idea of a love scene? So Disney; so Family Channel, so dreadfully boring. Really; Ever, may I remind you that Damen's been around for hundreds of years, including the free-love sixties?" She shakes her head at me.
"If you're looking for Damen, he's not here," I finally say, my voice scratchy, hoarse, like it hasn't been used for days.
She lifts her brow. "Trust me, I know where Damen is. I always know where Damen is. It's what I do."
"So you're a stalker." I press my lips together, knowing I shouldn't antagonize her, but hey; I have nothing to lose. Either way; she's here to kill me.
She twists her lips and holds up her hand, inspecting her perfectly manicured nails. "Hardly;" she mumbles.
"Well, if that's how you've chosen to spend the last three hundred years, then some might say-"
"More like six hundred, you dreadful little troll, six hundred years." She looks me over and scowls.
Six hundred years? Is she serious?
She rolls her eyes and stands. ''You mortals, so dull, so stupid, so predictable, so ordinary. And yet, despite all your obvious defects, you always seem to inspire Damen to feed the hungry; serve mankind, fight poverty; save the whales, stop littering, recycle, meditate for peace, just say no to drugs, alcohol, big spending, and just about everything else that's worthwhile-one horribly boring altruistic pursuit after another. And for what?
Do you ever learn? Hello! Global warming! Apparently not. And yet, and yet, somehow Damen and I always seem to get through it, though it can take far too long to deprogram him, return him to the lusty; hedonistic, greedy, indulgent Damen I know and love.
Though believe me, this is just another little detour, and before you know it, we'll be back on top of the world again."
She moves toward me, her smile growing wider with each approaching step, slinking around the large granite counter like a Siamese cat. "Quite frankly, Ever, I can't imagine what it is that you see in him. And I don't mean what every other female, and let's face it, most males, see in him. No, I mean, it's because of Damen that you always seem to suffer. It's because of Damen that you're going through all of this now. If only you hadn't lived through that damn accident." She shakes her head. "I mean, just when I thought it was safe to leave, just when I was sure you were dead, the next thing I know Damen's moved to California because, surprise, he brought you back!" She shakes her head again. "You'd think after all of these hundreds of years, I'd have a little more patience. But then, you really do bore me, and clearly that's not my fault."
She looks at me but I refuse to respond, I'm still deciphering her words-Drina caused the accident?
She looks at me and rolls her eyes. "Yes, I caused the accident. Why must everything be so spelled out for you?" She shakes her head. "It was I who spooked the deer that ran in front of your car. It was I who knew your father was a sappy, kindhearted fool who'd gladly risk his family's life to save a deer. Mortals are always so predictable. Especially the earnest ones who try to do good." She laughs. "Though, in the end, it was almost too easy to be any fun. But make no mistake, Ever, this time Damen's not here to save you, and I will stick around to get the job done." . I scan the room, searching for some sort of protection, eyeing the knife rack on the other side of the room, but knowing I'll never get to it in time. I'm not fast like Damen and Drina. At least I don't think I am. And there's no time to find out.
She sighs. "By all means, please, get the knife, see if I care." She shakes her head and checks her diamond-encrusted watch. "I'd really like to get started though, if you don't mind. Normally I like to take my time, have a little fun, but, today being Valentine's Day and all, well, I have plans to dine with my sweetie, just as soon as I've eliminated you."
Her eyes are dark and her mouth is twisted, and for the briefest moment, all the evil inside springs right to the surface. But then just as quickly it's gone again, replaced by a beauty so breathtaking, it's hard not to stare.
"You know, before you came along, in one of your… earlier incarnations, I was his one true love. But then you showed up and tried to steal him away, and it's been the same old cycle ever since." She slinks forward, each step silent, quick, until she's standing directly before me, and I've had no time to react. "But now I'm taking him back. And he always comes back, Ever, be clear about that."
I reach for the bamboo cutting board, thinking I can slam it over her head, but she lunges for me so fast she knocks me off balance and slams my body into the fridge, the blow to my back stealing my breath as I gasp and fumble and fall to the ground. Hearing the thwonk of my head cracking open when it slams against the floor as a trail of warm blood seeps from my skull to my mouth.
And before I can move or do anything to fight back, she's on top of me, slashing at my clothing, my hair, my face, whispering mto my ear, 'Just give up, Ever. Just relax and let go. Go join your happy family, they're all waiting to see you.
You're not cut out for this life. You have nothing left to live for. And now's your chance to leave it."
