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“I didn’t think I would. But there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for Jack,” I said. Cole looked at Jack and then back at me. “I’m scared, Cole. ”
Cole’s expression immediately softened, and he blinked quickly a few times.
I kept going. “I promised Jack you’d take care of me. That I’d be safe with you. ”
“Of course, Nik. I won’t let anything bad happen to you ever again. You’ll be a queen. You’ll be safe. And you’ll live forever. ” He reached for my hand.
Out of the corner of my eye, I watched Will step quietly out the door. He had four feet to go to the railing, where the cement below would ensure the guitar’s destruction. Three feet. Jack shifted his stance and looked back at Cole. But before he did, his eyes flicked for the tiniest second toward Will.
Cole whipped around as Will reached the edge.
“Will! Throw it off!” I screamed.
Will hoisted the instrument over the side of the railing an instant before Cole charged him and tackled him. He went flying back and landed with a thud on the ground, Cole on top of him.
But it was too late. I heard the crunching sound from down below of a guitar exploding on the cement.
I yanked up my sleeve. I didn’t know what was supposed to happen, but the mark was still there. Still frozen at my wrist line.
The wind picked up, twisting my hair into a spiral that lifted off my back.
Cole pushed himself off Will and stood. His eyes cut over to me and he reached into his pocket. “Were you looking for this, Nik?” He took out a tiny triangular piece of plastic. His guitar pick. “My heart. You missed. ” He frowned, his eyes sad. “You’d actually kill me?”
I held my breath and put my hand over my wrist, rubbing the skin. Jack stepped in front of me, blocking Cole.
“Becks,” Jack said. He was staring behind me with the most pained expression I’d ever seen. I knew what he saw there.
I had seconds left. Seconds.
Cole raised his voice over the sound of the rushing air. “This is it, Nik. You have nothing, except for one last chance to come with me. ” A small trickle of blood escaped the corner of Cole’s mouth and ran down his chin. He wiped it with the back of his hand and looked behind me. “Decide, Nik. It’s coming for you. ”
I turned around. A dark mist was forming behind me. At first, it had no distinct shape, but then it started to swirl in the air, forming a giant spiral, the center of which was far away, darker than everything around us. It began to look like the funnel cloud that had taken Meredith.
“No!” Jack growled from beside me. “This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. ”
Cole held out his hand toward me. His voice turned pleading. “Please come with me, Nik. Rule with me. ”
“You can’t let it have her,” Jack said to Cole. He lowered his voice. “I know how you feel about her. ”
Jack told me he knew what loving me looked like on a person. Cole stared at me with an expression that seemed almost vulnerable. His lips were parted and his mouth was open, and with each breath, his shoulders trembled. His hands were clenched in fists at his sides, as if he were ready to hit someone if it would help. “I can’t feel,” he said, but his words betrayed the obvious emotion painted on his face, as if he had never felt anything so deeply before in his life.
Jack shook his head and looked away, incredulous. “How can you watch it take her?”
Cole didn’t answer right away. His gaze shifted to the Tunnels. “I have no power over it. I tried to make her see. ” He shook his head and looked back at me, new fire in his eyes. “It’s not too late, Nikki. It’s not. As long as you’re still here, you can change your mind. ” He took a step closer. “Come with me. ”
Jack turned to me, and I could see the defeat in his eyes. He took a deep breath. “If it’s better than the Tunnels…”
“What?” I said.
He grabbed my shoulders. “Meredith wanted this chance. She died for it. There’s a whole culture of girls who would give anything for it. ”
“Why are you saying this?” I searched his face.
Cole stepped forward. “I know her. She’ll never do it. ” Jack shoved Cole hard against the condo wall and then turned to me again. The roar around us seemed to dampen everything except Jack’s voice.
“Because, Becks. I don’t want to see you suffer. ” He looked at my wrist. The one with the mark. He raised it to his lips and kissed it. “If it’s better than hell, go with Cole. ”
I put my hand on his cheek and urged his face toward mine. “Never. That would mean selling my soul. ” I pulled his head toward me so our foreheads were touching. “If there is an afterlife, I want my soul intact. And then maybe I’ll see you there. ” I smiled, somehow calm now that I was facing something inevitable. I was getting the good-bye I’d always wanted. Jack’s face was in my hands. He was mine again at last, and it was more than I could’ve hoped for.
I could feel the suction at my back growing stronger. It flicked a few strands of hair around my face. “Jack. You should leave. ”
Jack clutched my hand in his. “I told you I wouldn’t let go. We promised Meredith we wouldn’t let anything separate us. ” He blinked right then and tilted his head. Something seemed to click for him. “Meredith. She told me to be strong like Orpheus. She said it was his choice … to be a hero. ”
“It’s over,” I said. I started to turn toward the Tunnels, but Jack’s hands kept me facing him.
“I love you, Becks. ”
“I love you too. ”
“Do you remember in Mrs. Stone’s classroom how you said there’s no such thing as redemption?” His voice cracked a little.
I shook my head. “Forget about what I—”
“Do you still believe it?”
“Yes. ”
He looked past me. I could feel what he was staring at. The growing tunnel. The suction was so strong that the hood of my jacket was perpendicular with the ground. It was almost ready. Will and Cole watched silently from a few yards away. Cole had the strangest look on his face, unbelieving, as if he were watching something he’d never seen before.
Jack pressed his lips against mine one last time. He pulled back and looked at me, as if he didn’t know what else to say. There wasn’t anything else to say.
“Will you look after my family?” I attempted a smile. “Tommy’s going to need a … big brother. Someone to fish with. ” It seemed stupid to be talking about this stuff, but there weren’t any words for the bigger stuff anymore. “He makes his own flies. ” Jack already knew this.
“Becks—”
“And make sure he doesn’t play football. ” Jack tilted his head at this. “I mean, football’s fine, but it’s dangerous. I don’t want him concussed—”
“Becks, stop. ”
“Just tell me you’ll do it. ” I closed my eyes. “Tell me. ”
There was a long pause, and I wasn’t sure there’d be time for him to answer anymore. But after a few moments, he did. “No. ”
My eyes shot open. “What?”
His eyes were tight, his expression on fire with blazing determination. “You watch over Will. ”
“What are you…?” My voice trailed off as it dawned on me what was going on. “No!” I tried to wriggle my hands free from his grip. “Don’t you dare, Jack Caputo!”
But I couldn’t break from his strong grasp. I twisted and thrashed but that only made Jack hold on tighter. He closed his eyes and said, “Stay with me, Becks. Dream of me. I am ever yours. ”
“No! I will never forgive you!” I tried to pull back. Tried to get close enough for the Tunnels to suck me away instantaneously. But Jack had to be about twice my weight and pure muscle. “Let me go!”
He ignored me. In the quickest, strongest move I would ever know, Jack yanked me toward him and threw me to the ground behind him. Away from the Tunnels.
By the time I realized what he had done, it was too late. He still held my ha
nd, but the rest of him was covered in the dark smoke of the funnel. He had jumped in, feet first.
“Jack! No!” I screamed as I dug my fingers into his hand. As if I could pull him out. As if I had the power over the light and the dark. The balancing forces of the universe.
But I didn’t. I held on to his hand, and as I did, I caught a glimpse of the mark on my wrist. It didn’t disappear. It just slithered down to my fingertips and then leaped over onto Jack’s hand. I said a prayer inside my head. I begged whatever being was in charge of all this to give me back my mark. But it was gone.
Jack was gone.
He let go first.
I knew the instant his touch left me. Our fingertips separated. Even with all the commotion going on around me, I could only think about how his fingers slipped away from mine, and I didn’t have the strength to hold on and I would never feel them again.
I started counting the seconds. Perhaps if I kept track of the seconds, somehow he would still be connected to me.
But it was difficult to concentrate on sequential numbers, because someone was shouting in my ear. I tried to swat the voice away.
“Becks!” Will’s voice was urgent. “Becks, I’m getting you out of here. Now!”
I closed my eyes and shook my head. “Shhh. Twenty-five. Twenty-six. Twenty-seven…”
Arms circled around me, and my feet left the ground.
SOPHOMORE YEAR
Before he was mine and I was his….
“You weren’t in the lunchroom today,” Jack said, coming up behind me at my locker. “Jules says you’re never in the cafeteria on Wednesdays. ”
I tried to calm the flush to my cheeks before I turned around to face him. My crush on Jack was getting ridiculous. Pretty soon I would be nonverbal. Just because he noticed, for the first time, that I wasn’t at lunch, it didn’t mean anything.
I tried to keep my tone light. “Sounds like you guys had a very intriguing conversation. ”
“Oh, we did. ” Jack fell into step beside me, and we walked down the hallway at a slower pace than everyone around us. “She said you avoid the cafeteria on Wednesdays. And she said you like me. ”
I heard myself gasp, and I came to a stop.
I’m gonna kill Jules, I thought.
“So, is it true?” Jack said.
I could barely hear him with the crashing waves in my ears. I started to turn away, embarrassed, but Jack stepped sideways so he was in front of me, and there was nowhere else I could look.
“Is it true?” he asked again.
“Yes. I hate hot-dog Wednesdays, so I don’t go to the lunchroom. It’s true. ”
“That’s not what I meant, Becks. ”
“I know. ”
“Tell me. Is it true? Do you like me?”
I tried to roll my eyes, and promptly forgot how. So I just looked at the ceiling. “You know I like you. You’re one of my best friends. ”
“Friends,” Jack repeated.
“Of course. ”
“Good friends?”
I nodded.
“More than friends?”
I didn’t say anything. I didn’t move. Jack reached toward my hand and tugged gently on my fingers. The movement was so small, I wouldn’t have seen it if I hadn’t felt it.
He leaned forward and said, “Tell me, friend. Is there more for us?”
I looked into his eyes. “There’s everything for us. ”
THIRTY-THREE
NOW
Still counting.
The sun touched the tops of the Wasatch mountain range behind Tommy’s head, illuminating the errant clumps of his blond hair sticking out in all directions, typical from a day of fishing the Weber River. He cast another line, then another one.
“There!” he said, pointing downstream where the surface of the water broke and a fish darted toward his bait. “That’s ten for me. Eight for you. ”
I smiled and sent another cast over the running water. We never fished with hooks anymore. We couldn’t be bothered with the pain of catch-and-release, for us or the fish, so we just counted the number of fish who jumped for the bait.
Tommy eyed my next try. “Ten and two, Nikki. Flick the pole between ten and two. ”
He was talking about the first rule of fly-fishing, repeating the same phrase my dad had said to me over and over when I was a little girl.
I sighed. “Hey, I’m the one who taught you how to fish in the first place. ”
He gave me a sheepish grin. “I wasn’t sure if you remembered. ”
The sun dipped a little lower, and I glanced at my watch.
“We’re not going, are we, Nikki?”
“Sorry, bud. I still have homework to do for tomorrow. ” It was partially true. School would be out in a few weeks, and I had several final projects left, one of which was the thesis paper for Mrs. Stone’s class. But really I looked forward to the end of every day, always anticipating the evening, when I could finally close the door to my bedroom and fall asleep. And dream.