I must've blacked out, but only for a moment, because when I open my eyes, she's still right there on top of me, her face and hands stained with my blood as she croons and coaxes and whispers, trying to convince me to let go, to just let myself go, once and for all, to just slip away and be done with it all.
But even though that might've been tempting before, it's not anymore. This bitch killed my family, and now she's gonna pay.
I shut my eyes, determined to get back to that place-all of us in the car, laughing, happy, so full of love, seeing it clearer now than ever before, now that it's no longer clouded by guilt, now that I'm no longer to blame.
And when I feel my strength surging inside me I lift her right off me and throw her across the room, watching as she flies right into the wall, her arm jutting out at an unnatural angle as her body tilts to the floor.
She looks at me, eyes wide with shock, but soon she's up and laughing as she dusts herself off. And when she lunges at me, I throw her off again, watching as she soars across the kitchen and all the way into the den, crashing through the closed french doors and sending an explosion of broken shards through the room.
"Quite the crime scene you're creating," she says, plucking glass daggers from her arms, her legs, her face, the wounds closing up as soon as they're cleared. 'Very impressive. Can't wait to read all about it in tomorrow's paper." She smiles, and just like that, she's on me again, fully restored, determined to win. "You're in over your head," she whispers. "And frarikly, your pathetic show of strength is getting a little redundant.
Seriously, Ever, you're one lousy hostess. No wonder you don't have any friends; is this how you treat all your guests?"
I push her off, ready to toss her through a thousand windows if I have to. But I've barely completed the thought when I'm sideswiped by a horrible, sharp, squeezing pain.
Watching as Drina steps toward me, face pulled into a grin, paralyzing me so that I can't even stop her. '
"That would be the old head in a vise with serrated jaws trick."
She laughs. "Works every time. Though, in all fairness, I did try to warn you. You just wouldn't listen. But really, Ever, it's your choice. I can ratchet up the pain-" She narrows her eyes as my body folds in agony, slumping toward the floor as my stomach swirls with nausea. "Or, you can just-Iet-yourself-go. Nice and easy. Your choice."
I try to focus on her, watching as she moves toward me, but my vision is distorted, and my limbs so rubbery and weak, she's like a fast-moving blur I know I can't beat.
So I close my eyes and think: I can't let her win. I can't let her win. Not this time.
Not after what she did to my family.
And when I swing my fist' toward her, my body so feeble, clumsy, and defeated, I'm surprised when it lands square in her chest, grazing the front of her, before falling away.
And I stagger back, devoid of all breath, knowing it wasn't nearly enough, didn't do any good.
I shut my eyes and cringe, waiting for the end, and now that it's inevitable, I hope it comes soon. But when my head clears and my stomach calms, I open them again to find Drina staggering back toward the wall, clutching her chest, and staring accusingly.
"Damen!" she wails, looking right past me. "Don't let her do this to me, to us-"
I turn, to see him standing beside me, gazing at Drina and shaking his head. "It's too late," he says, taking my hand, entwining his fingers with mine. "It's time for you to go, Poverina."
"Don't call me that!" she wails, her once amazing green eyes now blurred by red.
"You know how I hate that!"
"I know," he says, squeezing my fingers as she shrivels and ages then fades from our sight, a black silk dress and designer shoes the only evidence she ever existed.
"How-" I turn to Damen, searching for answers.
But he just smiles, and says, "It's over. Absolutely, completely, eternally over." He pulls me into his arms, covering my face in a trail of warm wonderful kisses, promising, "She'll never bother us again."
"Did I-kill her?" I ask, not quite sure how I feel about that, despite what she did to my family, and all the times she claimed to have killed me.
He nods.
"But-how? I mean, if she's immortal, then wasn't I supposed to cut off her head?"
He shakes his head and laughs. "What kind of books are you reading?" Then his face becomes very serious when he says, "It doesn't work like that. There's no beheading, no wooden stakes, no silver bullets, it all comes down to the simple fact that revenge weakens and love strengthens. Somehow you managed to hit Drina right in her most vulnerable spot."
I squint, not quite understanding. "I hardly touched her," I say, remembering how my fist met her chest, but just barely.
"The fourth chakra was your target. And you hit the bull's-eye." Huh?
"The body has seven chakras. The fourth chakra, or heart, chakra as it's sometimes called, is the center of unconditional love, compassion, the higher self, all of the things Drina was lacking. And that left her defenseless, weakened.
Ever, her lack of love is what killed her."
"But if she was so vulnerable, why didn't she guard it, protect it?"
"She was unaware, deluded, led by her ego. Drina never realized how dark she'd become, how resentful, how hateful, how possessive-"
"And if you knew all that, why didn't you tell me before?" He shrugs. "It was just a theory I had. I've never killed an immortal, so I wasn't sure if it would work. Until now:"
"You mean there are others? Drina's not the only one?"
He opens his mouth as if to say something, but then closes it firmly. And when I look in his eyes I see a flash of-regret, remorse? But just as quickly, it's gone.
"She said some things about you, and your past-"
"Ever," he says. "Ever, look at me." He tilts my chin until I finally do. "I've been around a long time-"
"I'll say, six hundred years!"
He cringes. "Give or take. The point is, I've seen a few things, done a few things, and my life hasn't always been so good or so pure. In fact, most of it's been quite the opposite." I start to pull away, not sure if I'm ready to hear this, but he pulls me back to him and says, "Trust me, you're ready to hear this, because the truth is I'm not a murderer, I'm also not evil. Ijust-" He pauses.
"I just enjoyed a taste for the good life. And yet, every time I met you, I was willing to throw it all away, just to be near you."
I yank free, this time successfully. Thinking: Oh jeez! Oh no!
Classic case of boy losing girl, only this time it's over and over again, spanning the centuries, each time ending before they can do the deed. No wonder he's interested, I'm the one who keeps getting away! I'm like a living, breathing, forbidden fruit! Does this mean I have to remain a virgin for eternity? Disappear every few years just to keep his interest? I mean, now that we're stuck with each other for all of eternity, the moment the deed is done it's just a matter of time before this particular train arrives in Boring Town U.S.A. and he'll be looking to enjoy the "good life" again.
"Stuck with me? That's how you see it? As though you'll be stuck with me, for all of' eternity?" And the way he looks at me I can't tell if he's amused or offended.
My cheeks burn, having temporarily forgotten that my thoughts are not at all private where he's concerned. "No, I-I was afraid you'd feel that way about me. I mean, it's classic love story fodder-the one who got away-again and again and again! No wonder you've remained so entranced! It had nothing to do with me! You've spent six hundred years trying to get in my pants!"
"Petticoats, pantaloons, trust me, pants didn't come into fashion until much, much later.;' But when I don't laugh, he pulls me to him and says, "Ever, it has everything to do with you. And if you don't mind my saying, it's been my experience that the best way to deal with eternity is by living it one day at a time."
He kisses me, but only briefly, before he shifts his body and starts to pull away, but I grab hold of his hand, and pull him back to me. "Don't go," I say, gazing at him. "Please don't ever leave me again."
"Not even to get you some water?" He smiles.
"Not even for water," I tell him, my hands exploring his face, his incredibly beautiful face. "I-" The words halt in my throat.
"Yes?" He smiles.
"I missed you," I finally manage.
"And so you did." He leans in, pressing his lips to my forehead, then quickly pulling away.
"What?" I say, seeing the way he's looking at me, his grin spread wide and warming his face. Then I slide my fingers under my bangs, and gasp when I realize my scar's disappeared.
"Forgiveness is healing." He smiles. "Especially forgiving yourself."
I gaze at him, looking right into his eyes, knowing there's something more to say, but not sure I can go through with it. So I close my eyes instead, thinking that if he can read my mind then I shouldn't have to say the words out loud.
But he just laughs. "It's always better when it's spoken."
"But I've already said it, that's why you came back, right? I thought you would've come sooner. I mean it would've been nice to have had some help."
"I heard you. And I would've come even sooner, but I needed to know you were truly ready, and not just lonely after saying good-bye to Riley."
"You know about that?"
He nods. "You did the right thing."
"So, you almost let me die in there, because you wanted to be sure?"
He shakes his head. "I never would've let you die. Not this time."
"And Drina?"
"I underestimated her, I had no idea."
"You can't read each other's thoughts?"
He gazes at me, smoothing his thumb against my cheek.
"We learned how to cloak them from each other long ago."
"Will you show me how to cloak mine?"
He smiles. "In time I'll teach you everything, I promise. But Ever, you need to know what all of this really means. You'll never be with your family again. You'll never cross that bridge. You need to know what you're getting yourself into." He holds my chin and looks in my eyes.
"But I can always, sort of, just-drop out-right? You know; give up? Like you said?"
He shakes his head. "It becomes much harder once you're ingrained."